Chapter 13: Regimented, disciplined, focused.

The hot water felt good on her scalp in the morning. It melted the stress of the last couple of days off of her skin. Tipping her head back into the stream of the shower head she let out a deep sigh.

A knock came at the door. "Hey Bex, you mind?"

"It's okay."

On the other side of the frosted glass she could see the blurry shape of his boxer shorts. She took a deep breath as he turned on the sink and looked up at the mirror. It was impossible to tell where either of them was looking, but that didn't stop her heart from beating faster. Watching him lean over and splash water on his face, she rinsed out her hair and debated if she should wait it out or not. He fumbled with his trimmer for a few minutes, cursing every now and then as he tried to control it in his left hand.

"Ya aiight?"

He let out a long sigh and said, "yeah, I'm fine."

The sound of his electric trimmer stopped, he was clearly defeated. But he didn't leave the bathroom. Instead he leaned up against the shower door and spoke just loud enough for her to hear him over the running water, no louder.

"Listen Becky…"

She recognized The Demon in his voice.

"I wish I could fix all of this for ya, I really do. Finn's been wrestlin' with all of it for years, and I want…to…"

"To what?" Her voice was surprisingly clam and measured. "To give him some fun an' try to rattle his self-restraint loose?"

"Well…that's about all I can do. I can give ya that, I'm very happy to give ya that. What I can't give ya is anytin' more than what I am. He needs to do that."

"I just wish…I wish I knew what he was thinkin'."

"It's not my place, love." There was something different to it this time. His pet name usually came off the slightest bit condescending, but today it was warm and gentle.

She paused for a moment, knowing full well this was exactly what she had signed up for.

"Okay. It is what it is." Through the glass she saw him nod and start to head back to the bathroom door. "Finn?"

"Yeah?" She could hear the sly smile in his voice.

"Did you…did you wanna to join me in here?"

"Did I want to join you she asks," he slid the door open, shaking his head. "How long have we been doin' this?"

His eyes scanned her up and down as he stepped out of the boxer shorts.

"Ya gon' be aiight with that cast?" she teased, raising an eyebrow. "Not hinderin' you abilities now?"

"I suppose," he pushed her hips to the wall, keeping his good hand behind her head, and whispered into her ear, "you might havta pick up the slack."

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Thirty minutes later Becky sat at the kitchen table with a cup of tea and her calendar. The blank space for the next couple of weeks was refreshing, but didn't stop the days from filling up with shows, press events and conventions the moment she got back to work.

"There more of that?" Finn asked as he passed her on his way to the kitchen.

"Yeah, but we're almost out."

The Keurig whirled and Finn rummaged around in the kitchen for a few moments.

"Hey, Finn?" she called behind her shoulder.

"What's up?" he returned with a steaming mug, blowing on it carefully.

"Are you goin' to Tom's wedding? I have to send mine in."

"Ah shit, I forgot about that." He ran his fingers through his hair and then looked at them, puzzled. "Why is my hair wet?"

"'Cause you took a shower?" Her heart started beating faster again.

"I took a shower?"

"What, is proper hygiene surprisin' to ya?"

"No I just…never mind. When's this thing?" he asked, drinking his tea in slow, careful sips the way he always did.

"Little over two weeks."

"Yeah, I suppose I got nothing else on."

"Finn,"

"Don't." He refused to meet her eye for a moment, "I'll go if you're going."

"Aiight." She shuffled through her pile of papers and pulled out an RSVP card.

"Am I supposed to have one of those?"

She laughed and rolled her eyes. "I'll write it on mine, it's fine."

"Thank you." He leaned back in his chair and sighed, "Tom's gon' try to set me up with one of her friends again huh?"

Becky felt her stomach drop but kept her voice steady.

"Would that be a bad thing?" She looked up at his cool gaze, "I mean her friends are all MMA fighters, they're pretty badass."

"Yeah I suppose." He leaned forward and took another sip. "But I jus' don't get wrapped up in that sorta thing. You know that."

"I do know that." Her stomach plummeted again. "But I don't actually know why. I remember you in Ireland."

A slight smirk broke out on his face and he blushed.

"Feeergal Devitt," she continued, grinning. "What a rock star. All the guys want to be like 'im, all the ladies wanna get with 'im. "

"You are exageratin'."

"I'm really not. You shoulda heard some of the gossip from those college girls who would come to our shows. Who was gonna catch Fergal's attention tonight?"

Now she was blushing too, remembering sitting in the back of the gym during his matches and hearing them giggle over him. He was always met with applause and screams, everyone there knew who he was. But those girls would cheer for him the loudest, and during slow points they'd laugh, discussing how well he filled out his trunks tonight. Sometimes he'd pass one of them on his exit and wink at her, and that always made Becky's hear plummet.

"That would be you now wouldn't it?"

"Sorry?" Her face turned red as she caught his eye.

"Who had my attention at the end of the night?" He sighed, "aiight, I'll confess. Did I go home with a few of 'em in those years? Yes."

She looked down at her tea, starting to wish she hadn't brought it up.

"But, there was only one girl I really wanted to hang out with." He smiled at her, "still is."

"So…what changed? What made you swear off women? You've never told me." She could feel herself slipping down the rabbit hole butt it wasn't enough to stop her.

"It was Japan," he sighed heavily. "I had just gotten there and started… gettin' involved with this great girl who worked next door. We met while I was runnin' my errands one day, showed me to where I was tryin' to go. She was so kind. The next day I made up some excuse to go see her again, and the day after that. It didn't take long, she was on to me pretty quick."

He laughed, his eyes twinkling. "There was something about her that felt like home in this strange city. She helped me with my Japanese and I told her about where I'd come from. For a few weeks there, it was almost perfect."

A pang ran through her chest and stomach. In all the time she'd known him, she'd never heard him talk about anyone like that before.

"But?"

"But I started slippin'. I'd go off to do my errands and I'd come back late 'cause I'd snuck in a visit to her. People talked. After the first time I met her at her apartment, I couldn't stop thinking about her for a week. Kept missin' cues, and botchin' moves. I lost every sparin' match they put me in, I'd come up short on my weight training. I was a mess. Just could not focus on anythin' else but that night. On anything else but her."

He starred at her with those crystal blue eyes. She wondered if he'd seen that in her after SummerSlam, if he knew what had been wrong.

"Eventually, one of the veterans called me out about it. In front o' everyone too, it was hell. But he was right, I needed to pull my head out of my ass and buckle down."

"You always did. You were the hardest worker in every room you walked into."

He shook his head, "more than that. I was near convinced that I loved this girl but I realized couldn't have both, not there, not then. An' wrestlin', it lights a fire in me, I love it more than anythin' else I've ever had in my life."

"I know."

"I realized that if I was gon' do this I was gonna havta put every ounce of myself into it. No distractions."

"An' just like that, decided no more women? Ever?"

He looked down again, stirring his tea with his spoon. "When you live your life a certain way for so long, it's all ya know. Regimented, disciplined, focused, it's who I am. An' well, it's gotten me this far."

"Sounds lonely," she said quietly.

The corners of his mouth turned up. "Don't be silly, I got you."