Chapter 4: Mother's Day
I'm sure you're all tired of me saying "I'm sorry"…
I wanted to upload this ASAP, so I didn't take time to re-read it. Sorry for any and all mistakes.
CHAPTER FOUR: MOTHER'S DAY
AGE: 12
It was that time of year again… It was one of those special days that made him feel so much less important. He wished he'd stayed home. But if he had, Bruce would have known something was wrong. Bruce would be worried. So he forced himself to smile as he opened the door of the limousine and prepared for what he knew was going to be a painfully long ride to school.
At first, everything was fine. It seemed to be a normal day. He hoped that maybe, just maybe, today would turn out all right. He later would realize that he was an idiot for hoping…
It was fourth period when it happened. When today stopped being normal. When everything just plummeted to the depths of Hell, only to rise back up to taunt him before sinking back down.
It was English class. Of course, it was. It was only in English class that things like this would happen. The moment the teacher said the assignment, he knew just how bad today was going to be. Why? Because it was English class, fourth period, the Friday before Mother's Day. And school was the LAST place he wanted to be. Why couldn't Mother's Day be in the summer, right next to Father's Day?
The assignment: "Write a letter to your mother to persuade her of how wonderful a parent she is and of how much you love her. You must have a minimum of 500 words. Be sure to use 3.5 essay structure and include CEA paragraphs! Make sure this is in a letter format and that you use persuasive techniques! AND MAKE SURE TO READ THIS TO YOUR MOTHER ON SUNDAY! She will appreciate it (I know *I* would appreciate it if my kids did something like this for me)."
He cringed inwardly. Why did teachers always have to do this? Why do they always have to change the day's plans just because a holiday is nearing?
The tried to gulp down the waves of depression that suddenly overtook him as he picked up his pencil and forced himself to write about the mother the no longer had.
Thirty minutes later, everyone was told to stop writing and the teacher asked for volunteers to share what they wrote. A few people rose their hands—mostly sentimental girls and guys who were trying to make a comedic scene. There was still 15 minutes left in class when people stop volunteering. So the teacher did what Dick feared would happen…she went to the "sticks".
It was illogical why some numbered popsicle sticks would cause the hero of Gotham to quake in his Pixie boots…but quake he did. She pulled out a stick and his entire body froze as he watched in anxiety.
"…Number 23, you're up."
'THANK GOD!' was the first thought that entered Dick's mind as he remembered how to breath.
A curse word could be heard from Harold Weiser as students snickered and the teacher pretended not to hear it. After a few minutes of unimpressive babbling, Harold sat down and the teacher returned to her cup of sticks.
"…Number…Seven! That would be, you, Mr. Grayson."
A stream of words too indignant and foul to ever be repeated dictated his thought. Nonetheless, he reluctantly stood and walked to the front of the class, noticing some of the critical smirks on his classmates' faces. He gulped nervously as he held up his paper. After a moment, he forced himself to speak, fear lacing his words.
"Umm…so this is what I wrote: 'Dear Mami, I'd like to thank you for always being there for me. There is no mother in the world who could match you. You are the best because you love me, you always want the best for me, and you always take care of me'."
"Until you died…" The comment was said lightly but EVERYONE heard it. Dick stopped reading and tried to ignore the feelings that were building inside of him as other students laughed at the comment.
"Michael! You know that is not appropriate behavior! If you interrupt again, I will take points away from your grade." The teacher gave a false smile as she turned to Dick. "Now, Richard, if you would please continue?"
Dick swallowed and glanced back down at his paper. "…um…'There are a lot of ways I know you are the best…One of which is because you love me. I know you love me because when I was little—"
"YOU DIED ON THE CROSS FOR ME, MOMMY!" A roar of laughter erupted.
"Wait, wasn't that Jesus?"
"Nope, it was MARY GRAYSON!"
"HAHAHAHAHA!"
"He ain't no Messiah."
"He's just a circus freak."
"He's sooo weird."
"Why's he just standing there like that? He's so awkward."
"He looks like he wants to run away."
"Good. I hate having to see him every day, anyway."
"He doesn't even belong here."
"NOW, CLASS, Richard is TALKING and you will RESPECT HIM!"
"Why should we respect a freak."
"He's so below us."
"If it weren't for Bruce Wayne, he'd be nothing."
"Hell, even with Bruce Wayne, he's STILL nothing."
"He should just leave."
"I'm not surprised his parents killed themselves. I would too if I had him for a son."
"Wait, they didn't kill themselves."
"Oh, come on, Sarah. They were professional circus freaks. Do you really think they wouldn't notice if something was wrong with their…flying ropes or whatever they're called."
"Yeah, yeah, that's right!"
"OMG, they probably did do it on purpose. Just to get away from him!"
"That's awful…"
"HE'S AWFUL!"
"NOW, CLASS!" The teacher banged loudly on the desk, which only got the attention of half the class well the other half continued their gossiping. "I will not tolerate this behavior in my classroom, is that understood?!" No one responded. She turned back to Dick. "I'm sorry, Richard. We know none of that is true and if you want to…"
Dick tuned her out upon hearing something he would never unhear. In the back corner of the class was Samuel Forrest with Vicky Haze and Maria Anderson.
It was just above a whisper, but he heard it;
Samuel: "That stupid freak doesn't belong here."
Vicky: "I know, right?"
Maria: "He got his parents killed, after all. Should we really be in the same class as a murderer?"
Vicky: "We all know he's screwed up. He's crazy. He could attack any one of us."
Maria: "And he's kinda smart, too, so he could, like, make it look like an accident or something."
Vicky: "I bet that's what he did to his parents."
Maria: "What do you think, Sam?"
Samuel: "Honestly? I think that fucking faggot should go do us all a favor and fucking kill himself, already."
Maria: "Yeah, I think so, too."
Vicky: "It would probably be for the best, y'know?"
Maria: "Mm-hmm. And he could finally stop smooching off of Bruce Wayne, too."
Vicky: "I bet he's whoring himself out to Wayne for his money."
Samuel: "Wouldn't surprise me."
Maria: "Ugh, I hate people like that. He really should just off himself."
Vicky: "Yeah. It'd make everyone's life easier if he did."
Maria: "Uh-huh. I talked to Patricia in the Yearbook Club. She asked everyone in our grade who they hope wouldn't be here next year, and almost everyone said Dick Grayson. Like, no lie."
Vicky: "Yeah, EVERYONE hates him."
Samuel: "Hell, if he's too much of a wuss to pull the trigger himself, I'll be more than happy to do it for him."
Maria: "OMG, if you did that, you'd be, like, everyone's hero, y'know?"
Vicky: "Yeah, totally."
Samuel: "I'm hoping the queer will come to the realization that nobody likes him, nobody wants him around, nobody fucking cares about him, and he needs to go DIE ALREADY!"
Vicky: "Yeah"
Maria: "Uh-huh"
"Richard…Richard?"
Dick blinked and realized that his teacher was staring at him, expectantly. "Umm…"
"Is everything all right?"
"Uh…no…May I…use the restroom?"
"Well, class is almost over. Can't you—"
"NO. I mean…it's an emergency."
The teacher thought for a moment before nodding her head. "Be quick."
As Dick headed out the classroom, he heard one final comment that would forever stick with him.
"I hope he takes a gun with him. Even the custodian will be happy to clean up the mess..."
Dick closed the door behind him and slowly walked toward the boys' restrooms. His mind kept repeating everything he'd heard his classmates say.
"…he killed his parents…they wanted to get away from him…he's awful…I hate him…faggot…circus freak…he doesn't belong here…nobody cares about him…whoring himself out to Wayne…just a charity case…nobody likes him…wed be better off…he'd be doing everyone a favor…he should just kill himself…why doesn't he off himself…queer…go DIE ALREADY"
"You know they're right…Everyone would be better off without you. Especially Bruce."
"No…go away. Dr. Quinzell told me not to listen to you."
"Why not? You know I'm right…"
"No, he said…you're just a part of me. A part I need to control or else…you'll take over. You're my darkness…I can't let you overshadow me. If I do, I'll lose myself to the darkness. I'll never get better if I do that. And I…I really want to get better."
"Why bother? This is who you are, now and forever. Broken. Pathetic. Weak."
"No, I won't listen to you." He walked into the bathroom and stared at himself I the mirror.
"There's nothing you can do to change it. You'll always be like this. A bother to everyone you meet. A source of hatred and disappointment."
Dick clutched the edges of the sink in front of him as tears filled his eyes. "Please…stop"
"Why? You know it's true. Don't you?"
Dick let out a strangled sob as he desperately tried to hold on to his emotions.
"Don't you?"
He nodded slightly. "Yeah…I know.."
"Was that so hard to admit?"
He shook his head, tears falling freely. "No…"
"You're worthless."
"Yeah…"
"You don't deserve to live."
"No…"
"And yet you do."
"Yeah…"
"It doesn't seem right, does it?"
"No…"
"So…what are you going to do about it?"
"…die…?"
"That's right."
"N…no. I-I can't do that. No, I won't! No! Never! I can't do that to myself! My father said-!"
"Relax, calm down. You don't have to kill yourself. Not yet, at least."
"Oh…okay. Then…?"
"Well, you still deserve some punishment, don't you?"
"Um…yeah, but…?"
"Think about it. You know what you should do."
"…wait…No, no…I can't…"
"Yes, you can."
"No! I haven't done that in months."
"You can do it."
"Everyone worked so hard to help me stop…"
"Just do it."
"I can't throw away all their hard work just because I had a bad day."
"Come on, do it."
"I…I shouldn't…"
"But you want to. You know you deserve it. Come on…just do it…"
"I…well…maybe…"
"Come on, come on. Do it! Cut!"
"…maybe…if I did it just a little…"
"Cut! Cut! Cut!"
"…but…should I…?"
"YES! DO IT! CUT!"
"Maybe…just this once…"
"CUTCUTCUTCUTCUT!"
"Bruce wouldn't even find out…" Dick slowly lifted up his sleeve and walked toward a stall.
"CUT! COME ON! DO IT! YOU DESERVE IT! CUT! CUTCUTCUT! CUUUUT!"
"…just this once.." He pulled out a sharpened pencil from his pocket.
"CUTCUTCUTCUTCUT!"
He put the pencil to his flesh and paused. "I've never used a pencil before…Is this sa—"
"CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!"
And with that, Dick plunged the pencil into his flesh and dragged its point across his vein. It was in that moment that everything seemed to disappear. All his frustrations and torments faded away. All he could feel…was bliss.
And then the bell rang, and the world suddenly came back to him in crashing realization. There was blood. Too much blood. He would never make it to his next class on time. Oh, well, it's not the first time he has had detention, and likely not the last time, either. He would have to think of a good excuse to give Bruce. Maybe he could say he had an upset stomach?
He grabbed a handful of toilet paper and applied it to his wounds. His heart skipped a beat as he heard other boys entering the bathroom. One of them was Samuel, and at the sound of his voice, Dick remembered just why he was in this situation. He removed the toilet paper and picked the pencil back up.
Maybe, he thought, a few more wouldn't be so bad. I'm already going to be late, so why not? After this, I'll stop, and Bruce will never know. I'll stop, I swear…
He truly was an idiot for hoping this would be a normal day…
A/N: (I wrote cut so many times, it started to look weird...) I didn't feel like writing anther Mother's Day story this year, but I still wanted to write something for it. So here you go! And I honestly am going to try to update more. It's just…I've lost a lot of motivation for this series about two years ago, so it's been a bit hard to force myself to write more. I often forget about it.
BTW, I've started writing for Criminal Minds! So, if you're also a fan of the show, you should check out my story Silent Screams! I'd really appreciate it!
On an unrelated note: I have a YouTube channel you guys might like. I'm going to be posting things about the fanfiction I'm writing and other fandom-related interests. So, if you'd like to know more about me or about my stories you should look for "Sophie Filo" on YouTube! It could also be your chance to ask me questions about something you may be wondering. I'm also considering live streaming my writing on Twitch (same name, SophieFilo).