15

Confession

CLARKE

When Arkadia finally grew silent around her and Clarke was sure the last of the night's stragglers had wandered to their cots, Clarke rolled off of her own cot and snagged her sack. Her lungs ached so badly that she wouldn't have been able to sleep anyways, and she had better things to do than lay on her cot, struggling to breathe and watching the shadows play on the ceiling.

She creaked her door open quietly and snuck quickly down the hall towards the garage. The keys were still in the ignition and Clarke climbed into the Rover feeling uneasy. Because things were going smoothly, easily. And nothing ever went smoothly for her.

She turned the engine over and passed through the open gates of Arkadia, waving a lazy thank you to Cooper as she passed. Hours ago she had talked the young guard into helping her sneak out. It had been far too easy. She'd put on her tightest blue blouse, strategically undone the top few buttons, and leaned forward as she sat across from the boy. He hadn't even asked her why she needed to take the rover out on her own in the middle of the night. He had just nodded, swallowing hard, staring at her chest the whole time. She had rolled her eyes as she walked away. Boys were so easy to manipulate.

Clarke didn't have much experience driving the rover, let alone driving in the darkness of night, and she was half-surprised she managed to make it to the edge of the forest without completely crashing it. She knew she had put a few new dents in the fenders, a few new scratches in the paint. But she hadn't thrown herself through the windshield, so she counted it a success as she killed the engine.

She made the short walk along the river's shore, following the small yellow circle of light emanating from her flashlight, and found the speedboat tied exactly where she and Emori had left it. Except... They had left it empty.

"Get out of my boat, stranger." Clarke commanded, pointing her pistol at the spot between the man's shoulder blades. He was hunched over, fiddling with the wires protruding from a loosened panel beneath the boat's steering wheel, clearly trying to hotwire it. He swiveled his head towards her, but the fear and surprise on his face quickly gave way to a smile.

"Or..." Clarke froze as a voice spoke directly behind her and the cold steel of a blade pressed against her Adam's apple. "You could hand over the keys to OUR boat, girlie."

Fear and plain annoyance warred within Clarke. She had already had her life threatened by one asshole today. She was tired of this shit.

"Don't make me kill your friend." She spoke to the man behind her.

"Don't make me kill you." The man replied. "Lower your gun."

Clarke's options were racing each other through her mind, but before she could select one, she heard the familiar click of a bullet being chambered and another voice spoke.

"Lower your blade." Bellamy's voice commanded.

Clarke felt the bite of the blade against her throat as a shot rang out behind her. The blade against her neck fell to her feet as the man's body crumpled behind her. Another shot rang through the night and Clarke watched the man in the boat collapse over the steering wheel, twitching for one long moment and then growing still.

A trickle of blood dripped down her neck and along her collar bone. The gash stung, but it wasn't deep. Clarke wiped the blood away as she turned to face Bellamy.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, surprised at the anger in her voice.

"Ummmm... Saving your life." Bellamy replied defensively, as if it were obvious. "You're welcome, by the way."

"Why are you always shooting people?" She spat at him.

"He had a dagger to your throat, Clarke." Bellamy spat back.

"I had everything under control."

"That's not what it looked like from where I'm standing."

"Why the hell are you even standing there, Bellamy? What are you doing here" Clarke repeated. "Wait... Let me guess... You were just TRACKING me again?"

"Cooper was acting weird during shift exchange tonight." Bellamy answered. "Wasn't very hard getting the information out of that idiot. I hid in the back of the rover. Thought about taking the wheel from you before you sent us rolling down an embankment, but I wanted to see where you were taking us. So... What the hell are YOU doing here? Where are we going?"

"WE aren't going anywhere, Bellamy." Clarke replied, stomping onto the boat and heaving the dead man's limp body over the side of it with a grunt.

"What?" Bellamy said sarcastically. "You think I'm just going to sit here, babysit the rover, and watch while you go off riding into the night in a fucking speedboat? By yourself? Do you know me at all, Clarke?" He asked, following her onto the boat.

"I know you a little too well, Bell." Clarke replied. "Now, get off my boat."

"No." Bellamy answered, flatly.

Clarke set her jaw and fixed Bellamy with her fiercest glare. "Get off my boat, Bellamy." She growled again.

"No." He refused again, flopping casually onto the backseat, not even bothering to wipe Murphy's crusty dried blood from it. "Wherever it is you are going, I'm coming with you. You can't stop me. Might as well stop arguing and fill me in on what it is you're doing."

Clarke fought back the anger within her. They were wasting time. "Fine." She finally huffed as she climbed behind the wheel, trying to ignore the slick blood smeared across it. "Untie us."

"Tell me what you're doing." Bellamy asked again as he pulled the rope loose from the boat.

"I'm doing what I'm always doing, Bellamy." Clarke replied irritably. "I'm saving the goddamn world."

...

"Look..." Bell finally said after a half hour of silence between them passed as they sped down the black river and onto the even blacker lake. "We need to talk."

"No we don't." Clarke dismissed him, flatly.

"Yes, we do, Clarke." Bellamy insisted, moving up without an invitation to the passenger seat beside her. He pivoted in the seat to face her. She avoided his eyes, keeping her own fixed firmly on the dark waters stretching before them.

"Well..." Bellamy said. "At least I need to talk. It's better anyways if you just listen."

Clarke didn't reply, but it seemed he wasn't expecting her to.

"I know you've been avoiding me, Clarke." He began. "But I have some things I have to tell you... Some things I have to get off my chest. First... I'm sorry about the other day, OK? It was stupid of me to... Well... It was just stupid. And I'm sorry about what I said about Lexa. I didn't know..." He paused awkwardly. Still Clarke pretended to ignore him.

"I just..." He continued. "I didn't know. And I know you told me that you're not ready, but I need to tell you that I am. I am ready..."

"Bellamy..." Clarke began with a sigh of exasperation.

"Clarke..." Bellamy quickly cut her off. "I told you to LISTEN. For once just LISTEN. Let me finish. What I was TRYING to say is that I'm ready... I'm finally ready... To be friends with you. Just friends."

Taken aback, Clarke turned her eyes to Bellamy for the first time since he started speaking. He was staring at her with a nervous intensity, a fearful resolve.

"The truth is," He continued. "I've felt something for you from the beginning of this whole damn mess. From the moment we stepped off the dropship and you immediately started trying to boss us all around and I realized you might be the only girl I'd ever met who was more stubborn than my sister."

Clarke bit her tongue, listening. She had thought that Bellamy had hated her back then. She even remembered thinking that he might kill her if he got the chance. This was all news to her and she didn't know how to respond. But it didn't matter because the words were still pouring out of Bellamy like a long overdue confession and she wouldn't have been able to get a word in if she tried.

"And I felt it from the very beginning." Bellamy continued. "Since the first time you told me to go float myself. But I didn't know what to do about it. I'd never been drawn to a girl that way before. You weren't just some hot girl I wanted to see naked. You were smart and strong and sexy and... Like I said... Stubborn. And I didn't know what to do with you."

"So, naturally, I did the mature thing and I treated you like a complete ass. And when I finally realized I was being an idiot, you were already falling for Finn and I was too damn late. And I was jealous of him. And then he died, and I know it sounds messed up to say this, but I was even more jealous of him, because there was no way I could compete with him after that. And I figured you would never be interested in me. But then Mt. Weather happened and I thought... I thought maybe it wasn't so crazy after all. That maybe you could have feelings for me."

"But then you left. And I was confused. And I was angry. And then I heard you were being hunted and I was desperate to save you. And I thought I was coming to rescue you from the Grounders and you CHOSE to stay. I asked you to come back with me. I almost begged you. And you chose them... the Grounders... Lexa. And I was even more confused. And I was even more angry.

And I told myself I was angry about Gina. And I was. But I was even angrier about you. And the anger just made me stupider. And I hated the Grounders. Because my sister chose them over me. And you chose them over me. And I followed Pike. And Octavia's right... I ruined everything. I ruined everything between me and her. I ruined everything between me and you. I ruined everything. And I don't know how to make things right again. Not with her and not with you.

I tried to control Octavia. I never listened to her. I wasn't a good brother. And I never listened to you either. I wasn't a good friend. But I'm ready now. I'm ready to listen. I'm ready to be a good friend. Just a friend." He finally finished with a deep, nervous breath. "That is... If you... WANT a friend..."

Clarke turned her eyes to Bellamy. He looked so insecure and vulnerable, even more exposed than he had been standing buck-naked before her in the river only days ago. She didn't want him anymore now than she had at that moment. But his eyes held a sincerity that made her wonder if maybe he was starting, just a little, to understand.

"I can always use a good friend, Bellamy." She said. And she meant it.

He gave her a sheepish smile and sat back in his chair looking exhausted, but relieved, like he had just lifted a huge weight off of his shoulders.

"So..." He said after a moment. "Where are we going?"