Bel felt empty as he watched Chiara bounce around in her swing. He had barely moved from his bed ever since he had lost his baby, and even now, days later, he was waiting for Takeshi to come home. He wasn't sure he had ever felt as numb as he did now, and with the more minutes that ticked by, the more he wanted to die; what was the point in trying to stay alive when he was only going to keep suffering like this? Even Shamal had told him how he would have been dead had Lussuria not walked into the bedroom when they had – how, even now, after performing surgery and trying to fix the damage that had been inflicted, Bel was going to live an extremely poor quality of life since there was only so much he could do when the insides of his stomach were so twisted, it would only cause more damage to try and repair it all. Hell, even the doctor hadn't been able to remove the womb Verde had managed to put in there – he had been too scared to, concerned greatly of rupturing something when he realised it was safer leaving it in than trying to take it out.

The boy stared blankly ahead as part of him wished he had died; if he had, he wouldn't have to suffer anymore; he could finally be at peace because he knew full-well he was never going find that if he were still alive. It wasn't that Bel wanted to kill himself – okay, maybe he did, but maybe it wasn't that he wanted to die; more that he just couldn't bear to feel anymore.

So when the blond got off his bed and walked over to his desk so he could write a suicide note, all he could do was cry. He wrote and he wrote and he wrote until he had several pages' worth of his letter, making sure everyone would understand how he wanted Chiara to go with Takeshi and be raised by the Japanese male and for him to pretend that, once she grew up, he was her father and her 'mother' was a no-good slut who had left before she was born. He didn't want her to know of her true parentage; all he wanted was for her to be given the best life she possibly could – a good life that he would never be able to provide for her. He talked about how numb, how empty he was inside and how he didn't want to keep going when there was nothing except pain for him in his future. He was depressed, everyone could see that, and he was certain he wasn't going to bounce back from it so it was easier for him to put himself out of his misery now when Chiara was too young to remember he existed rather than wait until she was older and cause her pain as well by taking his own life when she would understand he was never coming back.

When at least he had written everything he felt he needed to, Bel moved to Chiara's side so he could kneel by the swing and reach out to embrace her tighter than ever. He felt sick as he listened to his daughter's happy coos, and he knew he was leaving a damp patch in her hair from where he had dropped his face on top of her head and was crying into it, but he couldn't go without saying goodbye; he loved his daughter, and he would never rest in peace if he went didn't take this moment.

"C… Chiara, I…" Bel's sobs came harder as he found it almost impossible to pull away from her. He leant forward so he could kiss the baby's cheek one last time. "Chiara… D-daddy loves you, Chiara… But daddy… has to go… I don't want you to see… You don't need to see the kind of things daddy has… So please don't watch me… I don't want you tainted like I have been…"

Bel took one last look at his daughter before he stood back up and moved to his bedside table so he could grab one of his blades from the counter. He couldn't bear to do it in the same room as Chiara – how could he be the one to taint her innocence when all he wanted was for her to grow up and never have to know the things he had? – so he slid his knife into his pocket and headed into the bathroom. He closed the door behind him so Chiara wouldn't have to know her parent was about to kill himself, and with that, he dropped down to his knees as he burst into tears; he was finally going to do it, to get away from everything that was hurting him and give his daughter a better chance in life. He felt almost relief when he put the tip of his blade to his wrist and dragged it down his vein, spilling his blood onto the cold tiles beneath him. He choked on his tears as he next raised the knife to his throat, but in his distress, he had missed the sound of his bedroom door opening and footsteps coming to the bathroom. He was hysterical when the bathroom door was opened and hit him in the back; why did someone have to find him when he was so close…?

"Bel!"

Bel sobbed as he was pulled into Takeshi's arms, and in his own pain, he missed the agony written all over the younger's face. He felt a second pair of hands grabbing his arm and wrapping fabric around the wound, and it was then he realised that Squalo was there, too. He couldn't speak; all he could do was cry harder.

"Brat…" Squalo chewed at his lip before he spoke in a quivering voice. "Brat, I… What you went through… isn't worth killing yourself over… I know… how much you're hurting, but I… Belphegor, fucking… Chiara needs you. You can't leave her all alone."

Bel choked on another couple of sobs before he finally sputtered, "I-it's in my suicide note, Squa…! How I w-want Takeshi t-to be her p-p-parent for me… I don't w-w-want to live…! I want… to… to…"

"To what, Bel…?" Takeshi had never spoken so quietly before. He held Bel tight in one arm as he used his hand to thread to golden locks. His free hand he clenched into a tight fist as if to keep in control of himself. "To die and throw everything away? Bel, take it from me as someone who used to be suicidal, too – who tried to commit suicide, as well. It might hurt now, but somewhere in the future, you're going to wake up one day and you're not even going to remember what was hurting you so much. I know… that it's always going to hurt, and it never goes away completely, but… Killing yourself isn't the answer. Remember when the Bazooka hit you, and everyone said how happy you had been able to become? There's no reason you can't be happy here, too! So please, Bel… Please… That was… That was my child, too… I know how much it hurts… But please don't kill yourself; we can try again for another baby together when you're ready…"

"Ta… Ta…ke…shi…" No matter how hard he tried, Bel couldn't stop crying; not even when Squalo moved to the medicine cabinet and grabbed the first aid kit so he could start to stitch the boy's wrist up. Takeshi didn't mind, though; he just sat there and held his boyfriend close, rocking the blond until eventually, Bel had cried himself into sleep.

It was then Takeshi allowed his own tears to fall as he hugged the older male close to him. Squalo patted the younger's back awkwardly. "Hey… He's not dead yet… And you said it yourself; you can always try for another baby… That one he was pregnant with… You knew it, too, didn't you…? You knew he was never going to be able to have it…"

Takeshi nodded. "I knew… I didn't want to upset him and tell him his pregnancy was never going to work this time… He was… so excited to have another baby…"

"He was finally able to have one in an environment he feels safe in; he didn't want to believe he would lose it like he had with Verde… He got his hopes up, Takeshi… You need to look after him; he isn't… Lussuria told me what Shamal said… His body is… very weak… Whatever Verde did to him, he's lucky to still be alive after everything that's been done to his insides… He's not going to be well physically, and he's going to need lots of support – both physically and emotionally. I don't like saying this, but… if there's one subordinate of mine I don't want to lose, it's that little shit…"

Takeshi nodded. He scooped Bel up in his arms so he could carry the older male back to bed and let him rest. "Squalo… I… I won't let him live in depression, Squalo. I've been there, and I can't let him stay in that hell I was in. I'm going to help him; I promise."

Squalo followed the younger male out of the bathroom. He moved to Chiara's swing so he could pick the baby up and nurse her for a few minutes; Bel never had liked him near his daughter for some reason, so he planned to take full advantage of this moment. "I have faith in ya, kid. You'll snap him out of it – maybe not now, but some day. Hey, make sure you keep him asleep for a good while and give him an excuse if he wakes up; I wanna take Chiara out into the sunlight for a bit – she never leaves the fuckin' room and it's disgraceful. Poor kid can't grow up knowing only four walls."

Takeshi laid next to his boyfriend and pulled the blankets over them. "You should be her uncle, you know?"

"Voi! Like fuck I'm an uncle!" Seconds later, Squalo's voice dropped to a thoughtful hum. "But that's not a bad fuckin' idea… Uncle Squalo… Yeah. I like that."

Takeshi couldn't help but smile; he knew the Varia members wouldn't openly show it, but they absolutely adored their young comrade and his baby. Maybe they weren't the most perfect family Bel could have had, but they did love and care about him, and the Vongola Rain sincerely doubted anyone else could have supported Bel as well as they had through all of this. It warmed his heart knowing that, no matter what, Bel always had shoulders to lean on – he just had to learn that himself and stop trying to shoulder the burden alone.

"You're loved a lot more than you realise, Bel." Takeshi caressed the smaller male's cheek as he laid by the other's side and stared out of the window. "You're lucky; you just don't know how to see it yet. But I'm going to help you – I promise."