-SIGNING ON-

- JEFFREY MOREAU "JOKER"-

-PERSONAL LOG-

-ENTRY 12-

Okay, so Shepard's probably my best friend. He's someone I owe my life to. There is nothing that I wouldn't do for him. I'd follow him into Hades itself. That said; he seems hell bent on filling this boat with as much CRAZY as he possibly can. Okay I'm glad to see Garrus. Even if he is going to brood and seethe all over the ship. It's not like I've seen a lot of him though. He seems damned intent on spending most of his free time locked up inside the batteries. I will admit; he has made some pretty awesome improvements to our cannons. If we have to get into a firefight…scratch that, when we get into a firefight, we should be able to punch a goddamn hole through anyone.

It's hard to tell but I think that Mordin might be a little crazy too. The salarian likes to walk the ship and make periodic comments that make everyone a little nervous. The other day he asked me if I would be willing, upon my death, to let him perform the autopsy. He wished to learn more about Vrolic's Syndrome. Just how the hell am I supposed to take that? The next day he walks into the mess hall, takes a seat, and casually mentions to Helena that he has developed a cure for cancer. The goddamn guy cures cancer and he acts like it's no big deal.

But I digress. As much as Garrus and Mordin have going for them in the brooding and quirkiness department, neither holds a candle to our newest 'recruit'. You know those girls that you date and then after things go south you tell all your friends that she's crazy? Yeah I'd rather have every ex-girlfriend I've ever had on board, than the current psychopath that's currently bunking down below the engineering deck. I mean seriously, Jack, as she calls herself, is certifiable batshit crazy. It's true; Kelly showed me the actual certificate that says she's insane. But does any of this deter our fearless leader? Of course not. He just goes about his business collecting people that make Saren look like a guy with a few wacky ideas. For crying out loud. We just picked up this chick from a prison ship, where they had her in cryo sleep for god sakes. Oh, and to top it off, she's some kind of super biotic. At least she's down in engineering and as far away as possible from me. Hopefully Gabby can keep Ken in check. That's all we need. Some crazy biotic to lose her mind and kill our engineer after he inevitably tries to make a pass at her. For what it's worth, she's really kinda hot.

I guess I shouldn't be too worked up about it. Apparently she and Shepard worked out some deal. Garrus told me it got Miranda riled up pretty good. Something about 'Overstepping his bounds' and 'blah, blah blah, Illusive Man' with just a sprinkle of ' yack, yack, yack, Cerberus Protocols'. I've known Shepard about as long as anyone. If there is one thing that I know about my friend, it's that he isn't exactly a 'Protocol' kind of cat. He ordered her to give Jack full access to all Cerberus files pertaining to her. Don't know what she has against Cerberus, but for that matter, maybe it's better if I just stay out of it. It has also just occurred to me that Miranda probably has full access to all of our personnel journals; if that's the case, I just want you to know that I'm completely on your side Ms. Lawson. And I like what you are doing with your hair.

Speaking of things I should stay out of, Shepard gave me new orders. Seems like we're headed to the Citadel. Apparently the Commander wants an audience with the Council. I tried to tell him it was a colossal waste of time. Miranda even tried to talk him out of it as well, but the guy is stubborn. He had me send a secure message to Anderson. I say secure, but with the Illusive Man and Miranda, I'm not exactly sure just how 'secure' any of our missives truly are. To tell the truth I'm not even sure how much access HAL has into the communication systems on this ship. I guess I should take the HAL reference back. While I may not agree with it, EDI has done nothing to suggest that she is going to turn on us and enslave all organic life aboard the ship.

Getting back to Anderson, I'm not sure how much he can do for us. Udina's the one sitting on the council, and no way does he give Shepard any scrap of help. I have a sneaking suspicion that Shepard knows this. Maybe he just wants to let his old friend know that he's alive. I guess I should do the same. Anderson stuck his neck out for me when things weren't going so well, I at least need to let him know that I'm doing alright.

I will say this however, if we happen to run into that son of a bitch Kaiden, I'm taking another swing at him.

Asshole

-SIGNING OFF-

~o~0~o~

Miranda lay in her bed staring at the ceiling above. The incessant ticking of the nearby clock had proven to be truly bothersome. She wished that she'd had the ability to shut the blasted thing off, but due to its age, that was out of the question. She turned her gaze to the offending timepiece. It had originally been crafted for the French Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte. Miranda had acquired it as a gift from her father. She highly doubted that the man had personally chosen the clock for her, more likely it had been purchased by one of his many secretaries. Whomever had made the selection she was grateful. To her the clock had an aura of elegance and power, two things that the woman prided herself in. After staring at the clock for another several minutes, she deduced that it wasn't the antique timepiece that was keeping her awake, it was Commander Shepard.

In the last several days, Shepard had constantly ignored her counsel and advice. He'd simply handed the quarian Veetor over to the Migrant Fleet without so much as a guarantee that they would receive the information that they'd sought out. Much to her surprise, the Quarians did share the young man's omni-tool data with the Normandy. Currently they were in route to the Citadel. The Commander had chosen to make a plea to the council for assistance; assistance that Miranda had done everything in her capacity to assure him would not come. Still none of this even registered on the radar of concern or irritation as much as their newest 'hard case'. The Commander had given Jack access to all Cerberus files that dealt with her. When it happened, she'd become livid. Shepard had no authority to release that information. He had gone to extreme lengths to separate himself from the workings of the Cerberus organization. Now it seemed that he was more than willing to open up the vault for this woman. Miranda had objected, much to the pleasure of Jack. After the initial meeting, she'd appealed to the Illusive Man. After a moment, she was stunned to find that he agreed to the Commander's request. Begrudgingly, she located and unlocked all files that made any reference to Jack.

Miranda was bothered by the woman, but more so it bothered her that Shepard was spending so much time with the convict. She'd never been jealous of another woman, and she knew she wasn't jealous of Jack, but it bothered her that the Commander was more than willing to bend over backwards to accommodate a woman that she felt was undeserving of even being aboard this ship. Jack was a powerful biotic to be sure, but she was unstable and dangerous. Miranda didn't like the idea that they might have to depend on the woman sometime in the near future.

What is the deal with her not wearing a shirt? And the tattoos? Did Shepard feel some sort of connection to the woman? She's BALD for crying out loud! All they did was talk. What were they talking about? Why was HE spending so much time with HER?

Miranda rolled over and screamed into her pillow. Somehow, it made her feel slightly better. Why was she so hung up on Shepard? He didn't belong to her. There had been a couple of moments in which there had been awkwardness between the two, but she couldn't claim Shepard as her own. As of late, the two had battled over the smallest of details. Along with their disagreements about his command style, the two had clashed over his refusal to be seen by the ship's counselor. Kelly Chambers remained in her role as his assistant, yet she'd reported to Miranda that the Commander had yet to divulge anything of a personal nature to her. Despite their differences, it concerned her that he hadn't even made any notes in his personal log. What was he hiding? And is that what he and Jack talked about?

~o~0~o~

"So you'll do nothing?" Shepard slammed his fist down on the table. The reaction caused the Asari counselor to jump slightly. Even Anderson, the lifetime soldier, couldn't hold back a small flinch. "People are going missing. I can't do this without the help of the council."

The Asari councilor quickly regained her composure. "Commander, you have aligned yourself with a recognized enemy of the Council and the Citadel." She gave a brief glance at Miranda. Shepard heard the woman huff. "Even then, our own investigation has turned up no proof of any foul play."

"No foul Play?" Garrus growled at the Councilor. "Entire human colonies are going missing. Just how long do you think it will be, before the Reapers start grabbing Asari, Salarians, and Turians?"

The Turian councilor gave a curt laugh. "Ah yes, the Reapers. So would it be safe to assume that Shepard's delusions have been passed to you Vakarian?"

Shepard had had enough. "Councilor, the Reapers are real. The vessel that nearly destroyed the Citadel fleet along with yourselves was simply the Vanguard of their arrival. It won't be long before they arrive. Don't be surprised if I'm not willing to sacrifice any more lives to save your hides." He saw the Turian shift uncomfortably. "If your not willing to help, then I ask that you stay out of my way."

The Salarian councilor gave a small boy. "Perhaps I have a compromise that we may all be in agreement. If you stay in the Terminus Systems, you may continue your investigation with full Spectral status." The other two councilors seemed to briefly consider it before giving small nods in support. Shepard gave a brief glimpse to Admiral Anderson.

"Take the deal son. It's the best your going to get from this lot." Shepard finally gave a nod himself.

The Asari councilor breathed a sigh of relief. "Good, than that is settled. Good Luck Commander. I hope your investigation proves fruitful and that it will allow you a quick end to the Alliance with," she paused, "unsavory characters." The connection was cut and the holos of the council faded away. Miranda refrained from duplicating the hand gesture that she had seen Jack had repeated a number of occasions in the past week. She started to speak, but was quickly cut off by Shepard.

"Don't. Say. A. Word." Shepard leaned against the large desk. "AAhhrrghhh!" Shepard yelled as he threw a small glass placard against the adjacent wall. Seeing the look of surprise in Anderson's face he quickly apologized.

The Admiral laughed. "Don't be. This is Udina's desk." Despite his frustrations, Shepard broke into a laugh as well. Anderson quickly shifted back into a more serious tone. "In all seriousness kid, you're not going to have to worry about the council getting involved in your business. Frankly I don't exactly think that they like it that you're still alive."

Miranda spoke up, her question aimed at the Admiral. "What did they mean by they're own investigation?"

The Admiral took the seat behind Udina's desk. "There is no investigation. They've been piggybacking on my own inquiries." He met Shepard's questioning glance. "We had some intel saying that Cerberus was behind the abductions. So I sent one of my guys to find out what was going on. He hasn't found anything; hence the Council doesn't believe that this is a real threat."

Garrus spoke up. "What do you believe Admiral?"

"Like you said, people are going missing. The way I see it, if you boys want to go find out who's doing it and punch'em in the mouth, I'm behind you."

"Thank you sir."

The Admiral took Shepard's hand. "Keep your head down soldier. If I get anything that I think might help, I'll send it your way." Shepard's team had turned to walk out of the room when the doors opened revealing the Human councilor. Udina was preoccupied with young aide to notice the Spectre standing in his path. The councilor walked right into the Commander.

"Pard-Shepard? How the…What the hell are you doing here? Anderson, What is Going on?" Shepard gave Udina a small smirk.

"Didn't you hear, I'm back."

The councilor began to stammer. "W-W-What do you mean back?"

"The council just reinstated me, full Spectre status and everything."

Udina's face flushed red. "They did no such thing. I am part of the council and I was not informed."

Miranda flashed a smile at Shepard. "I guess that they thought they would save you the trouble."

Udina shook his head in disbelief. "But, I'm part of…I should have been…"

"Okay, well I guess we'll be leaving so you can figure all this out." Shepard motioned for his team to follow.

After he watched the Commander leave form his office, Udina took his seat behind his desk. Anderson took time to inform the councilor of the preceding meeting. After taking it all in Udina asked the Admiral, "Where is my Terra Service Award?"

~o~0~o~

Shepard eyed the life pod with a playful curiosity. The pod contained what Okeer called the 'perfect Krogan'. Of course Okeer was dead now, and therefore unable to elaborate further. After the events on Korlus, the Commander was left with no choice than to take the pod aboard the Normandy. Shepard placed his hand on the pod's glass cover. He heard the two women in the room hold their collective breaths.

"It's cold."

Both women let out their held breaths. "Damn Shepard. You could at least give us some warning before you go touching that thing." The convict Jack made her way to Shepard's side. "So what's the plan? We gonna crack this egg or what?"

"That's preposterous." Miranda joined the others in front of the tank. "This Krogan was created by a madman. We have no idea just what will happen if we wake it up."

"See that's your problem Cheerleader. You're no fun. No wonder Shepard's been spending all of his free time near my bunk." Miranda did her best not to show the anger that was coursing through her at that moment. The Commander, for his part, remained fixated on the pod.

"At any rate, Commander. I believe it to be folly to unleash this beast aboard the Normandy until we are more prepared."

Shepard turned to face his first officer. " More prepared for what? The way I see it, we need all the help we can get. A 'perfect Krogan', sounds like the kind of help we need."

"Commander, I ask that you truly weigh all options before you allow a possible enemy combatant loose aboard the ship."

Shepard listened to the woman's reasoning, but it was for naught. He had made up his mind before the Krogan had even been brought aboard the Normandy. "Thank you Ms. Lawson, now if you two ladies will be kind enough to wait for me outside the doors, I'm going to crack this big guy open."

"Fuck that. This I gotta see."

The Commander turned to the convict. "Not going to happen Jack. If Miranda is right and 'Tons-O-Fun' here comes out in a bad mood, I'm not going to have you unleashing some super biotic wave and punching a whole in the side of my ship." Jack opened her mouth to offer a rebuttal, but quickly resigned herself to Shepard's point. Turning away, she made her way to the outside of the doors. Miranda lingered for a brief moment.

"Commander, I'd like it put on record that I was against this."

"What record?" Shepard eyed his first officer. "Shit Miranda. Either this works and I was right, or I unleash a crazed Krogan that kills me therefore sparing me the 'I told you so' speech."

Lawson began to accompany Jack before turning with a grin. "I brought you back once Shepard. For the chance to tell you 'I told you so', I will very well do it again." Walking out of the room, she added, "Do try and be careful." Miranda was slightly put off by the look on the awaiting convict's face. While she doubted seriously that Jack had any sense of tact, the grin that was plastered on the woman gave no disillusion of the direction of the inevitable conversation.

"Damn Cheerleader, you might as well just dropped to your knees right there."

Miranda rolled her eyes. "I'm not having this conversation Jack."

"Oh come off it. Admit it, when you were putting him back together, you must have imagined what it would feel like to climb on top and give it a test drive." When Miranda didn't immediately answer, Jack continued. "Holy hell, you did. And here I was not giving you enough credit. I gotta tell you, for a stuck up Cerberus bitch, you do fine work. Damn fine work."

Jack continued speaking, but Miranda had long lost her interest and patience with the woman. What currently weighed on her mind was the fact that maybe Jack was right. Had Miranda gone out of her way to flirt with the Commander? She had on occasion caught herself stealing glances at Shepard. But it had always been out of curiosity more than anything. Hadn't it? Miranda's hesitation only seemed to add fuel to Jack's argument.

"Dammit, I was right! You do have an itch for Shepard." Miranda turned to argue the point, but was interrupted by the sound of a loud crash inside the storage room. The Cerberus operative quickly overrode the security locks on the door. When she and Jack made their way into the room, guns ready and with the blue haze of their biotics in full bloom. What they found, shocked both women. Shepard stood hand in hand with a towering Krogan.

"Ladies, I'd like you to meet Grunt. He's going to be helping us out. At least until he feels I am no longer worthy of his prowess." Miranda couldn't help but notice Shepard's look of satisfaction on his face. Jack seemed to notice it as well.

"Damn Cheerleader. How many times is he going to prove you wrong?"

~o~0~o~

Commander Shepard checked the MAAG on his battle armor. According to its readout, the planet was oxygen rich. He was pleased to find out he'd be able to breathe without a mask. Despite the bitter cold and howling winds, he wanted to take in his surroundings unobstructed. He wanted to see the wreckage without the tint of his visor and the internal HUD. He placed his helmet on the bench inside the Kodiak drop ship. He left his weapons as well. According to EDI there was zero life signs on the frozen planet. It was fitting, he thought, that his fallen ship and those souls who were now entombed within its wreckage now made their home upon the ice of a cold dead planet. Shepard thought back to a trip he had taken with his father when he was a boy. When he was still a young child, perhaps even before Elena had been born, he couldn't remember, his father had taken he and his brother to Pearl Harbor. There, just below the surface of the water, were the American warships that were sunk in a surprise attack. The crews of the ships that were trapped inside of the sinking ships were never recovered, their bodies forever entombed in the ships that they served so bravely on. Shepard walked amongst the wreckage of his former ship. He was amazed that the majority of the Normandy had finally come to rest relatively close together. Mordin theorized that it was due to the planet's irregular magnetic field.

"It's quiet isn't it? I always liked the quiet." Shepard simply nodded at the woman that stood at his side.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this, you know?" He bent down and examined a glint of medal in the snow. It was a set of Alliance issue dog tags. The name wasn't one he recognized. He tucked it into the ammo pouch he wore on his leg. "I had a plan. This wasn't it."

"God is the one with plans. The rest of us only have ideas." He laughed at the woman. It wasn't a laugh of spite, but one at the simplicity of the woman's response. "You can stop laughing Skipper, I'm dead. I know what I'm talking about." She pointed towards another dog tag near the site of the CIC.

"So how's Heaven?"

Ashley ran her hand over the lifeless command console. "God's nice enough. Reminds me of my Grandfather." She resumed walking at his side. "He has a plan for you Skipper."

Shepard became slightly angry. "God has a plan for me? Just what kind of plan has me living in a world where you're dead?" The young woman remained undeterred.

"It's a plan that has you saving all sentient life."

"Just how am I supposed to do that? I couldn't even save the woman I loved."

"And I loved you. You were and always will be my 'Captain O' Captain'. You made a choice, we all did. I don't regret mine, please don't regret yours." There was a sadness in the woman's face. "A war is coming Skipper. If my death provides some form of preparing you to make the difficult choices, then I did my part."

Shepard sat down on the cold ice, leaning against the broken chassis of the Mako. "Do you know how this plays out?"

Ashley smiled at him. "Yeah Skipper I do. It's one of the perks of being dead. I've seen your future. Let me just say that it's simply…outstanding."

Shepard looked at her. "Do I make it out alive?" She didn't answer his question. Instead she simply smiled at him and glanced off in the distance, the way she would when she was still alive. Ashley turned and walked to a nearby section of the fractured hull. Shepard stood and followed her. She bent down and picked up a piece of the wreckage.

"Give this to HER. She's waiting for you. When judgment comes, it will be her standing at your side." Shepard looked down at the object that she'd handed him.

"Her? Who are you talking about."

"Now where's the fun in telling you everything. You're a big boy Skipper; you'll figure it out.." The spectral image of Ashley Williams leaned in close to him. "You're stronger than you think you are. And when she's with you, you'll be invincible. I'm sorry we didn't have our chance together. Goodbye John." Shepard felt her lips press against his own. He closed his eyes to fight back the sting of tears he felt beginning to form. After a moment he reopened his eyes, to see that he was in fact alone amidst the Normandy's remains. He looked down at the object in his hands. Tucking it under his arm, he slowly walked back to the Kodiak and returned to the new Normandy.

Shepard sat the drop ship carefully into its perch aboard the Normandy. After a second of decompression the doors of the transport opened. Miranda stood in the docking bay hands behind her back seemingly waiting for him. Quickly he thought back to Ashley's words. Miranda walked forward to meet him.

"Commander, I trust you found whatever it was that you were looking for?" Shepard smiled to himself.

"I guess you can say that." Tossing her his souvenier from the surface, he replied. "Keep it. It's a gift."

Miranda looked curiously at the item. She ran her fingers over the scarred surface. She was careful with the fractured glass of the visor. Using her thumb, she was able to remove some of the grime that blocked the familiar N7 emblem. "Your helmet? I don't understand."

Shepard smiled at her. "I don't either, but I think you're supposed to have this." Miranda looked at the Commander with a mixture of curiosity and confusion, before turning her attention back to the helmet. She opened her mouth to say more, but found that Shepard had already exited the bay.

"Thank you."