I'm so glad the wedding chapter was a success. There are still a couple things in the works for this story, so I hope you're all willing to stick around a bit longer. Enjoy!
Sometimes he still couldn't believe the past few months had really happened. As Luke stepped out of his truck and made his way up the sidewalk to his house, he admired the new mailbox, which Lorelai had carefully painted their name; Danes was written perfectly in silver paint. Her jeep was parked in her spot beside his in the driveway, and the porch lights were shining in the late spring dusk, indicating that she was already home. It wasn't surprising, as she'd had a light day at the inn, but he still marveled at the thrill he got returning to their house after work.
"Hey," she smiled brightly at him as he walked into the kitchen. "I didn't think you'd be home this early."
"Al's having his two for one buffet night," Luke shrugged, leaning in to kiss her. "Not much business for the diner, they didn't need me."
"And you figured you'd come spend the evening with your beautiful wife," Lorelai said knowingly.
"That and finish the girls' rooms," he said.
"I finished them this afternoon," Lorelai said. She held up a plastic container and said, "I was just going to heat up the taco meat from last night, is that okay?"
"Sure," he nodded. "Are the rooms really done?"
"Right down to April's periodic table hung on the wall," Lorelai confirmed. "We're officially moved in, the last bubble wrap has been popped and last box has been destroyed."
"Didn't you go to the inn?" he asked. "When did you have time to finish their rooms?"
Lorelai was silent as she scooped the taco meat into a microwavable bowl. "I went to the doctor this afternoon," she said. "I didn't have to go back to work, so I came here and finished their rooms."
"You what?" he asked. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," she sighed, turning to look at him and wiping her hands on a dish towel. "Just my yearly female check up."
"Oh," he nodded slowly. "Okay."
Lorelai bit her lower lip and looked at him. "They drew blood, and still no baby," she admitted.
He sighed and reached out to tug gently at her hair, twirling it around his finger. "It's only been a couple months since we started trying," he said.
"Yeah, that's what she said too," Lorelai said. "But she suggested some lifestyle changes. Nothing's guaranteed, but there are some things I can do to help make a baby want to stick with me for nine months."
"Like what?" he asked.
She shrugged. "Less alcohol intake, stuff like that," she said. "I'm really going to try to cut down on the caffeine, I promise. But I don't know if I can cut it out completely."
"We'll try weaning you off," he said. With a smirk, he added, "I've been giving you half decaf since New Year's."
Lorelai rolled her eyes. "I know," she said. Turning back back to their dinner, she smiled up at him. "Look, I'm being domestic."
He watched as she began slicing a tomato. "And looking damn good doing it," he admitted.
"Don't get too used to it," she warned. She continued slicing as he reached into the fridge and pulled out the tortillas he'd made the night before. "So I joined a gym today."
"You joined a what?" he asked, not sure if he'd heard her right.
"A gym," Lorelai repeated. "You know, treadmills, weights, leg warmers."
"I know what a gym is, I just didn't think you did," he replied.
"I've been to a gym before," she scoffed.
"And how long did that last?" Luke asked.
Lorelai shrugged and sliced a few more pieces of tomato. "I wasn't trying to take care of our future baby then," she said.
Luke turned from the stove to look at her carefully. "What's that mean?" he asked.
"My doctor just said that if I exercise more regularly, my eggs might make your boys want to stick around," Lorelai shrugged.
He rolled his eyes. "Do you have to say it like that?" he asked.
"No, but the four shades of red in your face are just fun to see," Lorelai giggled. "I'm healthy, thank you very much, but she just said going to the gym for an hour or so every day could tip the scales in our favor. If that's all I have to do, I'll do it."
Luke could tell she was really trying hard to take care of herself, even if it meant going outside of her comfort zone. He leaned in to kiss her temple gently. "Thanks," he said. "I know it's a lot for you."
"I want this so much, Luke," she murmured. "Especially now that we're settled here, things…well, there's still one more room to fill."
"We'll fill it," he nodded.
She flashed him a nervous smile before she reached for the beer in his hand. "You have to make sacrifices too," she said, dumping it down the sink.
He opened his mouth to protest, but then clamped it shut. He wasn't sure how him giving up beer would help Lorelai get pregnant faster, but if she was going to sacrifice her body to his baby for nine months, he could go without alcohol. "Fine," he said. "Did the mail come today?"
"Yeah, still nothing from Chilton," Lorelai reported.
Luke shook his head. "You'd think for all those damn application fees they'd be able to give us a quicker response," he commented.
"Get used to it," Lorelai said. "You wouldn't believe the things rich people put fees on. I'm pretty sure Rory was charged thirty bucks every time she had to use the bathroom."
Luke slid his hat off his head and tossed it onto a kitchen chair. "We'll have to figure something out," he said to her.
"I know."
"Anna said she'd help, but I'm still not sure how we'll swing it."
"I know," Lorelai eyed him for a moment. "You know, we can see about rearranging some stuff at the inn, repaying your investment."
"No."
"Luke…"
"No, that money belongs to the inn," Luke replied.
"Hi, you're a business owner, you know that investments get paid off," Lorelai said.
"Not to the owner's husband."
Lorelai sighed. This was not the first time they'd had this argument. "We've been over this, you weren't my husband when you made the investment," she said. "That money's yours, not ours. It's April's education fund."
"Lorelai, I don't want to fight about this again," Luke said. "I don't want that money back."
"But Luke, you didn't know about her when you made the investment," Lorelai said. "If you had, that money would have been in a college fund for her. I know that's what you would have done."
"Well, I didn't know, did I?" he snapped.
Lorelai's eyes widened and her spine straightened. "I'm not the one who kept her from you," she shot back.
"I'm sorry," he said, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I just want to know if she's going to get in. It's not as simple as it was with Rory, we're going to need to change the custody arrangement."
Lorelai nodded and stepped closer. "The inn's doing really well, Luke," she said gently. "It's been four years, it's time we started paying you back. Regardless of our marriage, you're an investor in a business. We need to pay you back, it would be wrong for us to keep your money. I know you've got a lot on your mind with the custody. At least if we start paying you back we'll have tuition under control."
"Let's see if she gets in first," Luke said. He glanced at her and reached for her hand. "I'm sorry for snapping."
"It happens," she said. "I'm sure I'll even the playing field when I have huge ankles and you take away my coffee supply."
He nodded and turned back to their dinner. Pulling a pair of plates out of the cupboard he asked, "You talk to Rory today?"
"Yeah, she's all set up in Washington," Lorelai said. "They're getting a tour of the Senate floor tomorrow."
"Wow, I'm sure she's excited for that," Luke acknowledged.
Lorelai smiled softly. "She was talking even faster than usual," she acknowledged. "While dinner's cooking could you look at the jeep?"
"What's wrong with the jeep?" he asked.
"It was making a weird sound," Lorelai shrugged.
He looked at her suspiciously. "Did you try to decorate it again?" he asked.
"No!" Lorelai said defensively.
Luke nodded as he closed the door to the oven, where he'd placed the tortillas to warm. "You know when the baby comes we're going to have to get a better car," he said.
"Well, we've got plenty of time," Lorelai shrugged. "Once there's a baby to transport, we can worry about how we do so."
"Sounds logical," he nodded. "Where was the sound coming from?"
"Under the hood," Lorelai confirmed. "Kind of a clanking."
"I don't like you driving that car, it's not safe," he insisted.
"The engine is new!"
"But the car's not."
Lorelai shrugged. "Just look at it?" she asked. "Please? There's sex tonight if you do."
He shook his head. "There will be sex either way," he said.
Lorelai frowned. "Wow, this baby making thing totally gets in the way of bribing you with my womanly wiles," she commented.
"Turn the oven off in fifteen minutes," he requested as he headed to the back door.
"Thank you!" Lorelai called after him. He shook his head as he stepped back onto the porch and headed for her car. The three and a half months that they'd been married had been hectic, filled with packing, an emotional goodbye to the house where so many memories had been made, and unpacking. It felt good to realize that Lorelai had finally finished their daughters' rooms, that they were officially just a boring married couple. He shook his head as he popped the hood on Lorelai's car.
In his wildest dreams, he never would have thought he'd be fixing his car while she cooked dinner inside. Realizing quickly the many dangerous situations that could come from leaving Lorelai alone in the kitchen with a meal in progress, Luke leaned over the engine of her car, knowing he had to get back inside as soon as possible.
With a roll of his eyes, he reached for a small shamrock that was wedged under the hood. Some of Lorelai's St. Patrick's Day decorations must have made it into the car. He'd told her not to hook them onto the grill of the car, but she'd gone right ahead and ignored him. Some things would never change.
XXXXX
"Hi Mom!"
"Hello, Lorelai," Emily smiled as she led her into the living room. "No Luke tonight?"
"Nope, he had his lesson at the strip club tonight," Lorelai replied. "Those poles aren't going to dance on themselves."
Emily rolled her eyes. "Wine?" she asked.
Lorelai knew the next words out of her mouth would cause a discussion that would likely last the rest of the evening. "Um, just water's fine," she said. At Emily's expression she quickly added, "I'm not pregnant."
"Then have some wine," Emily insisted, challenging her daughter.
"I'm not pregnant, but the doctor thinks I should limit the alcohol intake," Lorelai cringed even as she spoke. Why she felt she could now tell her mother such intimate details of her life was unknown to her. This would somehow come back to haunt her.
"Alright," Emily said, handing her a glass of sparkling water.
"Where's Dad?" Lorelai asked.
"Oh, he's been locked in his office all day, something about losing a client of thirty years," Emily shrugged. "How's the house?"
"It's good," Lorelai said with a smile. "We finally got the girls' rooms decorated, so we're officially moved in. I'll talk to Luke, but maybe next week we can have dinner at our house so you can see it all set up."
"That would be lovely," Emily added. "How are the girls?"
"They're good, Rory's in Washington for the week during some big Senate conference," Lorelai reported. "And April's still waiting for a letter from that damn Chilton."
Emily rolled her eyes. "Honestly, I don't know what could possibly be taking them so long," she said. "They should be so lucky to have a girl like April."
"I know that and you know that, but maybe Missy Fitzgurdy is kicking up her heels that April's got better chances than her daughter Sissy," Lorelai shrugged.
"I'm not going to even try to understand what that means," Emily replied.
"Mrs. Gilmore, dinner's ready," a timid voice said from the doorway and Emily's face turned to stone. Lorelai bit her lower lip, flashing the poor maid a sympathetic glance.
"Olivia, didn't I tell you that we're waiting for Mr. Gilmore?" Emily asked.
"Yes, but dinner's ready now, and I…"
"And didn't I tell you not to put dinner into the oven so early?" Emily continued.
"Yes, but I…"
"Oh for heaven's sake, it's not rocket science, come with me," Emily snapped, leading the maid out of the room.
Lorelai looked around for a moment, her eyes landing on a new addition to an end table across the room. She smiled as she recognized herself and Luke, surrounded by their daughters and her parents during their wedding. It was touching to know her mother had approved of the marriage enough to frame a photo of the event and place it in such a prominent place.
"Honestly, I don't know why a single maid can't simply do what I ask her to," Emily huffed as she came into the room. She swept her drink into her hand and sat down, then turned to Lorelai. "So, how are you and Luke doing in your efforts to conceive?"
Lorelai choked on her drink and brought a hand to her chest. "What?" she asked.
"You and Luke are still trying to have a child, aren't you?" Emily asked as if it were a perfectly normal question. "There is significant medical research on the topic, have you been researching effective conception methods?"
Lorelai put her drink on the table and buried her face in her hands. "This is not happening."
"I was talking to Addison Fitzgerald, her son is quite a renowned fertility specialist now," Emily continued. "Apparently there are several positions which should be taken…"
"Oh my god, stop!" Lorelai exclaimed. "Mom, this is none of your business!"
Emily tilted her head to the side. "Aren't you trying to have a baby?" she asked.
"This is between me and Luke," Lorelai replied.
"I'm simply wondering if you've done the research about how to be successful," Emily replied.
Under any other situation Lorelai would have come back with a dirty joke about her and Luke being very successful at what they were doing. But when her mother announced that she had brochures on the topic and went to find them, all Lorelai could do was head straight for the drink cart. She'd promised Luke she'd cut back on her alcohol intake, but her mother's choice of conversation called for extreme measures.
"Here we are," Emily announced as she breezed down the staircase. "Now this first one highlights how to prepare your womb..."
With a roll of her eyes, Lorelai downed her martini in a single tilt of her head. It was going to be a long night.
XXXXX
"Hey, you're back earlier than I thought you'd be."
Without a word, Lorelai dropped a pile of papers into Luke's lap and then collapsed beside him on the couch, pulling a pillow over her face.
"What is this stuff?" he asked, holding up the paper on top. "How to conceive a girl in three attempts or less. Where the hell did you get this from?"
Lorelai groaned underneath the pillow. "My mother," she said.
"What?" Luke asked.
She pulled the pillow down and informed him, "I just spent two hours listening to my mother give me advice about which positions we should be having sex in so we're sure to conceive a baby."
Luke's eyes widened. "She did what?"
"And it's a completely moot point because I've scheduled my brain removal for tomorrow, so it was nice knowing you," Lorelai replied. "Ugh, I don't think I'm ever going to be able to unhear anything she said."
"Please don't share."
"Don't worry, I love you too much to submit you to that," she said.
"Thanks."
"But it may be several days before I'm ready to jump back in," Lorelai said. "You've seen Jaws."
"You've got to work up the courage to get back in ocean," he nodded. "Got it."
Lorelai made a face as she reached onto his lap and held out a piece of paper. "This one's illustrated, in case you were wondering," she said. "I got this visual and the technical definition of why you should be on top. Something about working against gravity."
"Okay, enough," Luke groaned, throwing the papers onto the coffee table. "I'm sorry you had to go through that."
"Me too," Lorelai said. "I may have broken the no alcohol rule."
"I don't blame you," Luke said with a grimace.
Lorelai flopped back against the couch and hugged the pillow to her chest. "How was the diner tonight?" she asked.
"Busy," he said with a nod. "The high school debate team won, so everyone came in to celebrate."
"Damn, I could have watched the big debate," Lorelai said with fake disappointment. "Did Kirk ask you to reserve the diner again?"
"Yes, and he won't tell me why," Luke said.
"What could he possibly need the entire diner for?" Lorelai asked.
"It's Kirk, who the hell knows?" Luke shrugged.
"Don't you want to know?" she asked.
Luke shrugged. "Sure, but not enough to trust him with my place of business," he said. "God knows what he wants to do in there."
"Maybe he's planning a Fight Club," Lorelai said. "Or a sex cave."
Luke winced. "I don't want to think about that," he said.
"It wouldn't be the first time that storage room has seen some action," Lorelai reminded him.
"Yeah, but just because we've broken a couple health codes doesn't mean I want to picture Kirk doing that in my diner," Luke said.
Lorelai wrinkled her nose. "First my mother, then Kirk," she said. "The universe really doesn't want us to have sex tonight."
"We can take a night off," he nodded.
"Yeah, any kid we make tonight won't be as cute as the one we make in the future," Lorelai nodded.
Luke laughed as he wrapped his arm around her. She leaned into him and pointed to the TV. "What are the odds that Jaws is on TV tonight?" she asked.
He held the remote out of her grasp. "No way, it's a final four game," he insisted.
"Like I'm supposed to know what that means?"
"Basketball," he explained.
She groaned and pulled herself out of his embrace. "So you wouldn't have pulled yourself away from your precious game to impregnate me tonight anyways," she said.
Luke smirked and gently nudged her leg with his foot. "You're blocking my view," he informed her.
"I'm going to take a bath and try to remember why the hell I married you," Lorelai announced.
Luke craned his neck around her. "Uh huh."
"And then I'm going to go call my mom and give her a very detailed description of our efforts to give her another grandchild."
"Good."
Lorelai rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. "I wonder where that portable TV is," she muttered as she walked towards the stairs. "If he thinks he's watching this crap during sweeps week he's got another thing coming."
XXXXX
Lorelai stared at her reflection as she washed her hands in her bathroom sink two weeks later. She'd woken to the familiar churning in her stomach and had known she was cashing in her womanly dues for the month before her shower that morning. She knew how disappointed he would be at the knowledge that they'd have to wait another month to see if they'd made a baby. She was just as disappointed, but they'd just have to push through it until next month.
With a sigh, she returned to her bedroom and reached for her sneakers, watching as Luke fastened his watch around his wrist. "You still like it?" she asked.
"Like what?" he glanced over at her as he placed his hat on his head.
"The watch," she said as she tied her shoe.
He smiled as he leaned down to kiss her. "I love it," he assured her.
"Good, that was the point," Lorelai slid her other foot into her sneaker.
"You're really going for it, huh?" he asked, taking in her yoga pants and work out shirt. "The whole gym thing?"
She shrugged. "What can I say, I want to make sure little baby Danes feels welcome in here," she gestured to her stomach. "But once that bun is baking, no more gym for me."
"Noted."
"You should come with me some time!" Lorelai said. "It would be so fun, like a couple's workout."
"No thanks."
"You know, for someone who claims to be so fit and healthy, I've never actually seen you work out," she commented.
"That's because you sleep at least an hour later than me," he said.
"So you run in the middle of the night?" she asked.
He shrugged. "Whenever I wake up," he said. He shot her a look and said, "Plus, I walk that damn dog more than you do."
She frowned. "He can hear you, you know," she said.
Luke glanced to the corner where Paul Anka was sprawled on his back, sound asleep with his legs in the air. "He looks real offended," he said sarcastically.
"He doesn't have to be, I'm offended for him," Lorelai said. "Save me a donut?"
"You could just forgo the gym and not eat the donut," Luke told her. "Or better yet, go to the gym and still not eat the donut."
"I don't like you right now."
"You're cranky."
"Sorry," she said. "Just…got my friendly little reminder that we're not going to be parents any time in the next nine months."
Luke sighed and sat down on the bed beside her. "Maybe we're putting too much pressure on it," he said. "We both want it so badly, and every time you get your…thing, we're so disappointed."
"Well, my thing is a pretty strong slap in the face reminding me that what we're doing isn't working," Lorelai sighed. "God, you'd think with the amount of sex we have and the amount of coffee I'm not drinking we'd have a million babies by now."
"Let's just stick with one to start," Luke requested.
Lorelai offered him a small smile. "Yeah, those million babies would be pretty miserable to give birth to," she replied. She flopped back against the bed and asked, "What should we do?"
"I don't think we can do much else," Luke said, angling his body to look down at her. "You want to think about seeing a fertility doctor?"
"Not yet," she sighed as she sat up. "Maybe by the fall if nothing's happened."
"It hasn't been that long," Luke said.
"I went off the pill in August," she argued.
"But we've only been actively trying for a couple months," Luke said. "Before it was just…not avoiding it."
"I guess," she said. "I'm just so used to instant gratification, it's hard to not know."
"I know," he said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "I want it now too."
She sighed. "Well, you can tell King Arthur that he has a couple days to gather his court," she said. "And make sure they're armed this time."
Luke rolled his eyes as he untangled himself from her embrace. "I draw the line at talking to it," he told her.
"I don't," she said. "Take off your pants."
He shoved her greedy hands away and stepped back. "If you stop I'll give you a strong cup of coffee," he bartered.
She immediately drew her fingers over her lips in a zipping motion. "Done," she announced. "I'll see you in a bit."
Luke leaned down to kiss her. "I love you," he told her.
"I love you too," she beamed up at him.
She sighed as she watched Luke walk out the door. When she heard the front door close behind him, she rolled off the bed and moved into her walk in closet. She balanced on a box as she reached for a shopping bag on the top shelf, shoved behind a box of old shoes she'd insisted she had to keep during the move. She stepped back onto the floor as she pulled a tiny item out of the bag, tracing her finger over the words. Baby Danes. She'd sewed it during an overnight shift at the inn that fall, determined to be pregnant a month after her wedding. She'd wanted to give it to Luke when she told him that they'd finally succeeded, but now it was still shoved in the back of her closet.
"Don't wait too long, baby," she whispered before she shoved the shirt back into the back and placed it behind her shoes.
XXXXX
An hour later, Lorelai bounded into the diner, smiling widely at Luke. "I'm ready," she announced.
"For what?" he asked, maneuvering around her to deliver two plates of eggs.
"For my coffee, full caffeine, and donut, as promised," she reminded him.
"I thought you were going to the gym," he replied, appearing in front of her as she settled onto her stool.
"I did."
Luke looked at her skeptically. "I've barely been here an hour," he stated.
"So?"
"An hour ago you were at home."
"And then I went to the gym and came here," Lorelai replied.
"You went to the gym, had a complete work out, and then came here, all in the past hour?" Luke confirmed what she was telling him.
"Why are you confused?" she asked.
He narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. "What exactly constitutes a workout in your head?" he asked.
Lorelai tilted her head to the side and offered him a smile. "You think I'm pretty, right?" she asked.
"Yes," he placated. "Now what do you do at the gym?"
"Work out."
"What possible work out takes that little time?" he asked.
Lorelai shrugged and held her coffee cup out. "You can give me half decaf," she permitted.
"Lorelai…"
"Well, I tried going to the gym and going on that ski machine thing," Lorelai said. "But it's hard!"
"Yeah, that's the point," Luke replied.
She sighed dramatically. "So then I figured, hey, I don't ski, why should I have to practice skiing?" she continued. "I went to that weight machine, you know, with the water that swishes when you row, and then I realized that we don't need to row our boat, so yet another useless skill that I didn't need to practice. So I went to the pilates class and they were doing planks."
"Oh, this should be good," Luke interjected.
Lorelai glanced around the diner and leaned closer. "I tried that, but I realized that particular position was totally boring without you underneath me," she stated, enjoying the flush that crept over his features. "So…I went to the smoothie bar."
Luke rolled his eyes and turned to the coffee machine. "I should have known," he muttered.
"I tried!" Lorelai exclaimed. "It's boring."
He shook his head as he looked at her carefully. "It's no big deal," he commented. "You're eating better, cutting back on the caffeine, which I know is hard for you. I know you're trying to take care of yourself."
"I really am," she confirmed.
He leaned across the counter, leaning his elbows on the counter so he was eye level with her. "The pilates thing does sound promising," he murmured.
Lorelai felt a warm rush flood her body. "Luke Danes, are you trying to seduce me?" she asked.
"Am I succeeding, Lorelai Gilmore?" he asked.
"Sorry, the only Lorelai Gilmore I know is in Washington D.C."
He rolled his eyes. "Am I succeeding, Lorelai Gilmore Danes?" He corrected himself.
She giggled and nodded. "Yes, but you're going to have to wait a couple days," she reminded him.
Luke sighed. "That stuff can make a man's life real hard," he commented.
"Yeah, you're the ones who really suffer three to six days a month," Lorelai nodded with fake sympathy. "Childbirth is really hard for you too, isn't it?"
"Point taken, I'm an idiot," Luke nodded as he straightened.
"I didn't say that," she countered with a laugh.
Luke opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by the ringing of the phone. "Luke's," he said automatically as he answered it. "Hey, April!"
Lorelai perked up and leaned over the counter as he edged closer to her, holding the phone so they could both hear her.
"…middle of August," April was saying.
"What's the middle of August?" Lorelai interjected. "Your dad didn't get the phone over fast enough. I keep telling him he needs to come with me to the gym."
"You go to the gym?" April asked dubiously, causing Luke to snicker.
"April, come on!" Lorelai whined.
"I got into Chilton," April replied.
Lorelai smiled as she watched Luke's face transform into one of complete paternal pride. "April, that's amazing," he exclaimed sincerely. "I'm so proud of you!"
"We both are," Lorelai remarked.
"Thanks," April responded. "I got a scholarship too. I submitted some of my old science fair awards and Chilton has some sort of endowment for students with scientific promise. I have to maintain a certain GPA, but it's going to cover a majority of the tuition."
"Oh, April, that's incredible," Lorelai stated, noticing Luke's shocked expression. "That's no easy task. Even your sister wasn't given a penny, and her grandparents have some sort of freaky relationship with Headmaster Charleston."
Luke cleared his throat as he leaned closer to the phone. "I'm really proud of you, kid," he said.
"Thanks, Dad," April said. "But it looks like you're going to have to get used to me being around."
Luke's face lit up, but then fell slightly. "What does your mom have to say about this?" he asked, and Lorelai offered him a sympathetic smile.
"She gets why I can't pass it up," April replied.
"Is she there?" Luke asked.
"No, she's with my grandmother," April said. She paused and said, "I…may have called you first. She got a lot of other firsts in my life, you should have this one."
Lorelai smiled, wondering why she was still so impressed when her stepdaughter proved herself to be wise beyond her years.
"Thanks, kid," Luke said. "When you do tell her, ask her to give me a call, okay? We have some stuff to figure out."
"I know," April sighed. She was quiet for a moment before she admitted, "I don't know how much longer Mom will need to be here. Grandma's not doing too well."
"I'm sorry, sweetie," Lorelai sympathized. "I know what that's like."
"Thanks, Lorelai," April said. "Dad, can I call you later?"
"Sure," Luke said. "I'm so proud of you, April."
"Thanks," she said. "Bye, Lorelai!"
Lorelai watched as Luke hung up the phone and turned back to her, unable to wipe the smile off his face. "Wow," he muttered, almost to himself. As she watched her husband, Lorelai was transported back to a moment eight years earlier, in the kitchen of the Independence Inn, as she'd shoved a shopping bag with a Chilton skirt into Rory's hands. She knew exactly how he was feeling right now.
After letting him bask in fatherly pride for a moment, she offered him a wide smile. "We're two for two," she observed.
"I guess we are," he said. "Who would have thought?"
"Yeah, between me sneaking out of my parents' house and you making out with Crazy Carrie, our high school experiences were quite different than our kids'," Lorelai commented.
"I did not make out with her."
"Sure, Butch."
"I didn't!"
Lorelai simply took another sip of coffee.
"Stop."
"I'm just drinking my coffee!"
"I know what you're thinking."
She raised her eyebrows. "Really?" she asked, nodding to his left hand. "That give you super powers or something?"
He looked down at his wedding ring and flexed his hand. "I think so," he confirmed.
"Well, then, super husband, what am I thinking right now?" Lorelai challenged.
Luke gave her a small smile as he reached out to pour her another cup of coffee. "How damn lucky you are to have a husband who's not making you drink decaf today," he stated.
Lorelai giggled as she raised her mug to her lips. "Spot on," she said with a nod.
XXXXX
Lorelai was getting frustrated.
As she sat on the couch, dressed in nothing but Luke's favorite lingerie and a pair of black heels, her hair perfectly fluffed and make flawlessly applied, she was feeling her anticipation fade as her anger grew. He'd driven to Bridgeport to check on how to boat had fared during the winter, and she'd taken advantage of the time alone to sexy herself up for him. They'd been trying to for a baby for months now, but somewhere along the line they'd started ripping each other's clothes off without as much romance as they'd once had. She'd been determined to welcome him home tonight with a seductive pose on the couch, but he'd promised to be home an hour ago. She'd tried calling his cell phone to no avail.
When the clock finally clicked from 9:59 to 10:00, Lorelai rolled her eyes and headed for the stairs. "He's going to have to work harder for it now," she muttered. "I can't believe I sat around in that for over an hour and didn't get anything for it." She tossed the lingerie onto his pillow, smirking with the knowledge that he'd figure out what he'd missed when he went to bed that night. She quickly pulled on a pair of yoga pants and her Bangles t-shirt turning to look at Paul Anka who was holding one of Luke's shoes in his mouth.
"Exactly, we're mad at Daddy right now," she said to her dog.
Just as she was descending the stairs she heard the doorbell ring and froze. Maybe it was her in depth knowledge of drama TV, but she knew that late night door bell rings typically led to horrible things.
Lorelai timidly pulled the door open and felt her heart rate speed up at the sight of two police officers in front of her.
"Lorelai Danes?" one of them asked.
"That's me," Lorelai whispered.
"Your husband is Lucas Danes?"
Lorelai felt her hands fall to her middle, hugging herself protectively. "Don't tell me," she insisted.
"I'm very sorry…"
"No," shook her head firmly. "No. No!"
"There was an accident…"
"No!" she shouted, backing into the foyer, away from the police officers who were lying to her. "No!" She felt herself begin to fall, and a moment later she was collapsing.
With a gasp, Lorelai sat up straight in bed, her bedroom dark with the exception of the moonlight streaming through the windows. She was panting hard, and she turned to look at the clock, which was glowing 3:42 in bright green letters. Still trying to catch her breath, she reached out to Luke's side of the bed, running her hand over his back as she tried to convince himself that he was still here, with her, safe and alive in their bed.
At her touch, Luke shifted onto his back and tossed an arm over his eyes. "You kay?" he asked, his voice heavy with sleep.
Lorelai swallowed hard, the sound of his voice causing her emotions from her dream to flow over her. Dream Lorelai had been convinced she'd never hear that voice again. "I had a dream," she said quietly. "I'm okay."
With a gentle tug, Luke pulled her back down to the pillows. She turned onto her side to look at him, admiring his profile in the moonlight of their bedroom. His chest was rising and falling evenly, and she reached out to press a hand to his chest, where she could feel his heart beating, strong and steady.
"You sure?" he murmured.
"Yeah," she whispered, leaning closer to press a kiss to his chest through his t-shirt.
"Love…you…" he drifted off to sleep.
"I love you too," she whispered, feeling a tear slip down her cheek. "So much."
XXXXX
The next morning, Lorelai was pulled from her sleep when she felt the bed dip beneath her. Still exhausted, having only dozed after the nightmare to end all nightmares, she stretched and turned onto her back where she saw Luke looking down at her with concern in his eyes. "Hey," he said.
"Hi," her voice was scratchy with sleep and she cleared her throat. "Hi," she tried again.
Luke ran his hand over her leg. "You okay?" he asked.
Unsure if he remembered their brief exchange in the middle of the night, Lorelai slowly pushed herself to sit up. "I had a dream," she admitted.
"I remember," he confirmed. "It's been awhile since that happened."
She nodded slowly, twisting her wedding rings around her finger. "It was a new one," she said. "Worse."
"Worse?" Luke frowned.
Lorelai nodded and pressed her hands to her eyes. "You were late," she admitted. "I was mad because you weren't home when you said you would be and then police officers came and you were…" she couldn't bear to finish the sentence and allowed the tears to flow.
"Oh, Lorelai," he sighed, shifting so he was leaning against the headboard beside her. He pulled her into his arms and pressed his lips to the top of her head. She turned into his chest and sobbed for a few minutes, and he rubbed her back gently as he whispered soft words of comfort in her ear. "I'm right here."
Finally, she pulled away. "God, Luke, it was horrible," she admitted. "I don't even know how to describe it, it was the most awful thing I've ever experienced."
"It was a dream."
"It was so real."
Luke pressed a kiss to her forehead and wrapped his arms more tightly around her. "I'm starting to get really worried about this," he admitted.
She clutched his shirt in her fingers. "Stay," she pleaded. "Don't go to work, stay. Please."
Without a word, Luke lifted one hand and reached for the phone. "Hey, Cesar, it's me. Something came up, I won't be in until this afternoon, if at all. Okay thanks." He hung up the phone and replaced it on the table before he turned back to Lorelai.
She wasn't crying anymore, but she was gripping his shirt in a death grip, as if she was afraid he'd disappear if she let go. "Are you hungry?" he murmured.
"No," she shook her head against his chest.
"Okay," he sighed, settling further into the pillows as he ran a hand through her hair. She was still for a long moment, and he thought she'd fallen back to sleep.
"You can't die."
Luke swallowed hard at the vulnerability in her voice. As much as he wanted to, he knew better than anyone that he couldn't promise that. He was older now than his mother ever had been. "I'm here," he promised.
She sighed as she lifted her head, sitting up straight as she wiped at her eyes. "I hate this," she murmured. "I hate that I can't focus on what we have and keep focusing on how quickly it can be gone. I want to enjoy being happy."
"I'm going to say it again," he whispered, reaching to wipe a tear away from her cheek. "I think you should call Abby."
Lorelai nodded. "I think so too," she said. "I can't keep living like this."
"I can go with you," he offered.
As much as she wanted to give in and beg him to come with her, Lorelai shook her head softly. "I think this is something I need to do on my own," she admitted.
"Okay," he said. "But if you need me…"
"I'll tell you," she said. She was quiet before fresh tears filled her eyes. "I'm sorry you married a mess."
"Don't say that," he murmured. "I married you, and I want to help you. I don't like how much these dreams are scaring you."
"I'll call Abby later," Lorelai said. She squeezed his hand gently. "I guess there's really no such thing as a happily ever after, is there?"
"I'm happy," he murmured. "I just wish you were."
"I am happy," she promised. "Happier than ever, I promise. But…I don't know, have I messed myself up so much that I can't let myself enjoy that?"
"You're not messed up," Luke assured her.
She shook her head slightly. "Thanks for being here," she murmured.
"I wish there was more I could do," he said honestly.
"Luke, you're doing everything right," she promised. "When I think back to two years ago…I never could have talked to you like this. I never would have talked to you like this. But now I know you'll be here, that you won't judge me. That means the world to me."
"I'm glad to be here," he said. "But please…call Abby? For me?"
"I will," she promised. "The second the office opens."
Luke smiled, but the worry was still present in his eyes. "Tell me what I can do to help," he requested.
Lorelai sighed as she leaned into him. "You're doing it," she promised.
XXXXX
"…and he's been so great," Lorelai said as she finished telling Abby about her dreams. "Even if it's the middle of the night, he wakes up and holds me until I calm down."
Abby offered Lorelai a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry you're having those dreams," she said. "They sound really terrifying."
"They are," Lorelai admitted. "The first one I had, about Luke and Anna, with her being his wife and pregnant, was awful. It was the most vivid one I've had, but the past couple nights have been Luke…" she swallowed hard as she felt her emotions taking control of her again. "Last night, he crashed his truck when he was on his way back from bringing April to the airport. I watched it happen."
"Here," Abby said, holding a box of tissues out to Lorelai, who took one gratefully. "Do you think the dreams represent something?" she asked.
"Uh, yeah, my huge, paralyzing fear of my husband dying in front of me," Lorelai said.
"Something more than that," Abby said gently.
Lorelai blew her nose and tossed the tissue into the trash can before she looked down at her wedding rings. "Maybe it's not just Luke," she whispered. "Maybe, in my dream, it's our entire life, everything we've worked for, collapsing in one second. It's my biggest fear."
"Why do you think you're so scared of that?" Abby asked.
"Because it's everything!" Lorelai cried. "I mean, Rory's on her own now, and she's still the best thing I've ever done. And as sad as it makes me sometimes, she's not part of my everyday life anymore. I talk to her every day, we're still best friends, but she's not here. My routine, my home, my schedule coordinating is with Luke now. If something happens to him, I'll be completely alone."
"You'd have Rory," Abby said softly. "Your parents. April. Your friends."
Lorelai shook her head. "It's not the same," she said. "He's…Luke. If anything happens to him, I…I don't know how I'd get through it."
Abby leaned forward and met Lorelai's eyes. "I think you're scared of not getting something," she said.
"What?" Lorelai asked.
"That first dream, with Anna," Abby said. "You were seeing another woman get what you wanted, a life with Luke. And now that the dreams are getting more severe, losing him in your dreams represents how scared you are that you're not going to get something. Not a new pair of shoes or a cup of coffee, but something huge."
"A baby," Lorelai murmured. She was quiet before she smiled slightly. "We want one so badly. She'll be so beautiful."
"You don't have to share too much, but how is that going?" Abby asked.
Lorelai thought for a moment, wondering how much to tell Abby without disclosing their entire sex life. "When we got engaged, I told him that I wanted his baby," she said. "I went off the pill, but we didn't take a proactive stance. It was more…if it happens it happens kind of thing. And a huge part of me thought it would happen then. We're not exactly… abstinent."
"And after you got married?" Abby prompted.
A fond smile graced Lorelai's lips as she remembered their wedding night and how Luke had taken his time to make her feel beautiful and cherished, his lips lingering over her stomach for extra time. "We decided to really start trying," she said. "I started tracking my cycle, we took advantage of the times I was ovulating, but still…nothing."
"It's only been three months, Lorelai."
"The practical part of me knows that," Lorelai said. "But neither of us are exactly young in regards to pregnancy. Those stupid bitches at the OBGYN office refer to me as a geriatric patient since I'm over 35. Luke and I don't have all the time in the world for this to happen."
"It sounds like you're putting way too much pressure on yourself," Abby commented. "That could make things hard."
"I know," Lorelai sighed. "But sometimes I can't help but wonder if my karma is going to cost us our baby."
"Karma?' Abby asked.
"Yeah," Lorelai said. "You know, girl gets pregnant at fifteen, ruins all of her potential, and then can't get pregnant when she's married and ready. It's my fault Luke's never going to get another baby."
"Okay, that's a lot of blame you're placing on yourself," Abby said. "And unnecessary blame at that. You have got to give yourself a break."
"He wants a baby so badly," Lorelai murmured. "So do I."
Abby shrugged. "Worst case scenario, you don't get pregnant," she suggested. "What do you see?"
Lorelai was quiet for a moment. "We could adopt a kid," she murmured. "I know a lot of girls aren't as lucky as I was. We haven't talked about it, but…I guess there are options."
"There are," Abby said gently. "But Lorelai, I think you need to relax and give yourself some time. I know you've always set your mind to something and worked hard to get it. This is a little bit out of your control."
"I know," Lorelai said. "That's part of why it scares me, I guess. The fact that I want it so badly, but can't do much to control when it happens."
"It takes time," Abby said. "Maybe you should take a step back."
"What do you mean?" Lorelai asked.
"When was the last time you and Luke had a conversation that didn't end up being about getting pregnant?" Abby asked.
"We talk about other stuff," Lorelai became defensive.
"I'm sure you do," Abby said. "But from what you've told me, all conversations lead back to what's going to happen when you're pregnant. Or which nights you should be trying. Or how disappointed you are that it hasn't happened yet. When was your last conversation with your husband that had absolutely nothing to do with babies?"
Lorelai opened her mouth to reply, but suddenly realized she couldn't answer. Everything for the past few months…the move, the unpacking, even on their wedding night….had been centered around one thing, having a kid. And now that they were settled into the new house, there was nothing left to focus on besides the fact that their kid still didn't exist.
"Oh my god, I'm one of those women," she breathed.
"Lorelai, it's okay," Abby said.
"No it's not," Lorelai said. "I'm one of those women, you know, those women who get married and are immediately focused on having sex for the sole purpose of getting pregnant. I mean not that that's the only reason we're having sex, because my husband is pretty damn hot, but that doesn't change the fact that I've become the kind of woman who focuses more on her ovulation cycle and tracking my temperature than all the great things I do have. I so did not see this coming!"
"Can I give you some advice?" Abby asked calmly.
"Please," Lorelai sighed, burying her face in her hands.
"See where Luke stands on this," Abby said gently.
"He wants a baby too," Lorelai replied.
"I believe that," Abby assured her. "But just see what he thinks. About whether he thinks it's taking too long, whether he's putting pressure on himself, all the things that are bothering you, see if they're bothering him too."
Lorelai nodded slowly. "Okay," she said.
Abby leaned forward with a small smile. "I'm going to cross a line here," she said. "Because I like you and Luke."
Lorelai's eyebrows shot up curiously. "Okay," she said.
"My first kid came around about nine months after my husband and I decided we were going to stop trying so hard," Abby said. "We forgot the diet changes and cycle tracking and just had fun together."
A small smile spread across Lorelai's lips. "Thanks, Abby," she said sincerely. "For everything."
"Just doing my job," Abby replied.
Lorelai reached for her bag and stood. "Well, you're pretty good at it," she said.
"Thanks," Abby said, standing with her. "I think you just need to relax, Lorelai. If you're going to keep worrying about having kids, your body is going to respond to that. You and Luke have come a long way, take some time to enjoy that."
"We will," Lorelai said. "I'll make an appointment for next week?"
Abby offered her a warm smile. "I'll be here."
XXXXX
Two hours later, Lorelai pulled her car up outside of the market and wandered inside. Luke was still at work, but she knew they were running low on some things, and she wanted to pick them up before she went home.
She'd just tossed a new bag of coffee into her basket and was rounding the corner to pick up the salsa she knew Luke liked when she saw a familiar blue baseball hat floating down the next aisle. She quickly slipped behind him and stepped close as he reached for a bag of sugar. "Want to go make out by the plums?" she breathed into his ear.
Luke jumped, dropped the sugar onto the ground, and then turned to look at her. She giggled as confusion came over his face, quickly replaced with annoyance. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he asked.
"According to Patty they're better than sex," Lorelai reported. She watched, tilting her head to the side and admiring her view, as he bent over to pick up the dropped bag of sugar. "Personally, I think plums have got nothing on you."
Luke sighed and turned to look at her. "How did your afternoon go?" he asked, glancing around the market suspiciously. He didn't trust this town not to have the market wired. He could see Patty and Babette having some sort of radio transmission that picked up on private conversations anywhere on Main Street.
"Good," Lorelai said. "I…well, I figured some stuff out. I probably owe you an apology."
"For what?"
"For being too focused on…you know."
Luke sighed and looked down at his watch. He didn't want to get into details in the middle of the market. That hadn't worked out too well for them in the past. "I'll be done in half an hour or so," he told her. "I just had to get some sugar to tide the diner over until tomorrow. I'll drop this off, change out the register, and then we can talk at home?"
"Sure," Lorelai nodded. She tilted her head to the side and asked, "Bring me some coffee?"
He nodded and reached out to squeeze her shoulder. "Always," he promised.
She offered him a happy smile. "I knew there was a reason I married you," she sighed.
Forty five minutes later, she was seated on their back porch, enjoying the fading afternoon light of the unseasonably warm March afternoon. It was amazing to her that a year ago, she'd just been beginning to face her fears and figure out all of the tangled webs in her brain. Back then she hadn't even thought she'd have a chance in hell of ever even kissing Luke again. Now here she was, married for real this time, in a house of their own.
As she gently pushed her foot against the porch rail, setting the swing into a rocking motion, Lorelai reflected on her conversation with Abby that afternoon. She'd made a lot of realizations, and even more in the few hours since she'd left the doctor's office. Now, with a clearer grip on her obsession with getting pregnant, she realized that not all of her desires were selfish. She wanted her husband to be able to have everything he wanted, and she knew that there was still a very empty part of his life. As incredible as a father as he was, he still had never gotten to experience so much of the joy. She wanted him to be able to hold his newborn in his arms, she wanted him to watch their kids' first steps and hear their first words. He would love their child just as much as he loved April and Rory, he'd teach them new things and help them through hard times. He'd proved himself as a reliable father time and time again.
I'm not letting her give up on her dreams…April's very excited...you baked a sixteen year old girl birthday coffee cake...they belonged to my mother…Rory's okay?...you built her a basketball court!
Lorelai smiled fondly as she recalled the many times Luke had put the girls before himself. He so deserved to have a child that was his, that he knew about from the same moment she did, that he would feel moving inside of her and that he would know the second she brought their kid into the world. She desperately wanted to provide that for him.
"There you are."
Lorelai smiled as she looked up from the porch swing, scooting over to give Luke room to sit down. He did so and offered her a smile as she turned to look at him.
"Hi," she said, tucking one leg underneath her as the other dangled off the edge of the swing, her foot again setting the swing into a gentle rocking motion.
Luke examined her closely. "You look okay," he observed.
Lorelai pretended to swoon. "A girl always dreams of hearing those words," she gushed.
"I mean, I thought you'd be more…upset after seeing Abby," Luke said. He thought back to their sessions over the past summer when she'd retreated into herself after they'd met with Abby. She still looked thoughtful, but calmer and more relaxed than she had back then.
Lorelai shrugged. "I guess I got some insight," she said. "But really, Luke, I do want to apologize. About being so worked up over this baby thing. I know now how obsessive I've been about it."
"I want it too," he murmured.
"I know," Lorelai nodded. "But Abby asked me when we last had a conversation that didn't somehow involve us having a kid, and I realized I couldn't answer her. We've been so focused on it, I've been so focused on it."
Luke let out a frustrated sigh. "So now you don't want to try anymore?" he asked.
"I'm not saying that," Lorelai shook her head. "I'm saying…we need to think about other things too. I mean, even on our wedding night we were so focused on getting pregnant, when it should have been about us."
Luke reached out to brush his fingers over her cheek. "It was a damn good night," he recalled.
"It was," Lorelai giggled. "And I'm not saying we're getting boring or robotic or anything, but it's always there, you know? Every time, when we're done, I can't help but think 'maybe this was the time.'"
Luke sighed as he looked at her. He could tell she was trying to be honest, but he was having trouble understanding what her point was. "I guess I'm missing what you want to do about it," he finally admitted. "Stop trying? Think about fertility? Let it go altogether?"
"No, none of that," Lorelai said. "I know you want a baby too, Luke. I want to know what else you think."
He frowned. "What else is there to think?" he asked. "We want a baby, so we're trying for a baby."
"That's true," Lorelai nodded. She stared down at her hands. "My big revelation today was what my dreams have been meaning about my every day life," she admitted. "And…I think at first, the dream I was having about you and Anna, was me being afraid that you'd go somewhere else if I can't give you what you want. Consciously, I know that you'd never do that, but we both know that my head is a wild jungle of insecurities. And this new dream, when you…" she squeezed her eyes shut as she fought the memory of her dream last night, when she'd been frozen in place as she'd watched Luke's truck slam into a tree mere yards from her. "Well, I think it's me realizing that I'm scared I'm not going to be able to give you a baby. You're an incredible father, Luke, and you deserve to have this, a kid you knowingly help bring into the world, one who you know from the second he or she is born and never let go of. I know that if it never happens, I'd be okay. Disappointed, sure, but I'm more scared of not being to give that to you. I want to be the one, I want to create a life with you. I'm just afraid of letting you down if it doesn't happen."
"You are never going to let me down," Luke said, tipping her chin up to him. "Lorelai, a year ago I thought we'd never even be here. Look at everything we've done, at our family. Do you think April would be moving back here, going to Chilton if it wasn't for you? When I think about where we'd be if you hadn't been brave enough to face your fears, or to ask me to face mine, that's what scares me. I'd still be living in that musty old apartment, missing April and thinking about what could have been with you. But I'm not, I'm here, in this amazing house, with you. April's coming home, Rory's doing amazing things on the road, and we're married, Lorelai. Married."
His tone was slightly incredulous, and she flashed back to their first sleepover, when she'd commandeered his bed after the Independence Inn had caught fire. We were…married...in your dream? Now, five years later, they were actually married, and he still seemed amazed by the idea.
With a smile, Lorelai picked up his left hand and twisted his wedding ring slightly. "So you'd really be okay?" she asked. "If the baby thing never happens?"
"I do want a baby," he said. "I want to see you pregnant, I want to know what a kid we create would look like. But if it doesn't happen there are other options. Not all teenage moms are as brave as you were, we could always adopt."
Lorelai smiled and shifted so she was resting her head on his shoulder. She'd said almost the same thing to Abby this afternoon. "We could," she said.
"But it's only been a few months," Luke murmured, his arm wrapping around her shoulder.
"We've got some time," Lorelai nodded. "Not a lot, but a little. I know."
They were silent for a moment before Lorelai shivered slightly and tried to scoot closer to him. "You're cold," Luke frowned. "Let's get you inside."
"No, I'm okay," Lorelai promised. "You're all warm and snuggly."
"You sure?" Luke asked.
"Positive," she confirmed. "Luke?" she asked after a moment.
"Hmm?"
Lorelai bit her lower lip, then pulled back to look at him. "Is it overwhelming for you?" she asked. "The baby thing? I know you're going through a lot with Anna right now."
Luke met her gaze evenly. "A little," he admitted.
She tilted her head to the side. "Why didn't you say anything?" she asked.
"I don't know, I guess…I guess I just thought that they're not really related," he said. "We're talking about both things, I think I'm being better about not leaving you in the dark, but it's like there's the baby and there's April's custody arrangement. They're completely separate topics."
"You haven't been shutting me out," Lorelai acknowledged. "But they're both putting a lot of pressure on you."
"Yeah, they are," he shrugged, reaching out to rub her knee.
"What does Anna have to say about April moving back?" Lorelai asked gently.
"Not much," Luke shrugged. "She gets it, she's not happy about it, but she knows April's education is what's important."
Lorelai bit her lower lip. "What exactly is she not happy about?" she asked.
"Being so far away from April," Luke said. "But actually, I talked to her this afternoon, and we did agree on something."
"Well, that's progress," Lorelai said positively.
Luke looked at her closely. "While we're going over the custody paperwork, Anna realized that if anything happens to both of us, her mom is listed as April's legal guardian. That's not exactly going to work anymore."
"Nothing's going to happen to you," Lorelai said firmly, trying to convince herself as much as him.
"I hope not," he murmured. He reached for her hand and said, "Anna and I want you to take care of April if something does."
Lorelai blinked in surprise. "What?" she asked.
"You're her stepmom, she loves you," Luke said. "And, God forbid, if something does happen, she'll be safe and well cared for with you."
"Luke, nothing's going to happen," Lorelai said, tears filling her eyes.
He offered her a sad smile. "I know you're scared of it, Lorelai, but please hear me out, okay?" he asked. At her slight nod, he said, "My mom never made it past forty, my dad didn't make it past fifty. As much as I love the idea of growing old with you, we need to be practical here too. Please do this, as a precaution, for April?"
"Of course I'll do it, Luke," she said. "I just hate the idea. It's so morbid. I remember having to do it with Rory. She cried for three days when she found the papers."
Luke looked at her carefully. "Who'd you name for her?" he asked.
"Mia," Lorelai replied. "Luke, are you sure about this? Things have been…courteous with Anna, I don't want to stir up bad blood."
"It was her idea."
"What?" Lorelai asked.
"I hadn't even thought about it, honestly," Luke acknowledged with a shrug. "She'd named her mom when April was born, and that was that. But now, with her being sick, Anna realized we have to change it. She suggested you, because, well, it makes the most sense. You're already a parent to her."
"Wow," Lorelai whispered. A lot had changed in the past two years. Maybe Luke's ex-girlfriend wasn't the evil woman Lorelai had made her out to be in her head after all. "Well, of course I'll do it."
He smiled and kissed her gently. "Thank you," he expressed his gratitude in his gentle tone.
"Nothing to thank me for, I love April," Lorelai said. "Besides, nothing is going to happen, so it's a moot point."
"There are some papers you'll have to sign," he informed her.
"Good, because I've finally perfected the addition to my autograph," she said with a small smile.
"I love you."
"I love you too," she said.
He pressed a kiss to the top of her head as she settled against him again. "So where do we stand on the whole baby thing?" he asked.
"Where do you want to stand?" she asked.
"I want to keep trying."
"Well, duh," she said. "How about we have a lot of sex but stop convincing ourselves that every time is the time?"
"I think I can get on board with that."
"And consider this the last baby related conversation," Lorelai said. "If nothing's changed by the end of summer, then we can revisit it?"
"Sounds perfect," he said, trailing his fingers up and down her arm.
"Good," Lorelai said. "No more obsessing."
"What did Abby say about the dreams?" he asked.
Lorelai shrugged against his shoulder. "Just that she thought they were related to my fears of not being good enough, of not giving you what you want," she replied.
"How do we get them to stop?" he asked.
"Well, she rambled something about dream journals and lucid dreaming, but it sounded kind of stupid to me," Lorelai replied.
Luke winced. "That sounds like something Liz would do," he stated.
"You love your sister."
"Doesn't mean she's not insane."
Lorelai nodded, acknowledging his point. "I've always had vivid dreams, some good, some bad," she said. "At first I thought these dreams were saying, 'hey, you're going to mess things up, don't get too used to being happy.' But now, after talking to Abby, I think they're just all my fears of not being able to give you what you want bubbling to the surface."
Luke offered her a sympathetic smile as he played with the ends of her hair. "You'll always be enough," he said. "I wish I could prove that to you."
"You are," she nodded. "I think they'll go away. It might take some time, but I don't know. I feel calmer, more relaxed about everything."
"Good," he said, standing and pulling her with him. "I'm going to take you out for dinner."
Lorelai's face lit up as she followed him inside. "Al's?" she asked hopefully.
"No."
She offered him a sly smile and tossed her head, causing her hair to flip over her shoulder. "I'll wear the blue skirt," she offered. "You know, the one that made you drop the coffee pot the first time you saw it."
"You wear that skirt, we're not getting any further than the staircase," he told her.
"Fine, no skirt," Lorelai sighed dramatically. "We haven't been to Al's in forever! I really want Chinese tonight, please, please, please, Luke?"
He rolled his eyes and picked up his keys. "Get your shoes on," he said.
She smiled happily and leaned forward to kiss him. "You're my favorite husband," she informed him.
He smiled down at her. "I'm eating at Al's, you owe me a day of no caffeine," he said.
Lorelai contemplated for a moment before she nodded. "Deal." With a smirk, she headed for the stairs.
Luke had no idea that she'd hidden two tubs of coffee on the shelf in Rory's closet.