Chapter 38 Revelations

Disclaimer: Harry Potter does not belong to me. I am poor, you are not, please don't sue.

James walked slowly up the steps back to the boys' dormitory. He couldn't believe how well that had gone. She hadn't even been upset with them. Shocked, yes, but not upset. She admitted that she probably should have been but she took the whole thing in stride. He really loved that girl.

James paused his foot halfway to the next stair. There it was, that thought again. It had been showing up with increasing frequency since his fight with Lily; sometimes when he hadn't even been thinking about her.

It was starting to make him slightly nervous. Not the idea that he loved her, he was becoming increasingly sure about that, but he was nervous about what to do about it. What if he accidentally let it slip?

James entered his dormitory and made his way over to his trunk to retrieve his pajamas.

If he was going to say it he wanted it to be at the right time and not, for example, in the middle of breakfast in the Great Hall. 'James, would you pass the marmalade?' 'Lily, I love you.' That would not be good. And worse, what if she didn't feel the same way? He wasn't sure how he would handle it if he told Lily he loved her and she didn't say it back. He had worked really hard to convince her to give him a chance, he didn't want to scare her off now.

"Oi, Prongs! Marauders to Prongs," Sirius said in a rather loud voice.

"What?" James said sounding surprised. He had been completely lost in his thoughts.

"Where were you just now?" Sirius asked curious. "I said your name about five times."

"I was just thinking," James said.

"About?" Remus asked.

"Um," James said,

"Alright, out with it Prongs," Sirius commanded.

"I, well…" James started.

James ran his hand through his hair and fidgeted with his pajamas.

The other three boys all raised an eyebrow at him.

'You're a Gryffindor act like one,' James thought to himself.

James took a deep breath, "I was just thinking that I'm pretty sure that," James hesitated for a moment, "I love Lily."

"What?" Sirius asked.

"Oh," Remus and Peter said.

"I love Lily," James repeated glaring at Sirius.

"Heard you the first time, mate," Sirius said. "Are you sure?"

"Pretty sure," James replied. "I can't stop thinking about it. And she makes me feel, so, so, I don't know. I can't explain it properly."

"Have you told her?" Remus asked.

"No!" James said quickly, looking at Remus like the idea was crazy.

"Well, now, I'm no expert," Sirius said, "But from what I understand when someone loves their girlfriend they usually tell them."

James snorted, "If only it were that easy."

"It's just three words, Prongs. They aren't even that long," Sirius said.

"But what if she doesn't feel the same way? What if it scares her off?" James rambled unconsciously running his hand through his hair again.

The other three boys looked at each other. This was not a problem any of them had ever dealt with before.

"Um," Sirius said.

"Are you positive you love her?" Remus asked gently.

James nodded. "Pretty certain, yeah."

"I keep worrying it's just going to slip out," James added. "In a not so convenient place. Like class or mealtimes."

Sirius and Peter both snorted. Remus, at least, managed to suppress his laugh completely but James still saw a slight smile on his face.

"Yeah, that probably wouldn't be the best time," Remus managed with a straight face. "Maybe you ought to tell her before that happens."

"But what if she doesn't feel the same way?" James asked expressing his fear. "What if I tell her I love her and she laughs, or doesn't say anything, or runs away?"

James sat down on his four poster clutching his hair in frustration.

"I think Padfoot's right, if you're sure then you should tell her," Remus said.

"But," James tried to protest.

"You'll never know until you try," Remus cut him off. "And you'll just drive yourself crazy if you keep avoiding it. And I agree that telling her in front of the whole school at breakfast is probably not a good idea, so it would be best to avoid that."

James changed into his pajamas and sighed. He went to the bathroom and brushed his teeth. When he came back he put his glasses on his bedside table and threw himself down on his bed.

"Don't be so melodramatic, Prongs," Sirius said. "I'm sure she loves you, too."

"Goodnight," James said yanking his curtains shut.

Lily walked slowly up the stairs towards the seventh year girls' dormitory. She could not believe that James and two of his friends were animagi. It was even crazier than Remus being a werewolf. She knew that she should be upset. What they had done was illegal. If they were caught they could, no probably would, be sent to Azkaban for who knows how long. What was the sentence for being an illegal animagus anyway?

And to top it all off they had accomplished this, even Peter, in less than three years; before they had even finished their O.W.L.s. No wonder James and Sirius were so good at Transfiguration.

But they had done it for their friend. Their friend who had to experience horrible pain and suffering every month. They had risked their own safety for that of their friend. That was the part that stuck with her most. She had always known James was a loyal friend but this. No wonder she loved him.

Lily froze. What had she just thought? No, she couldn't have. They hadn't even been dating five months yet, there was simply no way. 'But,' that little voice in her head nagged. It currently sounded surprisingly like her mother. It was too soon. She couldn't know, after just 4 months, could she?

Love was something that grew over time. Not after just over four months. Or did it? This was not exactly her area of expertise. She seemed to recall her father telling the story of how he knew after their third date that her mother was the woman he was going to marry. Which must mean that he knew he loved her then.

James made her feel safe and special and beautiful and smart and a thousand other things she couldn't explain. Maybe she did…

"Bloody hell!" Lily exclaimed.

"What?" Marlene asked.

Lily jumped about a mile. She had been so lost in her own thoughts that she hadn't seen Marlene, who was apparently returning to their dorm room from the bathroom. She also hadn't realized that she had spoken out loud.

"Bugger," Lily added walking into their room.

"Lily, what are you going on about?" Marlene asked.

The other girls were there too and looked up at Marlene's question.

"It's not like you to scream obscenities in the stairwell. Well, at least not since you and James started dating," Marlene said with a cheeky grin. "And even before then you usually waited until you were actually in the room."

Lily flopped down on her bed and rubbed her face with both hands.

"Lily, are you alright?" Katie asked.

"I think so," Lily replied.

"Did you and James have a fight?" Mary asked, clearly concerned.

Lily snorted, "No, no definitely not."

"Where were you two anyway?" Katie asked raising her eyebrows suggestively.

"Please, Katie," Lily said rolling her eyes. "We were with Remus, Sirius, and Peter."

"Oh," Katie said sounding slightly disappointed.

"Actually, I'm pretty sure I was just initiated in the Marauders," Lily said with a chuckle despite her feelings of confusion.

"What did they do?" Katie asked. "Did they explain their ridiculous nicknames?"

"Oh," said Lily suddenly.

They had, hadn't they. Moony, she already knew but now that she thought about it the other three made sense, too. Padfoot, Sirius turned into a dog. Wormtail, Peter's tail did rather resemble a worm. And of course, Prongs, James's antlers.

"What?" the other four girls asked.

"Yes, yes they did," she said. "And, no, I will not tell you. They swore me to secrecy. So please don't ask me. I really can't tell you."

"But that still doesn't explain why you shouted, 'Bloody hell,' in the stairwell just now," Marlene said.

"Oh, yeah, that," Lily flushed.

She hadn't been planning on bringing this up to her friends now but seeing as she didn't know what to do.

"Well?" Katie asked.

"Well, I was just thinking as I was walking up the stairwell. And I don't know what made me think it but," Lily paused taking a deep breath.

"Well, I think, that maybe, I might, um," Lily paused.

"You think you might what?" Marlene asked.

"You're not pregnant are you?" Katie asked.

"WHAT?! No," Lily looked at Katie like she had completely lost her mind. "I'm not, we haven't."

"Okay, just checking," Katie said raising her hands defensively but grinning.

Lily rolled her eyes. Katie could be ridiculous at times.

"Would you just listen," Lily said glaring.

"Okay, okay," Katie said still grinning.

"As I was trying to say. I think that I might, well," Lily took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "I think I might love James."

There she'd said it, out loud, and nothing bad had happened.

She suddenly realized that the other four girls hadn't said anything yet. Lily opened her eyes and saw that they were all looking at her. Marlene's mouth was hanging open slightly.

"Well?" Lily said

"Seriously?" Marlene asked, finally finding her voice.

"I think so," Lily said. "I was thinking about him as I was walking up the stairs and the thought just kind of popped into my head. Part of me thinks it's crazy. We've only been dating just over four months. We're barely adults. Actually, in the Muggle World James isn't even of age," Lily rambled.

"Wow," Katie finally spoke.

"Yeah, pretty much," Lily agreed. "But what do I do? I mean, I'm pretty sure but I'm not one hundred percent sure."

"Why don't you give it a few days?" Mary spoke up. "See if you still feel the same way."

Lily nodded. It sounded like as a reasonable suggestion as any. She didn't want to say anything to him yet. It wasn't exactly something she could take back if she realized she was wrong.

Authors Note: Patience is a virtue. They'll get there eventually. Please read and review.