Heed the warnings in chapter one please.
Chapter Five
It's Not Your Fault
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"I'm gonna go grab some coffees and ring some necks for answers. I'll be back." Rossi moved out of the door and down the hallway.
JJ sat down next to Aaron, Kate on his other side. They were like sentries guarding their fallen leader.
Morgan placed a strong arm around Garcia as she allowed silent tears to stream down her face. They sank to their own chairs and sat in stunned silence as they waited.
A few minutes passed and Rossi returned with coffees for everyone, but no answers.
Ten minutes later a rugged looking man in his mid-fifties entered the room. He had a short, stubbly beard and unruly brown hair, both of which were slightly graying. His eyes were a piercing blue and he walked with a cane, which only seemed to accentuate his limp. He was wearing blue jeans with a charcoal gray suit coat and a red Rolling Stones t-shirt. There were sneakers on his feet.
Rossi gave him a once over while quirking an eyebrow.
The man looked down at the chart he was carrying, "Spencer Reid and Jack Hotchner?"
"Yes, that's us," Kate stated as the group crowded around him.
"I'm Dr. Greg Wilson—"he started, but was interrupted by the anxious assembly.
"How are they? How's my son?" Aaron looked at the doctor as though the older man held his salvation in his hands; as if the doctor's words would be the very thing that broke him completely or stitched him back together.
With a sympathetic look Dr. Wilson began.
"Spencer and Jack were broadsided this evening. We're not sure of all the details at this time, but their vehicle was hit on the passenger's side by a pick-up truck going through intersection." He paused for just a moment to glance down at his notes, and then continued, "Spencer sustained a mild concussion from the impact, which caused him to hit his head against the driver's side door. Also, he has some bruising to his chest and abdomen from the seatbelt he was wearing. He'll be sore for a few days. Overall, he was extremely lucky he wasn't hurt worse."
Again, Dr. Wilson paused to allow the information to sink in and to skim his notes one last time. With a deep breath, he resumed, "Jack was on the side impacted. The collision caused the passenger's side door to crumple inward, subsequently crushing his chest. The impact fractured several ribs, which led to a punctured right lung. The damage caused that lung to collapse. He also incurred severe Internal bleeding due to lower rib fractures that lacerated his liver and kidney. By the time he reached the ER there was nothing more we could do." The doctor looked to the six faces staring back at him in silent shock. His eyes held a sincere sympathy as he added, "I'm so sorry for your loss."
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Your loss?
Wait, what?
What did I lose...what just happened?
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Aaron fell.
His world dimmed, it was shattering around him.
His son.
Jack...
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Oh my god.
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JJ led him to a seat and wiped tears from her own eyes as she took in the information. All she could think about was Henry. What if it had been Henry? More tears welled up in her eyes as she tried desperately to keep them at bay. She needed to stay strong for her boss.
Rossi sat next to his friend, in silent disbelief at the doctor's proclamation. He was at a loss for words, so he just placed an arm around Aaron's shoulder as the Unit Chief tried to keep his emotions from erupting with his devastation.
Morgan clenched his fists in an effort to control his rage at the situation. It didn't work. A moment later his fist impacted with the door, causing a loud bang as it flew open and he retreated down the hall. He needed some air.
Garcia looked after him but was unable to move to follow; frozen in place by the emotional blow. She eased back down to a waiting chair next to Kate, who sat in numbed reticence at the heartbreaking revelation.
Dr. Wilson softly added, "When you're ready we can take you to see Spencer. He should be released after a few hours of observation. I can have a chaplain come speak to you now if you'd like."
Aaron sluggishly raised his head to look at the man who had just given him the worst news of his life. He cleared his throat and stood up, his voice betrayed his grief. "No, I don't need a chaplain. I want to see Spencer, and I need to see my son."
Aaron entered the trauma room while Rossi stayed close enough for support if needed. The space was dark, the lights low and curtains drawn. There were various machines surrounding the bed. They were all quiet; they had no work to do here. It was a somber sight. The room felt sequestered, secluded, remote….as if the rest of the hospital were miles away.
It's still.
Peaceful?
He walked toward the bed on quivering legs. He could see the form underneath the pale blue sheet. His breath hitched and his hand flew out to grab one of those slumbering machines to steady himself.
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Can I do this?
Do I want to do this?
Yes.
Of course, a thousand times, yes.
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He had to see his son.
Jack needed his father.
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He needs his daddy.
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He stepped closer, the air thick with grief; the weight of it pressing on his shoulders. He sunk down to the stool at the side of the bed and said a quick prayer….
To God...
To Haley...
To whoever would listen.
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Please give me the strength to do this.
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He pulled the sheet down.
He fixed his gaze on the sleeping face of his son.
He placed Jack's tiny hand in his, drew it up to his face, and wept for his baby boy.
Garcia and Kate chose to stay in the waiting room while JJ and Morgan went to see Spencer. Garcia was unsure whether she could keep strong for her babies, and Morgan had asked Kate to keep an eye on the tech analyst for him.
JJ and Morgan quietly entered Spencer's room. He was lying on the bed, looking in the opposite direction of the door, out the window. He didn't move as JJ walked closer to his side. Morgan stayed close to the door, keeping watch over his friend from the doorway. He knew what Reid needed right now. He needed JJ; he needed the comfort she could give him.
"Spence..." JJ whispered, not trusting her voice to speak any louder at the moment.
He turned his head to look at her with those beautiful hazel eyes and it broke her heart with how much pain she saw in their depths. His hair was matted with blood and glass fragments on the left side of his head. His brow was furrowed in anguish and utter shock was written on his features. She could just make out the top of a dark bruise forming over his left collar bone.
"JJ?"
A whimper.
"What have I done?"
"Oh honey, come here." She sat on the edge of the bed and pulled him into a gentle but firm embrace. It was a mother's embrace; a mother's comfort. "This wasn't your fault. Do you hear me?"
He clutched onto her petit frame with a desperate urgency and held on as if his very life depended on the connection. His slender form shuddered as his face crumpled in agony and his eyes screwed shut as violent sobs erupted from the depths of his soul.
She turned his head slightly and kissed his temple before repeating over and over...
"It's not your fault. It's not your fault. "
Morgan pulled the shocked man into his arms for just a moment, "Hotch…man, anything you need. You hear me? Anything. You just call." Aaron pulled away as his watery gaze wandered through the door frame and over to Spencer, who was being held up by JJ.
His sobs had slowed to small whimpers, littered between shuddered breaths and sniffles. He heard Morgan at the door and raised his head from JJ's shoulder. His gaze met Aaron's and he saw the desolation in his chocolate eyes.
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Oh Aaron...
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Aaron was at his bedside in two strides. JJ moved away and he took her place next to his lover.
The only thing he had left in the world.
He slowly sunk his head down to Spencer's chest to hear his heartbeat.
That gentle thump.
That life affirming sound.
He needed to know the younger man was still alive.
He brought his arms around Spencer's torso and held on for dear life as he finally gave in to wrecking sobs that shook the very foundation of his being.
Spencer sat there, one hand on Aaron's head and the other mindlessly rubbing his back.
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Is this really happening?
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He felt numb.
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How could I do this?
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A few tears escaped his swollen, blood shot eyes and trailed down his cheeks to land in Aaron's raven hued locks.
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It's my fault.
Jack's gone because of me.
Oh my god...
He's not just gone.
He's dead.
Jack's dead.
No no no no...
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He was rocking back and forth slightly and looking vacantly out in front of him as he continued to hold Aaron's head in his lap.
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I killed him.
I killed our son.
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I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry...
Dr. Wilson was based off of one of my favorite doctors. Any guesses who? ;)