A/N: This past week has flown by, and boy am I glad it has because it meant another chance to write a chapter for this fic! I love exploring this dynamic and this style of writing where I also get to include Killian's story. I hope that you all enjoy this installment, which brings Killian talking to Emma's friends, another flashback, and Emma and Killian protecting and defending each other. Expect lots of cuteness and fluff forever, and let me know what you think!
Since arriving back in Storybrooke nearly a month earlier, Killian faced every day with determination to make amends and find his way back to the life he wanted with Emma. Nothing would keep him from showering his Swan with the proof that he could be trusted, and that with him, her heart was safe. It was slow work in many ways, but every day he took strides in the right direction. In one area, though, Killian remained relatively in the dark, and that was Emma's past romantic history.
It caused a sinking feeling in Killian's gut every time he thought about it, but it was a situation of his own making. Had he not been so stupid and blinded by perceived grief, he and Emma would have been together now for years and neither of them would have other suitors in their past. Nevertheless, this was their reality, and Killian now felt ready to know the whole truth. To get it, he scoped out a source many people often overlooked, but who he trusted would be impartial and thorough in her estimations.
"Killian, this is a surprise!" Belle French said from behind the desk of the small bookstore she ran in town, as she offered him a genuine smile. "What brings you here today?"
"Research," Killian replied and he could see his old friend's eyes light up at the words. Seemed Belle was just as invested in books as she'd always been, which was good considering her line of work.
"For a new novel?" Killian shook his head at the question.
"For a new life. I need you to tell it to me straight, Belle. If I have any chance of winning Emma over again, I need all the facts. Who might pose a conflict moving forward?" Belle's eyes widened at the inquiry.
"Are you asking me to give you Emma's dating history? Because girl code stipulates that would be a very gray area." Killian shook his head.
"Not dating, I know that there hasn't been anything serious aside from the on again off again bloke she met in med school." Belle nodded, clearly at ease that Killian already knew the biggest part. "I just need to know who has shown any interest, maybe some of the men who asked her out and she let down easy, or the ones who would ask if they could."
"Emma wouldn't answer that for you?"
"I didn't even bother to ask. Emma still has no sense of the pull she has over everyone. If a man hadn't been very blunt, she might just think him friendly." Belle bit back a smile and nodded, pulling a cart of books to organize from behind the desk. She shifted them to Killian who in turn gave her a curious look and Belle filled him in on her thoughts on the matter.
"You're looking for classified intel, so I propose a trade. You help me get these stacked into place, and I'll tell you everything you want to know." A hearty laugh made it's way from Killian's chest, filling the room.
"Fair enough." In the end the task at hand took less than twenty minutes, but the information he gained was well worth the effort. As expected, Emma had a fair number of admirers, but according to Belle, none of them stood out as being of any interest for Emma. In fact, his love had never shown real enthusiasm for anyone in town since him.
"She never let go of you, you know." Killian's heart clutched at the statement, but he needed to know more. Belle, meanwhile led him to a final section of the store, and pulled out a copy of his first book. "Every time a new edition comes out she buys it. She has more copies of your books in her house than I have in the store."
A beat passed in which Killian couldn't fathom a response. He didn't understand such faithfulness despite everything, and yet why would he expect anything else from Emma? She'd always supported him and his writing, remaining his biggest cheerleader at every turn. Emma even convinced him to submit his first story for publication, and it was only through her influence that he'd gotten that first shot. Her faith in him drove him to do better back then, but even when they'd been apart, he thought of her, wondering if she'd read his books, and if she liked them. Now he knew, and the impact it had on his heart was substantial.
"I am going to make this up to her, Belle, I swear it." Belle smiled and patted Killian's arm.
"You already are. Don't think we all don't know. Between the book and all the dates we've heard about, no one can deny that you're trying. She'll get there, probably sooner than even she thinks." Hearing such validation from Belle of all people gave Killian a new level of hopefulness, but soon the aura of calm evaporated, for Ruby returned from her lunch break and spotted him.
"I see you finally made your way in here. Took you long enough, Jones." Killian raised a brow and Ruby rolled her eyes. "He asked about her exes right?" Belle nodded and pulled out a five-dollar bill slipping it to Ruby. Killian's eyes grew bigger at the exchange.
"But how-,"
"It was just a matter of time. No sensible guy goes for the girl without knowing her history. Then again, you bought a house without so much as a text in ten years, so there was still a chance you may shake things up." Killian scratched behind his ear, embarrassed but willing to handle what Emma's friends dished out. He deserved it.
"Is that all you've taken bets on?" Belle and Ruby shook their heads at the same time.
"There's also a pool for engagement, move-in and wedding town wide." Bloody hell!
"So we're a hot topic of conversation then." Both women nodded.
"Oh yeah. Anyone who matters is team happily ever after, but you know there are always a few miserable assholes who oppose other people finding any kind of joy." Killian could well believe it. The time he'd spent here in his youth introduced him to such characters, who couldn't find their own contentment without everyone else hurting. Interestingly enough, that was actually a part of his gift to Emma today, a memory about such people and how they would never have the strength to pull Emma and him apart.
"None of it has made its way to Emma, I don't think," Belle added lightly. That was a relief at least. Killian only hoped that none of it ever would. Some things, like childish antics and cruel words for the sake of putting others down, were better left in the past and never lived through again. If they did come though, he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he would fend it away for her.
"Oh hell no! We've done a pretty good job of tamping that down. No one messes with Emma." Killian smiled at that, happy again that Emma had allies and friends who would be there no matter what. While he'd been in California feeling isolated from real connection Emma had been surrounded by people who cared for her. He only hoped she'd let him stay on as one of those people from now on too.
Gods, do I hope she really lets me in, he thought as he headed back into the Storybrooke afternoon once more, off to ensure that he did everything in his power to achieve just that.
…..
Emma very rarely regretted not living in a larger city. Both professionally and personally, she felt more grounded and at peace in her tiny hometown, but every once in a while, something happened that threw her happy sort of cycle out of whack, and made her question living in a place this closed off from the bigger happenings of the world.
Today's flirtation with Storybrooke discomfort came at the hands of a group of women Emma knew rather well. They were the girls who'd considered themselves popular in high school, and all stayed in town, marrying dimwitted has-been jocks while still thinking they were somehow above everyone else. Their leader, Kathryn Parker, was a sore reminder for Emma of more insecure days, and though she rarely deigned to eat at Granny's citing how terrible it was to eat diner food regularly, Kathryn lowered herself for it today. She currently held court with her little posse of gossiping mean girls in a far booth. That didn't mean Emma couldn't hear everything she said, for Kathryn projected herself wherever she went, subconsciously convinced people wanted to hear her every thought.
"I just don't understand why he would ever put that kind of effort in. He has money now, and whatever his issues might have been in high school, he can do better than the down home doctor he left all those years ago."
Kathryn's voice rang through the entire diner and Emma's fists balled up while a trickle of unease moved through her. How dare this woman think she could speculate about Emma and Killian! She didn't know them at all, but here she was, analyzing the idea of them trying to be together. It infuriated Emma but also poked at some lingering worries. Why was Killian so adamantly seeking to make amends? Couldn't he have had a million chances to move on from her in his glamorous new life?
"And she's giving him such a hard time. I heard from Misty at the post office that she wouldn't even say they're together to other people. Can you imagine having a guy like that and playing hard to get?! It's not like she has a ton of people trying for her, and she's getting older, what the hell is she waiting for?" Emma rolled her eyes at that last part, because that was beside the point. But these women poked out some layer of truth – technically Emma and Killian weren't officially back together. Emma was holding back a little bit still, and while she felt justified to do so, she wondered if it was necessary. She trusted Killian and she knew she wanted him long-term. Why couldn't she just say that?
Emma remained caught up in these internal debates until Granny returned with her order.
"Small town living is not for the fair of heart." Granny's words from behind the counter made Emma smile in spite of herself, her fists loosening slightly. "Nothing that they say has any bearing on you, Emma. Remember that." Emma nodded, settling the bill before walking back outside and into the breezy September day. She was lost in thought about everything when she bumped into someone and looked up to see it was Killian.
"Emma, love, you should be a bit more careful. I'd hate to see you hurt." The way he said her name and expressed his subsequent concern was soft and filled with love, and she closed her eyes for a minute to try and take in the calm that came when he was around, but as she did his arms came around her. "Emma, what's wrong?"
"It's nothing," Emma said shaking her head, but she bit her bottom lip. She didn't like lying to him, but she knew this was silly. They were all adults, so she should be passed any insecurity from childhood by now.
"It's not nothing. I can see in your eyes something's happened. Let me help." Emma looked up at Killian and saw how desperately he wanted to make it better and just that alone alleviated most of her lingering stress.
"What are we doing?" Killian's eyes grew wider at the question. "I mean why are you still here fighting so hard? Why haven't you found someone else?" Killian's hold around her tightened.
"There's never going to be another person who I could love as much as you Emma. Never." Emma's heart fluttered at his mention of love. She could feel a tightening in her throat, and all she wanted to do was say it back, but she held the words in all the same.
"What would make you think otherwise? Have I not been clear since my return that everything I do, I do for you?" Emma shook her head, because he constantly made her feel that way. This wasn't a problem with him, but with her.
"You have, I was just at Granny's and I heard some people talking and… you remember Kathryn Parker? Well even though I know she's terrible and is just a miserable person in general, she still had a good point. You could have anyone you wanted, but you're still here." Killian's whole body stiffened and he pulled back, grabbing her hand and leading Emma into to the diner once more.
"Killian, what are you doing?" He looked at her with determination in his eyes, and a level of frustration she hadn't seen from him in years. It wasn't aimed at her, it never was in all their years as friends, but Emma knew he was serious as they walked back into Granny's. At the front of the diner where she'd just picked up her food, he kissed her on the cheek and dropped her hand.
"Stay here, love." Emma watched him approach Kathryn's table. The woman's eyes grew wide and Emma observed Kathryn take on a flirtatious demeanor with Killian. Now Emma was the one angry but Killian remedied that quickly enough.
"Killian Jones, so good to see you." Killian huffed out an angry breath, but when he spoke, his tone wasn't raised, just hardened with reined in distaste. Emma could still hear every word from her spot in front.
"I hear you've been questioning my life and my choices. I see you've all clearly found no new hobbies in my absence." All four women's jaws dropped. "I thought it best to get something straight with all of you: It is none of your damn business what happens between me and Emma Swan. Your opinion is not only inconsequential, but also abhorrent to me. And just to clarify, I love her because she is the best woman alive and if was solely up to me, she would be mine permanently. Have I made myself clear?" All of the women nodded, and without another word, Killian returned to Emma.
"You didn't have to do that," Emma said quietly as he cupped her cheek with a soft caress.
"But I did, love." Just as they were about to leave, Granny came over with a large box and handed it to Killian who was rather thrown off by the gesture.
"I made a personal promise to myself years ago that anyone who told those catty women off would get a pie on me, and lucky for you two I have one chocolate cream left. That was a joint favorite if I remember correctly." Killian nodded and thanked Granny for the gift before bringing Emma back outside.
"Well at least we got a pie out of the deal," Emma joked, but it fell flat as Killian put his pie and her now lukewarm bag of lunch on a table outside and brought her closer to him.
"I need to make sure that we're okay, love." Emma replied immediately.
"We are. We were always going to be, but now how could I deny a knight in shining armor who barrels into diners to defend my honor?" Killian ran a hand through his hair, and she could see the faintest blush touch his cheeks.
"I didn't say what I said for any reason other than to protect you love. Now I have the chance to rectify everything I messed up and I'll be damned if I let Kathryn Parker of all people come between us."
"She won't," Emma whispered. "I'm sorry."
"You don't need to be sorry, Emma. It's more than natural for you to hesitate. I'm the one who broke this the first time, and I've a ways to go to fix it." Emma pulled him down for a kiss, not giving a damn that they were still in the middle of town in broad daylight. When she pulled back she rested her forehead against his.
"You might be closer than you think." Killian's grin ticked up to one side in the way it did when he was really, genuinely happy, and his hand came to take hers.
"May I walk you back to work, love?" She nodded and they made their way back through the streets of this little hamlet until they were once again at her office door. Killian gave her another kiss, informing her that her gift for the day was already inside before making his goodbyes.
Emma quickly made her way inside and to her desk, finding the box that waited for her. Hugging the pages to her chest, Emma knew there would be no waiting for the rest of the day to pass to delve into these. She missed Killian already, and would take him in any form she could.
…
Surely every boy in love sees the girl in his heart through a lens of perfection. I was no different, and yet at no point did my admiration for Emma seem unjustified. Time only further proved her goodness, and at every turn Emma managed to make not only my life better, but the lives of the people around her better too. She never turned away a person in need, and would never dream of belittling someone based on their number of friends or claims to 'coolness'. If anything, Emma seemed to prefer the misfits over the conventionally popular.
There wasn't a person in Storybrooke High School Emma wouldn't befriend if given the chance, and for that reason she had many people in her corner, but her desire to include everyone, lovely and benevolent as it was, left her vulnerable to the unoriginal but ever painful tactics of bullies. Their degradations came from jealousy and self-preservation, for no one could be popular if we all coexisted in peace, but Emma bore it all outwardly with nothing but grace. She didn't think I noticed how much the mean words hurt, but I saw, and it was slowly tearing me apart.
I never meant to become a hardship for Emma myself, but in the middle of our junior year I managed to do just that. It was like something inside me snapped and suddenly the complacency I felt for nearly three years evaporated, leaving a strong sense of injustice in its wake. Everything about the high school hierarchy put me on edge, and that only increased the day I found Emma tearing up after school. She wouldn't tell me what was wrong, and as much as I wanted to push I couldn't bring myself to hurt her more by doing it, but I watched out closely for any signs of more trouble. I found it less than a week later.
"I heard they found her on the side of a highway. You really have to hate a kid to do that. They didn't even bother bringing her to the hospital." I froze in the doorway of the classroom I'd been working in after school when I heard the words. There was no way the football player speaking wasn't talking about Emma, and my hands balled into fists where I stood.
It took Emma a full year to open up to me about her birth parents, and the time she'd been in the foster system before finding permanent placement with her adoptive parents in Storybrooke a few years before I came to town. She loved Mr. and Mrs. Swan as if they were her real parents, but to start life with such an act of abandonment left its mark on her. I truly believed those years alone without anyone were the reason for her constant compassion to everyone. For people to use that as fodder for gossip was the most vile, cruel thing they could do to my sweet Swan.
"Must have realized what a freak she was even then. I saw her willingly talking to Anton the other day. You got to be messed up in the head to seek out that weirdo." At that moment, the kid in question rounded the corner of the hallway, paying attention to the plant he held in his terrarium more than his surroundings. Anton was a giant compared to the rest of the school, but he was also the most passive kid I had ever met. Like Emma, Anton's kindness was seen as a weakness that was used against him. So when I watched the two seniors notice Anton, only to slap the glass enclosed plant out of his hand so it smashed to the ground and scattered everywhere, I lost it.
I could only recall what happened next as a series of images that included me losing any shred of control I had and beating both idiots to a pulp. I got caught of course, and when I did there was hell to pay, a full week's suspension, and the grounding of a lifetime from Liam, but it was worth it. Not only had I shut those bastards up, but I'd kept the talk away from Emma, or at least I thought I had. When I returned to school though, I found being my friend after my outburst only brought more heat to the girl I loved.
"Maybe you should just sit with everyone else without me today, Swan." I said to her that first lunch back in the cafeteria, but Emma shook her head.
"You're not getting rid of me, Killian. Anton told me what you did." My heart pounded in my chest, until she clarified. "You stood up for him, and in my book, that makes you a hero." Emma's hand came to rest on my arm as we took our seats, soon joined by Mary Margaret and David and all our usual friends. No one asked about the fight, which I appreciated, but that didn't mean I got through lunch free from any mention of it.
"Killian Jones should be in juvie for what he did to Chad and Brent! My boyfriend can hardly walk and it's been a week. Clearly he's unhinged, and a danger to the rest of us." We all heard the words Kathryn Parker said, but while I stayed impassive, Emma tensed right up.
"Emma, it's okay."
"No it's not." Before I could stop her, Emma marched over to Kathryn and got her attention.
"Can I help you?" Kathryn asked dismissively.
"Yeah actually you can. You can shut your damn mouth." You could have heard a pin drop in that cafeteria.
"Who the hell do you think you are?" Kathryn asked, standing to try and intimidate, but Emma held her ground.
"I'm Killian's best friend." Kathryn scoffed.
"Well it makes sense, you're both clearly troubled." I moved to go defend her, but David held me back in place just as Mary Margaret, Ruby, and Belle hopped up from our table to stand behind Emma. Kathryn started a bit at the added backup.
"Wanna say that again, Parker?" Ruby asked, hands on her hip. "Because I'll show you some trouble if you're looking for it." Kathryn flinched at the threat thanks to Ruby's reputation as a badass unafraid of school consequences, but quickly covered it up, insisting that none of them were worth her time. Confident they'd shut her up, the girls turned back to join us, and soon enough Emma was with me again.
"You didn't have to do that, love."
"Actually I did." Emma looked at me with seriousness in her emerald eyes. "No matter what happens, you'll always have me Killian. You know that, right?"
"We'll have each other." I clarified and she smiled, setting everything in my world right with just one look.
"Pinky promise?" She said, extending her little finger to me as she had since we first met. With anyone else it would have felt ridiculous, but it meant something to Emma and so it meant something to me. I returned the gesture gladly.
"Pinky promise." Little did she know then that she would have me, always and forever, no matter what may come our way.
…..
Emma must have reread the chapter three times before finally letting go of the pages in her hand and returning to her surroundings. She hadn't thought about Killian's suspension or defending him like that in years, and to see it all again but from another side shook her to her core. The talk about her birth parents mostly died out after the fight, but she hadn't realized it, focused as she was on Killian. He never said anything, and it was that selflessness that made this chapter one of her favorites so far. He didn't defend her for something in return, he just wanted her to be happy and to be herself, and he wanted to do whatever he could to keep her there.
Emma also couldn't believe how timely these memories were. The mirroring of their lives then and now couldn't be overlooked, and neither could their shared instinct to protect each other. In so many ways an eternity had passed since those days, but clearly none of them would ever be truly free of high school. All Emma needed to do to see that was look at her interaction with Kathryn today for proof.
The way Killian wrote these chapters made Emma feel sixteen all over again. He transported her back to those days and not only reminded her of big moments, but gave her more insight into what was behind them. Emma wished she could give Killian something like this book in return, but she lacked the same sense of command over her words that he had. She'd never be able to articulate all that he meant to her then and now, but she did have something she could give him, and despite the fact that she had hours left in the workday, she needed to give it to him now.
"Ti – there's nothing pressing on the docket right?" Tiana shook her head from behind her desk.
"Just a couple of check-ups. Nothing we can't reschedule." Emma smiled.
"Good. Can you do that for me? I've got somewhere I need to be." Tiana grinned widely while Emma grabbed her things from her office. As Emma made her way out the door she heard he friend call out.
"Go get him girl!" That was definitely the plan.
It only took a couple of minutes for Emma to navigate from the office back to his house, but it felt too long. With each step, her heart pounded louder in her chest with the knowledge of what she was about to do. When she finally made her way to his home, she saw Killian sitting on the front steps, looking through a bundle of pages in front of him.
"You have a swing like that and still you choose to sit on the stairs?" He looked up at her voice with that happy smile that he only ever saved for her.
"It isn't the same when you're not there, love." Emma smiled as she came through the gate and made her way to stand before him.
"I'm here now." Killian grinned and brought her up the remaining stairs to the swing in question. He wrapped his arms around her with a natural ease and she melted into him.
"What do I owe this unexpected pleasure to, love?" His breath was warm as it brushed across her cheek and Emma shivered a bit from their closeness.
"I realized I have something to tell you." Emma knew he could probably feel her shaking, from the excitement and bit of fear of what she was about to say.
"You can tell me anything." She turned and looked at him, sensing that she needed to see his reaction to this first hand.
"I love you too. And I want this, all of it." Her confession prompted Killian to turn her around in his embrace and pull her close, his lips crashing down to hers and sealing her words with a kiss so passionate it left Emma feeling dizzy. Her fingers held him tight too, and she realized that as demanding and hungry as he was, she was just as far gone.
"I'm only ever going to want you, love. I don't want to overwhelm you. I've been trying to give you some time -," Emma kissed him lightly, interrupting the thought.
"I don't want any more time. I just want you." Killian's hands continued to run along her body, leaving a trail of spiked heat in their wake.
"You have me, love, every part of me. You are my dream Emma, just you. I don't need anything else. None of it matters." Emma knew he was telling the truth, there was no doubt in her mind, but now she just wanted to know everything and to hear more. Maybe then the truth could heal the rest of her frayed emotions and leave her doubt in the past once and for all.
"How do you know?" Killian's features softened.
"Everything always comes back to you - everything revolves around Emma in my world. I can't think of anything but you. You're everything I see, I feel, I breathe. Every plan I make is for the two of us together and it has been since the second I realized how wrong I'd been by leaving. You are a part of me, Swan, the best part. I can't exist without you." Emma's eyes cast downward, because he had lived without her, but he tilted her face up to look at him before she could evade him for too long.
"My life back in California was a half-one. From the outside it probably looked desirable, but I was hollow without you." Tears gathered in Emma's eyes streaming down her cheeks and he wiped them away.
"It was like that here too. I missed you. I don't want to miss you anymore."
"You don't ever have to again. I'm not leaving, not without you." Emma smiled.
"Pinky promise?" She asked, and Killian smiled in return.
"I think we can do better than that love." He kissed her again, and then broke away, just to drop kisses all over her face and jaw and neck. When she finally pushed him back and reminded him that they were out in the open he growled, but drew away, bringing her back to lay against his chest.
They spent the rest of the day together, talking of everything and nothing all at once. Eventually they moved from the swing so Killian could show her more of what he'd done with the house, and though neither of them said it aloud, Emma knew all of this was for her. He knew her so well, understood her tastes and her wants maybe even better than she understood herself, and this house was representation of that. Someday, maybe not tomorrow, but someday, Emma would move in here with Killian and this would be their home together, and that made her heart sing out a happy song.
As the rest of the afternoon wore on and turned to night, Emma felt lighter than air. She was reborn in her commitment to Killian and from now on, she wanted everyone to know that they were together, and that she was willing to fight for Killian and her to make it this time too. That little bit of acceptance went so far to getting the happiness with him that she always wanted, and Emma knew, that whatever came next, she'd be ready, as long as she had Killian beside her.
Post-Note: So we finally made it – Emma has admitted to Killian that she still loves him, and while there is still a substantial amount of story to tell, and more milestones to get to, this felt like a big one. I also wanted to explore a theme that I've set up so far in the story, and that is how Emma is different from everyone else. Killian's chapters have made a number of references to her seeing the world differently, so I felt it was important to not only give some context as to why, but also to show that not everyone saw those differences as beautifully as Killian did. Despite that high school pushback though, Emma doesn't change for other people, and Killian hasn't changed his want to protect that part of Emma that makes her special. As you can imagine, writing that put me into a hot bed of feels, and I will now spend the rest of the evening trying to come to terms with it. Hope you all enjoyed and thanks for reading!