He'd known. He'd known before they had gone to Lothal temple. Perhaps he'd always known.
The darkness would always cling to Ezra in ways he could never banish fully, would always call to him in some manner. But that was normal, the darkness sometimes called out for Kanan too, to consume him in ways that would destroy him and the ones he cared about.
He wasn't giving in to it. And as long as he drew breath, he wasn't about to let Ezra give into it either. As he had told the guardians, he couldn't protect Ezra forever, no one could do that. But he could train his padawan, could guide him still. And give him the best tools to protect himself from the darkness. He would find a moment soon to talk to him.
Ahsoka somehow seemed better for their trip too as they returned, heading to Phoenix home.
She seemed calmer somehow, as if she had found a answer of some kind despite Yoda telling them to find Malachor.
They'd get to it but first they needed to get back, plan and find a base. He had offered her his room to meditate in when the Ghost had come to pick them up for the return trip, letting her relax as they entered hyperspace.
"Oh come on Sabine, let go!" Ezra laughed as he escaped the nudgie the Mando was giving him, fixing his hair before moving to the kitchen, the teen having a extra bounce in his step. "I'm hungry!"
"Alright, alright." She laughed, holding up her hands in surrender as Hera talked over the coms, welcoming them back with a gleeful lit to her voice, telling them they'd be back with Phoenix in three hours. "But there's some fresh stuff instead of mealbars if you're interested." She grinned as Ezra's eyes lit up at the revelation.
Kanan shook his head in fond amusement, smiling softly. Ezra, who had spent his life planet bound, was used to fresh food, not meal packs and dehydrated things. Offering him fresh fruits and vegetables instead of paste bread and dehydrated rations always got him in a better mood.
"Yeah? What kind?"
"Some kind of fruit and vegetables picked up from a planet the rebels stopped on. Every cell got sent a crate of it." Sabine laughed, getting a cup of caf before sitting down as Ezra went for the cooler to see if he wanted to eat some of it.
Kanan sat down, chuckling as Zeb gave a lazy wave from his chair. "So, had fun where you guys were?"
"It was...illuminating if nothing else." Kanan smiled, a sense of peace inside him. Seeing the Pau'an again had been...strange. But not bad. A knight? He had never thought he'd achieve that rank and he still wasn't sure he had but somehow, the words gave him peace.
"Hey Sabine, what's this?" Ezra was holding a blue fruit in hand, looking at the girl who glanced over. "Oh, its a jug-jug, it kind of tastes like a cross between meiliruns and hanko fruits. Its good, kind of sweet with a pleasant aftertaste." She assured him.
The dark haired boy hummed at that, eyeing it. "So how do you eat it?"
"As any other fruits, just eat it, peel and all. Nothing about it is toxic to humans. Well except the core but you know we aren't really suppose to eat cores. Though its a bit sweeter if you peel it I warn you, you might want to put some time into peeling it." She laughed, knowing Ezra had a bit of a sweet tooth, his hot chocolate telling them that.
That got a grin out of Ezra before he started peeling carefully so he could take a big bite, hungry as he was.
Kanan meanwhile accepted a cup of caf from Sabine, smiling warmly at the artist, letting the quiet hum of the ship fill the silence as they all settled for the travel. He was ready to relax.
Until Ezra coughed.
Until a sense of wrongness filled the padawan bond they shared.
Until Ezra lifted his hands to his throat and chest, his coughing getting harsher as he wheezed for air.
"Ezra!" Kanan was on his feet, hurrying to the teen, moving with Force guided speed as he caught the teen who was crumbling to his knees. He settled with him on the floor of the Ghost, listening to the wheezing harsh air.
For a second he was bewildered to what was happening. What could possibly have happened here on the Ghost and then the answer came to him like a bolt of lightening through clear sky.
'A allergic reaction. A sever one. Like Hera has to that stimuli we don't carry anymore.' His mind supplied, quickly glancing at the fruit before looking up at Sabine. "Allergic reaction. Medbay, now, we don't have allergy medicine but we have stimulants that can have his airways clear. Go." He said sharply.
His mind turned back to the wheezing teen in his arms, settling Ezra on his lap, pulling the teens back against his chest. "Ezra, Ezra listen to me. I need you to try and breath. Just like when we meditate. Breath WITH me." He said sternly.
He felt the teen struggle, felt how his skin was heating up by the second as the flushed teen tried to breath with him, Kanan forcing himself to breath slow and steady, to draw as much air into his own lungs as he could. He reached out with his Force as Ezra wheezed, tried to ease the path.
Zeb was standing at his chair, watching them before hurrying to get cool gel pack, kneeling in front of them to carefully put the cold gel pack against Ezra's forehead and cheeks, cursing quietly in his own language. "Kanan, he's swelling up, this is a bad reaction."
"I know. Ezra breath with me..." Kanan continued, forcing a calm in on his own mind to help Ezra who gave a half wheezed word. "No, concentrate on breathing Ezra, not talking."
'But it hurts! Kanan!'
Kanan almost jerked at the uncontrolled shout through their bond. Then he reached out quickly, soothing once again. 'I know but you have to breath. Its a allergic reaction, we don't have the right medicines for you until we can get to Phoenix home. Its important that you breath with me.'
Ezra gave a keening wheeze of pain and panic at not being able to breath. It reminded him to closely of drowning.
The commotion had pulled Ahsoka from her meditation and she knelt down by Ezra even as Sabine came running over with the requested items from the medical, giving Ezra the stimuli so Kanan could focus on helping Ezra breath.
"How is he?"
"Panicking." Kanan continued soothing Ezra, feeling his breath become easier after the stimuli were added. "Someone tell Hera." He added shortly, feeling more then seeing Zeb rush of to do so while Sabine took over the gel pack.
Ezra gave a keening cry of pain now that he had air for it, the hand on his chest sliding down to his stomach. 'Hurts!'
'I know Ezra. I know. But breath with me, the better you breath, the less danger you're in. Breath with me.' Kanan added again, catching Ezra's panic and holding it to him. It was proving exhausting, Ezra unable to handle all sensation at once.
Unable to breath properly, numbness of his face, pain in his chest and stomach at once, his skin itching and sweating at the same time, dizziness threatening to send black spots into his eyes, coughing and a terrible tightness in his lungs that he couldn't dispel no matter what he did along with toe mucus and saliva he could feel building up. And the urge to throw up ever present.
But Kanan was there, Kanan was telling him to breath. He focused on that, his mind narrowing in on Kanan and Kanan alone as he closed his eyes and tried to do as told, tried to breath.
'That's good Ezra. Keep breathing. I'm here, just breath with me.' Ezra keened out in pain even as Kanan moved him, the back of his head slowly shifted until the back of his head was resting against Kanan's shoulder with his head tilted a bit up by Kanan's large hand under his chin, feeling the others chest against his back and long legs on each side of him. The feel of Kanan using the Force to ease airways as best he could even with the stimuli in his systems.
He cracked his eyes open as he felt something cold against his to hot face, looking into Sabine's worried eyes as she held the gel pack to his face. She smiled at him when she noticed his eyes were open and watching her. "Just breath Ezra, no going into anaphylactic shock on us. Once we get you some endorphins you'll be good." She promised him while mentally taking note that they were going to get antihistamine medicine and adrenalin shots on this ship even if she had to steal them and stuff them in her room.
Ezra tried to answer her but his mouth wouldn't work with him for anything but to pump out harsh air and he whimpered instead, letting his eyes shut as she continued carefully moving the cold gel pack against his face, sweat rolling down his temples.
'Ezra, talk to me. I need you to talk to me. So I know you won't go into anaphylactic
shock.' Kanan shifted his hand to a easier position on Ezra's chin to keep the others head tilted, trying to keep the airway as free as possible.
'It hurts...I don't know...know what to say. All I can think is...is that I'm drowning...Kanan help me!' Ezra gave a low sob. The sound almost made the Jedi jerk out of his skin and he looked at Ahsoka, a dying question on his lips as she shook her head.
"No, Force healing was never my forte." She said softly, her face set in a worried lines. "What you're doing right now, easing his breathing, is the only thing I know that would help now."
Kanan grunted and nodded, settling even more with Ezra against his chest, closing his eyes to focus on him, absently hearing Zeb come back with the news of when they'll be at Phoenix home. He almost wanted to curse, two hours left? Two hours would...he'd have to suck it up.
He wasn't about to let Ezra slip away from him.
So he focused. 'I'm helping you Ezra. We're two hours from Phoenix home right now. I'm not letting you go, so talk to me.'
'About what?' Ezra shuddered hard, feeling the gel pack get removed and a soft cloth being used to wipe his face. Any other time he would be embarrassed as he knew that his face was covered in sweat and mucus but he had no mind for that now.
'Tell me anything Ezra.'
Ezra struggled, his mind grasping what he was suppose to do but letting it slip just as quickly.
'Ezra, tell me ANYTHING.' Was repeated more strongly as he absently noted a trail of the Force against his chest again, making air flow a bit easier once more.
He shuddered a bit. 'When...when I was six...when I was six my mother forgot, forgot her caf on the counter. She liked...liked it strong.' He winced a bit at his airways closing in again, feeling Kanan brush out with the Force again to ease it once again. Lord he wasn't sure he could handle two hours of THIS.
'Yes, she forgot her caf?' Kanan almost winched as Ezra spasmed a bit, his shields flickering and falling back down when his mentor soothed at them, not wanting Ezra to lock him out at the moment as he needed to be able to talk him through this.
'I...I was thirsty and curious. It tasted so bad.' Kanan wanted to laugh at the imaginary Ezra was providing, six years old and drinking caf. No it wouldn't have tasted good if it was strong. 'Tasted like tar, nothing added. But I drank it all.'
'Surprised you didn't vomit.'
'Almost did. I think all the bread in me at the time helped.' Ezra groaned out loud as the gel pack was exchanged for another colder one and he gave a raspy breath of relief at how it felt against his to hot face. 'Mom thought dad took it. It took them a few hours to realize what had happened but when it did they swore me of caf forever.' He managed to give a wheezed laugh, feeling a Force tendril keep his airway clear. More mucus seemed to be coming from his face as he felt the cloth wipe at him and he absently wondered if that was how his airways were being kept clear, by Kanan pumping everything that was trying to clog them out of Ezra.
'Yes? What happened?' Kanan let light amusement enter the bond, taking care not to let his own panic and fright enter it alongside. Ezra didn't need more of that then he was already generating on his own.
'I was so hyper I didn't sleep for two days. And I half destroyed the house. And ended up breaking three toes.' Ezra wheezed a laugh only to start coughing and groaning in pain.
Kanan shushed him gently, smiling ever so slightly while holding the boy close to his chest, making sure air was flowing, making sure the other was still alive, feeling the heartbeat. He wasn't sure if this could actually kill Ezra. As long as he kept the air flowing things would be fine.
As long as he kept the air flowing.
Author note: *fiddles with straw* I have no idea what I'm doing. So enjoy? Only reactions I have is to dust and that only makes me snot up like fuck. I'm tired, sorry people. Things aren't so great on my end.