Chapter Fifty-Four

Fai pivoted on his heel and fled.

"Where the hell are you going?" Kurogane demanded. Fai ignored the yell, moving at a supernatural speed so the ninja wouldn't catch up to him. This was a conversation he'd never intended to face, and if there was any possible way to avoid it, he would.

So he ran, passing by the same rainbow-hued shops they'd walked past before, not caring where he ended up so long as it was away from the bakery. Fai, he thought. That was Fai.

It had taken him a moment to understand. At first, he'd thought the wall behind the counter was made of mirrors. But when he hadn't seen any of the other's reflections, when the image had not matched his motions, he'd understood.

The streets were empty except for a few citizens hurrying home for the night or leaving for the graveyard shift. Some stared at him as he flew by, but none had the time or the curiosity to ask him how he moved so fast. Fai . . .

He ran until his lungs burned with exhaustion, ending up over two miles from the bakery in less than a quarter of the time it would've taken a professional athlete to sprint a third of the distance. He staggered across the road and sunk down onto the hard wooden slats of a city bench, leaning back and letting his head dangle over the back of the seat. "Fai," he whispered, too quietly for anyone to hear, even if they were within earshot.

He'd thought he'd prepared himself for the eventuality. After seeing his companions run into copies of people they'd known in other dimensions, he had acknowledged the possibility that he might someday run into an alternate version of his brother. He'd told himself that it wouldn't matter. Whoever he met, it wasn't the real Fai. In theory, it shouldn't have mattered that he'd come across a living version of his brother.

In practice, it was the most gut-wrenching thing that had ever happened to him. His breath came in rapid, shaky gasps, and he couldn't get his heart to slow down. His whole body burned from the exertion of his flight. He sunk deeper into the city bench, unable to stand.

He was shaken, horrified, and heartsick, but some part of him was relieved. At least this Fai had escaped the horrible fate that had befallen the other one. I wonder if he's a twin, he thought irrelevantly. Then he realized that if he was in this world, that probably meant there wasn't another like him here. Dead, or never existed at all? Either way, if there was an alternate version of myself here, he's gone now. If there was a possibility of running into ourselves without something awful happening, we would've met someone with one of our faces by now.

He heard murmurs nearby. When he opened his eye, he saw two women staring at him from across the street, their heads pushed together in hushed conversation. At his glance, they looked away. This didn't end their quiet gossip, though. The woman with the brown hair murmured something to her blonde friend. Fai listened closer, curious to hear what they were saying about him. Quiet as they were, it took him a moment to realize he couldn't understand them.

I must be out of Mokona's range, he thought, realizing with some dismay that he was going to have to go back and face the others again. Well of course you will. You need Kurogane's blood to survive.

And if I didn't want to go back, what would they say? That I had to? That it was for the best? It would've been best if I'd never been born, so my brother wouldn't have been labeled as cursed.

He closed his eye and leaned back again, letting his body go as still as a corpse. Minutes passed, and stretched into hours. It was summer here in Cirrus, according to the conversations he'd overheard earlier in the day, but it wasn't much warmer than Ceres had been in the summertime, despite the flat land. It must be bitterly cold in winter.

The night deepened. He just sat there, trying not to think. Eventually, he heard footsteps.

"Hey, why the hell did you run off?"

He didn't answer, just opened his eye and closed it again to show the ninja he wasn't dead.

An exasperated sigh pierced the chilly air. "I left the princess at the hotel," Kurogane said, just as Mokona poked out of his shirt. "She's worried sick about you."

Fai grimaced. She's already suffered so much. She shouldn't have to be burdened with even one more thing. Slowly, he sat up.

The ninja stalked over to the bench and glared down at him. "What the fuck happened back there?"

"I don't know."

"Bullshit. I know you know something. Why is this the first time we've ever run across one of our own in our travels? How did we run across another version of you, when you're sitting right there?" Another question hung in the air, unsaid: Why did you react so intensely?

"I don't know."

Kurogane kicked a green trashcan hard enough to knock it over. "I don't know how stupid you think I am, but there's no way I'm going to believe you don't have any idea what happened back there."

"I don't think you're stupid," Fai said, responding to the easiest part of the statement. You're anything but stupid. You see all the things I hide away as if they were laid out in front of you. No, I only wish you were stupid.

"So. Tell me."

Fai sighed. "The man you saw at the bakery wasn't an alternate version of myself," he said quietly. "Having two of the same soul in one dimension would disrupt the natural order of things. Both parties would die instantly if they so much as existed on the same plane." That's why we've never been able to find a copy of ourselves in any world, he thought. Because they would have ceased to exist before we could ever step foot in their dimension.

"Who was he then?"

Fai. "I don't know."

"You know."

"I don't."

"And you criticized the kid for lying."

He flinched, head flying up to look at the ninja. A surge of anger rushed through him at the accusation, and before he knew it, he was on his feet. "It's not my fault. You have no right to know my past. You have no right to question me like this."

The ninja seemed taken aback by the display of anger. Good, Fai thought, with an unusual amount of venom.

"So, what . . . Did you have a twin brother, or something?"

His shoulders stiffened. Too smart for your own good.

"That's it, isn't it? And you had to leave him behind."

"I never left him behind!" Fai exploded. "I was always there with him. He was the only person in my world that meant anything to me." He took a step closer, feeling his claws extend to their full length. "You have no right . . ."

The ninja crossed his arms. "A twin brother. What was his name?"

Fai. "What does it matter? He's dead."

For the first time, something like sympathy flickered across the dark-haired man's face. Fai pressed his advantage. "Yes, he's dead. He flung himself from a tower to save me because I was selfish. Because I was a monster. I still am." He opened his eye wide to showcase the golden glow. "So don't presume to know anything about me."

Kurogane stared at him for a moment. Fai could tell the ninja had made the connection he'd been formulating since the beginning of their travels.

"You wanted to know why I smiled so much," Fai said, grinning. Even in his rage, he could feel the mocking edge to his smirk. It was far from the goofy smile he'd favored everyone with during their journey. "You wanted to know why I couldn't be serious, or why I laughed at stupid things. You thought I was a fool.

"So you want to know why I smiled? It wasn't for your benefit, or for Sakura-chan's. I smiled and I laughed because I didn't want to look in the mirror and face the monster I saw there."

Kurogane stared at him for a long moment, then uncrossed his arms, sighing. "The princess is still waiting for you to come back. She's worried about you."

The words hit Fai like a slap. She's worried about me? he thought incredulously, feeling his heart sink in his chest. After all I've done? "Don't tell her," he whispered, dread forming in the pit of his stomach. "Please. It's not something she should have to think about."

Kurogane sighed, eyes closing for a moment. "Fine. But don't blame me when she starts asking questions."

"She won't." She's too trusting. She'll believe whatever excuse I make for her. He brushed the hair away from his eye patch, realizing with some surprise how long it had grown. Does vampire hair grow faster than human hair? he wondered irrelevantly.

"Let's go back," Kurogane said. "We've got bigger things to worry about."