Grief

"How is she?" Bonnie asked gently, after Damon let her into the Gilbert house. It was the day after Alaric had died, though it already felt like a week in some days, hours in others. Thanks to Damon's help Elena had slept most of that horrible day away, in the afternoon the news had broken and the police had called to officially inform her. Stefan had arranged things so she didn't need to identify the body.

The first night in the house without Alaric had been hard. Elena hadn't let Damon compel her but she'd had a lot of scotch and ended up crying and yelling and crying some more, before falling asleep at 1am in Alaric's room with his shirt in her arms, his smell all around him and the memories of her lost parents and Aunt surrounding her. She hadn't wanted Damon to lie down next to her and he hadn't felt much like sleep. He'd ended up falling asleep on the floor watching her, feeling as if he had moved backwards in time to before she had opened her heart to him. He'd had more than a few scotches and really needed to hunt but didn't dare to leave her.

Thankfully St Stefan had dropped off a cooler full of blood bags in the morning or he would have been even snarkier with the guests. If drinking blood made Stefan the Ripper, being hungry made Damon grumpy. It was torturing him not being able to fix her, not being sure if a creature like himself was even able to help a human grief, and he was angry that he was all she'd had that first night. Where were the friends that acted like he was never good enough for her? Now they were here he was both angry and a little relieved, because if they could help Elena he would let them, as long as it didn't mean pushing him away again.

"So you care now?" Damon countered.

"Damon we came as soon as we heard," Caroline defended.

"You would have known a lot sooner if you'd been taking Elena's calls," Damon replied cattily but then more seriously he explained, "She called you for help with Alaric. I'm just warning you, she's not in a very good place right now."

"And you know so much about Elena's feelings?" Bonnie retorted.

"Yeah he does. He was here when it happened. He wasn't the one who wasn't screening my calls," Elena broke in, coming down the staircase.

"Elena, I'm so sorry," Bonnie began, her face filled with guilt. "If it helps I don't think I could have done anything to reverse the black magic attached to the rings."

"You could have tried. Alaric was terrified he was going to hurt someone and he did, if Stefan hadn't gotten here in time, we could have both been dead," Elena explained taking Damon's hand in hers.

"Stefan saved you?" Caroline asked surprised. "Both of you? And he attacked you while you were sleeping…? Caroline trailed off.

"We were together," Elena said simply. "We are together."

"How's Stefan?"

Elena shrugged. "He's not exactly thrilled that he killed Alaric, I think he's just glad I'm not mad – at him," she glowered at Bonnie.

"I'm really sorry about Alaric Elena, but I lost someone too."

"Your Mum's not dead Bonnie, not really, not any more than Caroline or Damon, she can still talk to you, I'll never talk to Alaric again. I never got to say goodbye."

"If you want to do a séance I could help with that," Bonnie offered awkwardly.

"He's been through enough," Elena returned. "We've all been through enough." Elena paused, she looked exhausted, "I'm glad you came but I need some time."

"We'll be here now; I'm never disappearing on you like that again. I love my Mum but you've been here for the past 17 years, she hasn't, I shouldn't have let what Damon did come between us and I won't make the same mistake again," Bonnie promised, hugging her. Elena didn't move away but she wasn't responsive either.

"I'll catch you up," Caroline said to Bonnie with a significant nod. Bonnie frowned and excused herself. "Elena I'm really sorry about Alaric, he was amazing, and I know how important he was to you. When I lost my Dad it was bad, but at least I still had my Mum, and Bonnie's still got her Dad, whatever happens with her Mum."

At first Elena nodded numbly as if the words were barely reaching her, and then something in Caroline's tone registered with her, "Has something happened with Bonnie's Mum?"

"She's gone Elena. She didn't take the transition well."

"Why didn't she tell me?" Elena asked, shocked.

"She didn't think it was the time, she feels horrible about what happened with Alaric, she's blaming herself for not being here to step in with some supernatural magic save but she's grieving too. It's worse this time, at least before she figured her Mum didn't know what she was missing out on but she's met Bonnie now, she knows what she's like and it still wasn't enough to make her stay."

"Thanks Caroline, I needed to know that. Tell her I'm sorry okay, it'll be better next time."

"We'll come to the funeral okay? All of us, Matt too, and Jeremy?"

"Definitely," Elena smiled. "Jeremy flys home tonight."

"Great," Caroline beamed.

"But just for a visit, and to make sure he's not wearing that ring anymore. He's doing so well, I don't want to drag him back into all of this."

"Really Elena? Are you sure? Jeremy's not a kid anymore, wouldn't it help to have him here?" Caroline couldn't imagine living alone her Mother's house without any other family.

"It's okay, I've got Damon," Elena smiled weakly and squeezed his hand.

"Well I'm glad he's looking out for you," Caroline smiled. Whatever she and Bonnie had thought about the two of them getting together, none of that mattered now. If Damon was what Elena needed none of them were going to question that.

Damon nodded. "Okay I think your witch is waiting for you."

"Right. Bonnie. Later," Caroline hugged Elena. "I love you."

"I love you too Care," Elena smiled.

Caroline nodded, reassured and left them with a wave and a smile in Damon's direction.

Elena lent into Damon as they closed the door behind her friend, and let out a sigh. It was just so much work to be around people right now. "I was a bitch wasn't I?"

"Your little witchy friend just needed a little reality check, she'll be fine."

"No, she won't be, her Mum's walked out on her twice, she's strong but she won't be fine. None of us are fine anymore. I'm not sure if any of us will ever be fine again. I keep thinking that it will be, that one day I'll be old enough that this will be a sad chapter in my past but every time Jeremy and I get I get our lives together something else drags us down. I'm scared this will push him over the edge."

"You don't need to worry about Jeremy, I took care of it remember? He's all level headed and okay with the universe now. He can go back to playing happy families with your relatives after this," Damon paused and swallowed hard. "You could too Elena, I could fix this for you."

"No you couldn't, because I wouldn't be me and we wouldn't be us. Too much has changed. I can't go back. I can't live a lie. I can't choose it. With Jeremy it was different, he's not the Doppelganger."

"But he is a Gilbert; he's a Mystic Falls native with a Founders legacy if it wasn't for you he would have inherited all of this anyway. It's okay if you want your brother back, no one would blame you."

Elena was impressed; Damon was managing to go considerably longer without putting on his I'm-a-vampire-I-don't-get-human-stuff mask. She slipped her hands around his waist, enjoying the firmness of his middle, he felt so solid, so constant. "Call me selfish but I don't want to have to worry about him right now."

"Then don't. He's fine."

"It will be good to see him though."

"You're not worried he's going to have a problem with…" Damon wriggled his eyebrows. "Your new boy toy I mean."

"Boy toy?" Elena grinned, it was like a torch whose batteries were dying, the light came on but it didn't quite have its usual brightness, still it was the closest thing Damon had seen to a happy Elena since she'd woken up after her almost day long nap the day before. "Is that what you are?"

"You tell me Miss Gilbert, do you have serious intentions for me or are you just using me for my hot body?" Damon wasn't sure how much to tease, he felt that at any moment he would make a misstep and she would push him away. So when Elena kissed him deeply and began pulling his dark blue shirt out of his pants he knew she was using him, just like alcohol, drugs or compulsion, but he was okay with that. He would let her feel happy to be alive, even if she hated him for it in the morning.

A/N – It's been a bumpy couple of chapters for Elena and Damon. I really didn't want to kill Alaric – I love the character and would be so upset to lose him from the show, but in the context of the story it was either follow the cannon or depart from it – in this case I wanted to do the later and see what might come of it. I hope you can enjoy the good moments despite the bad ones, and that you understand that it's part of a bigger vision of wanting them to make it worse. The end of this chapter marks a huge step in their relationship, and one that I think we all wanted to be so much more perfect and romantic, but I somehow doubt that Elena and Damon would ever get perfect first time around, I have feeling when it does happen it's going to be a little bit messy. But again if they get there in the end then that is the real love story. BTW Elena's grief is somewhat based on my own experiences of grieving for a loved one last year, so if it doesn't feel quite right to you or overdramatic or whatever I'm sorry but this is what it was like for me.