23

Side Effects

CLARKE

"Welcome back, Mr. Bauer." Clarke cringed at the sound of ALIE's overly cheerful greeting.

"You haven't reprogrammed the damn door yet?" She called out as she entered the room.

Raven pulled her head out of a fume hood and glared at Clarke, her coffee brown eyes magnified absurdly by her ridiculous safety goggles. "I've been a little busy, Clarke."

Clarke just grinned as she held out her giant jugs of ethanol and NaOH, victoriously. "I come bearing gifts."

"Good work." Raven said, peeling off her latex gloves and setting them aside.

"It gets better." Clarke added as the old woman sauntered through the open door behind her. "This is Elder Fulna kom Trikru." Clarke introduced her. "Elder Fulna, this is Raven kom Skaikru, and that, over there..." She said, pointing to a sleeping Abby slumped in a chair in the corner of the lab, a bit of drool dangling from the corner of her open mouth. "Is my mother, Dr. Abby kom Skaikru."

"Nice to meet you." Raven smiled, politely extending a hand.

Instead of grasping it, the old woman shoved a large tin container into it. "If you need more, we can get more. We trade with Podakru for it."

Raven pried the lid back to reveal a huge mound of glistening jet-black powder. Her giant eyes lit up behind her goggles. "Thank you!" She exclaimed, looking so elated that for a second Clarke thought she might try to hug the old woman. But when the woman just stared at her, Raven seemed to think better of it.

"Tell me about this 'cure' you are making, Raven kom Skaikru." Fulna demanded.

"I can do better than tell you about it!" Raven grinned. "I can show you it. You're just in time... The first batch is ready."

...

"Are you SURE you want to do this?" Abby asked for the third time. "Shouldn't we test it first?"

"Test it on what?" Clarke replied. "I don't see any rats or monkeys around here, do you?"

"We could test it on Murphy." Raven suggested a bit too eagerly.

"What... So he can blame ME when his dick falls off?" Clarke gave a dry laugh. "I don't think so."

"You don't have to be the first one." Abby argued, yet again.

"Yes, I do." Clarke told her once again. "This whole thing was my idea. I should be the first to take it. I'm not going to watch someone else go blind because of my crazy idea. Besides... Raven made it and I trust Raven."

Raven gave Clarke an appreciative half-smile, but Clarke could see the nervous uncertainty she tried to conceal behind it.

"I made some modifications of my own in addition to Becca's." Raven told her. "Blindness shouldn't be an issue. But there may be some... immediate reactions to the serum."

"What kind of reactions?"

"Umm... I'm not exactly sure." Raven admitted. "You see... Like you, Becca chose to test the serum on herself. And she was so secretive about her work that she made the dangerous... And plain stupid, if you ask me... Decision to inject herself with the serum without any assistants or witnesses present. So... Her notes just say that she woke up on the floor of the lab... Uhh... Covered in vomit."

"Great." Clarke muttered. "Well I guess it's a good thing I have a doctor supervising this then, huh?"

"You're still SURE you want to do this?" Abby asked yet again and Clarke felt her eyes roll.

"Of course I am, Mom." She shot a brave smile at Raven as she extended her arm. "I'm a stubborn woman on a mission, right Raven?"

Raven could have told Clarke that there was a one-in-four chance of dying or of developing a third breast or of sprouting facial hair. None of it mattered. Nothing was going to stop Clarke from taking this serum.

"OK, Clarke." More fearful than Clarke herself, Abby took a deep breath and bit her lip as she pressed the tip of the loaded injector contraption to the exposed vein in the crook of Clarke's elbow. "Here goes..."

Clarke squeezed her eyes shut, scrunched her face, and braced for the worst. But all she felt was the quick bite of the needle as it pierced her skin. Compared to the full blood transfusion she had undergone with Ontari, this was nothing. Raven and Abby peered down at her, monitoring her with wide, worried eyes.

But Clarke just shrugged. "I barely felt a..."

A sudden wave of absolute, unadulterated pain shot through her entire body like electricity and every muscle went tense at once.

"This is normal." She heard Raven insist as her body went limp and then immediately tensed again.

"Are you sure this is normal, Raven?" Her mother's frantic voice drifted to her from a long ways away.

"I think this is normal... Uhhh... OK, Maybe this isn't normal."

It sounded to Clarke like Raven was underwater. But then she realized that Raven wasn't the one underwater... She was. She was drowning again. And again she wished she could swim. And her last thoughts were of Lexa before the dark waters closed in all around her.

...

Clarke was laying on a ridiculously soft sofa, sinking into the cushions like water. There was a horrible acidic taste in her mouth and she had no clue where she was or how she had come to be here. She opened her eyes to bright artificial light and pushed her way out of the cushiony depths of the sofa to find herself in a fancy room obscenely decorated with more ornate sofas and armchairs and a cashmere rug.

"Abby! Abby!" Raven crowed from her perch on the edge of a coffee table across the room. "She's awake!"

Suddenly both women were hovered over her, breathing down on her with wrinkled brows and gigantic, concerned eyes.

Abby placed a sweaty palm against Clarke's forehead. "How do you feel, Honey?"

"I'm fine." Clarke answered, trying to wriggle out from under her mother's hand, feeling very trapped by the worried women. She squeezed between them and pushed herself to her feet. "I feel great."

It was true. Besides having the horrid taste in her mouth, Clarke was in tip-top shape. She felt great. Absolutely, fucking, great. She felt like she had just slept fifteen hours. She felt like she had just emerged from a long dip in a hot tub after receiving a full-body massage. Her muscles felt strong and limber and almost itched to be used. For the first time in her life she had the strange, sudden urge to go for a run or maybe just drop to the floor and pump out some crunches.

"I feel really... Really... Great." She said with a smile. "Why are you two looking at me like you think I should be strapped up to a ventilator right now? What happened?"

Raven and Abby exchanged an uncomfortable look.

"How much do you remember, Honey?" Abby asked, her voice nervous and overly soft.

"I remember..." Clarke paused, struggling to pull something... anything... from the blank space in her mind. "Uhh... I remember..."

"You don't remember any of it, do you?" Raven interrupted.

"I remember you saying, 'OK, Clarke... Here goes.' And I remember the prick of the needle. But after that... I've got nothing. What happened?" She asked again.

"Well..." Raven began, licking her lips nervously. "First you started convulsing. You went rigid and then limp and then rigid again."

"And just when we thought you were going into septic shock," Abby cut in. "You stopped convulsing and stood up, seemingly fine. Except that you weren't... Entirely lucid."

"What did I say?" Clarke frowned, nervously glancing from one extremely uncomfortable woman to the other.

"Uhhh..." Raven stalled. "Well... First you thought I was ALIE. And you started strangling me and Abby tried to pull you off of me, but... You're freakishly strong, Clarke."

"What?" Clarke laughed. "No way... You guys are messing with me, right? I don't believe you for a second."

"Oh... Wait for it... It gets better." Abby sighed, not joining in on Clarke's laughter.

"You knocked me down." Raven continued. "Climbed on top of me and pinned me to the floor. And I was screaming for Abby to pull you off of me... But then, as suddenly as you had started, you stopped strangling me. And instead... You... Uh..." Raven paused, massaging the back of her neck awkwardly.

"What?" Clarke asked, not sure whether to laugh or go find a brown paper bag to hide her face under.

"You kissed me." Raven finally answered. "Like full-on KISSED me, kissed me."

"What?" Clarke laughed again. It was absurd. "Who came up with this story? You guys are ridiculous."

Raven and Abby just stared at her and Clarke felt her grin falter at the corners. She pressed her lips together, pulled them between her teeth. They had to be messing with her. They had to be.

"Then you asked me to teach you how to swim." Raven continued and Clarke felt her tummy bottom out as the heat flooded her cheeks. The only people she had ever talked about swimming with were Emori... And Lexa.

"You insisted that I teach you how to swim IMMEDIATELY." Raven continued. Because apparently the story just got better and better and Clarke wasn't mortified enough just yet. "And you started pulling your shirt off and when I grabbed your hands to stop you, you tried to kiss me again. But before you could, you vomited all over me instead."

"Oh gosh..." Clarke mumbled. Her cheeks were on fire now. She didn't know if she should apologize or not, but Raven still wasn't done yet.

"And then you dramatically whispered 'May we meet again.' and promptly passed out on top of me." Raven finally finished. "That was three hours ago."

There was a moment of awkward, embarrassed silence, like the kind that follows an unexpected fart that everyone heard but no one wants to acknowledge.

"Uhhh..." Clarke grimaced at Raven. "I guess I owe you an apology. Or two. Or three. Lets see... Sorry for attacking you and trying to strangle you. Sorry for kissing you. And definitely sorry for puking all over you."

"Yeah..." Raven mumbled. "That's OK... I forgive you. Just don't mention it... Like, EVER." She laughed to break the tension and Clarke smiled back at her gratefully.

"No problem."

"But you feel OK, now?" Abby asked again. "You don't feel weak or nauseated?"

"No... I feel fantastic. Better than fantastic!" She paused, thoughtfully. "What's better than fantastic?"

"Fucking fantastic?" Raven suggested. "I mean..." She glanced at Abby. "FLIPPING fantastic?"

"I feel fantastic!" Clarke grinned. "FLIPPING fantastic."

...

Clarke still felt flipping fantastic as she returned to the lab to snag her sack and prepare to head back to Arkadia. She felt so good that not even ALIE's "Welcome back, Mr. Bauer," or the prospect of having to figure out what to do about Azgeda, could kill her buzz. She threw her sack over her shoulder and was about to leave when Raven suddenly snagged her by the wrist and pulled her into the corner.

"I have to talk to you about something before you go... Something serious." She said cryptically, glancing around the lab as if inspecting it for spies. Abby was across the room measuring mounds of pyrolusite and barking instructions at Monty and Jackson who followed her around obediently like good little worker elves. There was no way any of them were listening, but still, Raven pulled Clarke into the empty hallway.

Raven looked so sober and was acting so strange that Clarke was suddenly tempted to laugh. She was starting to wonder if maybe there was some kind of opiate in the Nightserum, because despite Raven's seriousness, Clarke felt downright giddy.

"What the hell's up with you, Raven?" Clarke laughed.

"I need to talk to you about something serious." Raven told her for the second time. "I..."

"Actually..." Clarke interrupted her. She already knew she was being stupid, but she couldn't stop herself. She was so giddy, she almost felt drunk. "I have something really important to ask you too. I wanna go first!"

Raven just frowned at her, confused.

"Am I a good kisser?" Clarke asked, putting on her most somber, inquisitive visage. But she could only maintain it for a second before the giggles rushed out of her at the look on Raven's confused, surprised, and completely flustered face.

"I told you to never mention that again." Raven scolded her. "But I suppose the answer is yes." She admitted. "Better than Finn or Bellamy or Wick, anyways."

Clarke's enormous, cocky grin faltered as her lips parted in surprise. "Bellamy? What? When did you kiss Bellamy?"

Raven didn't answer right away. She looked even more flustered now and resumed awkwardly massaging her neck. But this time the crimson was spreading in HER cheeks, not Clarke's. "Uhh... It was a long time ago." She finally mumbled.

"I think I need to hear more about this!" Clarke teased, wiggling her eyebrows with a crooked smirk.

"There's nothing to tell." Raven said quickly, avoiding Clarke's gaze. "I was upset about Finn. And it only happened the one time. And... You know what?" She paused, glowering at Clarke's teasing smirk. "We're not talking about this right now. I really do have something important to say."

"OK... I'm sorry." Clarke said, trying to hold back the giggles. "Go ahead... What did you need to tell me?"

Raven's frown softened. She grew serious again, but there was a tenderness in her expression that immediately made Clarke uneasy. Clarke wiped her stupid grin away as she nervously waited for Raven to finally spit out whatever it was that was eating away at her.

"I need you to promise me..." Raven started. "That you'll wait for the third injection."

"What?" Clarke asked, completely confused.

"Wait until you've received all three doses. Let me run some tests to make sure everything went to plan. Your body could still reject the serum. We need to know for certain that you are actually a Nightblood first. We need to make sure it's safe."

"Safe to do what?" Clarke asked. But she already knew the answer. She knew exactly what Raven was talking about. And, judging by the look on her face, Raven knew that she knew. There was no point playing dumb with Raven.

"God, Raven," Clarke sighed. "You really DON'T miss anything, do you? How long have you known?"

"Since the beginning." Raven chuckled. "The moment you first suggested the possibility of becoming a Nightblood and started going off about Becca and your theories about her blood and I could tell you had already given the idea a lot of thought. And you instantly transformed from Ms. 'I'm gonna sit on my drunk ass while the world dies around me,' Clarke to Ms. 'I'm not letting any man, sea monster, or potential paralysis stand in my way, I'm a stubborn woman on a mission,' Clarke... You lied to Luna about the flame. And you carry it around with you everywhere you go and you take it out when you think no one is looking, just so you can hold it in your hands..."

Clarke was the one blushing again, but Raven wasn't finished yet.

"I swear you spend more time in your memories with her than you do here in the real world with us. And..." She paused timidly for just a moment before pressing on. "I felt it... I felt it in your kiss... Nothing is going to stop you from trying to get back to her."

"You felt it in my kiss?" Clarke murmured, embarrassed.

"Truth be told, it was a damn good kiss." Raven laughed to break the tension, but Clarke saw a tinge of sadness in her smile. "No one's ever kissed me like that before." She admitted in a small voice. "Like my lips were the only thing keeping them from drowning or from bursting into a million pieces. Like there was a desperate hunger inside of them that only I could fill. It's the way I always wished Finn would kiss me. And I can't blame you for wanting to get back to her. Not if she kisses you at all like the way you kissed me."

"Oh... You have no idea, Raven." Clarke smiled shyly.

"I'll help you get back to her, Clarke." Raven said. "I promise. But you have to promise me that you'll wait. Let me make sure that we do it right."

"OK, Raven... I promise." Clarke said, meeting her intense eyes. They were their normal size again but the goggles had left angry red lines across her forehead and cheeks and the bridge of her nose, and the nerdiness of it all made Clarke suddenly ache with affection for this girl who was a better friend to her than she could have ever deserved. And she wanted to thank Raven for everything... For her understanding and her forgiveness, her support and her kindness, her loyalty and her unconditional friendship. For helping her find herself again. For helping her piece herself back together. For making her laugh when all she wanted to do was cry. For just being there to help her carry the pain.

And she wanted to tell her that she was so much more than a friend... She was family. But Clarke didn't know how to say any of it, because her gratitude and love for her friend was like a fierce burning in her chest. A terrible... Beautiful ache. And no words were powerful enough to explain that.

So she just pulled Raven into a tight hug. "Thank you, Raven." She whispered. "Thank you for... Just... Thank you." And Clarke could only hope that she understood the depths of her words.

They pulled out of the hug and Raven just ran her fingers through her ponytail and shrugged and rubbed the tip of her boot against the cold, white linoleum. "Of course." She mumbled. And Clarke knew that she understood, because Raven never missed a thing.

"You won't tell my mom?" Clarke asked.

"No." Raven answered with a small smirk and, just like that, she snapped right back into the confident, sassy girl Clarke loved. "I can keep a secret. In fact... You're not the only one here with a secret agenda, Griffin." She raised a brow and her smirk grew into a full-blown mischievous grin as Clarke eyed her, warily.

"I found my own special journal in Chris's stack." She continued, and now her grin was impossibly wide and the glint in her eyes was so maniacal that Clarke was starting to wonder if maybe Raven had helped herself to some of whatever opiate she had put in the Nightserum.

"As soon as we're done saving the world again," Raven proclaimed. "I'm getting out of this fucking brace."