Hello everybody! I'm so sorry I've been MIA lately, had a bit of a hard time writing this chapter and felt a bit unsure about it. Actually, I felt much more than a bit unsure about it.

Thanks to all those who have been reviewing/favouriting!

I still own nothing.

Chapter 23: Uncertainty

A month had passed since Emily came back from London. Katie and Effy had come back from their weekend vacation the day after Emily showed up at our flat. I had never seen Katie so angry, nor had I ever imagined I would ever see Katie and Emily get into a full-on fist fight on my living room floor. Emily was just about to smash a lamp over Katie's head before Effy and I finally intervened – I, frankly, was scared shitless of both Emily and Katie, and Effy seemed oddly stoic, as though she was going to let them fight until we absolutely had to stop them. I'd never seen Emily look as angry as she did when she was fighting with Katie, and I'd never heard Katie yell as loudly as she did at Emily. In all fairness, Emily hadn't been the one to start the fight – as usual, Katie jumped to conclusions when she saw Emily and I in bed together and actually started the fight because she was trying to protect me. She thought Emily was back for a short while, would use me, and then leave again. Apparently Emily had done this sort of thing before and never gave Katie any kind of explanation as to why she'd randomly take off and show up months later.

When Effy and I had finally pried the twins off each other and sat them down to talk things out, it became quite clear that Katie had absolutely no idea about Emily's rape. I didn't want to hear the story again, so I left the room to take a shower. Thinking of Emily being violated and hurt in that way made my stomach curl.

After Emily had finished telling Katie about John Foster, they promptly took over Effy's room and told us that they needed "sister time". Effy took over the couch and watched movies for the rest of the day while I yelled at her to turn the volume down so I could try to write my articles.

That was the only day that anything really significant happened for a month, and to be honest, I was quite happy about that. I needed things to calm down and get back to normal. Effy and Katie would go to work every morning, and Emily would leave shortly after them to go to work at a makeup counter in a nearby department store. I'd have the whole apartment to myself, which made writing a lot easier. My boss had decided to stop sending me to politically unstable countries for the time being, and instead decided to let me focus on feminist issues around the UK.

Emily was coming home early tonight, so I'd decided to tidy up the flat a bit so she wouldn't feel obligated to do so. She'd started to live with us as soon as she came back, which was fine by me. Katie was also planning on selling her flat and moving in, since she already spent so much of her time here.

I'd finished tidying up the flat and had just sat down at the table with a cup of tea and a pack of Garibaldis when Emily walked in. She was always tired when she came home from work since she had to stand all day working at the makeup counter. She wasn't crazy about the job, since she didn't get to put a lot of her knowledge to use and she hated the sales goals she was forced to meet. She'd done a few proper makeup jobs on the side, working for small fashion shows and theatre productions, but I could tell she missed the fashion/editorial industry.

"Hey," I called from the kitchen as Emily dropped her bags and took off her shoes. She smiled at me and sat down across from me at the table. I frowned – she wasn't wearing her work uniform. "Where've you been?"

She stiffened slightly and looked down at her hands. "I have something I want to talk to you about," She said, smiling slightly. "It's good news, or, well, I think it's good news. I know it's gonna seem fast, but I really need to start thinking about these things-"

"Em, you're rambling. What is it?"

"Well, I went to the doctor's. I...uh...ever since I found out about Katie and her premature ovarian failure, I've been worried that it's going to happen to me. Since we're identical and we have identical DNA, it seems likely that it'll happen to me," Emily stuck her hand up between us as soon as she noticed that I was about to interrupt her. "Let me finish. That day when Katie and Effy came back from their weekend getaway and Katie and I said we needed sister time – we talked about having some of my eggs frozen so we could both use them when we feel the time is right.

"I went for a consultation today, and the doctor said that I'm a good candidate – healthy, young. So, because we're not sure about when or if I'll become menopausal, they've decided to fast track me through the procedure. I'm starting hormone injections tomorrow, and within a few weeks, I'll be ready to have the eggs removed."

I nodded my head slowly, watching as Emily tensed even further. "You're not telling me something," I said as I watched Em fidget.

"Well...Katie and I haven't decided if we'd actually like to freeze the eggs, or use them now. Transfer success rates are slightly lower for frozen eggs, and Katie's nervous that because she's already menopausal that the success rates would be even lower for her," She looked up at me nervously.

"How do you feel about all this?" I asked. I personally, had no clue how to feel. I didn't think I was anywhere near ready for a baby. I wasn't even aware that Katie and Emily had the money to do these sorts of procedures. I'd only gotten Emily back a month ago and it seemed a bit fast to be talking about babies.

"I don't know how to feel. I want a baby, but I don't know how I want to go about that. I...I want us to have a baby together," She looked at me straight in the eyes, and I squeezed her hand tightly. "Regardless of what we decide for us, I'm going through this procedure for Katie and Effy. They've decided already that they want a baby. They just haven't decided who would carry yet."

I was in shock, and I'm quite sure my face showed it.

"Holy crap."

Emily nodded and looked at me again, her eyes hopeful. "Do you want a baby with me?"

"I... I do, I think. I don't know. It's all so much to decide. I mean...fuck. Don't we need to choose sperm donors? And we've only just moved in here, there won't be enough room for two babies and all four of us. Who would carry for us? Do you want to? Couldn't we use my eggs if we really wanted to? How much is this going to cost? Would it be cheaper if I was inseminated, instead of you having to go through in vitro?"

Emily smiled. "We'll have to decide those things together. But I was thinking - and you can totally say no to this if it makes you uncomfortable – but maybe if we decided to inseminate you, we could choose someone from my side of the family to be the sperm donor. That way it's almost like the baby is really ours."

I stiffened at the idea. I wasn't sure exactly who Emily could be referring to, but I'd met her brother James and I'd rather use Cook as my sperm donor than that pervy little bastard.

"We still have time to decide, right?" I asked. Emily smile faltered slightly and she nodded.

It may be an odd thing to think about after you've just been asked to make a massive commitment to the woman you love, but all I could think was Effy and Katie were two sneaky little bitches, keeping me in the dark about all this.

I really didn't know how to feel. The only baby I'd ever been around was JJ's son Albert. And I only liked him because I technically had to. Suddenly, all the memories of me throwing up on my mum when I was little, or partying all night when I was a teenager, or yelling at my mum for organizing my room, all these memories came flying back at me.

Oh, god.

A baby.

Two babies.

Fucking hell.

Please let me know what you thought in a review - I still don't quite know how to feel about this chapter and I really want to know what you guys think. So... babies - yes or no?