Chapter Twenty-Six

The new apartment was nicer.

"We each have our own rooms," Fai announced as he swept through the living room. He'd picked this suite out, not even bothering to consult the rest of them. From the Other's memories, Syaoran guessed that this was right on point with how Fai normally did things. "The kitchen is still attached to the living room, but we've got another two-hundred square feet between them, and the bathroom is almost twice the size of our old one. And look." The sorcerer picked up a small black box from the countertop and hit the red button on top. Across the room, a piece of the wall slid away to reveal a flat-screen television.

"Are you sure we can afford this?" Sakura asked, seeming uneasy around the fine furnishings despite growing up in a palace. Of course, I would know more about the palace than she does, at this point, so . . .

"We'll win a few more games like we did tonight, and everything will be fine." Fai spun around, as if taking in the entire apartment in one sweeping motion. "So? What do you think?"

"As long as I don't have to share a room with you," Kurogane said, strangely lighthearted despite his abhorrence for the mage's bubbly personality.

"I like it, too," Sakura chimed in, once she'd adjusted to the idea of living here. Fai's smile widened, and for the first time in weeks, his gaze slid deliberately over to Syaoran.

He froze up, all vocal functions cutting off as the single blue eye stared him down. He had to look away before he could respond. "It's great."

Fai must've been content with his answer, because he looked up again and made a wide gesture to the apartment. "I call the shower first. The rest of you pick your rooms and get to sleep, we've got another big fight ahead of us tomorrow."

"Hey," the ninja said as the blond danced into the bathroom. "Who said you got to shower first?"

Fai just grinned and closed the door behind him. Kurogane grumbled something unintelligible, stalking over to the nearest bedroom. Sakura did the same, inspecting each room with a quick glance before deciding on the one with the biggest window.

Syaoran held back, waiting to see where the others went before moving into his room. Fai had claimed the one nearest to the door in his earlier visit. Kurogane walked back and forth between the remaining two a few times, then selected one without seeming to think about it. Once he went inside, Syaoran headed to the last one, the one on the far right, and examined his new home.

There was a bed, with nice sheets, and a dresser to put the clothes they'd bought while Fai was busy picking out an apartment. He started unpacking, being careful to make as little contact with the clothes as possible due to the thin layer of ash still stuck to the clothes he was wearing.

This room was bigger than the closet-sized space he'd sequestered himself in at the last apartment. Somehow, the open space unnerved him. Things can hide in a space this size, he thought. It was an irrational thought, and he acknowledged that, but as it passed through his mind, a shudder ran down his back. "Don't be such a coward," he told himself, externalizing the thought that had been repeating in his mind so often over the past few weeks: It's just breakfast, don't be such a coward. Seishirou's not going to steal you out of your room, don't be such a coward. It was just a dream, why are you acting like a scared little kid?

He sighed and finished loading his dresser with clothes. He stripped off the dirty ones and dressed, keeping the clothes away from his dusty hair. I could use a shower, he thought, knowing he wouldn't have the guts to take one until everyone else had had a turn. I'm going to have to think of new ways to call myself craven, he thought bitterly.

He sat down on the edge of his bed and flipped open a book he'd bought with their winnings. Before he was even past the first page, he found his mind straying to his meeting with Seishirou early this morning.

I don't have to go, he told himself. I made him promise he wouldn't hurt the others, that's all I needed from him. That's why I went in the first place. Just because he can't pay the price to save his brother on his own doesn't mean I have to get involved.

Instantly, he felt guilty for the thought. No, that's wrong. That's just you being selfish.

"You're a monster."

"No . . . Just selfish." Selfish and craven. Nothing like the Other used to be. He would've given everything to help Sakura, and he would've never backed down from any challenge, no matter how suicidal. I'm not anything like he was.

But that person is gone now, and there's a monster in his place.

He set the book down in his lap as the water cut off in the bathroom. If I were to go with Seishirou . . . What do I stand to gain from that? He said we'd be traveling through dimensions. There's a chance I might find a few feathers along the way. If the deadline is measured in months, surely he'd allow me a little time in each dimension to look. But how would I find them, without Mokona? I would have to research every country's history, listen to all the recent reports. Even then, I wouldn't know for sure where the feathers were until I actually saw them.

The Other doesn't seem to have any problem finding them, though. Who knows what he's doing with them, but at least he's finding them. Had the Other paid some sort of price to the witch, or had stealing Fai's magic been enough to let him sense strong powers as he traversed the worlds? If it was the latter, that would explain the bloodhound-like tracking ability of his clone. It must be that. How would he even get in contact with Yuuko-san? Unless Fai's magic could do that, too. Maybe I should ask.

He rejected the thought immediately. No, Fai wouldn't like me to ask about that. It's bad enough he has to remember Tokyo every time he looks in a mirror. There's no reason to remind him what my clone did. Besides, the peace we've got now is too fragile; I can't risk breaking it when I have to fight alongside him again tomorrow.

Syaoran realized how far he'd strayed from his initial thoughts, and tried to correct the path his mind had taken. What else could I gain from going with Seishirou? Will he teach me more about fighting? He didn't have time in Clow to teach me everything he knew, and even if he had, he's been traveling long enough since then to pick up some useful things. That might actually be helpful. Maybe not as helpful as training with Kurogane-san, but a diverse skill set could save my life. Even if I can summon a sword at will, there's no guarantee I'll always have the time or the ability to do so.

He nodded to himself. That seems like an acceptable exchange for the amount of time I'll be gone. But what else do I stand to lose, if I go?

Those answers came a lot quicker: his friend's trust, seeing Sakura's face every day, potentially the ability to travel across dimensions once Seishirou was done with him. What else? he wondered. The risk of death might be higher with just one person looking out for me. Not that too many people here actually care what happens to me. And if I leave them, they might name me a threat and attack the next time they see me. The odds of surviving that were a lot lower than he wanted to consider. There's also the fact that, if I leave, there'll be less people to protect Sakura.

That consideration weighed heavily on his mind. Preserving Sakura's existence had been the main reason his clone had gone through with this journey, and Syaoran had to admit, even though the memories of her were mostly secondhand, he didn't want to lose her either. Now that the Other has turned into a raging psychopath, I'm the only one who knows all about Sakura's memories. If she's missing some vital piece of information, something that could cause her death if she couldn't provide it . . . He didn't think that would happen, but who could say? Fei Wang Reed had certainly taken an interest in her relatively normal life. How can I know ninety-five percent of what's going on and still have no idea what I'm going to do about it? he wondered.

"That's another problem," he muttered to himself. What am I going to do about Reed? I don't have the power to kill him. That's clear enough after he managed to keep me imprisoned for so long. Even with everyone's help, I might not be able to take him down. And if I leave with Seishirou, I might not have their help when I really need it.

Sakura will have their help though. Maybe I can use that. If they thought she'd be better off with me nearby . . . They must already think that, to let me stay with them. Would they still believe that if I disappeared for a few months? Would they be more willing to believe that if I told them ahead of time?

If you did that, it would only confirm what they suspect: that you've been keeping everything from them. That's true, of course, but that doesn't bode well for coming back.

"Neither does just disappearing with no explanation," he argued back. The loudness of his voice startled him, and he clamped a hand down over his mouth, looking toward his closed door. Several seconds passed as he waited to see if anyone would come knocking, curious as to why he was yelling at himself.

No one knocked, and he went back to thinking.

So that's how much going with Seishirou would cost me, he thought. "Too much," he muttered, keeping quiet. I'll be risking too much, but . . .

But what do I stand to lose if I don't go? Fuuma is dying. I would have to live the rest of my life knowing I chose to let it happen. I didn't come into this wanting people to die. I trusted Seishirou once, and he gave me the skills it took to get this far. I can't just throw that back in his face by refusing him now. But I can't leave everyone else. Which matters more? Which project will wait on me?

He knew the answer to that last one, and knowing took away half the arguments he had in mind to counter it. Sakura's situation wasn't so dire now that she was in decent health.

The situation Seishirou's brother in was considerably more urgent.

So the all-important question is, he thought. how selfish am I?