Chapter 6

October 11, 2007

"I appreciate it more than you'll ever know." Robin smiled, taking Brenda's suitcase and hailing a cab. She had begged Brenda to keep her company for the time being. Brenda had done one better: she had gotten out of her lease and offered to stay with Robin until the baby was born. It was selfish to need her friend as desperately as she did, to let her give up whatever life she might have had in Paris, but the nights were too cold and she needed to know someone was behind her. Patrick had made it quite clear by his lack of trying that he wanted nothing to do with either her or his child. It was probably just as well; she didn't want him using their baby as a way for him to redeem himself. As far as their relationship, it had gone up in smoke and, according to her doctor, it might not be the best thing to fight. Befuddled by Kelly's reaction, Robin had asked her to elaborate. Kelly had informed Robin that her system was already compromised and that added stress might result in a sudden miscarriage. Robin had phoned Brenda in tears and her friend had flown in on the Red Eye.

"It's all I could do to stay away this long." Brenda assured her, pulling the younger woman into her arms and holding on to her for a few seconds before stepping back. She noticed the tears on Robin's cheeks and used her gloved hand to wipe them away. They both slid into the cab, Robin first and then Brenda. Robin gave the driver her address just as Brenda closed the door behind her. Brenda stared out the window, having missed Port Charles more than she was willing to let on. Robin rested her head against the cold window and shut her eyes, telling herself that it would all be okay now. Nothing could hurt her now. She would avoid Patrick at all costs. Her heart broke as she vowed this and she was barely able to keep from sobbing there in her friend's company. The tears were there, but Robin managed to keep them from slipping through her closed eyelids. Her hands clutched the strap of her tiny maroon handbag, her fingertips whitening under the pressure. She couldn't blame her hormones for this; this was her own fault, her own inner demons. She couldn't trust Patrick to love her, had yelled at him for ever saying that he felt the way he did, and then she had challenged him far too harshly, knowing that he never would accept it. He hadn't been ready for this.

Brenda's subtle touch on Robin's shoulder was enough for her to break down and cry. The cabdriver seemed unaffected as Robin sobbed loudly, fighting against Brenda's hold when she tried to restrain her. It was the first time she had really allowed herself to cry in over a month. She was angry, at Patrick, at the world too, but mostly at Patrick. She had done enough self-analysis, recognizing this as her fault, taking full blame for it. Now it was time to turn her blame on Patrick since he shared at least half of it, he had earned as much. Just the thought of him at Jake's with Pete talking about how she had complicated his life with something that she clearly hadn't done to herself made little shivers run down her back. She screamed out, thinking about how he had gone to Pete instead of her, how he had shared his fears-fears that mirrored her own-with a man who hated her and had no idea what the situation was. He considered Robin a leech and Patrick must have picked up on it. She had just needed him to say that he was scared, but he hadn't even been able to admit that. She had left him and he was just fine, she bet. He might be avoiding the opposite sex for the time being, but she doubted that that would always ring true. His results were in and now he was free to do whatever he wanted. She should have forced his hand when it came to their baby, but she hadn't wanted to have to, hadn't thought she would need to. She had truly believed that he would step up and be the man that she needed him to be. A self-fulfilling prophecy, Robin declared. He had actually convinced himself that he would let her down.

"If you don't want to decide on paint chips right now for the nursery, I won't make you." Brenda promised in a soothing tone. Robin just nodded, crying harder, burying her face into Brenda's shoulder. Brenda's embrace swallowed her up and she told herself to find comfort in this. Brenda had been overly protective of her before the pregnancy; she wouldn't put it past her friend to come up with a way to keep her in a protective bubble.

"I hate him. I just-hate him." Robin choked hard enough for her tears to multiply. She had to turn her face away, had to wipe the vulnerability from her features.

"Robin-" Brenda began in a steady voice.

"Don't patronize me!" Robin warned. "If I want to hate him, I get to!" Robin demanded. Brenda nodded in response and Robin collapsed into her arms once more just as the cab pulled up to her building. Both women pulled apart and Brenda held her suitcase in her right hand while she used her left hand to ease Robin to her feet. When she met her friend's eyes, the tears were dried and, if it hadn't been for the red cheeks, she might have thought that the emotional outburst was all in her mind.

"You can take the room across the hall for now. I don't have a lot of furniture, just a bed and a nightstand. Lucky said he would bring me an armoire so that you'll have a place to keep your clothes. You didn't bring a lot with you." Robin's words were monotonous, her tone never changed. She sounded dead, her voice barely above a cracked whisper. She was a withering at the ripe old age of twenty-four. Her once lively chestnut hair was drawn back in a cedar-brown clip and her unruly bangs were kept back with several bobby pins. Brenda, six years Robin's elder, felt like the younger of the two.

"It's late." Brenda told Robin, brushing her amber-brown hair behind her ear and inadvertently hovering as she helped the woman to her room.

"I changed the sheets and got two large comforters for your bed." Robin stated, never meeting Brenda's eyes.

"It'll get easier. Pretty soon, it'll be a part of our routine. Instead of calling each other when there's a problem, I'll just be across the hall. Easier access." Brenda smirked, but Robin didn't look up.

"About what happened in the cab…" Robin murmured.

"We're all allowed to break-" Brenda hurried to insist her.

"I want to apologize for it. It won't happen again." Robin declared with a quick nod of her head.

"Don't shut me out. We're best friends." Brenda reminded her.

"You've been gone. I've changed a lot. We'll have to work on adjusting. I'm really tired. I'll see you in the morning." Robin offered Brenda a forced smile and then shut her bedroom door, stalking over to the bed. All of the nights since the one Patrick had come home drunk Robin had been plagued with nightmares; tonight, she was given a reprieve and fell into sleep as soon as she dropped her head onto the pillow.

Brenda stayed up longer than she had anticipated, but her reason for doing so was logical. She hadn't seen Robin this broken since the night Stone died. Jason had driven her out of town, but she had only really cried once for him, had moved on, had accepted that he would never be hers again. Patrick was breaking her heart; he didn't even have to be here to do so. Robin's thoughts, her memories, kept him with her. She realized that he wasn't going to be coming back.

It stunned Brenda how Robin had completely written Patrick off without a single argument. She had told Brenda that they hadn't even run into each other since the break-up. Patrick must have gotten the clue, because he hadn't even attempted a phone call, at least not one that Robin had ever divulged to Brenda.

Hormones aside, Robin was nothing but a shell of the young woman Brenda had left years before. Her smiles were forced, her tears were synchronized, and her pain was put on hold for a more convenient time. Her life revolved around her work; she had always been able to put one foot in front of the other even when it killed her. Thanks to that stupid Dr. Kelly Lee, Robin was terrified to even face Patrick out of fear that she would lose their baby if she did. Robin was a lot stronger than anyone ever gave her credit for. A simple argument between her and Patrick wouldn't be enough to end her pregnancy.