Spencer couldn't remember the last time she was so nervous about going to school. Even attempting to take the SATs in near hurricane conditions seemed less stress inducing. The fact of the matter, though, was it wasn't school that was making Spencer so nervous. It was Emily. And while Emily had been quietly making her nervous for a long time now, it now far surpassed the normal day-to-day butterflies in her stomach. After all, it was one thing to quietly swoon over one's friend, it was another entirely to actually kiss her before fleeing the scene as gracefully as possible. They hadn't talked or texted since and Spencer really did not know if this was a good thing or not. All she knew was that the very prospect of seeing Emily made her so nervous she felt vaguely nauseous.
The truth was Spencer had no idea what to do now that her lips had parted from Emily's. Until it happened, kissing Emily was only something she had planned in her softest dreams. Dreams she hadn't let herself fully acknowledge until seeing that photo of Emily and Paige kissing days prior. And there was a safety in dreams. Now this was reality. Just because Emily was single did not exactly give the brunette license to go around kissing her, did it? But now that she had, all she wanted to do was kiss Emily again. And again. As often as possible. She wanted to kiss her hello and good night, she wanted to kiss her softly on her forehead if Emily was ever stressed or sad or if Emily ever rested just her head against Spencer's shoulder. She wanted to kiss her passionately and tenderly at the same time, she wanted to know if such a thing was even possible.
She wanted to know if Emily was felt the same. And overwhelmingly nervous was only just the tip of the iceberg. Was Emily jittery, smiling softly to herself and blushing slightly as Spencer was that morning as she fixed her infamously strong coffee? Was Emily just as fixated on the possible ramifications of their kiss on their friendship? But perhaps overall hopeful? Or was Emily simply regretting it, realizing now in the light of day that she had only returned Spencer's affections last night out of some mixture of surprise, confusion and possible physical, but ultimately platonic, attraction? Was Emily, as she warmed up during her morning swim practice, trying to figure out a way to lightly turn down Spencer and salvage their friendship? Or was Emily doing her morning laps and reaching the feared conclusion that maybe a friendship with Spencer was starting to become way too complicated and perhaps not worth it?
As Spencer packed her bag in an empty house, she bit her lip wondering if she had perhaps acted too boldly, if she had indeed pushed Emily away when all she wanted to do was get closer. If, years down the line, the second deterioration of her friendship with Emily, and maybe even with Hanna and Aria as well, could be traced back to last night when she barely gave herself the moment to breath before brushing her lips so boldly against Emily's.
Part of Spencer wished that they had been drinking or that they had been punch drunk with exhaustion, that Spencer could laugh it off and stall until she she could collect herself and figure it all out. To stop the world from spinning out of her control before she could determine a proper strategy for wooing Emily. Or simply determining if her friend was woo-able or even wished to be woo. In the very least, a sick day was tempting.
But Emily had kissed back. And Emily deserved more than that.
Spencer had stayed up most of the night tossing and turning thoughts around in her mind. Excited, nervous, happy, frightened, bubbly and anxious. What she needed to know was if Emily was similarly tossing and turning. What she needed was a way to gauge Emily's feelings, a way to prove that she would never regret kissing Emily without ruining their friendship. She needed to be bold but at the same time not risk their friendship.
Still lost in her thoughts, Spencer packed up her bag and, as she went to reach for it, knocked over her coffee. Perhaps nerves were to blame or over-exhaustion for Spencer sending her travel mug full of coffee sailing. Maybe fate stepped in to ensure the top hadn't been screwed on properly. Or maybe hot liquid was now running all over the pristine countertop and dripping onto the floor for no other reason than a moment of adolescent clumsiness. No matter what the cause or reason, while cleaning up the coffee, Spencer finally found the idea she was hoping for.
This was why she was now approaching Emily's locker with two coffees in hand silently praying that she had ordered correctly even though she had heard the other girl order it countless times. While Spencer had no idea if Emily was in a similar need of caffeine—and if this potential need of a coffee was good thing or not—she figured it was a safe but sweet gesture, and potentially a way to avoid an awkward morning after wave or greeting. No matter what happened as consequence to their kissing last night, this morning deserved more than averted eye contact and mumbled greetings. And what better morning awkward prevention method was there than caffeine? Coffee was, after all, the universal gesture of so many things. It was a gesture of kindness, of friendship, of courtship. There were also apology coffee, lets talk about this coffee, lets avoid talking about this coffee, I think you're cute do you want to make out coffee. Come up to my place for a coffee coffee. Just to name a few.
Emily had just closed her locker door but was was distracted by zipping up her schoolbag, or pretending to be, when Spencer approached and leaned up against the locker in front of her.
"Good morning," Spencer smiled, trying to hide the nervousness pounding in her head.
Emily looked up quickly to face the other girl, a blush and a smile on her face, the bag seemingly forgotten as it nearly slipped from her hand. "Spencer. Hey." Emily seemed to duck behind her hair slightly as she pushed it out of her face, her eyes softly examining Spencer.
"Coffee? I thought you might be in need of caffeine," Spencer offered, extending the coffee out towards the other girl.
"Thanks," Emily took the coffee with smiling hesitation laced with gratitude, their fingers brushing up against each other. If it had been any other day, Spencer would have barely thought about it, maybe not even entirely noticed it. But after their kiss, now, suddenly, finger grazing seemed entirely important and worthy of over-analysis. "What's this for?"
"I told you last night." Spencer looked Emily straight in the eyes, trying to be as forward as possible about her feelings without physically showing the other girl in the crowded school hallway. "I care about you, Em and more than as just a friend. But I also understand if you don't." Spencer exhaled. It was best just to be straightforward, after all? Even, if she allowed herself to a cliche joke, that what she was saying was anything but straight. "This is me courting you. If you want. With your permission."
"So you're serious?" Emily leaned in slightly, her eyes never leaving Spencer.
But before Spencer could respond beyond a shy, nervous smile, she was interrupted by the arrival of Hanna and Aria.
"What's this? You went to the Coffee Haus this morning? Where's our coffee?" Aria spoke as a way of greeting with a slight frown.
"Spencer and I… stayed up late last night studying after you left. Really late." Emily jumped in quickly, her words colliding quickly against each other. "Which is why she's brought me a coffee. I needed the extra caffeine so I asked her to pick me some up while I was at swim practice."
"I can see that," Aria arched an eyebrow. "Though at this point I think you might be a bit over caffeinated already. How many have you had?"
Emily shrugged, calming down slightly. "First one. Just that kind of morning I guess."
"Whatever. See you in class." Aria adjusted her very large feather earring before turning on her heel and walking towards the English classroom.
"I like how she thinks its subtle to get there early so she can find the best place to moon over Mr. Fitz. Totally not obvious," Hanna grinned as she whispered, before also turning and following her friend to class.
After the two had disappeared, Spencer turned to look at Emily, her own eyebrow raised as she tried not to look sad. "Why did you say that?"
"Because I don't even know why you got me the coffee, Spence." Emily exhaled, the small smile however never leaving her face. "This is all so new. That kiss last night took me completely by surprise. In a good way!" Emily exclaimed, obviously wanting to reassure. She then paused and seemed to murmur to herself, "I think." Looking at Spencer, she seemed almost anxious as she continued, "But I'm still figuring it all all. I don't want to get them involved until we actually figure out what this with us is." Emily offered by way of explanation before taking her first sip of the coffee.
"But you're saying that there is a this to figure out," Spencer prodded, trying to hold in her smile and her hopefulness to only some degree of success. "Maybe even an us?" She drew out her question with optimistic hesitation.
Emily once again ducked her head slightly, trying to hide her smile before looking up. "I'm saying that this is all very new and fast so I don't know yet but maybe, yes. But also, thank you for the coffee. It's really sweet."
"In that case, may I carry your books?" Spencer tried to hide her smile, or smirk rather as she couldn't help but let herself hope.
"Carry my books?" Emily smiled in a way that seemed like she was almost laughing, but in a nice way. "Is this the 1950s?"
"I meant what I said about courting you. Now if it's alright with you, hand me your books. I am going to walk you to our first period class." Emily tried to protest weakly but Spencer placed a finger on Emily's soft lips before sliding the other girl's school bag off her shoulder, their eyes never breaking contact the entire time. The urge to then lean in kiss her friend was so overpowering that Spencer had to swallow and bite her lower lip. Putting her friend's bag on her shoulder, Spencer broke away from temptation. "Which will not only be golly gee peachy keen, but a gesture you're going to find infinitely charming. So let's go before we're both late to class. Joint detention is not part of my courtship plans."
What had started out as simply a cup of coffee to brave over the awkwardness inevitably turned into something more. During study break, Spencer, in a moment of boldness, slid her shoe off and ran her foot partway up Emily's calf in order to get her attention. Emily looked up with a priceless expression of surprise. Wordlessly, Spencer held out half of the orange she had just finished peeling moments prior. Emily however continued to stare at her blankly as Spencer, who, with a mischievous smirk, continued running her toe up and down Emily's rather muscular calf underneath the table.
"A German study has found citrus to have the near-immediate affects of making you feel more alert and awake." Spencer explained underneath her cheeky grin. "However, I believe the study was conducted with grapefruits and not navel oranges."
"I prefer oranges, thank you," Emily accepted the gift and ate it slice by slice with a shy smile, every once and a while stealing a glance at Spencer, who had not yet stopped enjoying the sensation of Emily's leg against her stocking toe. And admittedly, neither had Emily. The two spent the rest of the study period coyly making eye contact before shyly looking away, blushing and smiling before their eye would meet again all the while pretending to be productive.
Spencer arrived at Emily's locker on Wednesday morning with two coffees in hand and a 1950's inspired outfit of a sweater vest and saddle shoes complete with what was probably a vintage pink bow tie.
"Thank you. Coffee two days in a row. Is this going to be a regular occurrence?" Emily asked, accepting the coffee with a smile.
"Would you like it to be?" Spencer looked straight into Emily's eyes, trying to hide her vulnerability with straightforwardness before holding out her hand to the other girl.
"Oh," Emily reached towards her bag to find her wallet, mistaking Spencer's gesture entirely.
"Your bag please, mademoiselle." Spencer shook her head when Emily had pulled out her wallet, trying not to cover up the pain she felt over the gesture. "I kindly request the pleasure of walking you to your first period class."
Emily looked at Spencer questioningly as she put away her wallet. "My class is on the other side of the building than yours."
"All the more reason to happily accept my chivalrous invitation before I end up being late for class."
And so Emily agreed, her eyes watchful on Spencer as she tried to grasp the entire situation. She had accepted that Spencer's feelings and intentions towards her were sincere the moment the other girl had kissed her. However somehow it was the moments following that filled Emily with a desperate need to catch up. In a single minute so many things had changed. When Spencer came out to her, there was barely enough time to process Spencer's words beyond their literal meaning, let alone what Spencer's confession meant to Emily's own heart and feelings, before the kiss. And the kiss, Emily had never been kissed like that before. It was soft and sweet and slow, but also trusting and comfortable, and the brunette had pulled away before it moved beyond such innocent affections. Emily enjoyed kissing her, she enjoyed Spencer bringing her coffee and walking her to class. It made her smile, it made her blush. But it also made her once more aware of the eyes in the hallway.
One could hardly be a teenager, especially a gay one, and not be aware of the looks, the eyes in the hallway. It made Emily wonder just how subtle to the outside eye Spencer's gestures were. Or just how subtle Spencer was actually trying to be. On one hand, after Paige, it was refreshing to not meet in secluded locations, to hide. However, Emily had to wonder about Spencer's boldness. Was this just Spencer being Spencer or by carrying Emily books and walking her to class, was Spencer trying to prove something? And to who, to herself or to Emily? Or both? In Emily's albeit limited romantic history, no one had ever been so blatant, so bold. So why now, why Spencer? And was this boldness because of her, or because of some need to show how unlike Paige she was? All Emily knew for sure was that if Spencer kept this up, people were bound to notice.
Beyond that she still needed to figure out exactly what she wanted and what she felt for the brunette before everyone got hurt. As much as she liked the romantic gestures, Emily found they made her nervous, questioning Spencer's intentions. And the timing. Emily did not exactly have the best track record in the ways of love and that only made it scarier. Especially as whatever she started with Spencer was bound to have an expiration date that started with Texas.
Spencer was one of her closest friends. There was no denying that Spencer was attractive—Emily had caught herself eyeing her friend quite often. Too often, probably. Nor was it worth denying that Spencer's attractiveness extended far beyond her incredible beauty and sexy voice. Emily saw past the sultry brown eyes, the impeccable outfits and perfect test scores, she knew what lay beyond that intense desire to win. This was why they were friends after all. She was as familiar with Spencer's vulnerability as her ability to make any word sexier just by saying it; she knew Spencer to be devoutly loyal beyond just being smart and witty. But she also knew that Spencer knew how to make her blush, how to keep her up half the night fixated on how soft her lips felt against her own, among other things. Emily knew that she had been jealous when Spencer started spending more time with Toby, when they had started dating, and that Toby was certainly not the root of the jealousy.
In the end, it was not Spencer's feelings Emily had to catch up with, but her own. Thinking about the kiss, and what it meant to be, as Spencer put it, courted so openly only made her head spin. And even if it was a good spin, Emily still needed time to figure it all out. Did she really need a hallway audience as she struggled to determine if what now occupied her mind and heart was friendship paired with physical attraction or if this emotional dizziness was the real thing? And if so, did it actually matter as her mother was hellbent on converting Emily into a rodeo fan?
It wasn't until third period that Emily discovered the CD in her bag. Who knows how long it would have been there unnoticed had she not been rummaging for a working pen causing the still shrink wrapped CD fall onto the lab table. For a second, Emily just stared at it dumbfounded, the need for a pen temporarily forgotten. She knew the CD had toppled, along with her scarf, from her bag. What she did not know was how it got there. It was only after the teacher had gently reminded Emily that class was still in session that Emily returned the disc to her bag. As the class continued, her mind lingered on the CD. There were only a limited number of plausible answers. The first, which sent chills down Emily's spine, was A. But there was no note, no message, no bold indicators that this CD was somehow put in her bag to torture or otherwise humiliate her. The other option, which Emily highly preferred and made her blush, was Spencer. A final option was that it might instead be Paige, who had a tendency to do things a bit more covertly. And this idea made Emily's stomach sink.
At lunch, after Hanna fluttered off to gossip with Mona and Aria thought of yet another question she could ask Mr. Fitz about the reading assignment, Emily placed down her fork and looked at Spencer, choosing her words quietly. "I found a CD in my bag earlier. Is it from you?" The look on Spencer's face immediately said it all. Instant and apparent relief washed across her body as she smiled. "Thank you, Spence. That was really sweet."
"Your welcome. Was it right one?"
"Yes, but how'd you know? I don't even remember mentioning liking this band," Emily said after after a moment. "I didn't realize the new album had been released yet."
"So it was the right one." Spencer smiled victoriously.
"Yes…"
"It was released last week," Spencer offered as way of explanation.
"But why did you?" Emily examined her friend carefully. Spencer met her gaze straight on with a small smile and a look that was both stubborn and vulnerable. "Spence, what are you trying to do here? Walking me to class, the coffee, the small presents… Is this for my benefit alone or are you trying to prove something?"
While there were countless answers Spencer could have supplied, for a moment she only smiled. She had seen the band's first album on Emily's desk on Monday night and another live album in her bookshelf. She had wanted to find a way to make Emily smile. "Because I wanted to. I told you already. I know who I am and how I feel about you. This is me courting you. If you want. If not, consider it a just because present from a friend." Spencer stated simply before standing up. "Are you done? Class is going to start in a few minutes. I'll clear your plate for you."
The next morning, it didn't surprise Emily to find Spencer waiting by her locker with the now standard two cups of coffee in hand. Still amused by the 1950s theme, Emily admired her friend's dress that came complete with cardigan, a silk scarf around her neck and a long chain of pearls wrapped around her wrist. Maybe tomorrow the brunette would be Buddy Holly, Emily could imagine her pulling off a skinny tie quite nicely.
"At one point, it's going to have to be my turn to buy you coffee," Emily grinned as she blew into the top of her steaming beverage. Admittedly, she found herself doing this more in an effort to seem coy than an actual need to cool down her drink.
"Maybe you can do dinner sometime instead," Spencer suggested as she held out her hand for Emily's bag.
Emily slid her bag off her shoulder and handed it Spencer, both aware of the looks this gesture was garnering from her peers and trying not to care. Why was it making her so nervous? Shouldn't she be relieved, happy that someone was brave enough to publicly show her affection? And besides coffee and escorting her to class was hardly blatant PDA after all.
"Who knew that Spencer Hastings was such a gentleman?" Emily smiled as they had begun to walk to Thursday morning algebra, not quite ready to handle the dinner implication just yet. Though if Emily was honest, she liked the sound of it. She liked it as much as she liked how Spencer looked in that dress.
"Is it really that much of a surprise?" Spencer wondered out loud, seeming almost as offended as the time Hanna had told her that most people found her scary and intimidating. As she spoke, she gestured to herself emphatically. "Some might even say that I am gallant. King Arthur called me the other day and wanted his chivalry back."
Rolling her eyes Emily had to admit that Spencer was right. Even in a very feminine dress, there was something very old movie gentleman about Spencer. It was a new side of Spencer that Emily had previously only caught glimpses of. Suddenly Emily felt an urge to reach out and hold the brunette's hand. Not ready for the implications both to Spencer and the public eye, she bit her lip instead as her eyes fixated on the hand in question. Soon, her eyes began to trace the rest of her friend's figure, rising up and lingering in less than platonic ways.
Seeing Emily's sudden overt interest in her physical appearance, Spencer began to feel self conscious, brushing slightly at an imaginary crumb that could have settled on her chest. "What? Is there something on my top?"
"No. You like fine. Pretty actually." Emily held her breath, her eyes still raking over her friend. "Really pretty."
"Like a gentleman pretty?" Spencer grinned cheekily as she felt the heat of a slight blush come to her face.
"Valiantly pretty even."
"Oh, valiant. That's a good SAT word." Spencer grinned.
Now outside their algebra classroom, Emily held back the urge to lean in kiss Spencer. Quickly walking past her friend and finding a seat, Emily made the resolution to take Spencer's hand the next time they walked down the hall together. Spencer took the adjoining seat and handed Emily her bag, their fingers brushing up against each other and lingering.
While the coffee and her feelings for Spencer no longer surprised her, Emily realized that that she could still be surprised by Spencer when she found several daisies affixed to her locker. She had returned to her locker to retrieve her rather heavy chemistry text book only to find herself blushing, not only from the gift, but from the attention that it obviously attracted. It seemed as if all the eyes in the hallway were either staring overtly or subtly stealing glances. Emily wondered how many of them had figured out, or assumed that they were from Spencer. Or how many of them had seen her do it. While girls often had close, platonic friendships, these friendships rarely manifested so publicly between two girls when at least one of the girls was an out lesbian. Especially in high school. Especially with flowers involved. And then Emily wondered why she cared so much what they thought.
If everyone knew, then it was inevitable that Aria and Hanna would find out and they deserved to find out a better way. But find out what exactly? That she and Spencer had kissed, that Spencer was buying her coffee and Emily was enjoying the attention, but perhaps it was too much attention? That Emily was still confused, still moving to Texas, still moved incredibly by the gestures. It wasn't worth saying anything until there was truly something to say.
Pretending not to care that the entire hallway was looking at her with rapt attention, Emily finished making her way to her locker. Once there, she had no idea what to do with the blossoms. If she left them there Spencer might take it the wrong way. And all day people would walk by and see them on her locker. However, if she removed them from her locker, what would she do with them? Carrying them around would only cause them to get beaten up, especially at chemistry, while simultaneously garnering her more attention. But the idea of putting the daisies inside her locker where they would only just wilt in the suffocating darkness seemed absolutely appalling to Emily. Her friends found her moments later, still unsure of what to do with her beautiful gift. The only thing that had changed was that she was now holding her heavy chemistry book.
"Well that's romantic, who are they from?" Aria inquired, admiring the daisies.
"Romantic? How are daisies romantic? I thought that was roses." Hanna frowned, examining the flowers, perhaps looking for a note of some sort that wasn't there to be found.
"Daisies signify loyalty in love," Spencer explained, her eyes never leaving Emily's. "In a matter of fact, I think it could be considered an almost gentlemanly flower."
"Whatever," Hanna rolled her eyes. "I prefer roses, but I guess lesbians do it differently. So, who are they from, a secret admirer?"
Spencer opened her mouth to speak, only to be interrupted by Emily's explanation. "It's a team spirit thing I think." Emily regretted her words as pain immediately and visibly flashed across Spencer's face.
"Really?" Aria examined Emily quizzically. "Spencer did you get anything like this for field hockey?"
"No. I haven't. But I also haven't checked my locker for a while," Spencer shrugged in an attempt to shrug off the emotions riding to the surface. As she spoke, her eyes traced where the floor met the lockers.
"They're not really a team spirit thing, but they're a bit… complicated. They're really sweet and I'm happy I got them, I'm just not sure if I want to talk about it yet. Don't want to jinx it," Emily tried to backtrack, her eyes on Spencer. "Look, we're going to be late for class."
"Aren't you going to take your flowers with you?" Spencer asked as Emily turned to walk away, trying to hide the vulnerability in her voice.
"I don't want them to get beaten up, I have chemistry next. Besides, I like the idea of having something to come back to that is going to make me smile. You know how much I like daisies. They're one of my favorites."
"So, come on Em, spill. Are they from a secret admirer?" Hanna insisted as they turned the corner.
"It's not really a secret," Emily shrugged, her eyes never leaving Spencer's.
"It is to me," Hanna pouted.
Friday morning was Spencer's turn to be surprised. When she arrived at Emily's locker, a coffee in each hand, she was greeted by Emily who, in exchange for her morning coffee, handed Spencer a banana.
"A banana?" Spencer took the exceedingly phallic fruit with a confused expression on her face. What was Emily trying to say to her exactly?
"Fruit is a healthy start to the day. Bananas are good for muscle cramps, like the ones you get behind your shoulders after field hockey. Think of it as a good luck token for your game tomorrow," Emily smiled innocently, happy to be on the giving end for once of whatever wonderful situation she now found herself in with Spencer. "Thanks for the flowers by the way. I put them in a vase on my bed stand. They were lovely to wake up to this morning."
"You're welcome," Spencer finally found her voice as she reached out to take Emily's bag. "English class?"
The two walked silently for a while before Spencer turned to Emily. "Do you want to have dinner this weekend?"
"What?" Emily, who had been spacing off and trying not to obsess over what was happening between her and Spencer. Last night she had come to decision to go with the flow, to see where it headed. While they hadn't kissed since that night, Spencer's actions and how the other girl looked at her seemed to indicate that this wasn't from lack of wanting. Emily realized it was not from a lacking on her own end as well but maybe Spencer did not realize that yet. Hence the banana. Which she now realized was a rather phallic fruit.
"Dinner. I wanted to know if you had plans on Saturday and if you'd like to have dinner. I know it's last minute but…" Emily could hear the anxiety creep into Spencer's voice and it made her heart skip a beat. The brunette could be strong and intense, but she was never good at hiding her softness underneath. It's what drew Emily to Spencer. It's partly why she kissed back that night, why Emily wanted to kiss back again if presented the opportunity.
"Oh my god, did you hear?" Hanna announced her sudden appearance.
"Hear what, Hanna?" Spencer asked, moving her eyes from Emily's to the floor in hopes that Hanna wouldn't gleam the hope and nervousness in her eyes.
"Jennifer Stewart's water bra popped during geometry, something to do with a protractor, I'm not sure exactly how… Some kid got it on video with his phone and just posted it. I think it might go viral."
"Sometimes I think that the high school experience only got worse with the invention of smart phones," Spencer shook her head.
"What? I think it's funny." Hanna defended her sense of humor. "Besides, it's not like Jennifer is ever going to win a nice person award. She totally deserves it. Karma or whatever."
Despite having taken to avidly avoiding Emily, Paige was regrettably discovering that this was a near impossible task. Swim practice alone caused complications. Whenever they found themselves in the same room, it was painful and awkward, with both sides being polite but distant, mutually avoiding whenever possible. Never mind that Emily's locker was near one of Paige's classes, one of Emily's countless talents now seemed to include appearing whenever and wherever Paige least expected. It wasn't just that Emily seemed to be wherever Paige looked, it was that her finger print could be found in almost all of Paige's thoughts. There was a trace of Emily everywhere she looked whether she was actually there or not.
But now the daily torture of being Paige McCullers also included Spencer Hastings. The two girls had never been friends and even while on field hockey they never really got along. She knew Spencer was a largely responsible for renaming a penalty after her. At the time, Paige had taken it as a compliment, a sign that she was at least deemed worthy enough for that. So while they had never been pals, she never found them to be enemies. Until this week when the brown haired amazon had taken to outright giving her the death glare whenever their paths crossed. At first Paige convinced herself that she was just being paranoid and projecting. That was before others became aware of the overachiever's sudden open hostilities.
On Wednesday during lunch, Spencer had walked past with two lunch trays and a drive by evil eye that was clearly directed at her. Sean advised Paige in all utter seriousness that, "Whatever you did to piss her off, I'd either apologize or put in for a transfer. She is intense and scary and clearly not a big fan of you."
Paige had smiled weakly when she replied, "It's nothing, really."
But she was pretty sure it was way beyond the categorization of nothing and this made Paige's heart rate quicken and her stomach sink. Spencer knew about her and Emily, with a glare like that she had to. And so, even now, Emily was still tearing her asunder. What right did she have to out her to Spencer? Did that mean that Aria and Hanna knew as well? And if Hanna knew, did Mona? Paige could barely breathe because once Mona knew everyone would know. But no one had said or done anything to her yet beyond Spencer's glares. So, at least for now, only Spencer knew. Even so, Paige fumed inwardly that Emily would tell anyone. But more importantly, below that indignation, was the wish to have someone to talk to, someone who would understand, someone who would have her back. It was still Paige against the world.
Paige didn't put all it all together, just how much Spencer understood and how much she had Emily's back, not at first. Not until Friday morning when it became abundantly clear that Spencer had far more than just Emily's back. She had her hands, her lips, and probably all the other body parts as well because Spencer Hastings clearly had Emily's heart. And this Paige knew with unwavering certainty. It was in how their fingertips just barely grazed, but lingered, as they exchanged coffee for fruit. It was not the first time she witnessed a similar occurrence between the two, but it was the first time it made Paige nauseous.
In fact, Paige had barely paid it any mind. Coffee between friends was hardly anything to bat an eye at. Besides, after Emily had ignored all her calls and texts for a few weeks, Paige's main concern on Tuesday was not on the intricacies of Emily's relationship with Spencer, which wasn't even on Paige's radar, but rather on how to walk past as quickly as possible without drawing attention to her flight. But by Friday, Paige knew the coffee was far more than 'they're just really close friends' and the death glares had to be summed up by more than just her 'Spencer is an overly-protective and intense friend' assumption.
Mind you it wasn't so much the deja vu coffee exchange that brought about this epiphany as it was the daisies taped to Emily's locker the day before—an incredibly romantic gesture that Paige wished she had not only thought of first but also had the guts to actually carry out had she been smart enough to think of it. All day Paige tormented herself with wondering who had done it. At first she had simply assumed that it was the overly flirtatious Samara, but she quickly realized that this assumption made no sense. Samara, after all, did not even go to Rosewood. It was highly unlikely that she had come to Rosewood during school hours and somehow figured out which locker was Emily's in order to tape the flowers there. It was far more likely that someone in their school had done it. But were there really that many lesbians in Rosewood?
Then Spencer handed Emily a coffee the next morning, their fingers grazed, their eyes lingered on each other. It hit Paige like a slap across the face, a sucker punch in the gut, like skidding across the pavement on a raining night and it stung like nothing Paige had experienced before. She didn't need to see Emily blush or hear her thank Spencer for the flowers and she really wish she hadn't. She was standing frozen in the hallway openly staring, long enough to see Spencer take Emily's bag like a perfect gentleman that Paige was too scared to be before the red head finally turned on her heel and left at a brisk pace.
This was when Paige realized that she no longer stood a chance with Emily, that she probably never stood a chance with her. Not really, not ever. Closeted or not, there was no way she could ever compete with Spencer Hastings. There simply was no comparison. Spencer was one of the beautiful, the brilliant and talented. She could make grocery lists sexy just by reading them out loud. She and Emily glided amongst the Rosewood elite and Paige had always been a fool, a mere mortal, a towns person in the chorus.
This was also when Paige decided that the overly flirtatious Samara was possibly not as noxious as she appeared either. Or rather, Samara was far less threatening and obnoxious because she was also nothing compared to Spencer. But more than than that, this was when Paige realized that she wanted what Emily had, and she didn't mean Spencer. She wanted to tape daisies to a girl's locker. She wanted a nice brunette to walk her to class. She wanted to be happy, or at least have a chance at it. And to do that, she needed to start being honest. With herself first. Then with others if she could. There had to be baby steps that Paige could do; maybe she wouldn't have to tell her parents right away. Somehow she needed to find that balance between happy and safe. And maybe, just maybe Samara knew something that could help her get there.
Maybe it was a reason to give Samara that call after all and maybe they could talk. That is, if the blonde was still interested in meeting with her. If Paige hadn't messed that up as well.
Spencer leaned forward against the sink in the girl's bathroom and exhaled loudly before shaking her head. Her stomach had been a shipwreck of nerves even before she had asked Emily on a date and, in part due to Hanna's timely interruption, had yet to hear an answer back. Now the day was almost over and since there was a field hockey meeting during lunch and practice after school, she didn't know when she would see Emily. Of course she could always text, but she was far too scared that the answer would be no to actually hit send on the myriad of drafts she had started to compose. Now she had excused herself from class for the sole excuse to have a few moments alone to apparently stare at herself in the mirror.
"Focus, Spencer," she shook her head.
When she heard the door open, she quickly leaned in closer to the mirror to feign checking up on her make up. She was mocking the motion of fixing her eye make up with her pinky, preparing to leave in just a second when she realized it was Emily.
"Your make up looks flawless as always," Emily offered as a greeting, smiling and standing rather close to Spencer.
Spencer smiled in return and turned to look at the other girl and suddenly becoming dizzy from the proximity of Emily. To lean in and kiss her at this moment would have been so easy. It took all her willpower to not do so.
"Cutting class?" Emily asked, her eyebrow lifted.
"Bathroom pass. Are you?" Spencer more breathed the words than spoke them.
"My classroom's right across the hall. I saw you head in here," Emily confessed.
"Oh."
"I couldn't pay attention." Emily continued her confession, taking another step closer to the brunette.
"Neither could I." The other girl was standing so close Spencer was sure Emily felt the words fall upon her face in a breathless whisper. In fact, the only thing she could pay attention to, besides how loud her heart was now beating, was how close Emily's body was to hers. Suddenly Spencer was thankful she had accepted that mint from Aria in the previous period.
Emily, barely waiting for Spencer to finish her sentence, crossed the smallest of distances between them and kissed Spencer lightly on the lips. Spencer followed her friend's retreating lips, cupping her cheek tenderly, guiding Emily's mouth back to hers and capturing her for a series of soft, quick kisses. Each one slightly longer than the next. When the two finally separated, Spencer smiled so wide it felt like she was nearly laughing. Emily leaned her forehead against Spencer's, running her hand through the brunette's hair, rubbing a strand between her index finger and thumb.
"I have to get back to class," Emily spoke after a moment, her own smile just as wide as Spencer's. "I just wanted to tell you in person that I'm looking forward to Saturday."
Spencer showed up five minutes late at Emily's doorstep. It seemed ridiculous when they lived so close but she had initially arrived ten minutes early but didn't want to seem over eager. So she drove around the block, filled up her tank, decided against buying a pack of gum and left only to return a few seconds later to buy a pack of mints, hit every red light possible and got stuck behind some grandma driving what seemed like three miles per hour. So now she was standing at Emily's doorstep smiling nervously at Pam Fields like it was the first time they had never met and Emily still wasn't ready. Girls.
"Emily, Spencer's here!" Pam's voice projected upstairs, not quite yelling but making her voice fill the house just the same, before turning her attention back to Spencer. "So you're going out," Pam stepped aside and let Spencer inside. Spencer's eyes widened in surprise, more stunned than speechless, as she crossed the threshold. "I think it's nice, the way your friendship has grown."
"You do?" The brunette swallowed. While she knew Pam had worked on becoming more understanding, she wasn't expecting this, the smile, the friendly, the utter lack of a 'what are your intentions with my daughter' unnerving stare. She could also barely believe that Pam knew when, as far as Spencer could tell, Hanna and Aria didn't.
"It's nice how close all of you are after everything that happened. She used to be so nervous and upset when she thought you were growing apart. I think Emily really missed you three. Speaking of, where are Hanna and Aria?"
"Oh, we're meeting them there?" Spencer exhaled, finally realizing the situation, inwardly sighing with relief that she hadn't said anything to ruin whatever Emily had said to her mom.
"It's nice of you to give her a ride. Be careful you don't let the other girls distract you from the road." Pam continued, her focus already shifting back to the boxes.
"Well, you know me, a careful driver who cares about the environment," Spencer followed the woman wishing for the life of her she could figure something to do with her hands. Or remember how to talk without sounding like the winner of the most awkward award. Pam seemed a lot less scary last week. "Besides, it's really no bother. I prefer having someone to talk with while I drive. Prevents me from dancing behind the wheel. At stop signs, of course, I'd never actually dance while driving." Spencer shook her head. When had she ever really danced while driving anyway? Sometimes she was known to bop the steering wheel to the beat, but who didn't now and then? It was hardly considered dancing. "So, you seem to be accumulating quite the box collection." The house seemed under siege by boxes of various sizes which multiplied like bunnies. Every time Spencer came to visit, Emily's house seemed less and less like a home.
"Moving, it's always more involved than you think. Stuff just always has a way to accumulate, you know?"
Spencer nodded even though she didn't quite know yet and silently wondered where Emily was and what was taking her so long. "I guess. But it's only temporary. I mean, it's only for a year, right?"
Pam nodded absently as she picked at the contents of an unopened box before her. Perhaps it was how Pam moved, but Spencer felt anything but reassured.
"Spencer," Emily said as a way of greeting. "Sorry, I was looking for my lipgloss. Shall we?"
When the brunette turned around, she tried her best not to look like an impressed and speechless boyfriend seeing his girlfriend on prom night. "We shall. Have a good night Mrs. Fields." She held back an urge to say something along the lines of what they always say in chick flicks like I'll have her home by eleven or don't worry, I'll take good care of her.
"Good night girls, have fun. And Emily?"
"Yes Mom?"
"Let me know if you decide to spend the night, okay?"
At hearing this, both girl's eyes widened. Spencer looked down at the ground and Emily swallowed. "Will do, Mom." However both reactions were missed as Pam was once again distracted by a different, half-packed cardboard box.
It was only when they were at the restaurant sitting at a table for two that Emily finally made the observation out loud, "No Hanna and Aria. So this is really a date."
"Do you want it to be a date?" Spencer asked softly.
Emily looked down at the menu. "Like I said earlier, this is all so new to me."
"It's new to me too," Spencer started, she could hear the vulnerability creeping into her voice. "Not in a confused way. I'm fairly comfortable with where I lie on the Kinsey scale."
"And where do you lie on the Kinsey scale exactly?" Emily, having kissed the girl twice now was quite curious on that point, leaned across the table.
"I'm bisexual," Spencer stated plainly. "I wouldn't have kissed you if I hadn't been certain."
The waiter approached and Spencer patiently explained that they hadn't even looked at the menus yet. After he walked away, both girls opened their menus. Spencer scanned the page with half interest. "I am certain," Spencer continued a few moments later. "I know that this is not some phase or experiment. I'm not saying I'm bi because I'm too afraid to say that I'm gay or that I really like guys but have a friend crush and want to be trendy. I like girls, but I like boys too. Or you could you say it the other way around. It doesn't matter. But right now, as far as I'm concerned, the only place I fall on the Kinsey scale is you." Spencer bit her lip. "I know in the bathroom, but I don't want to… if you don't want to. Your friendship is too important to me so if you're not interested then we can just forget it all happened. Just tabula rasa the whole matter. Poof and be just friends again." If such a thing was possible.
Emily reached her hand across the table, steadying Spencer's fingers as they picked nervously at the corner of her menu, trying to coax the brunette into making eye contact. When Spencer finally did look up, Emily was smiling. "You're really cute when you're nervous, you know that?"
"So does that mean that this is a date?" Spencer asked, tentatively smiling, a cheeky twinkle encroaching the corner of her mouth.
"Yes. That means this is a date." Emily exhaled. "It also means that the kiss came out of nowhere and you're one of my closest friends, Spence. And it's all so complicated with everything, with A, with Texas. And it's hard to sort it all out, you know? I don't know if we're going to have time to sort it all out before I move. But I also like kissing you and sitting across from you at this table tonight."
"There is a lot of confirm and deny in that sentence," Spencer murmured to her water glass.
"No, it's all confirm. It's all meant to be confirm. I like you, Spence, I like you a lot."
Spencer swallowed, partly out of relief, as Emily squeezed her hand. "I like you too."
"I know."
"This is a pretty good date so far, don't you think?"
"We haven't even ordered yet."
"Off to a great start. At least we know we both like each other."
After that, they were able to return to their menus and actually read the offerings. From there it was like any other time the two spent time together: effortless and natural. Making the other smile and laugh came naturally. There were no real awkward pauses or getting to know you conversations that Spencer imagined happened on most first dates. Sitting there across from Emily just felt right. With a moment of boldness, Spencer slipped off her heel and sought out Emily's foot underneath the table. And while she should not have been surprised, she was when Emily responded by trailing her free foot up Spencer's calf. Spencer could hardly believe what was happening, playing footsie with Emily Fields at a table for two on Saturday night. The rightness of it all was intoxicating.
When the bill came, Spencer whisked it away before Emily had a chance.
"I thought you said that I could get dinner," Emily protested.
"I guess I'm too gallant to let the girl pay on the first date," Spencer smiled as she handed her card to the waiter. "Besides, I asked you to dinner. It'd be rude to ask you to pay. Maybe next time?"
"I'd like that. I'm sure Hanna's read some Cosmo article about how the modern lesbian couple takes turns paying."
"Is that what we are?" Spencer spoke shyly after a moment.
Before Emily could respond, the waiter returned with the credit card receipts. Silently, afraid to speak, Spencer wrote in a tip and signed the end of the check.
"Shall we?" Emily smiled standing up, holding her hand out to Spencer.
They walked out of the restaurant hand in hand.
"Thanks for dinner," Emily smiled, swinging their hands slightly. She liked how Spencer's hand felt in hers, how their fingers intertwined. Perhaps because she spent a large portion of her time in a chlorinated pool, Emily had always marveled at how soft other girl's skin was.
When they got to Spencer's car, Spencer opened the car door for Emily. Emily ducked her head slightly before crossing the distance between their two bodies and kissing Spencer. Unlike their first kiss which was soft, tentative and shy, or the quick, shallow, lingering kisses in the bathroom, Emily gave Spencer no chance for innocence. No chance for Spencer to misunderstand Emily's feelings for her. Emily clasped her hand through Spencer's brown hair, holding her there while she opened her mouth, beckoning the brunette in. And receiving the most forward invitation she had received from Emily, Spencer complied, swallowing up the distance between their bodies even more, using her free hand to find Emily's hips to guide her even closer. By the time the short embrace ended, both girls were smiling widely. They smiled so widely it was impossible to kiss without smiling a little less. Spencer bit her bottom lip subconsciously as she caught her breath, her eyes never leaving Emily's.
"We should get into the car before I kiss you again," Emily smiled coyly.
"Is that such a bad thing? If anything, you just inspired me to stay outside longer."
Emily exhaled. "And as much as I like, well really like kissing you right now, I'd rather not figure us out and what this all means in a parking lot."
And so Spencer stepped aside, her hands dropping as she let Emily get into the passenger seat in the car. Once she was in the driver's seat, the brunette found the courage to say what she had been trying to say all night.
"I think I know a place where we could figure us out away from distractions and murder suspicions and cyberstalkers." When Emily's eyesbrows peaked in interest, Spencer continued. "Next weekend is Aria's anniversary with Mr. Fitz and they're going away for the weekend." This was by no means new information. Aria had been going on about it near incessantly whenever they were alone together in a space she deemed private enough to talk about her less-than-conventional relationship.
"Please tell me you're not suggesting Mr. Fitz's apartment." Emily nearly groaned.
Spencer could feel her face distort slightly with the thought. "I'm not even going to humor that with a response. No, Aria's using my parents house in Buck's County as a cover for going away. So I at least have to go. I was originally going to go alone and get ahead on my work but I thought that it might be better if… maybe you could come?" Spencer couldn't deny the vulnerability that had crept into her words and fully taken residence in her voice by the time she finished speaking.
"What about Hanna, wouldn't it be weird if we went without her?"
"Her Dad's in town this weekend," Spencer reminded Emily.
Emily opened her mouth, but Spencer continued. "Emily, this isn't about keeping us a secret or hiding away in some remote place. I am more than willing to shout from the rooftops my feelings for you, but I don't know if that's something you're ready for. There is just so much going on in Rosewood right now. It'd be nice to just, I don't know, spend next weekend with you and just focus on you and us. To just get away from it all and relax."
Emily nodded, for a while silent, before responding, "Yeah, I think I'd like that."