I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. All I could hear was that insufferable laughter. All I could hear was laughing. Laughing, laughing laughing laughinglaughinglaughing. I couldn't even see anything. All around me was black, dark, a void of nothing but his laughter. WHERE WERE YOU, HARLEQUIN? The words echoed about my brain, screaming into every thought even when I tried to focus on something else. Screamed at me when I closed my eyes or when I opened them, they vibrated in that black void surrounded by his stupid laughter. They stood in gigantic, bold purple and green letters, they even had a bit of a wave factor to them like some cliche video font. Why was it like this? Why was it like this? Suddenly it was like a light was being turned on in front of me, bringing my attention to him at last. Joker. That tall, green haired, blue eyed, infectious man. That stupid metal smile was beginning to spread across those red lips of his. What did he want from me? Why was he doing this?
"Oh my little Harlequin. You're makin a beah-utiful transformation to the real you~.." That voice came singing out through the laughter that continued to bounce about whatever area we were currently locked in. Real me? This was the real me! What was he talking about? I tried to talk to him, tried to speak but it was like I didn't have a voice. I couldn't talk. I couldn't breathe. He grinned again, suddenly he was dressed in just the track pants that come with the uniform at the Asylum, and he was slowly walking towards me. Those interesting tattoos that he had all over his body were out and on display, what a narcissistic.. He even had his own self proclaimed name on his stomach. "That's it," He purred quietly as he got closer. It was like he had teleported, one minute he was approaching me from what seemed to be the other side of the room, and then he was behind me, those cool hands sliding over... My bare.. My bare shoulders..? His hands were tracing along my skin, down my arms and then across my back, his face was unbearably close to me, I could feel the heat of his breath fluttering against my neck. His body was so close, I could feel his chest against my back, feel his bare skin against my bare skin. I felt his lips brush against my neck and I felt my heart stop, it was like nothing else was happening in this world. How was this even happening? "Let go.. Let her take over.. Let yourself be who you really are..." He purred, but his purr wasn't even remotely similar to an actual purr, his voice sounded like a jaguar.. A growl.. But a soft.. I couldn't explain it. I still didn't know what he was talking about. I am me! I wanted to shout at him, ask him why he had to kill them, why it was my fault, why he seemed to think I wasn't who I truly was. I am Harleen Quinzel and that is who I am!
Then he was gone, and there was laughter again, but it was normal laughter. I recognized it as the warm laugh of Doctor Emily Smith. She was a gem, she really was, and her laugh was so nice and kind, soft and kinda squeaky because that was just what her voice was like. It was squeaky and girlish, she always sounded so cute, precious even. How could Joker have ever hurt her? She was always so kind to him, too. Well, maybe kind wasn't the right word. But she wasn't rude, she didn't mistreat him like the others did, she didn't abuse him, she didn't.. She didn't deserve to be the focus of his anger. His anger was suppose to be directed at me. I was suppose to be the one laying on the therapy room floor with bruises around my throat and a black eye. I was suppose to be dead. Oh no you're notttt... Who was that? Before I could focus more on that little voice, the situation changed in a flash of pink and blue mangled together. I was suddenly sat across from Emily herself, I felt so restricted though.. Itchy. Looking down I could see that I was well.. I was in a straight jacket. In my underwear. Sat on a very, very cold metal chair. Why was I in my underwear? Better yet, why was I in a straight jacket? Across from Emily? She was dead. She was dead and gone. I must be dreaming. "Hello, Harleen," Emily started, eyes on her notes, pushing her glasses up carefully. "How are you feeling? How are the new medications? Any side affects that you've noticed?" Why was she treating me like a patient? What was happening? I knew that I had a bit of an issue, especially being so obsessed with such a psychotic piece of shit, but.. But.. I didn't belong here. I didn't belong being a patient.
"I don't belong here." I said. Finally! Finally I could speak. Was it because of Emily? "Why am I here?" I asked, a little quieter this time. My voice sounded foreign to me. It sounded higher, different. It wasn't mine. Wasn't me.. Yes it is. Who was that?! Emily interrupted again. "Harleen, after attempting to take the Joker on by yourself you went insane. You slaughtered ten guards and suffered a mental break. You remember, don't you?" A mental break? Taking the Joker on by myself? No. Nonono. That wasn't want happened. She was dead. "You're dead." I said after a moment. Emily's normal appearance started to change when I said it. Suddenly she was pale, paler than pale, and those bruises were back on her body and she looked almost sad. "It's your fault, Harleen." She said, her voice low and haunting. Then, Stanley was behind her too. I looked to him, pudding still smeared across his face, spoon stuck out of his mouth. He seemed to try to gargle that it was my fault. Then, that was all I could hear as another flash of mangled pink and blue exploded in front of my eyes and I was left back in the dark. LET HER OUT was now the words in pink and blue, floating about in the darkness. Who was she?! I wasn't harboring some insane fugitive inside my body! What did they want from me?! I'd started to tear up, stumbling backwards. No. Nono. This couldn't be happening. This was a nightmare. I need to wake up. I kept stumbling back until I smacked into something.. Something hard. I turned around to see that damn clowns face again, and he was laughing. "Let her out Harleeeeyyyy..." He purred, and then he was gone.
"I don't know what you want!" I yelled out into the darkness, but then that voice was back. It wasn't just in my mind though this time, and I realized.. It sounded exactly like mine did in the scene with Emily.. "Let me ouuuut Harleeeen... You're gonna be a bore for liiiife without me..." The voice purred, and it sounded so close to me, so so damn close.
The light came on again, unlike last time, Joker wasn't in the spotlight but.. It was me.. I was there, with bleach blonde hair and skin as white as paper, I was dressed in a doctors coat, but instead of my normal skirt and blouse, this version of me was wearing a.. Dress. A gold and black dress. What was going on? "Who are you?" I whispered, but I knew she would hear me. She was me. Did it work that way? I didn't know. A grin came to her red painted lips, a grin so similar to Jokers. "Ohhh.. Oh I'm Haaarley Quinn.. Queen of Gotham City! Right hand gal to mistah J himself! My puddin, ain't he a HONKA HONKA huh?" I knew what was happening now. I was dreaming up the fantasy that part of my brain wanted. But I didn't want that. I didn't want this. I didn't want to be that girl. "Oh yes you do, Harleen. You want this life. You need this life." Harley seemed to purr as she began to walk over to me, it was a weird sensation, you know, feeling my own fingers tracing my own arms like Joker had moments earlier.
"You want to be with him. I can't blame ya! Well.. I am you.. So.. I really can't, but ya know, a lotta people can't blame ya for it! He's a hottttie! A lil messed up in the brain but ain't that the fun of it all? That's why you took this job at Arkham after all, ain't it? To have an interesting life, live the life of a psycho maniac without becoming one. But you wanna be come one. You want it.. You crave it. That's why you went after him. That's why you wanted to be around him. Ya know what they call it when one persons psychosis causes another person to suffer with a similar one? Do ya? Ya definitely should! Harleen Quinzel, top of ya psychology class, and ya can't even answer a simple question!" I knew the answer. "In English they refer to it as Madness of Two.." I said quietly, frozen in my spot there with this Harley dancing around me, her psychotic little giggles echoing about the dark area when I finally answered. "Yeah, that's right. And guess what, Harleeen? That's what the good ol doctors of Arkham are gonna uh.. What's that word?" "Diagnose..." "Yes! That's it. That's what they're gonna diagnose ya with!" Then she was gone, and Joker was behind me again, his cool hand snaking along my arm, placing a gun in my slim fingers. What was happening anymore? This was a weird dream. A really weird dream. "You know how to use one of these, kitten?" He purred and I shook my head. I've never touched a gun in my life. But once again I couldn't speak. I couldn't move, I could only let him do what he pleased. My mother was standing then, right in front of us, looking terrified and shaking. Her blonde hair looked like it was going to fall out, and her green eyes were tear filled, lips pulled back into a sob. "Please, Harleen, don't do it, you don't have to do this!" She begged. I felt my eyes sting with tears. Why was he making me do this. "Pull the trigger for daddy.." Joker whispered in my ear, before those.. Really soft.. Lips.. Were trailing kisses.. Down my neck.. I couldn't focus right, so he positioned my hand properly, his finger over mine on the trigger, before he forced me to pull the trigger. The gun made a loud bang noise, and I watched with wide eyes as the bullet took my mother right between the eyes.. And with one last sob, she fell to the ground. Dead. "Ooohh baby.." He cooed. Then, I was laughing. I couldn't stop laughing. It felt good..
I sprung up from the confinements of my sheets, tears pouring down over my cheeks and sweat causing my hair to stick to my forehead. I looked around the room slowly, taking in where I was slowly. I was home. I was safe home in my own bed. I looked to the clock on my nightstand and let out a small sigh. 3:43 AM. Well I might as well get up, I wasn't going to be going back to bed anytime soon. I pushed the sheets off my legs all the way, slowly swinging them to meet the warm soft carpet of my bedroom floor, standing from the bed and slowly trailing out of the room, down the cool tiled hall and wandered down to the kitchen, pouring myself up a glass of water from the tap before downing it. My eyes traveled slowly to the window, seeing a guy sat hunched over against a building across the street, probably a homeless. Not unusual. What was unusual though, was the flash of mangled pink and blue that lead up to me seeing him with his skull cracked open and blood pooling down the street. I shook my head quickly, hand raising to grip the side of my head. No. Nonononono. This couldn't be happening. I blinked a couple times and looked out again. He was back to normal. OKay. So.. I needed more sleep. Or maybe I needed to start working again. After all, I'd had the last two weeks off. They understood that I was close to Emily, and they knew that Harlequin, after Jokers screaming it at me, was well, me. Not to mention the beating of my patient. Oh poor.. Poor Lucy. When they found her, she didn't even have any eyes left in her head. One of the insensitive piece of shit guards had joked, "Well guess there wont be an open casket for this one." Before he called in the cops. Poor Lucy.
Well, I'd dressed myself, got myself ready for work, and headed in. When I got there, the head psychiatrist was staring at me intently form the other side of the little so called staff room. "Harleen," He spoke, Doctor Derek Wells. Top dog. He was an elder guy, nice fella too. "We'd like you to take on the Joker on your own," No. Nononon that was bad. Yes. Yesyesyes. Shut up, Harley. "We know this is a big thing to ask of you, given the incident a few weeks ago involving your mentor and your patient after being taken off his case. But, we've tried every therapist willing to deal with him and he's either attacked or neglected them all, none of them are working and he's requesting specifically for you." No. I can't do it. I didn't say it, but I can't do it. Take the god damn job you pussy! Did this bitch ever shut up? "I'm sorry I-" Suddenly it wasn't like I was incharge of my body, a smile came across my lips after, my hand raised and pushed my glasses up. "I'll do it. I'll start today. Let him know." Nonononnono. What did ma always tell us, Harleen? If ya want something doneeee... Do it yourself. Yes. I remember. Derek looked delighted, nodded his head and went off to get someone to inform J of the changes.
Around one that afternoon, I found myself standing outside of the therapy room, breathing heavily. Oh just get in there ya pansy! So I did. I listened to the psychopath hiding out in my mind. Crazy, right? I pushed open the door and paused when I saw them leading him in in a straight jacket. At least he was restrained, I thought. I closed the door and moved to sit down carefully. "J," I started but he looked so mad. He looked pissed. "Well well welllllll..." He started, voice dark and low. "Look what the cat dragged in!" He snarled, head tilted back and nose upturned. "I didn't think I'd get to see you again Dr. Quinzel. I thought you'd be off with other people!" He was treating me like I had cheated on him or something! Well, ya kinda did, dollface. Oh shut up! "How is dear ol Lucy? Oh right, shes dead." He snarled. What was I suppose to do? Tell him you missed him. What? What good would that do? Tell him, Quinzel. Tell the guy the truth! He'll revel in it! "I missed you, Mistah J." I said quietly. For some reason, it felt like that had lifted such a weight off my chest.. How true had it been? Pretty true. You've dreamed about him eveeery night since ya left! Shut up Harley.
J's face lit up instantly at that. "Oh ya missed me did ya? Oh, Doctor.. I've missed you tooo.." He cooed quietly, leaning against the table slowly. "I missed you lots. Ya know? I've been askin for ya but they said you were takin time off. Made me real sad, reall... Lonely..." He said, mocking a sad tone as he pouted those pretty.. Soft.. Lips at me. Nonono. Pull yourself together Harleen. Oh you wanna kiss him! I do not! Do too~! Shut. Up. Harley. I smiled back at him, and a hand reached out without realizing it, brushing my fingers across his cheek gently. "I was pretty lonely too." I said softly, as he leaned his head into my hand. "Oh, I cherish these moments with you, Doctor." He said quietly.
The session went on like a reunion. Like a.. reuniting session. Harley hadn't shut up, either. Stupid girl. I ain't stupid! See, always interrupting. A few weeks had passed, and J had really opened up to me in the sessions. Often I'd bring him candy or stuffed toys and in return he would tell me a bit about him. About his past. Never too much about his past though, plenty about him. He was a real nice fella! So today, I'd brought him a kitty! I think he liked cats, he definitely mentioned it once. He likes cats. He calls us kitten, remember? Shut up Harley. I entered and sat down with him, talked a little before I mentioned I had brought him something. "What is it?" He asked curiously, head tilting to the side in that odd.. Odd way of his. "A kitty," I hummed, taking it out of my pocket and wiggling its little paws at him. He grinned. "Oh cute.. I cherish these moments with you, Doctor." "Do you?" I questioned. Stupid question. I ignored Harley. "Yes.." He said quietly, and his head began tilting side to side slowly. "That's why I gotta ask if you can do me an.. Itsy.. Bitsy.. Favor," He said, purring the words out at me as he leaned close to the table. A flash of pink and blue and I was leaning over to him, our lips connecting only for a moment before the flash happened again and I was sat in the chair once again. "Anything for you- I mean, yeah." I nodded to him and he grinned nice and wide. "I need a machine gun." A machine gun.. I stared at him with curious eyes. "a.. Machine gun..?" His lips pulled into a wide smile, eyes squinting at me as he gave me that open mouth, teeth filled grin, wheezing out a little laugh at me. You heard the man! Get him a machine gun! Harley! Do it! It'll get ya.. Kitten points! No! Yes! No! Yes! ...Yes.. "I'll.. Alright." I nodded my head and he grinned nice and wide.
Another flash of pink and blue and I was over the table again, hand on his cheek as we kissed deeply. Passionately. Fuck this god damn clown. You wanna fuck this god damn clown. Harley. This isn't the time. Right on the metal table! Harley! My head was filled with her giggles then, I shook the thought, and went on then with the instructions that Joker had given me after.
The next day, the sound of gunshots echoed throughout the Asylum. And when a man wearing a goat head? Grabbed me, I knew I had fucked up. Oh, the fun has just begun.