A/N: Hey all! So the mini hiatus for this story is over as we are back with another chapter this week! This will likely be the last chapter I write before the wedding, but it has some things I definitely want to include like the chapter about Killian's leaving Storybrooke the first time. Yes it will be angsty, but I've more than supplemented with cuteness and hope in the present, I promise. I hope you enjoy, and as always, thanks so much for reading!
No one ever wanted to feel sick, but for Emma this past week, the unsettled feeling in her stomach was a truly unwanted companion. Things were going so perfectly in every other area of her life, knowing that in just one more week she'd get to marry Killian after what felt like a lifetime of waiting. But the past few mornings she'd woken up feeling groggy and gross even when she was in Killian's arms. It was strange and unwanted and she was determined to see whatever this bug was behind her.
As a doctor herself she knew what symptoms to look out for and though uncomfortable she wasn't overly ill. No fever or aches, but when day three came of the same nausea it dawned on Emma that there was something wrong, so she'd called her doctor who was happily situated at the Storybrooke hospital and here she was, awaiting some answers.
In the meantime though, Emma was enjoying quite a bit of fanfare from some of the medical staff on call today, including one of Tiana's good friends, Jasmine. The woman was a more than capable nurse, but right now she was swept up in recounting Killian's proposal, which had happened a little over two weeks ago.
"I still can't believe how romantic it all was," Jasmine said, sighing wistfully as she took more of Emma's vitals. "I must have followed the path with my friends a dozen times, and believe me, my boyfriend got an earful about how romance should be after that."
Emma laughed at the notion of anyone else being held to Killian's standard. Her fiancé had blown any proposal out of the water and the still unmatched women in Storybrooke were very aware of that. To be a man dating one of those women now must be… interesting to say the least. The expectations for proposals in town from here on out would definitely be higher, and Emma smiled to think that she and Killian were the ones to set the bar.
"I'm not sure I should tell Killian you said that. He's already enjoying the town's approval a bit too much." Emma was teasing and she knew that Jasmine understood that when she laughed, but before the other woman could respond, Emma's doctor was back in the room once more.
"I think we've found the cause of your symptoms, Emma." Victor Whale said as he came in handing Emma her own chart. This was something they'd started when he took her on as a patient. She could make more sense of every detail this way anyway, but one thing in particular popped out on the page.
"I'm pregnant?!" Emma said, louder than she might have anticipated. It was just so unexpected, and yet Emma felt her whole body flooding with a want so strong she could barely contain it. It should have dawned on her before, but it hadn't. For whatever reason she'd overlooked the signs but now she knew. She was pregnant!
"That you are. It's early still, but in the window for morning sickness." Emma nodded, not even looking up from the page before her.
"Oh my god, what's Killian going to do for a baby?!" Jasmine's excited squeal brought Emma's attention back up from the test results and she couldn't help grinning. Emma doubted Killian's reaction would ever embody the same level of public display as his proposal had, but she knew that with her, in the privacy of their home there would be something. Her instincts promised this was all going to work out beautifully.
"Well that's up to him. But for you, Emma, I want to see you in for the normal amount of check ups. We'll run a few more labs and get you on the supplements you'll need. Oh who am I kidding, you know the drill."
Technically yes, Emma knew what was expected from a pregnant woman medically, but she didn't know this know this. All of this was a big next step, one she probably should be worrying over, but instead her hand moved to cover her belly and she felt tears sting her eyes at the thought that there was a little boy or girl growing in there.
"Congratulations, Mom," Jasmine said happily as she and Doctor Whale took their leave so Emma could change back into her clothes. She took another moment just to take it in, and then she moved with purpose, hashing out a plan as she got herself ready. She was still in the thick of her thoughts as she exited the hospital and moved through town a few minutes later.
Emma could hardly wrap her mind around how happy she was. A child, Emma and Killian's child together, was already on the way. They were only months away from a baby, one she and Killian would love with everything in them. She had wanted kids for so long but never did she think it would happen so quickly.
For a moment she flirted with the idea of not telling Killian until their wedding night. What a gift that would be, to tell him after they'd said 'I do' that she was pregnant, but in all honesty, Emma didn't think she could manage keeping the secret. She was too excited, too desirous to tell him and start planning everything that it didn't seem possible.
Part of Emma didn't even want to wait another second, pushing her to call him right now and tell him the good news but she knew the moment she did he'd rush to her side and sweep her away from everything she still had going on. Today was her last day at the clinic for a month. Starting tomorrow there would be a new doctor (under the careful watch of Tiana) running the place in her stead so she could get ready for the wedding and enjoy the extravagant honeymoon Killian had planned. She couldn't just take off today too, not when she had patients specifically penciled in for appointments who needed to see her before she left.
So instead, Emma headed towards the clinic and not home, knowing that if she could just make it through one more day then she could tell Killian everything tonight.
…..
"So we are exactly where we need to be schedule wise for the book hitting stores in a month. First projections have you launching at number one easily but preorder goes live in a little over a week. We'll know more then."
Hearing his agent talk of the launch, Killian had to shake his head. There was a time when such conversations would have mattered to him. When he'd written his first book for publication just out of school, he remembered feeling completely overwhelmed and more than a little terrified, but even in that moment he'd thought of Emma. He wanted to know if she'd see him and if his success would mean anything to her. He might have been hurt but he was missing her even after years of separation.
That was another reason these weekly check-ins bothered Killian more than they should. In many ways this life of writing for the sake of promoting and selling was one of his past. He would always love writing, he'd always follow the stories as they came, but success simply didn't mean the same thing to him anymore, and no awards or accolades would hold a candle to the reception this book had gotten from Emma. It had won her back, brought him once more into her good graces, and that was the only seal of approval Killian needed.
"I won't need to be apprised of any of it." Killian knew he must sound a bit more than put out to his agent, but in a week's time he'd be married and then he was taking Emma abroad for an extended honeymoon. They were leaving home just for a little while in the hopes of finding adventure together. The last thing he needed when gone was to think about the economic viability of their love story.
"I figured as much. Mills House came in with an offer for a contract reup. It's lax in any promotion. They're willing to yield just to have you as an author which you could use to your advantage." Killian knew his agent was likely right, but even that exploration into his professional future seemed too much.
"I'll trust your instincts. You can pitch a move to me when I get back. Is that all?"
"For now yeah. There's some producers sniffing around the rights to the book, but I'm holding them off. Your first copy will be in the mail this week, and in your hands by the wedding. Congratulations, by the way."
Killian smiled, liking that his final gift to Emma, and the final chapter of their story would be more than simple pages, but the book itself. He'd given special instructions to have one single copy printed with their real names, and believed it was the only copy they would ever need.
With little more than a thank you and goodbye, Killian hung up the phone, but remained as he was in his office at the house, thoughtfully contemplating next steps. The book was finished, but a part of it, one that he hadn't included for public consumption, still awaited Emma. It was the worst moment in their history, the morning that they said goodbye, but after months of debating whether he should share this part with her, Killian realized he had to. He was asking for everything from Emma, the least he could do was give her the same in return.
In the book now, he'd glossed over their fall out, choosing hope instead of sadness, but before returning to Storybrooke, when he had just begun his crusade to earn Emma's affections back once more, he wrote this chapter. It was actually the first that he sat down to type, on the night that Liam called him. He couldn't sleep until it was out there, hoping that by letting these words out, letting this particular memory run free, he could finally release it.
Reliving that pain wasn't what he wanted, especially when he now knew the truth, but Emma should still know, that even at his worst she'd been there. He'd tried to run and to push feelings aside, but they remained ever present in his heart, and she remained a constant in his life.
Settled then on his next step, Killian wrapped the final portion of their first story together in another box, just the same as all the others but this time white. It felt important to Killian that he give this to Emma in the confines of a blank space. The future was theirs, to make of it what they would and it had all come about despite this one moment of weakness and folly.
…..
"Killian!" My heart stuttered painfully in my chest at the sound of Emma calling me. Placing the last of my boxes in the back of the car, I steadied myself, hoping beyond hope that this moment wouldn't break me.
I had wanted to steal away in the early morning, leaving her a note or something, perhaps a message through Liam, but now that Emma was present, facing me with that open vulnerability she always had, the pain was even worse. You'd never know that yesterday had happened, and clearly she was oblivious to everything I'd seen. Now looking at her only brought up the painful memories so I turned away.
"Hey, are you and Liam going on a trip or something?" Emma asked confused as I shook my head.
"I'm off to school."
"Killian I don't understand." I'd never heard concern like this in Emma's voice before. Part of me, even now wanted to erase it, to fix this for her, but I couldn't angry and resentful as I felt. Everything was gone, everything I thought we wanted was a lie, and I wasn't willing to wait around and try and pick up the fractured pieces of the life I pictured anymore.
"The situation's changed, Emma. I'm off to UCLA. Early admission program starting tomorrow."
My words held more than one meaning as I said them aloud. Yes, this change in school signaled a transformation of my earlier plan, but what I meant was that seeing her kissing Walsh, watching her in the arms of another guy after finally tasting everything that could be between us had sent me spiraling. My heart was broken, ripped from my chest, and all that was left was darkness.
"Wait, UCLA? I thought that – well I mean I thought we were going to Boston in the fall. There's still a few weeks and -," I interrupted Emma, afraid that if I didn't she'd suck me right back in. I had to hold onto the anger and the hurt, the knife in my back that pained me every time I so much as tried to breathe.
"I got in off the wait list and it's the best program in the country." The flash of pain in her eyes was only marred by a sad sort of acceptance. She was grieving my loss but still wanting me to be happy.
"Well you deserve the best, Killian. You're the most talented person I know, and you're going to blow them all away." My hand moved instinctively to grasp hers, wanting to silently show her how desperate and agonized I felt, but I balled it into a fist, slinging the pack that I'd hauled here earlier into the trunk of Liam's car. My flight left in just a few hours out of Boston. I'd chosen it in the hopes of getting as far away from this feeling as I possibly could.
"Thanks."
"Wait that's it? You're just leaving, not even a good bye or anything?" I turned back to see the tears in her eyes, and where at one point I thought they'd bring me comfort, heartbroken as I was, they didn't, only tearing at me further. She'd betrayed me and yet I loved her still, wishing no ill will upon her ever. I moved forward my hands coming to hold her arms and kissed her forehead.
"Goodbye, Emma." By some luck, my brother was outside then, heading into the car, but I felt his eyes on me as we drove away. The unspoken questions remained, ones I'd seen forming in Liam's mind since I told him yesterday I was leaving, but he didn't push me for answers. Instead we drove on and as he hummed along to the radio.
I tried to push the world away but my head was full of thoughts of feelings of words. Reaching into the backseat I pulled out my notebook, the one I wrote everything down in only for realization to dawn on me. I was never going to be able to let Emma go. The only reason I was doing this, the only reason I even pursued writing in the first place was her. She'd given me this notebook and every other one I had, and possibly the cruelest twist of fate was that it was our story that got me into this blasted school at all.
There on the first page staring back at me was the note Emma had written in this book when she gave it to me at the start of the summer. 'There is nothing you can't do, nothing you can't have, as long as you believe in yourself like I believe in you. Love, Emma'
"Pull over." I told Liam without so much as looking up.
"What?"
"Pull over!" Liam heeded my request, pulling over to the shoulder on the side of the road and I stepped out of the car, feeling like I needed a sign, a signal or something to know I shouldn't just turn back now. I could still fight for her, still make Emma love me as I loved her, and would always love her.
"Killian, what the hell is going on?" I looked to my brother whose face held concern above all else. He was my family, the last of my family left and he loved me, but he couldn't fix this. No one could fix this.
I hadn't been enough for Emma and yet I'd thought I could be. But how had I been so foolish, to think a girl like her could feel the way I felt. Why should I make her settle? Why should I fight for love when she deserved the kind you never questioned, the kind that never died? Staying and fighting for us was wrong if it meant she'd be unsatisfied. So I had to go, even though I hated to.
"Nothing, it's nothing. Sorry." I got back in the car as did Liam and for a moment we sat there waiting in the silence until finally he spoke again.
"You're certain this is what you want?"
No, my mind immediately replied but I nodded all the same, watching the world roll by me as I moved forward into a life I knew would never be as beautiful as the one I left behind.
….
Today was a day unlike any other Emma had ever known. The things that she'd found, the truths from her past and her present were so much that all the swirling emotion still clung to her. She was so excited for everything to come, and still a little weepy from everything Killian's chapter had exposed. She'd read it just now, at the end of her day and though she knew they were passed this, she'd still felt his sorrow. Every word pulled something from her and it would have been an impossible read if they weren't this happy now.
But they were happy, happier than she'd ever thought they could be and Emma could hardly wait to tell Killian the good news. She had a plan in mind, she would make something for the two of them to eat and then thoroughly seduce her soon to be husband before telling him about the baby. That way she'd get to see the surprise in his piercing blue eyes as well as the heat she always wanted to feel between them.
There was only one problem, Killian it seemed had already planned an evening of his own, and as soon as she walked inside the house Emma was given a taste of what his night looked like. Moving through the front rooms and into the dining room, she found him waiting with a smile.
"Killian, what is all this?" Emma looked around the dining room, seeing the dinner before them.
Killian had gone all out for the evening, lighting candles, playing music, making her favorite things. It was beautiful and so incredibly thoughtful. She had to wonder for a moment if maybe he knew about the pregnancy. Then again she knew him well enough to know that he would never be able to hold back. Killian was going to be beyond happy at this next step.
"Exactly what it appears to be. A night in with my lovely fiancé spent celebrating that there's only a week until you're mine." Emma stepped into his arms and smiled.
"We've gone over this. I'm already yours." Killian kissed her lightly.
"Aye, love I know. And I am yours as I always will be, but after the chapter I gave you today and talking to my agent there was little I could think to want but a night with you." Emma nodded, understanding his concern. The chapter she'd read at work was a hard memory to relive, and difficult to see from his side too, but it was also important because where she'd seen that moment as an ending for so long, she now saw a pause.
Emma knew they would have been content if they never separated at all, but the feelings she had now were unique to the journey that they'd taken. Without him leaving, without all the misunderstanding, the story wouldn't be exactly the same and they wouldn't be the same people that they were now.
"Well I love it. And I love you." Killian led her to the table and pulled out her chair, seeing to everything, but when he offered her a glass of wine and she refused she noticed his confusion. This was a bottle of her favorite red, and her turning it down was a notable anomaly.
"Is everything alright, love?" Killian asked and Emma nodded, deciding to just say screw it and to tell him now. Dinner would keep, right? It had to.
"I thought we were going to have a while before we had to have this conversation." Emma knew that she should take pity on him, for she saw the bit of concern in his eyes growing, but still she lingered in a bit more quiet, wanting to savor this moment and this new memory.
"Emma, love, you're killing me a little bit." Killian's hand came to hold hers and she exhaled before turning to him and smiling.
"I'm pregnant." With two words she'd completely knocked him over, and Emma watched the surprise turn to awe and then pure exhilaration in those blue of his. She was so caught up in his reaction, in the smile that spread across his face, that it was like finding out herself all over again. The same rush of excitement flooded through her but this time it was stronger, because Killian was here and he was with her in wanting this.
Emma watched him, unable to speak for a moment, and her hand came up to cup his cheek as he grappled with the words. When Killian's senses returned he got up and pulled her into his arms, lifting her off the ground as he did. Emma laughed like she had so many times when they were kids and since they'd found each other again. Yes, this was exactly the kind of reaction she'd hoped for all day, and Emma knew it was precisely what they needed to combat the melancholy of the chapter he'd given her.
Before her giggle could even subside though, Killian's mouth was on hers, kissing her passionately, working his way through every emotion with her, and it felt like pure magic. Too soon he pulled away, but his hands remained on her, holding her close like he'd never let go.
"You're really pregnant?!" Emma nodded and could feel her eyes filling with tears at the tone of his voice. She watched as his eyes took on their own mistiness too, and she knew that he was feeling this beat for beat with her. Emma knew as soon as Killian had his bearings back, he'd be tossing more lovely words her way, lighting her up with each profession of always and forever.
"So you're happy then, with this change in plan?" Emma asked reveling in the moment when Killian growled out a response and pulled her in for another kiss. The question had been of a rhetorical nature, because everything about him in this moment testified that he was glad, but Emma couldn't help teasing him. She gathered she'd be making a habit of that even when they were old and gray years and years from now.
"You're always changing my plans, changing the way I see the world, Emma, but happiness is not the way I'd describe it. It's too mundane a word for everything I feel right now." His hand came to rest over her stomach and one of hers followed suit, holding it there. The little peanut in there was still so small, but soon enough, they'd have a new member of this family to throw a wrench in their plans as well.
"So what words would you use?" Emma asked and Killian shook his head.
"If I had them they'd be yours. But right now I'm without them. This is too much for even me to adequately articulate." Emma grinned, liking that even when speechless, Killian still managed to say sweet things.
"That's alright, words are kind of overrated, seeing as we could just have this." Emma pulled him down for another kiss, purposely pushing him past his limits of control. She could feel the moment when his will to resist this anymore gave, and it filled her with a rush of adrenaline.
In one swift motion, Killian lifted Emma into his arms and climbed the stairs to the second floor. Emma felt her cheeks blush at the intimacy of his holding her like this, but he simply smiled at her as he made their way to their room, and she never felt safer or more secure as she did right here, on her way to celebrating one of the best things that had ever happened to her.
…..
Making his way up the stairs with Emma in his arms, Killian was still wrapped in complete shock. They were expecting already, a child was on the way and he couldn't think of anything more fantastic. All day he'd been worrying that his words would hurt Emma and yet she reminded him that they were past all that, so far past it that it held very little power anymore. They were living the future they wanted, and that fact set something off in Killian, something protective and desirous and entirely wrapped up in his Swan.
An undeniable urge overtook him, not only to remind her that she was his, but to show her just how pleased he was at her news. He was going to give his Emma a night of passion to rival all their past efforts, and he would not rest until she was satisfied.
"That look means trouble." Emma whispered just before he placed her down. Killian grinned as he reached to the buttons of her blouse and undid them with skillful motions.
"What look is that?" Emma groaned as her hands moved to strip his shirt away. Killian already knew that Emma would likely beg for fast and hard tonight, but there wasn't a chance in hell he'd let that happen. He had every intention of remembering tonight forever and he was going to be damn certain that she did the same.
"The one that says you're going to take things so slowly that you drive me actually crazy in the process." He chuckled low at that watching her change tactics to stripping her own pants off instead.
"I'll never lie to you, Emma, and so I can't possibly contradict your assessment. I look forward to making this last all night." Pressing kisses to her lips down her jaw and to her neck, Killian nipped the spots that he knew got her flustered, letting her groan wash over him. It only heightened his need to see her more, and even if this was going to last a while, he wanted her bared to him and spread out on their bed.
Killian made swift work of her under shirt and bra and moved his attention to her breasts. The keening sound she made when he sucked a nipple into his mouth was not unexpected, but Killian wondered if Emma was more sensitive than their usual awareness. It just reminded him all over again that she was pregnant with their child which had him demanding more, taking her pleasure in nips and sucks and kisses that thoroughly consumed her.
Emma's frenzied panting and little sounds of sexual frustration sent more lust coursing through his veins but he denied himself any of her attentions, seeking only her gratification. When her moans turned to whimpers he took his queue to press onwards, reaching down passed the last bit of lace separating them.
"I don't know very much about pregnancy love, but I've heard rumors." Emma's eyes were on his, but he saw the haziness of desire in those green depths. She bit back a moan as he spread her legs further and circled her clit with the pad of his thumb.
"Oh, yeah? Anything interesting?" Emma's voice ticked up at the end of the statement as Killian inserted one finger inside her sex.
"You'll be wanting more of me, more of this." Emma looked like she might respond when Killian added another finger in as well, all while keeping her clit stimulated and soon she was crying out his name, inches from climax.
"Always. Want. You." Killian grinned again, kissing her neck as he pushed her passed the last bits of tension and into climax. He made his way done her body with kisses again, hovering over her abdomen for a moment, dropping extra kisses to the very small part of them inside her now.
Before she could fully recover, Killian kissed the inside of her thigh and felt her shiver of anticipation. He removed the last bit of fabric between them, and without hesitation pressed a kiss to her still sensitive flesh. He watched Emma take every suck and tease and stroke of his tongue within her. She was gone over him, completely wrapped up in the sensations, and he meticulously worked to get her flying high, just to pull back again. He did this over and over until finally Emma had enough.
"Did any of your rumors mention that denying the mother of your child is not the way to go?" Emma's eyes brimmed with fire as she said the words and Killian felt his heart skip a beat.
Emma was glorious, even when clearly frustrated with him. He wanted to draw this out, to get the need inside of her so tightly wound up that when she did finally shatter it would be amazing, but Emma's wants had to come first, Killian would always see to that. He pushed her over the edge, and then abandoned his slow and steady measures. He drew her climax out, and brought her to another leaving her finally spent and breathless on their bed. Only then did he strip away the rest of his clothes, ready to give in to what he wanted.
"Why do I have a feeling this is our new normal?" Emma asked, the breathiness between each syllable ringing as music to Killian's ears.
"Ah, because it is, love. You are temptation itself, but carrying our child has somehow made me want you even more." Emma smirked at that.
"Good. Because I want you too." Without further delay he gave his love what she wanted exactly the way she did, and eventually they came apart only to find comfort in lying side by side.
As Killian held Emma in his arms, he traced shapes along the bare skin of her back. He should be exhausted, and he knew that Emma was, but still the feeling of joy remained. He was too excited to sleep or do much of anything but dream of everything still to come.
"I wish we knew now if we're having a girl or a boy. I feel like knowing will make it more real." Killian kissed her forehead.
"How long until we can know for sure?" Emma sighed.
"A few weeks still. It's really early."
"Well maybe we'll get lucky and have one of each." Emma's eyes widened at the thought of twins, but Killian didn't see any distaste for the idea.
"I don't know my family history, but do you guys have any twins in your family?" Killian shrugged, not having the slightest clue and Emma smiled. "That's alright, I guess we'll just know when we know."
Killian took her hand, which rested above his heart and kissed it, gently.
"You have made me the happiest man that has ever lived, Emma. You did it by loving me, by choosing me, forgiving me. This is another gift in a sea of many, and I love you for it. I love you for everything you are." He felt her smile against his chest.
"I love you just as much, Killian." To believe that now and to know Emma meant each and every word was a blessing, one Killian would never overlook but would always cherish.
Post-Note: I just had to do it friends: I had to write a cute pregnancy reveal this week. And yes, my stories are often formulaic and the baby reveal happens after the wedding but this time it felt right. I mean have I ever written another story where Emma and Killian are both so ready to move forward? Probably not. Anyway, I hope you guys liked the chapter and appreciate all the lovely feedback I've been getting on this! It's always so awesome to read your kind words! Have a lovely Monday and see you next time!