Chapter One-Hundred

Her lips touched his and everything went still.

This is a dream, he thought numbly, skin prickling where her fingertips had brushed against his neck. But if it was a dream, it was the first pleasant dream he'd had in months.

Uncertainly, he ran his fingers down her cheeks and to the gentle curve of her shoulders. Her watertight cloak shed rivers of rain and gave way under his fingers. Even through the layer of fabric, he could feel the subtle warmth radiating off her skin.

Too real to be a dream.

Too perfect to be real.

He took a shaky breath, breaking the kiss. Sakura lifted her face to look up at him. "Syaoran . . ."

"I love you," he said fiercely. The words jarred something loose in his chest, and his breathing hitched as if he was about to cry. Not in front of her, he told himself.

He waited for her to echo the words back to him. Instead, her lips brushed tentatively against his, her touch lighter than the touch of a butterfly's wings. A shiver ran down his back.

She didn't say it.

"I . . . I'm sorry," he said quickly, slipping out of her embrace. "I shouldn't have spoken so brashly."

"No!" she shouted, resting a hand on his shoulder. He retreated a step as her appetizing scent hit him. Her voice trembled when she spoke again. "Don't run away from me anymore. I can't stand it."

He looked down and caught sight of his stained shirt. Mud and blood caked the tattered garment. Ripped apart and stained and ruined, he thought. Just like me.

"You love him," he said quietly.

Sakura blinked, seeming startled by the shift in conversation. But she was silent.

He captured the hand she'd placed on his shoulder. He relished the contact between his palm and her fingertips. Her hand lingered there a moment, then fell away. "You love him, don't you? The other me."

Sakura made a choked sound at the back of her throat.

Syaoran turned away, unable to face her and keep his voice level at the same time. "I knew that. Of course I knew that. You two were destined for each other. If I hadn't gotten in the way, it would've been so natural for you to—"

"Syaoran, he's gone."

He turned back. "But you love him!"

When she flinched, he lowered his voice. "I don't mind. I'll . . . I'll be whatever you need me to be. We can be friends, if that's better. Or less, if you want."

"Syaoran."

"I won't ask you to love me back," he went on. Something inside him fractured at the words. "But I will always love you, no matter what happens, no matter what you do. Just . . . don't feel like I'm asking anything of you, okay?"

"I love you."

His neck snapped up, and for a moment, he thought his hearing had gone strange. The words had been said with such confidence, such certainty, there was no way they could've come from someone who had looked so uncertain a moment ago. Am I having auditory hallucinations now, too? he wondered, unable to take his eyes off her face. Her lower lip trembled just slightly. Yes, I must be hallucinating. That's the only explanation.

Cautiously, as one might approach a wounded animal, Sakura stepped forward and laid her hand across his cheek. Her fingertips ghosted across the line of his jaw, then down his neck. He stood there, frozen.

"Is that okay?" she asked. Her voice sounded strained, as if the weight of the words would break her jaw. "If I love you? If I want to be more than just friends? Is that okay?"

Yes, he wanted to say, but another thought made the word stick in his throat. She still loves the Other. Not you. Not truly.

He swallowed thickly and let his head droop forward to rest on her shoulder. Immediately, she felt his arms twining around his torso, pulling him closer.

Does it matter that she loves him, too? Does that cancel out the love she might feel for me? His teeth buried themselves in his lower lip, keeping him from saying anything rash. If I ask, she'll think I don't believe her. She'll be hurt.

He pulled her tight to his body, so he could feel the warmth radiating off her skin, through her clothes. Even amidst the pouring rain, he could hear the flutter of her heartbeat, the cadence of her breathing.

This is enough.

"Yes. That's okay."

Her head shifted slightly, her cheek brushing against his. He turned his head, the tip of his nose grazing the side of her neck. He inhaled, letting the rich fragrance of her blood move through his nostrils. She shivered.

"We should get out of this rain," he said, leaning away so the scent wouldn't tempt him. His self-control had gotten much better since the days after his transformation, but it was still a struggle to resist someone so close, so vulnerable.

The rain was still coming down, but it wasn't the downpour he'd walked into this morning. Even so, Sakura's hands moved to the edges of her cloak and drew it tighter around herself.

"Right."

They returned to the grey mare. Sakura climbed on, then helped him up, being mindful of the closing hole in his chest. It didn't hurt so much anymore. As if her touch took the pain away, he thought, lifting his hand to probe around the edges of the hole. He winced when his fingers ran over the wound. Maybe it was better to have the healers look at it after all.

It was a short ride to Shirasagi castle, and the guards on duty let them pass with little fanfare. Syaoran wasn't sure if this was because of his status as Kurogane's apprentice, or Sakura's. I wonder how good she's gotten. It seems like a few months have passed for them. She would've had enough time to get good at it, especially the way Kurogane-san teaches.

He wondered if she was skilled enough to fight a real battle instead of merely holding her ground. He hoped so.

The rain relented as they stepped under the eaves. Syaoran ran his hands through his hair, trying to wring it out as well as he could before he stepped within the castle walls. As he dried off, a small door slid open and Fai peered out. "You're back," he said, sounding relieved.

Before, Syaoran would've automatically assumed Fai was talking to Sakura. So it was strange to see the magician looking straight at him when he spoke. And stranger still to see Fai smiling.

I really did miss a lot, Syaoran thought, bowing his head. "I'm back."

"Come inside. The healers are ready for you."

He blinked twice before walking through the door. Sakura followed close behind him.

"How did you know—" he began, wondering why Fai was so prepared for his return.

"Tomoyo-chan had a vision. We thought you might be in danger, so we had a team of healers ready."

"I'm fine."

"You're getting treated," Sakura piped up. He looked back to see her face overflowing with childlike indignation.

He knew that look. He'd seen that look a dozen times from the Other's eyes, whenever he would try to keep an injury secret from Sakura. Seeing it now was both a relief and a blow to his pride.

Was he just a replacement, after all?

He shoved the thought away. Sakura had said she loved him. That was all he needed. Even if that love stems from another source . . .

Even if she still loves him.