Chapter 47 Fears

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

When Lily and James entered the Common Room Lily saw several people glaring in their direction and there was a definite uptake in the muttering coming from the various groups around the room. She glanced over at James and rubbed his hand with her thumb. James squeezed Lily's hand in appreciation.

James stared at his feet. He felt like a prat. He deserved the glares and mutterings that were being sent in his direction. If he hadn't been so cocky this whole thing could have been avoided. He could have just left Snape alone. Heck, if he had just consulted the map before they left the kitchens they would never have been caught. How could he have been so stupid, so careless? James was relieved as they exited the Common Room and the negative scrutiny.

He would have to work extra hard to earn back as many of the points he had lost as possible. He tugged gently on Lily's hand pulling her closer to him. He released her hand and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. In response she wrapped an arm around his waist and leaned her head into his shoulder.

James smiled to himself, despite how awful he was feeling. Worse than everyone else being mad at him had been the look of disappointment that Lily had given him when she found out what he and his friends had done. And then she had taken off. He had been convinced that a row was inevitable but she seemed much calmer now.

They left the castle and James steered them over to a more secluded part of the lake shore. He lay down in the grass and Lily joined him resting her head on his shoulder. James grasped a strand of hair between his fingers and played with it absentmindedly.

"I'm sorry I screwed up so badly," James said quietly. "We just wanted one more night of fun before we graduated and entered the real world."

Lily rolled over so that she was lying on her side facing James.

"It's alright," she said. "You didn't do it on purpose."

Lily ran the fingers of her free hand over James's chest and lay her head back against his shoulder.

"It's just, with everything that's going on," James trailed off not sure how to express his thoughts. "My dad has some friends in Magical Law Enforcement and he says that the Prophet isn't reporting half of what's going on. He says that there are disappearances every day. You don't know who to trust. Even at the Ministry. They're certain he has spies in every department."

James fell silent. They lay there for a few minutes. James tracing circles on Lily's back while she snuggled up against him her fingers continuing to trace patterns across his chest.

"I'm scared," Lily said breaking the silence in a voice that was barely a whisper. "About what will happen after we leave here."

Lily buried her face into James's shoulder. Part of her felt like she was being silly, being afraid. She was a Gryffindor after all. But the reports were becoming more frequent and more serious. Up until recently she had simply chosen to believe that the Ministry would be able to sort this whole Voldemort thing out before she was finished at Hogwarts but it was becoming increasingly clear that the problem was getting worse, not better. No matter what the Ministry claimed.

And being a Muggle-born she was in more danger than most of her friends. She suspected she wasn't alone in her worry. There were other Muggle-born students that she knew and they all got that same look in their eyes whenever something was reported in the Prophet lately. She was actually surprised that James hadn't said anything. She found it unlikely that her face didn't have a similar expression to the others.

"You, will be fine," James whispered trying to sound reassuring.

He reached his free arm across him and pushed her hair back behind her ear. His fingertips caressing her face.

"You can't guarantee that," Lily countered. "It's people like me that they're after. That they hate."

"Yeah, well they're all idiots," James replied.

Lily couldn't help but smile slightly despite the gravity of the situation.

"They're smart enough to have evaded the Ministry so far," Lily added.

James placed his hand on Lily's chin and tilted her head so she was looking in his eyes.

"You are going to be fine," James said slowly and emphatically. "And I doubt that they like me much better," he grinned.

"Don't, don't joke about that," Lily said with a look somewhere between anger and terror. "I couldn't stand it if something happened to you because of me."

Her lip started to quiver and she turned her face away from his burying it in his shoulder once more. James shifted his body and wrapped his other arm around Lily. He pulled her to him tucking her head under his chin. He felt her take several deep shaky breaths. He tangled the fingers of one hand into her hair and with the other started to rub gentle circles on her back.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "It's okay. We'll be fine. Shh. I love you."

"I love you, too," Lily said trying to make her voice sound steady. "And it terrifies me that something could happen to you because of it."

"Lily," James said his voice sounded strained.

How long had she been worrying about this? And how had he not noticed? James wasn't sure what to say. He wanted to be comforting but he also knew that she was not being completely absurd either. It was happening. The Death Eaters weren't just targeting Muggle-borns. They were targeting the wizarding families they had married into, too. And wizards who had married Muggles. His father had mentioned that in his letter, too. Though James had decided never to mention it. In fact he had burned the letter after reading it to make sure that Lily never saw it.

His father had also told James in no uncertain terms that he was not telling James this because he wanted him to break things off with Lily. In fact his father told James that if he broke up with Lily just because she was Muggle-born he would be quite disappointed in him. He just wanted James to be aware of what was going on and to be on guard.

"I don't want to," Lily said interrupting his thoughts; her voice shaking. "But I would understand if you."

"Don't be ridiculous," James cut her off. "I love you and I don't care one bit what some lunatic and his crazy band of followers thinks."

"Thanks, James," Lily said sniffling slightly.

She sighed into his chest as relief washed over her. She really couldn't imagine life without him.

James pulled back slightly so that he could see her better. He gently placed his hands on her either side of her face and used his thumbs to brush her tears away. He leaned in and placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

Lily stretched to reach James's mouth with hers' pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. Her hand that was not pinned under him snaked up into his hair. James responded by wrapping his arms around her and pulling her face closer to his deepening the kiss. James rolled them slightly so that Lily was now lying on her back freeing her previously trapped hand which slid to his back.

James broke their kiss and began slowly trailing kisses down her jaw line and neck before working his way back up to her mouth.

When they finally broke apart they were both breathing heavily. James propped himself up on his elbow his free hand resting on her stomach rubbing small circles with his thumb. He gave her one last quick kiss and smiled down at her. Lily closed her eyes placed one arm behind her head to keep it out of the grass and smiled making a small noise of contentment in her throat.

It was at times like these that Lily wished she could spend the majority of her time kissing him. She opened her eyes to look up at James and saw him smiling down at her looking pensive.

"What?" she asked, grinning.

"What?" James replied.

"You look like you're having deep thoughts," Lily replied reaching up and running her fingers through his hair.

James smiled.

"I was just thinking about how much I love you," James replied smoothly.

Lily smiled back.

"I love you, too," she replied sitting up just enough to give him a quick kiss before flopping back down on the ground.

The truth was he had been thinking about what would happen after they left Hogwarts. What would happen when he couldn't know approximately where she was every second of every day? Not because he wanted to be her keeper. She had every right to go where she wanted when she wanted. But at Hogwarts he knew she was always relatively safe whether they were together or apart. After they graduated and left school that security would disappear. Because the truth was that she was in more danger than any of his other friends.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you," Lily said interrupting his thoughts. "I got a letter from my mum last night."

"Oh," James replied. "Didn't she just write you?"

"Yes, but she wanted me to invite you to Easter dinner, apparently," Lily said. "I guess she forgot in the last letter what with convincing Petunia to agree to have dinner with us. Well, she didn't actually say that but that's my guess."

James hesitated. It wasn't that he didn't love the idea. He was more than happy to spend time with Lily over the break. Especially since he was becoming increasingly worried about her safety outside of school. But he also felt a little guilty because if he went to Easter dinner at Lily's house that left Sirius and his parents alone. They didn't have any other immediate family.

"You don't have to come if you don't want to," Lily said and even though he could tell she was trying to hide it James noticed the slightly hurt look in her eyes.

"No, no it's not that," James said. "I'd love to. I just, well it's a bit silly really. My parents are both only children and so we don't really have any other family. And well, I know they would be perfectly happy to let me come but at the same time I feel bad leaving them alone. I know it's ridiculous."

"It's alright, James," Lily smiled. She didn't know if she knew any other eighteen year old boys who would feel bad about not spending Easter with their parents. It was sweet. "I don't want you to abandon your parents with only Sirius for company. I'm sure mum and dad will let you come over another day during the holiday."

"I do want to come, though," James pressed. He wasn't looking forward to being apart from her. "Or maybe you could come and spend a few days at my place."

"Maybe," Lily said hesitantly. "I'd love to stay with you. I just don't know if I'll be able to sell my parents on the idea. They really like you but they don't know your parents. I might be able to talk them into letting you stay with us though. I did promise to take you to a movie after all."

"Oh, yeah. I'd forgotten about that," James said. "We definitely have to do that. I don't think I will understand what a movie is if I don't see it."

"But you can't go crazy at all the Muggle stuff," Lily said in a teasing voice. "I might have to keep you wand while we're there. We do have to uphold the International Statute of Secrecy after all."

James laughed.

"What, you don't think I can behave myself?" he asked.

"James, I love you but I've also known you long enough to know how ridiculous you can be. You'll probably see the soda machine and go crazy," Lily said laughing.

"Soda machine?" James asked curiously. "What is soda and why does it come from a machine?"

"You'll see," Lily said laughing again.

After dinner Lily decided to write to her mother so she could send an owl before curfew. Hopefully, she could get it finished before Newt went off hunting for the night.

Dear Mum,

I got your letter today. I spoke to James about coming for dinner and he was very appreciative but he's not sure he can make it. He feels bad leaving his parents all alone on Easter because they don't really have any other family.

He invited me to stay for a few days during vacation but I wasn't sure how you and dad would feel about that since you only met his parents very briefly on the platform. But I was wondering if it would be possible for him to stay with us for a couple of days? He's never seen a movie before and I've promised him that we'll go see one. Do you know if there's anything good playing at the moment? I can't wait to see you both.

Love,

Lily

When she came down to the Common Room from her dormitory she spotted Katie and Marlene sitting with the Marauders in the seats by the fire.

"Hey, you lot," she said sitting down on the arm of the couch next to James.

She received several, "Hi, Lily's," in return.

James smiled up at her, "Hey, Love. Did you finish your letter to your mum?"

"Yeah, now who feels like taking a walk to the Owlery with me so I can mail it?" Lily asked the group at large.

James looked over at Katie and Marlene who looked at James. All three of them laughed.

"I've had her all afternoon if you'd like a turn," James said still chuckling.

"A turn?" Lily said pretending to glare at James. "I'm an object now."

James laughed and took Lily's hand giving it a gentle kiss.

"Katie, Marlene, do you want to go? I'm certainly not going with this tosser," Lily said grinning.

"Hey," James said wrapping both his arms around Lily's waist and pulling her from the arm of the couch into his lap. "Who are you calling a tosser?"

"You," Lily replied grinning, wrapping her arms.

"Excuse me, but do you two mind?" Sirius asked. "Go find a nice broom cupboard if you're going to be all disgusting."

"You're just jealous, mate," James replied.

Lily just rolled her eyes.

"Come on Marlene, Katie, I want to get to the Owlery before Newt goes off hunting," Lily said.

Lily gave James a quick kiss and then extricated herself from his lap.

"You two are disgustingly cute, you know," Katie said conversationally as they walked towards the Owlery.

"Shut-up," Lily said glaring at her friend.

Marlene laughed, "Give her a break Katie. It's sweet."

"I don't know how you two are going to survive the Holiday," Katie continued. "Two whole weeks without seeing each other."

Lily grinned, "Actually, that is one of the reasons I'm writing my parents. To ask if James can stay with us for part of the break. He asked me to stay with him but I'm not sure how open my parents would be to that since they don't really know his parents. But it will be harder for them to object to him staying with us."

"Well, Katie, there's your answer," Marlene said with a grin. "They can't make it two whole weeks without seeing each other."

"I'd argue with you but I'd be lying," Lily said with a laugh.

"All joking aside, you two seem really happy," Katie said.

"Yeah, we are," Lily said smiling. "James is an amazing person."

"Remember when we couldn't convince her that he wasn't a horrible excuse for a human being?" Marlene asked with a laugh. "Now she thinks he's perfect."

"Oh, he's not perfect," Lily countered. "But I wouldn't have him any other way."

"I would have preferred if he hadn't lost us so many points so close to the end of the year," Katie said.

"Please don't give him too hard a time about that. He feels bad enough already," Lily said seriously.

"He seemed fine this evening," Katie said.

"Yeah, well, you know James. He's not going to let everyone else know when he's down," Lily said. "So just go easy."

"Alright," Katie said.

"Thanks, Katie," Lily said.