Guilt

"Not a word" Damon mouthed silently to Elena.

Elena didn't know what to say. She was relieved, yes. Was that wrong? Yes. But could it be worse? Much. If Damon bragged, if they spat it out, if they got into a fight, though these days she wasn't so sure Stefan would bother. Okay so not a word for now, that was the plan. Act natural. She was sitting on Damon's bed drinking coffee, how was that supposed to look natural? Wait, Stefan didn't know they'd slept in the same bed, Stefan would just see Damon sleazing up to her in bed. Nothing unusual there, just breathe, Elena, she thought to herself. As Damon eyes her with a falsely serene gaze.

"Damon?" Stefan called again but he'd already heard their breathing or her heartbeat or smelt their coffee or whatever it was vampires did to find people.

"Hey Stefan," Elena returned. "How's Alaric?"

"Fine, Rebekah's babysitting him. How about you? I assume Damon made you feel at home last night."

"You know me little brother, I'm always more than willing to welcome a beautiful woman into my bed," Damon grinned.

"Damon," Elena warned, but of course he was right. Stefan didn't expect anything but sleazing and teasing. Time for an escape strategy, she thought. "Well not that this hasn't been fun and all but I have school too."

"And I should escort her," Damon suggested.

"I can walk, its fine," Elena offered.

"From here?" Stefan asked confused.

"Or I could call Caroline."

"Why don't I just drive you?" Damon persisted. "It's not like I have anywhere I need to be, I can always pick up a little something from the Grill after, I feel like a redhead, y'know sometimes I think I can almost tell from a blood bag, but really there's no way of telling, you could be eating anyone. Disgusting really."

"Or I can take you," Stefan offered softly. "It's been awhile since we've talked." That took them all by surprise. Stefan had pretty much been avoiding Elena lately. "There are things I'd like to explain."

"Well who am I to stand in the way of that," Damon flashed the smile he reserved for human sentimentalism and brotherly mockery. "You two have fun."

"Uh, okay," Elena agreed, suddenly unable to find a reason to protest. If she'd reacted a little faster indignation would have done the trick, Stefan would have bought it after what she'd seen in the alley, but she was all turned around the twisted and didn't know what to say. She didn't want to lie to Stefan.

"I'll leave you too to catch up then," Damon offered and left them alone. Elena wasn't sure what his hurry was until she got a text on her phone "DNT SAY ANYTHING UNLS U MIS THE RIPA," well that pretty much summed it up. She read it quickly and then deleted it, hoping Stefan hadn't noticed. "Look Stefan, thanks for the offer but I totally forgot, Matt said he'd pick me up in the morning. I'll just text him and let me know I'm here, not at my house."

"Okay sure, but Elena, we need to talk. I need to explain about the other night, it wasn't what you saw."

"Yeah it was. I saw what it's always been, you're a vampire, Damon's a vampire, I get it."

"We didn't hurt her. I mean we did and I'm sorry but she's fine, she doesn't remember."

"So you're like Damon now?" Elena new it was unfair when she was with Damon now but she was still mad about everything Stefan had put her though. On some level she was blaming him for having to lie; no matter how real her feelings for Damon were now she would never doubt that they would have never gotten this close if Stefan hadn't crossed the line that night on Wickery Bridge. That was the night she'd started to let go of him.

"Not like he was before, but maybe I need to be more like he is now, in control. This is something I have to try Elena, for you."

"You don't have to do anything for me anymore Stefan."

"Then for me. I know I've screwed everything up, I get that. You have no idea how sorry I am."

"And you have no idea how sorry I am," Elena replied before storming past him to wait outside for Matt. Stefan reached out to grab her arm but stopped himself just in time, he thought about following her but didn't. He wasn't sure he deserved to tell her any of this, not now when he wasn't even sure if what Damon had done had made things better or a million times worse. He knew he was different when he had the blood, stronger but also more hot headed, but he'd practiced before, just a little a day from Elena, if he could just be more like Damon, if he could find middle ground… maybe…

No, though Stefan, chiding himself for even imagining he deserved another chance with her now, this soon. He had to be sure first. Elena had fallen in love with a man who had lived a life of conviction, a martyr, an almost pious life compared to his brother. How he'd looked down on Damon, thought himself better than him, more moral, and then it had all fallen away. He'd done it for Damon of course, Stefan the martyr, but this was where they were different. Blood was like a drug for Stefan, it changed his whole personality. Elena had the same effect on Damon.

Stefan had been something akin to a strict vegetarian or a fundamentalist Christian. He had felt such strong purpose and conviction. Now he just felt lost. What was he now? He no longer had any steadfast belief other than that he wanted to be better for her, for himself, for his brother, but he didn't know if any of that was possible, not yet. It was too soon. Lexi had been immortal, her patience had been unmatched by anyone else he had ever met, human or vampire, but Elena's mortality was all too tangible. Elena might not wait. Elena might not be able to. For a time this had been reason enough for him to give up, but somewhere buried under the Ripper was the man Lexi had known could be more. He had to be that man again.

A/N – Don't worry guys I'm not going to go all Stelana on you, also sorry to those that were looking for the big reveal. I've read a couple of fics where Elena tells Stefan about her and Damon because she's too honest to keep it from him but here's the thing Elena is a very moral character but she's also self-sacrificing and she's everybody's big sister – she would lie to protect any one of her friends, to keep them safe. Damon has a few reasons for not telling Stefan, the obvious one being that he doesn't want to lose this brother again, the other is he has no reason to trust Elena won't run away as soon as things get messy. I love Elena but where Damon is concerned she can be brutal at times and she's going to have to do a lot to prove to him that she's not about to second guess everything. He's also still go to prove to her that they can really be a couple, there is more to a relationship than amazing chemistry and Damon doesn't really know how to be a boyfriend, all the other women – Andie, Caroline etc. weren't true partners – he could compel them if he needed to, he wasn't really committed to them because it was always either about Katherine or Elena. His relationship with Katherine was totally dysfunctional so really has no model for how to do this. Okay enough blathering, sorry the chapters are a bit short but I'm time poor so it's matter of get something out while the muse is with me then get back to the real world (Uni, job, kids).