Friday took both a year and a second to arrive, it felt like anything but the six days it actually took. Six days, not even a whole week since Spencer had asked Emily to her family's lake house in Buck's County, and it was Friday already. Time has that funny way of dragging on while slipping past unnoticed. One minute it was there, all the time in the world, and then it was all gone as if it had never been there in the first place. Always one is left wondering what happened to it all. A clock or a calendar, both faulty attempts at measuring and counting time as it slips by. How many coffees had Spencer greeted Emily with in six days, how many mornings had she walked Emily to class? Five. How many times had Emily wanted to reach out and hold the brunette's hand and hadn't; how many looks had they caught themselves giving, receiving, exchanging? Countless. How many times had they had been alone by themselves since their date? None, unless one counted a few minutes stolen here or there. There were daily practices, family dinners, homework that only grew as the semester inched along all getting in the way. And a shyness, a nervousness.
But finally, suddenly, it was Friday. The bell to the last period had rung and Emily was opening the door to the backseat of Spencer's car with her weekend bag in hand. Aria was already sitting in the front seat smiling like a child at Disney World, her own bag stowed at her feet. Spencer instantly stopped drumming her fingers against the steering wheel, her whole face lighting up as Emily slid into the backseat and smiled.
"Hey Em," she turned around. For the briefest of seconds, her eyes seemed to take in all of Emily. It was something Spencer had been doing more recently or maybe it was just something Emily was more aware of now. Aria, however, seemed oblivious to this exchange and the sudden sexual tension that had entered the car as she greeted Emily.
"Thank you guys so much for doing this," Aria looked at Emily in the rear view mirror as she spoke. "I know a weekend in Buck's County isn't exactly torture, but still it's really sweet and means a lot that you're doing it for me. So thank you."
"Seriously, Aria, it's a good excuse for us to get out dodge for a while and relax," Spencer replied as if Aria had been thanking her profusely and repeatedly for a while. "Besides, it's not like we're being banished."
"Yeah and it'll be nice to have some space to breathe and just figure some things out," Emily smiled, trying not to look too obviously at Spencer as she spoke. "Are you excited for your weekend with Mr. Fitz?"
"Ezra, please," Aria sighed, exasperated that her friends still refused to call her boyfriend by his first name. "And please don't tell me that by figure some things out you mean that you're going to spend the entire time doing homework and worrying about A. We all need a few days off."
"No, of course not. We promise to relax and enjoy ourselves," Emily smiled.
"Coffee for the road?" Spencer asked as she turned around the corner and the Rosewood Grill came into view.
"Yes, please," Emily nodded.
"I wouldn't say no," Aria agreed. "I woke up way too early finish packing. I don't know how either of you do early practices."
"You get used to it," Emily shrugged, trying to keep her attention outside the window instead of entirely locked on Spencer.
"What did you pack?" Spencer arched her eyebrow up, interested but also teasingly, dropping her voice as she added. "Something sexy?"
Despite her attempts, Emily found herself once again catching Spencer's eye in the mirror, missing Aria's blush entirely as she wondered if Spencer herself had packed something sexy and if she should have. But no, they were going to figure out whatever this was that was quickly forming between them, what all these feelings and attractions meant. But Emily knew what these feelings and attractions meant and if she was honest, she knew what she wanted to do about them and this often lead to situations that could potentially involve sexy outfits. But Emily wasn't sure if she was ready for sexy outfits. Though part of her couldn't help but admit that she wouldn't mind seeing Spencer in one. Maybe not this weekend, but at one point. When she was ready. When they both were. When. If.
Walking in to the Rosewood Grill, the idea of Spencer in lingerie quickly melted as she felt her stomach drop slightly at the sight of Paige sitting a table in a far corner by herself. It seemed almost if the redhead had chosen the most secluded table possible in the popular restaurant. Emily quickly averted her eyes to avoid making eye contact, failing to notice the second, currently unclaimed water glass on the table.
"I think I left my wallet in the car. I'm gonna go back and check." Emily tried to sound as casual as possible, as she pointed to the door behind them.
"Do you want me to get you a coffee?" Spencer asked, momentarily confused until her eyes found Paige.
"Could you? You know how I like it. I'll pay you back in the car." Emily nodded before turning on her heel and headed back to the car, full well knowing that she was being a coward.
Back in the car, Spencer handed Emily her steaming drink and once again refused payment.
"Did you find it?" Aria asked, closing the car door behind her.
Emily looked at her friend confused, arching an eyebrow up slightly.
"Your wallet," Aria prompted.
"Oh yeah." Emily nodded. "Sorry. Yeah, it was right here in my bag. I was just trying to make sure I didn't forget anything else. " Emily nodded, suddenly not sure if she remembered to pack pajamas or not. Please, let her have remembered to pack pajamas.
Fortified with caffeine, Aria proceeded to give directions to Ezra's apartment. After a few minutes of following Aria's instructions and catching Emily's eyes in the rear view mirror at the stop signs and red lights, Spencer was informed that, "Anywhere here's fine."
Spencer pulled her car over in a nearby parking spot, only half-attempting to pull all the way up to the curve. "So which one is it?"
"Which one is what?" Aria blinked at Spencer as she started to reach for the door.
"Ezra's apartment," Spencer looked at Aria like she was a little slow. "Which building is it?"
"Why?"
"Why are you being so weird?" Spencer's brow furrowed. "I don't want to stalk you two anything. I'm just curious. And frankly, with all that's going on, it might be good to know where one of my closest friends spends most of her time."
"You can't see it from here." Aria responded after a big exhale.
"What?"
"It's the next block over?" Aria's words were more a hesitant question than anything else.
"But you said stop here…" Spencer spoke slowly, questioningly.
"Look, Ezra doesn't know that you know yet. So if you drop me off close to his apartment and he sees…" Aria sighed. "It's just easier this way for now."
"You know this is ridiculous, right?" Spencer shook her head. "He starts at Hollis soon. As your close friends, he has to know that you're going to have to tell us sometime. Secrets don't do any of us any favors. We keep learning that the hard way, repeatedly. I just want to know when are we going to know what we already know so we can stop sneaking around about this?"
"Soon, I promise. It's just a sensitive subject right now."
"Well when you do tell him that you told us, please also let him know that we're in full support of you," Emily chimed in. "We're happy for you. We just want to know when we can be officially happy for you."
"Are you sure I really can't drive you closer to his place?" Spencer pushed, frowning slightly.
"Spencer, I'm sure. If you want, I can text you the address later but really, it's fine. I'll tell him. Soon. I promise," Aria nodded, using her best reassuring voice, as she gathered up her stuff and opened the car door. "Alright, well thank you again."
"Enjoy yourself, you two deserve it." Spencer smiled.
"You guys have a fun time too." As Aria spoke, Emily got out of the backseat. Once they were both outside of the car, the two moved in for a brief hug. "Try not to spend the whole time doing homework or doing SAT prep, okay?"
"I'll try to make sure Spencer has some fun, I promise." Emily smiled as she returned the hug before getting into the front seat.
Once Aria had turned the corner and they were alone, Spencer leaned in and gave Emily a quick kiss on the lips, "Hello there, beautiful."
"Hi," Emily smiled back, tempted to kiss Spencer again, only longer and harder this time. "Oh, this is for you," Emily dug into her bag and pulled out a CD that had "Spencer's Road Trip Mix" written across it. There were many things Spencer enjoyed, perhaps even loved about Emily. The names, or lack thereof, of Emily's mix CDs probably wasn't one of them, but it was still something Spencer found rather endearing. She had several mixes from Emily over the years and this was probably the most creatively titled one yet.
"Thank you," Spencer smiled.
After putting the CD in the player, Spencer put the car back in drive. Despite the recent and somewhat sudden shift in their relationship, the two girls were still just as comfortable together as ever before. In some ways, maybe even more so now. As Rosewood quickly disappeared from the rear view mirror, Spencer's hand sometimes not so accidentally brushed up against Emily's leg when she shifted. Somewhere along the drive, Emily's hand bravely crossed the no man's zone and rested softly on Spencer's thigh. While they spent most of the car ride talking and laughing, there was no hint of uncomfortableness when there were long moments of silence. Often miles would go by with both girls comfortable in their own thoughts looking out the window.
Though she tried to pretend otherwise, Paige had almost immediately noticed when Emily entered the Rosewood Grill with Spencer and Aria. Likewise, she couldn't help but witness Emily's swift exit and could pretty well guess the reason. It only caused Paige to frown further, clearly deepening the anxiousness already written clearly across her face. It was only as Spencer and Aria were walking out that Samara returned from the bathroom. The blonde's eyes followed Paige's just in time to catch the parting glare Spencer tossed over her shoulder.
"Is everything okay?" Samara looked at Paige questioningly. "That girl doesn't seem to like you very much."
"As everyone keeps seeming to point out," Paige winced slightly as she spoke. "She's Emily's new girlfriend, I think."
"Her new girlfriend?" Samara seemed slightly taken aback. "I didn't realize she was seeing anyone."
"We're not really talking at the moment but as far as I can tell, it's fairly recent," Paige shrugged, trying to seem a lot more okay with it than she really was. It wasn't like she had a choice one way or the other. As she spoke, the waitress arrived, laying their food and two coffees down in front of them. After she left, Samara's examining eyes returned to Paige.
"So, you said you wanted to talk. Is that why?"
"No, not really. I… I wanted to talk about… about maybe coming out." As she spoke, Paige gripped her cup with both hands avidly staring at it until she spoken and only then did she tentatively looked up.
"For Emily?" Samara lifted her eyebrows, the judgement already clearly forming while another part of her couldn't help but feel for the girl in front of her. Another, smaller, quieter part couldn't help but find the scared look Paige was giving her to be somewhat adorable, in its own way.
"No. That's over. I mean, it never really began. How could it when I couldn't even… can't even…" Paige shook her head, finding her footing a bit more as she spoke. "No I want to do it for me. I can't keep living like this. I just… I just can't."
Emily sat lazily at the kitchen counter chopping carrots for the salad. She had been to the Hasting's lake house in Buck's County several times before, but this was the first time it was just her and Spencer. It was quieter and more peaceful than Emily remembered in comparison to all the slumber parties. Spencer had her back to Emily as she was occupied with whatever pasta dish she was concocting from the groceries that they had picked up on route. While Emily had been relegated to salad duty, she had spent most of her time in the kitchen subtly, and then not so subtly, admiring Spencer's bum as it bounced ever so slightly to the music as she cooked. It was incredibly adorable especially as Emily was convinced Spencer had no idea she was doing it.
Despite the distraction, the salad was soon ready and Emily was left solely to her thoughts as she admired her friend. Finally not willing to handle the distance, she approached Spencer and rested her hand in the small of Spencer's back to get her attention. "Anything else I can help with?"
"Maybe something to drink?" Spencer turned out from the stove towards Emily, considering.
"Sure, what do you have?"
"We forgot to buy juice or soda or anything. So I guess it's water or coffee really. Or my parents usually keep the wine in that big cabinet in the main dining room."
"Maybe water for now," Emily nodded after some quiet deliberation.
"We can buy some juice or soda in the morning," Spencer agreed.
After dinner the two girls relocated to the master bedroom to watch the movies they had rented. It was not lost on either girl that they were almost actively avoiding the one conversation they both wanted so desperately to have. There had been starts and halts, telling looks and the clearing of throats that made it seem as if it was about to be broached. And then instead, eyes would avert or a large swallow of water would be taken followed by a strange moment of silence that neither girl ever felt quite up to filling yet. The movies had been a mostly conscious move, a move towards what neither girl exactly knew but it seemed safer to have a planned activity. But even the act of lying side by side on the bed in pajamas had been achieved under the new strain of all the words not being said.
Changing into pajamas had been a new and strange experience. Over the years, they had grown into an assumed comfort of their bodies in front of each other. But now something akin to the self-consciousness from years before had returned dusting their actions with a thin layer of shyness. Spencer had excused herself to the bathroom while Emily quickly changed with a nervous energy. Spencer knocked before coming in, remaining outside until Emily realized that Spencer was waiting for a verbal go ahead to re-enter. Sleeping arrangements, usually barely given a thought, had not been discussed and both girls seemed to circle around the issue without ever settling on the courage to bring it up.
They started the opening credits sitting a safe, if not slightly awkward, distance apart. But as the film progressed, Spencer's hand reached out across the divide to find Emily's, their fingers interlocking instantly. Emily caught Spencer's eye and smiled, their attention slow to return to the film. Sometime in between the first scene and the last, the stolen glances evolved in such a way that Emily found herself cradled up against Spencer's body, their fingers still interlocked across the brunette's lap.
In all the honesty, the movie served only as a mild distraction from the sexual tension and unsaid words. So when Emily leaned across Spencer to place her empty glass down on the bedside table, it was only the briefest hesitation before she moved in to capture the brunettes lip's. Spencer responded readily, as she tried to put her own glass down and somehow successfully managed to not spill.
Once her hand was free, Spencer cupped Emily's cheek. And perhaps it was the fact that they were truly alone for the first time with no real distractions and maybe their teenage hormones were not entirely innocent of blame either. Emily had never been kissed like Spencer was kissing her at that very moment, hungry and passionate, but also somehow caring and gentle despite its intensity. How could something so comfortable and almost even safe feel so incredibly new and exciting? And scary. Guided by Spencer's touch, Emily moved closer, shifting so she was not just sitting on the brunette's lap but straddling her, the movie long forgotten playing in the background.
Emily turned her attention down Spencer's neck, kissing, at times grazing her teeth across the soft expanse of skin before her. Spencer swallowed, trying to control her own breathing and failing. When Emily returned to Spencer's lips, Spencer welcomed her in, her hands growing bolder in their explorations of her friend's body. Adjusting slightly to move in closer to Emily, the brunette heard something fall to the ground.
"Shit," Spencer broke away with a jolt, her voice breathier than she expected, a wide smile and almost laughing. "It's just a glass." As if she had expected more than gravity induced water stains, as if she had secretly expected some form of hell to break loose just as she was finally having what she only just realized she had desired and craved for so long.
Both girls turned to inspect the glass lying on it's side spilling the last of its contents onto the expensive and probably imported but still slightly drab bedroom carpet. For a moment with their lips still only inches apart Spencer wondered if she even cared about the growing water stain. "We should probably clean that up."
"Yeah," Emily agreed, but made no move from her position on top of Spencer. "We should."
"At least it's only water," Spencer observed sagely. In the background, she could hear the characters in the movie. "The beheading potential over this is probably slightly diminished because of that."
Emily captured Spencer's lips again but briefly before pulling away. "Come on."
But outside the linen closet, Spencer only led Emily up against the door before returning to their interrupted embrace. She dropped the towel she was holding to loop one thumb in Emily's shorts, marveling at the softness of the skin between her friend's hip bone and the hem of her underwear. Beckoned by Emily's hand on her hips, Spencer moved in even closer and up against Emily's thigh that had slipped up and in between her legs.
Her other hand roamed upwards, pausing slightly at the hem of Emily's shirt before bolding gliding over the fabric to cup Emily's breast. Almost by instinct, she found Emily's nipple and began stroking it with her thumb. Emily's eyes fluttered open as her body arched closer into the touch, a sound of pure pleasure slipped past her lips and into Spencer's mouth suddenly bringing both girls back into reality. Emily pulled away slightly, resting her forehead up against Spencer's.
"This is all so fast," Emily bit her lip, her eyes locked on Spencer's, but showed no desire to actually slow down. If anything, she almost seemed to bring the brunette closer toying with the desire to kiss her again.
"We should go clean up," Spencer nodded, frowning slightly.
"We should," Emily agreed.
Neither moved, seemingly locked in that moment, unable to either separate or move closer together.
"All I want to do is kiss you," Emily confessed after what felt like several minutes of silence.
It was some time before the two girls made it back into the bedroom and had set about sopping up what they could. It was some time longer yet that the two fell asleep, the time in between waking and sleeping filled with soft voices in the dark and suddenly even softer kisses, as if aware that they were sharing in bed and of all the implications.
Ingrained from years of early morning swim practices, it was probably barely be six a.m. when Emily opened her eyes. She felt Spencer's warm, still-slumbering body curled up against hers, spooning her so closely that Emily could feel the girl's breath softly against her neck. The other girl held Emily loosely but even in her sleep still seeming to show no intention of letting go. It made Emily smile as she shifted slightly, instinctually nestling closer up against her friend.
Emily allowed her eyes to adjust to the small rectangle of light on the carpet and, like so many weekend mornings before, was willing herself to fall back asleep when she came to the quiet realization. There, lying in the darkness, in her friend's arms, their fingers laced together lazily, it struck her how right it felt, how natural. How this was exactly where she wanted to be. It was in that moment when Emily truly realized, fully accepted that it, whatever it was, was not, as Emily had secretly feared, just some physical attraction or some rebound from Paige or Maya, or even Alison. There was something special about waking up in Spencer's arms and feeling her breath against her neck that made Emily wish that this was something she could wake up to every morning.
Knowing what she wanted, she said the words out loud to the morning light, afraid that if she did not say it then she would not have the courage by the time Spencer awoke. First she spoke it as a whisper so as not to wake Spencer and then she repeated it a little louder, a little braver because she liked how it sounded. Girlfriend. She wanted to be Spencer Hasting's girlfriend. Even that sounded right. Spencer mumbles something quietly and instead of waking the brunette up, Emily let herself drift back to sleep. It was the weekend, she could sleep in after all.
Emily peered over her coffee cup across the Scrabble board at Spencer. Outside the rain beat patiently down the window. Spencer hadn't spoken for several moments, clearly devising her next move that no doubt would somehow contain a triple word score. Once again Emily's eyes flickered between her letters and the words already formed the board and a sense of mild hopeless washed over her. It was no use. Her available letters, consisting mostly of vowels and the letter B, were crap unless onomatopoeias were suddenly allowed. And Spencer always won at Scrabble anyway.
"How long have you known?" Emily blurted out, finally deciding to give voice to the thoughts that had been gnawing at her since that night Spencer first kissed her.
"Hm?" Spencer looked up as she picked up the first tile of her next word, preparing to place it on the board.
"How long have you known that you were bi?" Emily repeated herself more clearly.
Spencer placed the tile back down, for a moment choosing silence seemingly to gather her thoughts before finally speaking. "I think my first crush was on Ms Forsythe in fifth grade. But I don't think it really ever occurred to me until recently what I was feeling meant."
"You were a bit of a teacher's pet," Emily observed, smiling slightly at the memory. "But what I don't get was why you didn't talk to me about it, especially after I came out. I mean, if you've known for a while or been thinking about it for a while, why is the first time I hear about it is when you kissed me? It could have helped…" Emily trailed off, wondering what it could have helped. Both of them probably. She remembered how alone, how scared she felt. Even now, being one of the few out students at Rosewood, even with her friends, was lonely. Was it the same for Spencer?
Spencer shrugged for a moment. "I guess I didn't want to cheapen what you were going through. I didn't want to lessen it with me waving my hand going 'Me too! Me too!' Or have you think that I was patronizing you or trying to be trendy. I guess I wanted to be more sure? And my feelings for you, I don't think I was ready to deal with them until recently. They're a big part of it, too, aren't they? Me admitting that I'm bi meant that I had also had to admit that I have feelings for you. Big feelings. More than just close friends feelings. And that can change, well, almost everything." She tried not to speak primarily to her nervous fingers as she heard the vulnerability sneak into her voice.
"So what changed? Why now?" Emily continued to examine the brunette carefully.
"It's weird. I don't know why but I can't think of a time I didn't like you. Maybe that's why it took me so long to realize it." Spencer spoke simply, her eyes looking straight at Emily. "And when I did… I didn't plan it. It just happened. I just kissed you with no forethought. Just realizing that I wanted, needed to kiss you."
"So what made you realize it?" Emily felt her heart quicken and her face flush, and part of her just wanted to stop there. To just take what Spencer said and enjoy it for what it was. But some other part of her had to know.
"A sent me an email actually." Spencer exhaled. "Of you and Paige kissing."
"Of me and Paige? There's another photograph?" Emily pressed her eyes closed, seemingly holding her breath for a moment. "When?"
"You were in your room together." Spencer shifted uncomfortably, her eyes straying towards the floor. "A sent it a little before Toby and I broke up. I was jealous in ways that was more than just friendly. It sort of cemented a lot of things for me. Before I thought if I never talked about it, if there was no proof, no evidence and I just kept it inside it would never be something A could use against me. But it doesn't matter how careful we are, Em. We aren't afforded the luxury of secrets, are we? And you're too important to me. I wanted to be honest, completely honest about how I feel." Spencer exhaled, her face becoming resolute. "And I have been."
Spencer stood up and crossed over to Emily's side of the scrabble board and sitting down on the couch. "I understand that in some ways, I'm new at this. So I get why you're asking all these questions. But I've been entirely honest with you up until now and I would have never said or done anything if I wasn't absolutely sure. And I can keep repeating myself if it helps, but at this point I don't think those are the questions we need to be asking."
"And what questions should we be asking?" Emily swallowed, both suddenly too scared to look at Spencer and almost entirely unable to look away.
Spencer searched out Emily's eyes, imploring and hopefully. "What you want. What we both want now that you know how I feel."
"I'm scared, Spence. I'm so incredibly scared. You mean so much to me and I can't afford to lose you. Not after Alison and Maya. And A's always there. What if A does something to get between us, to tear us apart?" Emily's eyes started to water.
"Then we don't hide. We have to be completely honest with each other." Spencer half smiled nervously. "And come up with a signal for if A is manipulating us. Like touching our nose or sneezing twice."
"Touching our nose?" Emily's eyebrow arched up, half amused.
"Yeah, like this," Spencer ran her finger down the bridge of her own nose. "You won't lose me."
"You can't promise that," Emily shook her head slowly.
"Okay. Then I don't want to be lost," Spencer reached out, her fingers gently grazing Emily's cheek. "And I want you."
Emily placed her finger on Spencer's lips. "I know. It changes everything now."
"Now what?" Spencer practically whispered, her lips moving across Emily's finger, for a moment unable to stop herself from kissing and lightly sucking her friend's index finger.. "Now that you know or…?"
"Now this." Emily crossed the distance between their faces, moving her finger aside to cup Spencer's face as she kissed her friend softly. "I want to be with you, but everything is different now. Not just A but Hanna and Aria and Texas."
"So what are you saying?" Spencer's eyes searched Emily's face, her heart pounding in her throat. "I'm hearing yes and no in the same sentence here."
"It's a yes. It's also an acknowledgement that it's going to be complicated." Emily leaned in and kissed Spencer. Again and again, each kiss lingering a little longer, daring a little more until Emily licked Spencer's bottom lip and Spencer suddenly pulled away. Confused, Emily looked at her questioningly, suddenly doubting everything her friend just told her and everything that had just passed.
"Is… everything okay?"
"I know this is kind of weird, but I feel really awkward kissing you like this on my Nana's couch," Spencer looked embarrassed.
"Are you serious?" Emily arched an eyebrow, caught in disbelief.
"It's my Nana's couch," Spencer replied, her face and her tone clearly showing Emily that she was indeed serious.
"So, if I were to stand up and lead you over to this chair, would it be okay for me to sit on your lap and make out with you there?" Emily's eyes flickered across the room, a mischievous smile across her face.
"We just picked out those chairs from Crate & Barrel a year or so ago." Spencer nodded thoughtfully. "They're not terribly comfy though."
Emily stood up and held out her hand. "Well come on then."
"So Ms Forsyth was really your first crush?" Emily arched her eyebrow up at Spencer. The rain had yet to let up and it was starting to get dark. Leaving the forgotten game of Scrabble behind, the two girls had migrated into the kitchen to start cooking dinner.
"Yeah, she had nice cardigans. Who was yours?"
"Alison," Emily looked down. Fidgeting slightly, she looked up trying to find a way to change the subject. "I would have never guessed Ms Forsyth. I would have thought Elias Prichard."
"We were six and I think I broke up with him because he stole my red crayon," Spencer rolled her eyes. "Everyone has a boyfriend in first or second grade. Even you."
"Well I had a boyfriend until less than a year ago, doesn't say a lot," Emily frowned. "So what other crushes have you had besides Ms Forsyth? Joe Keating?"
"God no. We were thirteen and he had braces. Besides I think I was more interested in his movie collection. Did you ever go to his house? I swear, he owns more movies than Netflix. Which is actually a bit troubling when I think about it…"
"Ok. What about Max Price?"
Spencer screwed up her face. "What about Max Price?"
"Didn't you have that a crush on him that spring before…" Before Alison died.
"On Max Price? I mean, the boy is cute and, like Ms Forsyth, looks good in a cardigan but even I think he's a bit of an overachiever," Spencer frowned. "He might be my only real competition for valedictorian, but that doesn't really make him attractive to me surprising as it may sound."
"Really? Alison said that you had a big crush on him but you didn't want anyone else to know."
"Alison?" Spencer's furrowed brow returned. "That doesn't make any sense. I mean, I don't think I ever mentioned Max unless in some passing comment about academic standings." For a moment, both girls were silent. "Wait when did she tell you this?"
"I don't know, a while ago." Emily sighed before suddenly something started to click. "Maybe while we were reading Great Expectations?"
"That seems weird, doesn't it? I mean, lying to you about some guy I apparently had a crush just before you two…"
"Do you think she knew about you and she was just…? I mean, if Toby could figure it out, I'm sure Alison could have easily."
"I mean, even Toby didn't seem that surprised, he practically brought it up himself, and he wasn't around me, or you, nearly as much as she was… I wouldn't put it past her to try to manipulate the situation to her advantage."
"Yeah, but to what advantage?" Emily sighed and pressed her eyes. "Every time I try to think about any of this, of Alison or A… it just never makes any sense. It feels like there are all these pieces missing. Are we ever actually going to know, well, anything about what happened or what's actually going on in our own lives?"
Spencer opened her mouth to respond and closed it, before shaking her head and shrugging. "I don't know. I hope so. We can't keep living like this forever."
The rain continued to beat down on rooftop in a soothing rhythm that had long since become white noise. That night they did not even go through the motions of putting on a movie. The girls turned their backs to each other as they shyly changed into their pajamas in the same room. Spencer found herself peeking over her shoulder at Emily's bare back. The brunette's eyes remained locked on the other girl as Emily slide a comfy shirt back over her frame. When Emily turned around, their eyes connected and Emily tipped her head to side, smiling in a quiet amusement. Spencer, for her part, blushed at not only being caught in the act of peeping but also that she was still topless herself, holding yesterday's shirt over her chest.
"I'm still getting used to you looking at me like that," Emily whispered shyly as Spencer quickly reverted her attention to finding her own shirt to sleep in.
"Like what?" Spencer tried to sound nonchalant, but feelingly slightly like a dirty old man, as she finally turned back around, once again fully clothed.
"Like you want to kiss me," Emily took a few steps forward, crossing the distance between their bodies.
Spencer swallowed. "And not like a dirty old man?"
"That too," Emily grinned shyly.
"Can I?" Spencer tentatively reached up and cupped Emily's face. Suddenly finding herself in a bedroom standing so close to the object of her affection, she found herself feeling extremely shy.
"Can you what?" Emily raised an eyebrow.
"Kiss you?"
In answer, Emily leaned in and captured Spencer's lips for her own. At this point, Spencer knew what to expect from Emily's lips. It wasn't as if the mystery was gone. It was just all the small details one starts to know, Spencer was just beginning to discover them. And not just how to avoid their teeth or noses colliding, or what angle to hold her head. No, those were the basics. It was the smaller, subtler details, how much tongue, that Emily enjoyed it when she would lightly bite or suck on her lower lips. And with this knowledge, Spencer became hungrier, more adventurous.
Spencer simultaneously tried to pull Emily closer while leading the girl backwards towards the bed. And while the two girls eventually arrived at where Spencer hoped to be, it was not the smoothest transition but Spencer did not feel at all judged for it. Having successfully guided her friend onto the bed, Spencer directed her attention down Emily's neck, lingering here or there but trying not leave any marks. Traveling further down, Spencer pushed the fabric of Emily's t-shirt further up, exposing the swimmer's stomach. She paused to marvel for a moment before returning her full attention to laying a trail of kisses down Emily's torso.
"Spencer…" Emily spoke softly, shifting slightly.
Spencer looked up, noticing a change in Emily.
"Spencer, can I tell you something?" Emily spoke softly, her cheeks slightly flushed.
Spencer sat up slightly and nodded, suddenly very nervous. "You can tell me something, anything. You know that, Em."
"I'm a virgin," Emily smiled in that shy, uncomfortable way she did sometimes. "And not just a girl-virgin, an all around, never done it before virgin."
"But I thought you and Ben…" Spencer frowned slightly.
Emily shook her head.
Spencer shifted her body so that instead of straddling her friend, they were lying side by side. "So am I," she confessed.
For a moment, they just stared at each other. Emily reached out and played with a strand of Spencer's hair.
"I think I want to stay a virgin a little bit longer," Emily spoke after a moment. "If that's okay with you."
"Of course it is," Spencer frowned. "Why wouldn't it be…?"
Emily shrugged self-consciously.
"In all honesty, part of me is relieved. Not that I don't want to have sex with you, I do." Spencer added quickly. "I really do. A lot. Except maybe not tonight. There's been a lot of newness. I think maybe we should just… take it one day at a time. And start with kissing, and holding. And maybe cuddling and falling asleep in each other's arms. How does that sound?"
Emily smiled. "That sounds wonderful. Amazing even."
"Good," Spencer beamed, before her face became serious again. "Emily, the last thing I would ever want to do is pressure you for sex. You mean way too much to me for that. When and if that day ever comes, it'll be something that we do together because we're both ready for it. But for right now, I think I just want to hold you and listen to the rain."
It was a lazy Sunday. The sun had finally come out and they had just finished cleaning up from breakfast and soon they would have to drive back to Rosewood. Lounging around on the back patio and only half pretending to do homework, neither girl seemed in any rush to leave their new, quiet sanctuary. Emily had settled on a outdoor chaise thumbing through a Time magazine for a project on differing perspectives on contemporary issues and Spencer sat nearby on a chair with a furrowed brow of concentration directed at a rather heavy book.
"Hey Spence," Emily broke the comfortable silence.
"Hm?" Spencer looked up, fighting the urge to bite on her pencil.
"Can I show you something?" Emily indicated to her magazine.
"Of course, what is Em?"
"You have to come over here to see it," Emily explained as if she was stating the obvious.
And when Spencer got up, Emily slide over to give Spencer room next to her on the chaise and indicated for the brunette to join her. When Spencer sat down beside her, Emily placed her arm around Spencer who instantly moved into the touch. She was no stranger to Emily's body but the new proximity that they had discovered still left Spencer reeling a bit. Her free hand instinctually settled on Emily's thigh.
"So what is it that you have to show me?" Spencer asked, her eyes locked on Emily's.
Emily shrugged and smiled playfully, putting down her magazine on the ground. "Nothing."
"So that was just a clever ruse to get me to join you?" Spencer smiled. "You know you could have just asked."
"Didn't seem as fun," Emily offered, wrapping her other arm around Spencer. "So when do we tell Hanna and Aria that we're girlfriends?" Emily asked as nonchalantly as her voice would allow while she pickled at a invisible loose thread on Spencer's pants.
"Girlfriends, is that what we are?"
"If you want," Emily looked up.
"I want," Spencer could barely contain her smile as she brushed her nose up against Emily's. "I want so much." Any and all further discussion was temporarily put on hold as Spencer lay claim to Emily's mouth, her hand soon returning to where it left off the night before with Emily's breast, while the swimmer made her own explorations.
Only to be interrupted a few minutes later by Emily's phone beeping to signify the arrival of a text message causing both girls to freeze temporarily.
"I don't care," Emily breathed.
"What if it's important?" Spencer inquired through lidded eyes, not quite sure why she was playing devil's advocate.
"You're right here and if it's A or my mom I don't want to know about it right now."
"It could be Hanna or Aria…" Spencer frowned.
"Fine," Emily gave in with an exaggerated exhale and reached for her phone, "But you don't go anywhere."
"I'll stay right here baby."
"Baby?" Emily arched up an eyebrow.
"We've been girlfriends for what, five minutes? I'm still working on the pet names."
"Definitely not baby." Emily smiled, as she looked down at her phone and opened up the message. "You were right, it's Hanna. She wants to know where are we and if we want to watch a movie with her later tonight after Aria gets back so we can hear about her romantic weekend with Ezra."
"Tell her we can do it at my house. I think my parents are still away in Philadelphia with Melissa doing retail therapy." Spencer kissed Emily softly on her temple. "After Aria's finished, we should probably also tell them about our own romantic weekend."
"So soon?" Emily pondered for a second.
"Em, it's been over a week. And it's not like we have luxury of taking our time. I would much rather it be from us than from A. The pre-emptive truth, in this case, might just be the way forward." Spencer nodded gravely. "However, I'd like to see it more as spreading the joy."
It was a relatively short drive home to Rosewood. In many ways, too short. In the back of their minds and on the edge of their conversations was the realization that it was back to reality. Back to the day to day stress of high school, of practice, of A. It was a reality that frankly was only getting scarier and spiraling further out of their control.
Resting her hand on Spencer's thigh as the brunette drove, Emily called and explained to her mom that she would be spending the night at Spencer's with the rest of the girls. Despite their still somewhat strained relationship, getting permission to do so was almost entirely effortless. As long as she was with Spencer, Hanna and Aria, her mother mostly trusted that it would all be fine. Emily idly wondered how much longer that would last when her newfound relationship with Spencer came to light. In some ways, Emily saw no point in hiding it from her mother—she hated hiding, lying and secrets, all the more now that any secret was guaranteed a short expiration date before it was unearthed and used against her. She was already haunted by the thought that A would send another anonymous letter that would cause Emily to lose all the love and trust she had just regained with her parents. But in telling her mom, Emily risked not only that but a potential loss of freedom. But Emily did not want to think about that quite yet. First, they would tell Hanna and Aria and move forward from there.
For the time being, Emily kept her fears to herself as the distance between her and Rosewood dwindled. A creeping anxiety, that Emily had barely noticed had left her, began settling back into her stomach. By the time they reached the town limits, the anxiety had nestled deep within her bones, seeping and becoming deeply enmeshed within every fiber of her being. In a strange, tragic way it felt like home.
True to Spencer's assumption, the brunette's house was still empty. Putting down their bags, Spencer grabbed two sodas from the fridge before leading her girlfriend to the back porch while they waited for their friends to arrive. Despite having planned on remaining a civilized distance apart so that they could finish their homework, the best intentions are not always an accurate foretelling of the future. All too soon text books lay sprawled on the ground forgotten