Light shines in through the cracks of the curtains to dimly illuminate the room; I sit up in bed and rub the sleepiness out of my eyes, I throw the covers off and my feet touch the rough scratchy carpet. I head to the bathroom to shower away night sweats and the events of last night; I shower sweat and small twigs in the mess that is my hair. I have to try and figure out my next move, I might not be as lucky as I was last night, Clay might not be as open as was last night, and he can just as easily get rid of me. Maybe New York, the big apple! Big crowd filled with diverse people, be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Plus I have no ties in New York, but it's on the other side of the country and I just crossed from Chicago to California; fuck! My best bet is if this thing with Clay works out. I turn off the shower and dry off, changing back into my clothes from last night. A pair of skinny jeans and a baggy jumper I've owned since I was 15, I brush fingers through my hair and tight it up in a high pony tail. I open the door and walk out to the bar, where there are a considerable number of people all wearing matching vests, I spot recognise Clay, and Jax, but everyone else is new to me; they're busy chatting over coffee and cigarettes or playing pool. I take a seat on the far bar stool and observe everyone. Some of them just notice me discreetly, I can notice that some of them are talking about me; hmmm I wonder how many guys Clay had out looking for me. A cup of coffee is placed in front of me, courtesy of Opie, "Thank you" I smile,
"No problem" he nods,
"Can I ask you something?", I sip my coffee,
"Sure"
"How many people here know me?"
"All the club members", fuck he had all of them looking for me,
"And what has Dad told you and the others?", he shrugs
"Not much, just gave us a description, a name and told us how you were connected to him"
"Oh fun. Why did he want me found so bad?", I look at him and he hesitates, only slightly though,
"Clay doesn't want his missus to find out, until he tells her", hmmm something tells me he's not being honest, I lie enough to know the truth when I see it, I play along with it though,
"He should tell her and soon. I'm going to have to be sticking around for a while"
"Make it sound like you're going somewhere", yeah I am,
"I don't really seem to be welcome and if he doesn't tell his wife, it's a pretty clear cut that I shouldn't stick around"
"You'll be fine, just takes Clay a bit to warm up to you"
"Yeah sure" I smirk, I finish off my coffee. Clay walks up to me and hands me an envelope, I look in it and there's a small wad of cash, Christ this would be enough to get to New York. Wait, is this a please go away and never return bribe? "I'm guessing this is to leave town?"
"No, I want you to go out and buy some actual decent clothes and fix yourself up, should at least look presentable" I stare down, ashamed of my jeans and baggy jumper. I nod in acknowledgment, "Ope you go with her" he demands, Opie nods, when Clay is out of ear shot, I turn to Opie "You don't have to go and babysit me, I can go by myself" I don't want to burden him,
"No it's fine, come on lets go"
...
We pull into town, parking outside a clothing boutique, "I won't be long" I say as a slide out of the truck, but Opie follows me into the store; okay then. I quickly skim through the clothes, not wanting to take too long. I grab some new jeans, I few tops and a couple dresses; I try to try them all on as quickly as possible, not wanting to take too long and irritate him. Everything fits except for a few tops and a pair of jeans, I go to the counter to pay for my clothes, whoops I forgot my bag in the changing rooms. I rush back and grab my bag and I begin to walk back to the front door until I feel a hand over my over mouth and an arm around my neck dragging me out of the back of the door. I kick my legs, knowing I'm not going to make much noise through the noise clad hand over my head; I manage to kick the wall and make a hopefully decent noise. I'm dragged out the door and it closes, I'm still being dragged backwards, I manage to dislodge his hand enough to move my body to nail him in the ribs. He's winded and he loosens, I begin to sprint up the alley but a man steps out of a van grabs me and knocks me to the ground with a blow to my right cheek, I become very disoriented; the man attempts to grab me by the shoulders but I force him off me with my feet, I tumble backwards to a stand. There's a loud crash and Opie comes out the door with a gun steady in his hands, he shoots the first guy, the gunshot rings out and aims for the one who got out the van but he ducks back into the van and it speeds off. The first guys brains falling out the back and the blood is splattered across the gravel and spilling through the rocks, I become rather lightheaded and brace myself against the wall, Opie rushes to my side and grabs me helping me balance; I grip his hand tight and take deep breaths. I can't help but laugh hysterically, "I'm guessing that's not the first time you've shot someone", and he says nothing for a second,
"Come on we should get you back" he says strangely calm,
...
We make it back to the clubhouse safely, I slide out of the truck, I couldn't say anything on the way here. I found Clay in the garage tinkering with a bike, "Dad, we need to talk" I tremble, he looks over his shoulder and stands and walks me out of the garage into the heat, "Look we'll talk later, I'm a little busy at the moment"
"No, we'll talk now!"
"Someone tried to take her at the shop" Opie explains in a very calm and husk voice,
"Who?" Clay asks with fury on the edge of his tone,
"Calaveras"
"Gotta be Salazar"
"Sala-who? Cal dot what?" I interrupted, "Yes I'm still standing here! Who the hell attacked me?" I exclaim,
"Hey! You remember who you are talking to!" Clay shakes a finger at me,
"Yeah Dad! I do remember! But tell me Dad, what is it you exactly do to create enemies like that, I doubt a mechanic earns that kind of conference from a bad oil change" I'm not scared of him,
"Dad?" I hear a furiously confused toned, we turn to see a middle aged woman with brown hair and blonde streak, that must me Jax's Mum, Clays wife, he hasn't told her.
"You haven't told her that your illegitimate child is in town" I say under my breath, enough for him to hear me. Clay stares between me and the other woman, I walk off to the clubhouse, Ope tries to grab my hand but I yank it away. 'Father' can explain it to her himself; I walk into the clubhouse and down to my room, might not be my room after this, maybe this isn't the safest place for me to be. I slam the door and lean against the wall, I slide down to the floor, my breathing pattern furious, all I can feel is irritation and an infuriating burn reminding me that I'm an unwanted human being, I was just a money ticket for Mum and I'm just a burden to my Dad. No one wants me here, not even my friends in Chicago wanted to see me after what I'd done, and I've had some pretty lonesome moments but none as bad as this. I feel like I'm falling, no not falling, being thrown down an abyss, a void where no one can deal with me.
I hear a soft knock on my door and it opens slowly, I don't look up but I know it's Opie, I can tell from his rings on the door and his footwear out the corner of my eye. He enters the room and slides down to the spot next to me, "You okay" he asks warmly,
"23 years Opie. 23 years I waited for him to come back, a phone call, a letter, something. I get here only to find out why he stopped caring 19 years ago and now? He still doesn't care"
"I don't think he doesn't care, he just doesn't know how to handle it"
"Yeah, I'm sure he didn't want to handle it, ever", silence fills the room for a few minutes,
"Just give him some time, he'll come around"
"You ever been unwanted Opie?" I look to him and he stares at the ground,
"Yeah"
"Who?"
"My mom, left me when I was 16"
"How did that feel for you?"
"I can't remember, I remember filling the club in the place that she took from me"
"I wish I had that" I mumble, he looks to me
"What about your Mum?" he asks, Mum the meth addict who could only care about her next fix, selling my childhood for a toxic substance to shot into her body,
"It's complicated"
"Don't get along with her?"
"Yeah, something like that" I nod, I run my finger through my hair and exhale greatly. Opie puts his arm around me and I lean into it, the air mixed with his scent, being quite comforting. Have I made a friend? Maybe Opie's right, just give it some time, things will turn out. I lean snuggle into his embrace and we just sit there in comfortable silence.