Bel awoke the next morning to the sound of his bedroom lock unclicking before the door opened. He glared sleepily at the intruder, having grown so used to Lussuria inviting himself in to check on him each morning that he almost wasn't fazed anymore – but he wasn't prepared for the second person next to the Sun Guardian, and it would have sent a wave of panic through him had he not recognised that spiky head of black hair and captivating smile that had been the very first thing Bel had ever noticed about the other; that smile that seemed almost as if it could be presented in any situation.

Pushing himself into a sitting position, Bel rubbed at his eyes. He then glanced over to the cot in the corner of the room, feeling relief bubble up inside of him as he noticed Chiara laying undisturbed. "Lussu…?"

In Lussuria's hands, he carried a tray. Bel knew it had become the other's morning ritual to bring him breakfast in bed and hope the younger would eat, but the blond rarely touched it; he had once been the biggest glutton out of them all and would often try and eat his comrades' food when they weren't paying attention, but now he barely ate at all, and the immense amount of weight he had lost was testimony to this and his constant stress.

"Here's some bacon and eggs for you, sweetheart." Lussuria approached the bed in order to sit the tray on the nightstand closest to his young comrade. "There's a glass of juice on there for you, too."

Bel nodded, but he had no intention of eating; he wanted to go back to sleep until Chiara woke up. "…"

Takeshi followed Lussuria in and sat down on the other end of the king-size mattress. He looked at Bel with a happy smile, and though he could see the other was growing uncomfortable with his presence, he never acknowledged it. Instead, he asked in a hopeful voice, "After breakfast, want to come into town with me? Lussuria said the rest of the Varia are all going to be busy today, and Tsuna and Gokudera are trying to keep Lambo under control. I don't know Italian so it'd be really hard for me to go by myself."

Bel looked down at his lap; why was the other asking him? Even before the abduction, Bel hadn't gone into town often; the only times he found himself out of the mansion had been when he was bored and his bloodlust needed to be satisfied.

But still, somehow the idea of someone wanting to spend time with him for such innocent reasons rather than being near him to make sure he was going to be okay made him feel a little more comfortable; Bel had been distant from the other Varia, and though they had always looked after him because of how young he had been upon joining them, none of them had really had the experience or the nurture Bel needed to feel close to them. They had fed him, bought him his necessities and looked after him when he was sick, but they hadn't spent much time with him outside of missions; they had left him to his own devices and only came to check on him every couple of hours – it hadn't been until the Verde incident did they really start acting like proper guardians to him.

Bel knew they cared – that they had always cared – but they hadn't truly been able to show that to him until now.

"Bel?" Takeshi was patient, and he understood when Bel seemed to drift out of reality; the boy probably hadn't been expecting for such a question.

"…" Did he want to go or did he want to stay home? Bel wasn't sure. It was true that he wanted to go outside for a little while, and that he had a few things on his shopping list Squalo had forgotten to bring back for him, but the idea of leaving his room was frightening; he had once had confidence in his ability to look out for himself, but look at what had happened to him. Everything he had… It still hadn't been enough to protect him against a baby.

"You don't have to decide right now," Takeshi promised. "You can sit and think on it, and I'll ask you again soon."

"Honey, you should go with him." Lussuria wished he could reach out and hug away Bel's pain, but he knew he couldn't; he would just have to keep hoping that one day, the old Bel would return to them.

"But…" Bel chewed his lip as he gripped his pyjama pants tightly. "…Chiara…"

"Sweetheart, it'd be good for Chiara-chan to get some fresh air. Just make sure to keep her out of the sun and away from people in case they're sick."

"S-sick…?" Bel suddenly felt nauseas at the idea of his daughter catching something; would he be able to care for Chiara if she were ill? What if he caught something as well and he was too sick to look after her? "…"

Lussuria nodded. "And don't let people touch her hands in case she puts them in her mouth."

Bel flinched. He often played with her tiny hands himself; what if he had accidentally passed germs onto her…? "…"

Lussuria knew what was on Bel's mind. He reached out and slowly took the boy's hand into his own in order to rub his thumbs against the back of the younger's hand. "You shouldn't worry so much, Bel-chan; you are doing very well with her, and as long as you are keeping your own hygiene up, I wouldn't expect for her to catch anything from you."

Looking guiltily to the wall, Bel knew he wasn't looking after himself; before he had showered last night, he had probably been covered in all sorts of filth and had still been touching his child. How could he have been so stupid?!

Bel should be caring for himself, he knew that, but why should he bother anymore? He was tainted by disgusting filth he felt he could never wash from his body. He had scrubbed and scrubbed until he had bled into the shower drain, but he could still see it, still feel it clinging to him; the very proof that he had been violated in the worst way over and over and over again for months on end. The very thing that had gotten him pregnant…

Bel was sure he could burn his flesh off with acid and still he would never be clean again.

As he begun to tremble, Bel lifted his head to look at the taller males. His voice quivered as a single tear rolled down his cheek, but he had to ask this; he had to. "Do you… Do you think… I'll ever be clean again…? I tried to wash it all away, but… It… It's still… there… I can't… get rid of it… I'm so filthy…"

"No, you're not, darling." Lussuria couldn't stop himself; it broke his heart to hear Bel talking about himself like this. Reaching out, he pulled Bel into his arms and held the younger firmly against his chest. "You're not filthy. The filthy ones are the people who hurt you, Bel-chan. You didn't ask for them to hurt you like this."

Bel shook his head, unable to believe those words; he had tried so hard to stop it from happening to him, but in the end, he had only been able to lay there and let them rape him; he was filthy, he was tainted, and he didn't understand how Lussuria could want to hug him after that – wasn't the man disgusted? Did he not fear catching some horrible disease from touching the boy?

It was Takeshi who reached out and somehow coaxed Bel to his feet. Holding the boy's hand, he said in the gentlest tone he had ever used, "Come on, Bel; I'll make you clean again."

Bel didn't know why he followed; he just knew that all of a sudden, he felt too numb to care anymore. He allowed Takeshi to take him into the bathroom and sit him on the closed toilet lid next to the basin, and he couldn't help but stare as the younger took a rag from the medicine cabinet and wet it beneath the tap.

"What are you doing…?" Bel was quiet. His voice conveyed clearly the exhaustion and the numbness he felt, and Takeshi knew how helpless and defeated the other felt when Bel didn't resist in the least as his shirt was slowly removed from his torso.

"I'm cleaning you." Rubbing the rag against a bar of soap he found sitting on the basin, Takeshi then started rubbing it against the boy's chest as gently as he could; he hoped that he would be able to help Bel feel as if he were finally free of the things that had tainted him if there was someone else there to remove the filth.

"…" Bel didn't look at Takeshi during this. He didn't even look at his reflection in the mirror because he didn't want to see how pitiful and weak he was now. Instead, he stared out of the window across from them and watched the clouds float freely through the sky. He vaguely wondered what it was like to be a cloud, to live freely and unrestrained by life's cruelty. For a brief moment he almost found himself wishing they had had a Cloud Guardian other than Gola Mosca so he could ask what it was like to not feel such pain. He wanted advice on how he could stop hating himself so much and to just. Stop. Remembering. But there was no one he knew he felt comfortable with and could give him an answer. Maybe he was just destined to be in pain, to be alone and suffering without anyone to understand him.

And then, as Bel remembered every little imperfection he had, all of his faults and shortcomings and every fucking person who had ever left him feeling as if he wasn't good enough, he heard Takeshi talking to him.

"Do you feel a little better, Bel?" Gesturing to the boy's chest that looked so skinny and frail, Takeshi was almost afraid he would break it had he put too much pressure on it, the Japanese male waited for an answer. "I've cleaned your chest for you."

Bel shuddered. He ghosted shaking fingers over his flesh, rubbed his nipples to see if he still felt the same level of horror and disgust he had felt when he had been at the hands of his rapists. To his surprise, he felt a little lighter.

As he reached up to rub at his damp eyes, Bel whispered, "My legs… are still dirty…"

Takeshi nodded. He put the rag down on the ground before he moved to grab the hem of Bel's pyjama pants. He waited for confirmation that this was okay before it was received and he ever-so-slowly helped the blond kick them away to the marble floor beneath them. He used the same caring method on the boy's now-stick thin legs that he had used on the other's chest, treating them with the same love as he worked as best he could to remove the invisible grime he feared Bel might die feeling. He looked up to see Bel's face, and he wasn't surprised that, despite the long curtain of blond hair hiding the older male's eyes, the other looked more depressed and uncomfortable than he had ever seen someone before. Putting his attention back to his task, Takeshi did his best to remove the guilt and shame he knew Bel was feeling.

"Is that better?"

Bel looked down when he felt the rag leave his skin. He wriggled his toes before he nodded, and a sudden embarrassed look crossed his face. He looked away, hesitating before he whispered, "…There's… still somewhere else…"

Takeshi understood immediately; he had purposely avoided the red silk boxers Bel had worn beneath his pyjama pants out of worry of upsetting the blond, but at the same time, he should have expected it; that was where all of Bel's self-loathing was coming from.

"Is it okay…?" Takeshi would never try to go near Bel's boxers if the smaller male didn't want him to; he was almost hesitant out of fear of hurting his friend to do so when he was given the okay. Putting large hands against hips that now jutted out, Takeshi wished Bel had never been hurt like this; how could someone… hurt another like this…?! "I promise I'll make you clean again, Bel."

Bel took a frightened breath as he felt his boxers being pulled from his hips. Memories flashed before his eyes and he almost broke down on the spot – but it was the gentle, caring grip on his flaccid shaft that was nothing like the rough hands that only sought to hurt him that brought him back to reality. Tears dripped down his cheeks as he watched the cleaning process, and he lifted his hips when Takeshi wished to clean all of him; Takeshi… Takeshi wasn't trying to hurt him like the others had. Takeshi wanted to help him.

"How's that, Bel?" Hoping he had helped ease the pain, Takeshi waited for a response.

Bel's tears came harder as he realised five minutes of Takeshi's time had helped make him feel cleaner than hours upon hours of scrubbing himself raw had. He didn't know how to express himself; all he could utter was, "M-my lips…"

"Did they dirty them, as well?" Reaching out to cup Bel's cheek when he received a timid nod in response, Takeshi then moved his face closer to the other's. He hesitated, hoping he wasn't about to scare the Storm Guardian more than he already was; he would never forgive himself if he broke Bel more than he had been.

With their hot breaths mingling together, Takeshi's slightly increased from uncertainty while Bel's was heavy with pain and anxiety, the younger male couldn't stand it anymore; the desire – no… the need to make Bel clean again drove him to press his lips firmly against the smaller male's. He felt Bel gasp against his lips, but he had no desire to force his tongue inside; he needed consent and the knowledge that that was what Bel wanted, too. He was happy with this small kiss, and he hoped Bel was finally feeling clean again.

When they broke apart, Takeshi stared at Bel for several seconds as he watched the boy cry. He had expected for this; he had expected for a lot of things – but what he hadn't expected was for Bel to throw himself forward and wrap his arms around Takeshi's neck before burying his face against the younger's shoulder and letting all of his pain and suffering out.

Takeshi was patient. He held Bel in return, allowing the boy to tremble and cry and scream in his arms; he understood what it was like to feel lost and alone and as if no one cared. "It's okay, Bel. You can cry. Shh…"

Bel couldn't remember the last time someone had held him like this and allowed him to show his emotions. For as long as he could remember, he had been told boys didn't cry and that he had to be tough because he was a prince, but Bel didn't care about any of that anymore; all he wanted was to finally let his pain out.

Takeshi stayed. He listened and held Bel close until the blond had fallen asleep in his arms. He understood. He understood perfectly.