Bel had been carried up to his bedroom the next day, and ever since then, he had refused to leave his bedroom for anything; he kept his door locked at all times, and his windows, which were usually open for the nice breeze, were shut tight, not even his curtains drawn like normal. None of the Varia knew what they were supposed to do; Squalo wandered around the bedroom corridor every now and then, pacing in front of the boy's bedroom as he stared at the door thoughtfully, but he never attempted to go inside; he would just go back to his own room or somewhere else. Lussuria, the ever doting mother he viewed himself as, would use the skeleton key to let himself into Bel's room and coax him into eating meals and having baths, but the conversations they had once had about random things didn't happen anymore; instead, it was Lussuria talking enough for both of them while Bel just laid on his bed, taking a few nibbles at his meals before pushing the plate back to Lussuria in silence. The Sun Guardian tried his best to make Bel eat more to provide for the baby, but for whatever reason, the idea of food, let alone eating it, was only making him throw up. Mammon, the Arcobaleno who had once never seemed to be able to rid herself of Bel's presence, was finding it uncomfortable to not have to tell the boy to leave her alone, and she actually found herself missing the other. Their boss, Xanxus, was as indifferent as ever, but hadn't assigned any missions to Bel again. And Leviathan, ever-eager to please Xanxus, made it clear that he didn't care for Bel's condition at all.

While Xanxus and Leviathan did nothing to try and help Bel, the other three did, but it was hard to help Bel when he just wanted to be left alone. As much as they wanted to be able to, they couldn't understand what their young teammate was going through; none of them had ever been through something so barbaric before.

Bel had only been back home for a month before he made his first venture from his bedroom, finding himself in Squalo's office. He was trembling violently, and his arms were wrapped around himself as he looked anywhere but at Squalo. When he spoke, it was in a frightened whisper that told Squalo they may never get the old Bel back.

"My bar fridge stopped working…" Referring to the tiny fridge Squalo had bought for the Storm Guardian so he didn't have to walk up and down so many stairs in his condition, the boy lifted a hand to wipe at his eyes. Squalo couldn't be sure, but it looked as if the younger was about to cry, and he had no idea whether or not to blame the trauma or the pregnancy for that. "My coke isn't cold anymore…"

"Bel…" Squalo stood up from his desk and moved to stand by Bel's side. He reached out to put his hand on the smaller male's shoulder, but he quickly rethought that when Bel recoiled with a frightened yelp. Sighing, he shook his head before saying, "Alright. Let's go see what we can do. I'll buy you more coke if you want me to."

Bel nodded, waddling behind his superior. It was a struggle for him to walk like this, and he hated how slow he had become, but he couldn't make himself move any quicker; his body was just too heavy for him to adjust to. When they returned to his bedroom, he pulled himself up onto his bed and watched as Squalo inspected the bar fridge.

Bel couldn't help but finally speak, asking the question that had been weighing on his mind for as long as he had been tortured. "Why didn't… Why didn't you come sooner…?"

Looking back at Bel, Squalo felt his eyes soften at this question; if they had gotten there sooner, then the boy would not be in this situation, or at least as badly damaged as he was. Now, they were paying the price of their negligence. "We thought you were dead, Bel. You were missing for months, and we never heard from you. No one had any information on you; you just… disappeared. We knew you would have gotten into contact with us if you were alive, but you never did… What else were we supposed to believe?"

Wiping at his eyes again, Bel whispered, "Then how did you find me…?"

"The Vongola Arcobaleno, Reborn. He had heard something, and tipped us off." Turning his attention back to the bar fridge, Squalo unplugged it from the wall so that he could roll it out further. "We came as soon as we could; it was just too late."

Shaking his head, Bel tried to look past his tummy and to his lap, but he was too swollen to see it. Picking at the shirt that was far too big for him, he hoped his baby would be born soon and then he could go back to his own clothing; he felt uncomfortable borrowing Lussuria's shirts and jackets so that they would fit over his bump comfortably. "Do they know…?"

"Not yet."

"…"

"…"

"Squalo…?"

The man looked at Bel when he heard the frightened whimper, and he looked away again when he saw the steady stream of tears rolling down the boy's face. Speaking in a gentle tone he didn't even know he was capable of, he asked, "What is it, Bel…?"

"…I'm scared…" His tears came harder as Bel let out a sob. "…My baby… I'm not ready…"

"No shit you're not ready, Bel; you're still just a kid. But you wanted to keep it, and it's the only choice we have now. We just have to figure out how to get it out of you when it's ready to come out."

"I don't… know… how to be a parent…" Crying harder, Bel finally revealed his fears; it had been agonising to keep it all locked inside, and he finally was ready to divulge it to someone he trusted. "I never… thought… I would be one this young… I thought I had years… to get ready…"

"Bel, we want to help you. We don't want you to go through this on your own; we need you alive and well, even if it's just so we still have a Storm Guardian."

"I don't want to be in the Varia anymore…" Almost falling into hysterics, Bel hugged himself tight. "I just want my baby…! Please…! I just want… my baby…"

Squalo had never seen Bel like this before, and it was honestly unnerving; the brat had always been a headache who could never seem to keep himself out of trouble and always made more work for Squalo when he went out to 'play', but… Bel had been happy, and had really just been a child who had seen and done too much. This… This wasn't Bel. "…"

"Please, no…" Whimpering incoherently to himself now, Bel rocked himself back and forth. "Please…"

"What have they done to you…?" Squalo was almost too scared to get up and go near Bel lest he set the other off into a panic, and he felt as if he could throw up; the things he had done in his own life, to other people… Squalo was the furthest thing one could be from a good human; he was a murderer who sought out strength and power; he had stolen, he had partied, and he had fucked. He had done horrible things himself, but what had been done to Bel…

Well, even Squalo would never have done that kind of thing to anyone.

~~XX~~

Bel was curled up in his bed that night as he watched TV in silence as Mammon sat beside him, reading a book. The boy's screams of terror had woken everyone up just after midnight, the Storm Guardian plagued by relentless nightmares, and Mammon had taken it upon herself to try and help Bel research his new role in parenthood. The blond was content with listening to the baby read passages out loud so that he could absorb them into his mind for later reference; he was a genius, so he wasn't concerned about forgetting anything. He had many questions, but despite the clear-cut trauma he was experiencing, it gave Mammon hope to still see a hint of the childish innocence Bel had once possessed.

And then, when Bel rolled over and gave Mammon the most heartbroken, frightened look she had ever seen him wear, he whispered, "Can I tell you a secret…?"

Mammon nodded, wondering what the secret could be. She was prepared for a lot of things, but not for Bel to lift the oversized shirt up and point to one of his male breasts. "Bel?"

Feeling tears well up in his eyes, Bel whispered, "I don't think I need to learn about baby formula…"

"Bel…" Mammon understood what the other was trying to tell her. She lowered her gaze; what the hell kind of things did Verde do to him? "…"

Bel pulled his shirt back down and hugged himself tightly. "Don't tell anyone, Mammy; they'll think I'm gross…"

"I won't tell. I promise." Mammon wasn't sure if she had ever skipped out on an offer to be payed, but if she hadn't, tonight was a first; she had never thought she wouldn't demand payment in return, but here she was, making a promise solely because she knew Bel must feel alienated as it was without her making it worse for him.

Bel nodded as he pulled his blankets up to his chin. "I'm really tired, but I don't want to have any more nightmares…"

Falling into an old habit she had been in when Bel was just a little boy, Mammon cast an illusion around him, one of the most peaceful scenarios she could think of. Making sure to create an adult form, a female one at that, she used her illusions to soothe Bel into sleep, staying with him until she was sure his nightmares had ceased.

With that done, Mammon left the room as quietly as she could, hoping that one day, the Bel she knew would come back and make a complete recovery; she didn't want to see him like this any longer.