Disclaimer: Still don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 16 Awkwardness, Tension, and Ducks

James's was now beginning to question his mother's sanity. It was several mornings later and things still didn't look any better from where he sat. It wasn't the having to wait for Lily to make up her mind that bothered him. He'd waited for years what was another week or two. The awkwardness, on the other hand, was driving him mad! He had really been enjoying the fact that he and Lily had been getting along, but Merlin, he preferred when she could barely stand the sight of him to the tension that currently existed between them. It wasn't as bad when they could avoid each other but the couple of times that they had been in close proximity over the past couple of days had been miserable.

Unfortunately it was now 8: 50 on Thursday night. That meant that in ten minutes time James and Lily's scheduled two-hour patrol would start. Sighing James resolved that he would try and find a way to lessen the tension the two of them were currently experiencing. Besides the fact that he would probably go mad and require an extended stay in the closed ward at St. Mungo's if this lasted much longer, he was also worried that it would negatively affect Lily's decision making, resulting in her rejection of him once more.

Glancing up at the clock again he saw that it was time to head down to the Common Room to meet Lily. Groaning miserably he rolled out of his bed, grabbed his wand off of his nightstand, and headed out the door.

"Good luck, Prongs!" Sirius called cheerfully.

James didn't even bother to roll his eyes. He needed to save his energy for the next two hours.

Lily was waiting for him near the portrait hole. Looking at her James noticed that she looked every bit the calm, cool, and collect Head Girl. How did she do it? He knew the tension had to be getting to her too.

"Hi," he said trying to sound casual. "You ready to go?"

"Yeah, let's get this over with," Lily replied turning quickly and heading out of the Common Room with James following behind.

The first ten minutes passed by in awkward silence. Finally, James couldn't take it anymore. He searched desperately for a topic that didn't involve the ball. Finally, he decided on Transfiguration. He wasn't sure it was the safest subject, but he knew that grades were important to Lily and he hoped her desire to do well would overcome the awkwardness.

"So, how's Transfiguration coming?" he asked nervously.

"Better, sort of," Lily replied.

Inwardly James sighed. She wasn't going to explode at him.

"Do you think we could go over it a bit more sometime soon though? I definitely understood more of what McGonagall was talking about today, but I still couldn't get Katie to turn into a duck."

"Sure," James answered smiling slightly.

Much to his surprise he could almost feel the awkwardness ease a bit.

"Do you have time on Saturday, I have Quidditch practice at three but any time before that is fine with me."

"How about after lunch?"

"Alright, it's…sounds like a good plan," James cursed inwardly hoping Lily hadn't noticed he had almost said, 'it's a date.' He didn't mean it that way, but he was fairly certain she wouldn't have believed him. He would not screw this up, he would not.

Things were much less awkward after that. There was definitely still some tension remaining but it was much more bearable now. The remainder of their patrol was spent talking about unimportant things, such as whether or not McGonagall and Dumbledore were secretly in love and the possibility that the current DADA teacher would last more than one year. Although they couldn't come to a consensus on the former they both agreed that the latter would never happen.

It was Friday afternoon and Lily had a free period. Unfortunately she was not spending her time relaxing. Instead she was holed up in the library trying to get some of her homework out of the way. She was currently engrossed in her Potion's essay on Felix Felicis when she heard footsteps as someone approached. She looked up and was slightly surprised, but not disappointed, to see Remus heading towards her.

"Hey, Remus," Lily said smiling.

"Mind if I join you?" he asked.

"Not at all, what brings you here?"

"The need for a quiet place to do my homework," Remus replied laughing. "I certainly am not going to find that in Gryffindor tower."

"But almost everyone is in class," Lily said now confused.

"Not true," Remus grinned. "Sirius is in Gryffindor Tower. And when Sirius is around things are rarely quiet. Even when he's doing actual work."

"I still think you're lying about Sirius actually doing work," Lily said looking at Remus skeptically.

"No, no, it's true. He and James just don't usually do their homework in public. They even studied for their O.W.L.'s though I doubt you'd ever get Sirius to admit it. Though you might be able to get James to admit it," Remus said grinning.

Lily sighed, "I don't want to talk about it."

Of course that's why he was here, to try and convince her to go to the ball with James.

"I have no intentions of discussing it. You are the one who brought it up," Remus said pulling his DADA book out of his bag.

"You're sure he isn't just after me because I won't go out with him?" Lily asked quietly.

"Positive," Remus replied. "But I thought you didn't want to talk about it?"

"I don't," Lily said quickly and began to look something up in her Potion's book or at least she pretended to.

The ball was all she had been able to think about all week. She had spent so many years not being able to stand James. She just couldn't accept that he really was interested in her and not just in getting her to go out with him.

"Besides," said Remus suddenly. "If he were only interested in getting you to agree to go out with him, he wouldn't have asked you to the ball after you agreed to go to Hogsmeade with him."

With that Remus set to work, not saying another word on the matter.

Lily forced herself to focus on her Potion's essay, though her mind kept wandering back to James causing it to take her much longer to finish her essay than it normally would have.

What if he really has changed? What if he really is interested in her and not just proving that he could get her? She was so confused she didn't know what to do. She had to admit she really did like this new James. But what if it was all just an act to get her? It certainly was an impressive act if that were true. But what if? She didn't want to be hurt. Even as she thought this she heard her mother's voice, 'Worrying about the what-ifs will get you no where. Sometimes you have to suck it up, take the plunge, and just let what happens happen. Otherwise you might spend the rest of your life wondering 'what would have happened if' and that's much worse.'

Lily heard the bell ring and sighed. She performed a drying spell on her essay and then rolled it up, putting her things in her bag. Remus cleaned up his things too and the two of them headed towards the Great Hall for dinner.

The next day Lily was sitting in the Great Hall with Katie, Marlene, and Mary when the Marauders arrived. The girls halted their conversation as the boys approached.

"We still on for our meeting after lunch Lily?" James asked.

"Yeah."

"Alright, I'll meet you in the Heads Common room as soon as I'm finished eating then."

"Okay."

James then led his friends to the other end of the table away from the girls. He would be spending time alone with Lily soon enough, he reminded himself. He should give her some space, crowding her would just annoy her. It would not help.

"Are you to dating secretly?" Katie asked with a mischievous grin on her face. "And your refusing to go to the ball with him is just a clever rues to throw us off."

"No!" Lily exclaimed in a whisper.

"You really should just give in Lily," Marlene said reasonably. "We know you like him, you know you like, there's no shame in it."

"I'm not ashamed, I'm just not sure that I like him."

"Well," said Mary, "All the more reason to go to the ball with him. It'll help you realize that you do."

"So if you're not having a secret torrid affair what are you meeting him in the Head's Common Room for?" Katie asked still grinning.

"So we can get our work done without being distracted by his friends…or mine," Lily said in a serious tone.

Lily's friends all grinned at her. Why wouldn't they just let it go? How could they be so sure James really liked her and wasn't just in it for the chase? They could all be wrong…couldn't they? Lily sighed inwardly and continued to eat her lunch.

Half an hour later found Lily and James in the Head's Common Room organizing their notes for their study session.

"Thanks for not telling anyone why we're here," Lily said suddenly.

"No problem, you asked me not to, I understand why, I wouldn't betray your trust by blabbing," James said with a shrug as if it were nothing.

Inwardly, however, he was frustrated that she still didn't trust him. He didn't know what else he could do to prove it and part of him didn't think he should have to. If she couldn't see it, well, that was her own fault.

"So last time we talked a bit about theory. Do you want to do any more with that or would you like to do some spells?" James asked.

"I think I understand the basics of the theory," Lily responded. "You explained them pretty well."

"Okay then. Let's start out with some of the stuff we were doing at the end of last year. I know it's review, but it's the set up for using the more advanced theory we're practicing this year and looking at what we've done previously really helps to make what we're doing now more clear."

"Alright, I guess," Lily said.

She was slightly annoyed that James didn't think she was capable of moving right into what they were currently working on, but she didn't want to make him angry and having him go blabbing that she was failing Transfigurations. She still wasn't sure she could trust him. She knew it wasn't entirely fair for her to think that. He'd given no indication that he wasn't since they found out they would be Head Boy and Girl together, but she had spent six years not trusting him and old habits are hard to break.

James and Lily spent about forty-five minutes going over spells from the end of sixth year. Lily was surprised to find that James had been right. As they had gone over each of the spells and theory from the end of last year, bits and pieces of what they were learning this year continued to click.

"Okay, I think you've got it," James said grinning.

Lily smiled too, in spite of herself.

"You ready to try and turn me into a duck?" James asked grinning.

"What if I screw it up?" Lily asked nervously.

"Never happen, I have faith in you," James replied. "You understand the theory. Now you just have to concentrate and have confidence, just like with flying."

"What does flying have to do with Transfiguration?" Lily asked confused and slightly annoyed.

"Concentration and confidence are important. Broom won't cooperate otherwise. Same thing with Transfiguration," James replied as if the connection made perfect sense.

"If you say so," Lily said skeptically.

"Now turn me into a duck," James said in such a serious tone that Lily couldn't help but laugh.

James grinned at her, "Well?"

Lily rolled her eyes, waved and flicked her wand while thinking the incantation. To her great surprise there was a flash of light and a duck had suddenly replaced James Potter.

"I did it! I did it!" Lily yelled excitedly.

James quacked in approval. Lily continued to gibber excitedly when she was interrupted by a particularly loud quack from James the duck.

"Oh, sorry," Lily said laughing and performing the spell to change James back.

Nothing happened. James looked at her and quacked again.

This time Lily tried saying the spell. James the duck continued to stare at her. She kept this up for several minutes before James started to jab his bill in the direction of the clock. It was 2: 40. James had Quidditch practice in exactly 20 minutes.

Lily looked at James worriedly and decided she had no choice. She scooped him up and hurried off to the Transfiguration wing and McGonagall's office, praying the professor was in.

Lily knocked on the door hesitantly on Professor McGonagall's office door.

"Come in," McGonagall replied to Lily's immense relief.

"Um, Professor, um," Lily faltered.

"Yes, Miss Evans? What do you need?" McGonagall asked in her tone slightly softer than normal.

"Well, you see Professor," Lily began walking into the room. She held out the James duck to show Professor McGonagall.

"I had no problems changing him into a duck, but then I went to change him back and well, he's still a duck. And I couldn't ask him what I was doing wrong cause he's a duck! And he's got Quidditch practice in 10 minutes...

"Miss Evans..."

"...and he can't hold a quaffle as a duck!"

"Miss Evans..."

"Sure he wouldn't need a broom I suppose, but if a bludger hit him…"

"Lily," Professor McGonagall said loudly, but gently.

Lily stopped abruptly. Never had she heard McGonagall refer to a student by their first name.

"It's ok. Put him on the floor. I'll put him right."

Lily nodded sheepishly and put James on the ground. He looked up at McGonagall and quacked.

McGonagall smiled at him and waved her wand. In a flash James was standing in front of them again.

Lily avoided his gaze guiltily. "James, I'm so sorry…I"

"It's okay. No harm done," James replied flashing Lily a smile that could melt the heart of any other girl at Hogwarts and for the first time Lily felt her heart melt slightly, too.

"Thanks, Professor. But I have to run, I'm going to be late."

With that James took off. He practically ran towards the pitch. He still had to stop in the Head's Common Room and grab his things, even with all his shortcuts he was going to be late. Oh well, he'd just tell them they had ended up having to talk with McGonagall about some stuff for the ball and they had run a bit over.