Disclaimer: Even after all these years I still do not own Harry Potter. Alas…

Chapter 33 A Lapse in Self-Control

It was late in January as James walked down a deserted corridor in the mid-afternoon. Lily was in Ancient Runes and James was heading back to Gryffindor Tower, having just spent a rather dull hour in the Library working on his Charms homework. As he rounded a corner he ran, quite literally, into into Avery.

"Watch where you are going!" Avery spat at him.

"Sorry," James said in a tone that clearly indicated he was not really all that sorry.

"Well, well, well," said Avery grinning evilly. "If it isn't the Mudblood lover."

James glared at Avery. He could feel anger boiling inside him.

"I don't get it Blood-Traitor," Avery continued. "There are plenty of pure-blood witches, why would you choose to date a Mudblood?"

"Shut-up, Avery," James growled.

"I just can't believe that someone from such an old wizarding family would disgrace the wizarding name by going out with such filth. The only thing I can think of is that she must be putting out. Otherwise, I can't see why you would bother," Avery continued.

SMACK! James was barely conscious of what he was doing. He had completely forgotten about his wand and instead found his fist connecting with Avery's face. There was a satisfying crack that James, in his rage, sincerely hoped was Avery's nose breaking.

Caught off guard Avery didn't get his hands up to defend himself in time. James was so furious that he continued to pummel every bit of Avery he could reach with no thought to the consequences.

Suddenly, James felt himself fly backwards. He tried to get up but found himself trapped.

"Potter, what do you think you are doing?!" cried Professor McGonagall.

Though still angry the sound of McGonagall's voice was enough to make James stop fighting the jinx. He looked at Professor McGonagall but found he was still too angry to form a coherent sentence.

"Go to my office, now!" she ordered lifting the jinx that had been restraining him. "I shall meet you there after I have escorted Mr. Avery to the hospital wing."

James turned and stalked off towards McGonagall's office still fuming Avery's words still ringing in his ears. 'Blood Traitor, Mudblood whore.' In his fury he didn't even register the ringing of the bell signaling the end of classes

As James reached McGonagall's office he heard his name being called.

"James, James."

He looked up and realized it was Lily.

"James, what's wrong? What happened to your hand?" she asked sounding worried.

James looked down at his hand and only then did he realized that it was covered in blood and throbbing. He wasn't sure whether it was his or Avery's but he couldn't quite bring himself to care. Lily was going to be mad when she found out he let Avery provoke him but he was so angry he couldn't even bring himself to care about that.

Before he had a chance to even try and form a cohesive thought, let alone answer Lily's question, Professor McGonagall returned.

"Miss Evans, you will have to speak to Mr. Potter later," she snapped.

Looking confused Lily looked at James and then Professor McGonagall.

"Um, okay professor," Lily stammered.

"I'll see you in the Common Room in a bit," James replied in a strained voice.

Lily nodded and left, looking worried.

James followed Professor McGonagall into her office and took a seat in the chair in front of her desk.

"What," Professor McGonagall began her mouth very thin, "Did you think you were doing?" She waited, her arms crossed, standing over him in the chair.

Anger still coursing through him James replied, "He had it coming."

"He had it coming," Professor McGonagall asked in exasperation. "You are Head Boy. You are supposed to be a role model to the other students and I find you in the hallway giving a demonstration in Muggle dueling?"

James sighed. His anger finally abating somewhat and he rubbed uninjured his hands over his face.

"What could he have possibly done that constituted breaking his nose and then hitting him some more once he was down?"

"He, he…"James stammered. For some reason he was having trouble repeating what Avery had said.

"What happened Mr. Potter?" Professor McGonagall asked in a gentler tone, while somehow still managing to convey her deep disapproval.

"He insulted Lily," James sighed. "Again."

"I see," said Professor McGonagall in a tone that clearly stated she expected a more detailed answer.

"He, he…"

"Have a biscuit, Mr. Potter," McGonagall said opening a tin of ginger newts and holding it out to him.

James gave her a confused looked but she continued to hold out the tin so he took one and absentmindedly took a bite.

"Now," she said more gently, "What precisely did Mr. Avery say to provoke such a response from you?"

James found that he couldn't look Professor McGonagall in the eye and so instead he stared at the floor.

"He, he called her a 'Mudblood whore' and said that he couldn't understand why I would be a blood-traitor and go out with her when there are plenty of pure-blood witches to choose from. Which is a load of rubbish. If we hadn't married muggles or accepted Muggle-borns we would have died out," James added rambling slightly.

"True," Professor McGonagall stated. "Though you would be hard pressed to convince Mr. Avery of that. Did he say anything else?" she asked, though not unkindly.

"Then he said, he said that, the only explanation he could come up with for me wanting to go out with her was she must be 'putting out,'" James felt himself growing hot as he said this, "and then I just lost it and I punched him in the face."

James continued to stare at the floor.

"I see," Professor McGonagall replied. She was quiet for a moment.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Potter," Professor McGonagall said gently.

"Huh?" James said looking up confused.

"I wish there was a spell that could fix people's attitudes or stop prejudice but alas we are no closer to developing those then creating self-spelling wands. My father was a Muggle you know. A minister," she added.

"Really?" James replied curiously.

"Yes," Professor McGonagall replied.

"I didn't know that," James replied.

"Well, I don't usually go around sharing my personal life with my students," Professor McGonagall replied, "But I want you to understand, that, I do understand how you are feeling."

James nodded.

"That being said," she continued, "I will not have you going around punching people."

"But Professor…"

She held up her hand to silence him.

"Mr. Potter, I know there are some ugly and horrible things going on in our world right now but fighting violence with violence is not the answer. Do you understand what I am saying?"

James looked up at her silently.

"When we stoop to the enemies' level," she continued taking his silence to mean further explanation was required, "We become no better than them."

"I understand, Professor," James replied quietly. "He just made me so angry. That's the third time he's said things like that. I just snapped."

"I understand, even if I don't approve," Professor McGonagall replied in a kinder voice than he had ever heard when being reprimanded by her.

"But you will still be punished," she added.

James nodded. He knew that arguing would only get him into further trouble.

"Two weeks detention," Professor McGonagall replied.

"Two weeks?" James asked, "I was provoked."

"And, twenty-five points from Gryffindor."

"Professor," James heard his voice rise a little in indignation.

"Do not argue with me or I will make it fifty," Professor McGonagall warned.

James promptly shut his mouth.

"Now, is your hand alright?" Professor McGonagall asked.

James realized he was cradling his right hand in his left and it was still covered in blood. Tentatively, James tried to bend his fingers and let out an involuntary gasp.

"To the hospital wing, Mr. Potter. Best have Madame Pomfrey look at your hand. It will be awfully hard to throw a quaffle with broken fingers," Professor McGonagall admonished. "But stay away from Mr. Avery while you are there."

"Yes, Professor," James replied rising from his chair and heading up to the hospital wing.

By the time he arrived Avery had already gone, a fact James was grateful for. Despite his best intentions he knew it would be hard to keep his temper if he saw him.

Madame Pomfrey tutted as she cleaned the blood of his hand, healed the split skin on his knuckles and healed the broken bones in his hand.

"It might be a little tender for a few hours but it should be good as new by morning," she told him.

"Thanks," James said sheepishly and left to return to the Gryffindor common room.

When he arrived he looked around for Lily and spotted her sitting in one of the arm chairs by the fire.

He walked quickly over to where she was sitting. She had looked worried when she saw him outside of McGonagall's office and he didn't want to keep her waiting.

"Hi," he said quietly and Lily jumped.

She turned to look at him and he was surprised to find her looking at him with what he could only describe as fury.

"What were you thinking?" she hissed at him. "I heard what you did to Avery. I know he's evil but punching him in the face and breaking his nose? What were you thinking?"

"Honestly," James said, slightly flustered. He hadn't been expecting to be greeted with anger. "I wasn't really…"

"Well, that much is obvious," Lily seethed, this time a little louder than before.

"I.." James started but Lily interrupted him.

"You are Head Boy, you can't just go around punching people. That makes you no better than them," she was shouting now.

James noticed people glancing in their direction.

"I can't believe you. I just. ARG," she made a noise of frustration and stormed off and out the portrait hole.

James just stood there stunned.

"You should probably give her a few minutes to calm down," Marlene advised coming over to where James was standing.

"How did she even know already?" James asked, still in shock at Lily's sudden burst of anger.

"Snape," Marlene replied. "He saw Professor McGonagall escorting Avery to the hospital and, being his friend, went to investigate. Of course he ran into Lily right after she saw you with McGonagall and told her."

James sighed. "I don't suppose he told her why I did it? Not that it makes it okay, but still. She should at least hear my side," James replied somewhat indignant.

"Why did you do it?" Marlene asked. "Violence isn't usually your style."

"He insulted Lily, again," James sighed. "And I don't know, I just lost it. It never even occurred to me to go for my wand. I just started hitting him. Though somehow I don't think that answer is going to impress Lily either."

"Do you have any idea where she might have gone?" James asked Marlene. "I really should go talk to her."

Marlene shrugged. "Um, maybe one of the classrooms. Classes are over for the day so maybe she's hiding out in one of them."

James sighed. "Thanks, Marlene."

He turned and headed, not towards the portrait hole, but up the stairs to the boys dormitory.

"I thought you were going to go look for her?" Marlene called looking confused.

"I will in a few minutes. I just have to do one thing first," and with that he disappeared up the boys staircase.

Once he reached the seventh year boys dormitory he walked over to his trunk and began to dig around until he had located The Marauder's Map.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to know good," he said touching the tip of his wand to the map.

He began to look for the dot labeled Lily Evans. Since it was dinner time most of the students were in the Great Hall which made his job a lot easier. He located her dot in the Charms classroom. "Mischief, managed," James whispered, touching his wand to the map again and returning it to the safety of his trunk.

He headed quickly down the stairs and out the portrait hole not even acknowledging Sirius and Peter who tried to asked him about what had happened with Avery. Using a couple of short cuts he was in the Charms corridor within minutes.

He stopped at the door to the Charms classroom and knocked gently as he slowly opened the door. "Lily," he called cautiously, "Are you still in here?"

"What do you want, Potter?" Lily asked anger still evident in her voice.

"Look," James said, running his hand nervously through his hair, "I'm sorry. I know I acted like a total prat."

"Yes, you did," Lily replied.

"Avery, just doesn't know when to quit. I tried to keep my temper but he was having a go at you again and I just snapped. I know he was just trying to goad me and it worked. I let him get to me and he knows it."

Lily refused to look at him. "I don't need a knight in shining armor, James," Lily said her voice starting to rise again. She couldn't believe he had stooped to Avery's level. Sure she had hexed him on the train but he had been about to attack them. "I know he's a git but was he even trying to attack you?"

"No," James sighed. "I already told you I let him goad me into attacking him. I know it was wrong. I shouldn't have. I should have given him detention or docked points or both. But the things he said, about you, about us, it just made me sick and I completely lost it."

"James," Lily said, though some of her anger seemed to have dissipated.

"I'm sorry," James repeated.

"What did McGonagall say?"

"That she understood how I feel but stooping to their level makes us no better than them. And that I have to serve two weeks detention. And she took twenty-five points from Gryffindor. Again, I'm sorry. I lost my temper. I shouldn't have…"

"It's, well, it's not alright, but I understand."

Try as she might, she couldn't stay mad at him. He had been defending her after all and indirectly all the other Muggle-Borns and Half-Bloods. And he did seem remorseful now.

"Do you want to go down to dinner?" Lily asked. "I'm suddenly feeling a bit hungry."

"Sure," James said quietly.

"James, everything will be alright," Lily said comfortingly.

"I hope so," James said walking over to Lily and placing his hands on either side of her face. "Are you still made at me?"

In response Lily stood on her tip toes and kissed him. It started out gently but quickly grew in intensity. Lily reached up and curled one hand in his hair the other around his shoulder. James suddenly lifted her up and placed her on one of the desks.

"Mr. Potter! Miss Evans!" Professor McGonagall's voice suddenly interrupted them.

James cringed and Lily felt her face flush. She hid her red face in James' chest which may not have been the best choice considering the circumstances.

"What do you think you are doing?" Professor McGonagall continued.

Part of Lily felt guilty but another, rather stronger part of her was annoyed by the interruption.

"Um, well Professor," she heard James saying.

"Yes."

"We were arguing and then…"

"I see," Professor McGonagall said.

Peeking out from behind James Lily could see that her mouth was so thin she was amazed her lips were still visible at all. "Five points from Gryffindor."

Neither of them dared argue.

"I suggest you get to dinner," Professor McGonagall continued sternly.

"Yes, right away," James replied moving a step or two away from Lily.

"Yes, dinner. I could go for some dinner," Lily said sliding off the desk.

They moved quickly towards the door, skirting around Professor McGonagall.

"Straight to the Great Hall, you two," Professor McGonagall called after them, though if Lily didn't know better she would have sworn she heard a slight hint of amusement in the professor's voice.

"Of course, Professor," James replied leading the way.

Once they were away from the Charms corridor and hopefully, Professor McGonagall James started to chuckle.

"I thought we were goners for sure," he stated between laughs.

"At least she only took 5 points," Lily agreed.

They were still laughing when they arrived at the Great Hall a few minutes later.

"What's so funny?" Sirius asked. "I thought you two were having a fight?"

"We were," James replied.

"Well, then what's with all the laughing?" Peter asked.

"We made up," Lily replied.

"Until, McGonagall interrupted," James said, still laughing.

Just then Professor McGonagall arrived in the Great Hall. James and Lily stopped laughing at once as she sat down.

"Wait," Remus said catching on to what James had just said, "McGonagall." He stopped at the look James gave him and they all started to laugh, trying to hide their faces from Professor McGonagall.

"So," Sirius asked, "Did you really break Avery's nose?"

James gave him an exasperated look. "I don't want to talk about it."

As James and Lily were getting ready to leave the Great Hall Professor McGonagall caught James eye and summoned him over.

"Yes, Professor?" James asked.

"You are to meet me in my office, starting tomorrow night at 8 for detention Mr. Potter," Professor McGonagall replied.

James nodded, "Okay, see you tomorrow at 8."