Important! While this is based on my life and the events that have taken place involving me, this is a Fanfiction and there will be fiction in the story.

I want to send out a huge thank you to everyone for your reviews, favs and alerts. Also, an even bigger thank you to FangMom for her lovely (and long :D) review and her recommendation on Twitter. It means a lot to me when people tell me their own stories. It's truly an inspiration. Again, thank you to everyone. Enjoy!

Last time:

When I asked her why she sings, she always said the same thing.

"I sing, because I have something to sing about. Growing up, my life was dark and now I have a loving husband and two beautiful children. When you get married and have children, you'll have a reason to sing, even if the singing isn't that good."

At seven, I didn't really understand her, I still don't, but I now have a better idea about what she means.

I guess I will have to wait until I get married and have children. As soon as the thought passes, I laugh out loud. Yeah, right. I, Isabella 'Fatty' Swan will never get married. If I want a husband, he will have to be blind and stupid.

Because I'm me. Because I'm unlovable.

Chapter four.

Now:

"So, what did you wanna do today?" I look away from the window and look towards Alice. She's smiling widely at me from her place on the bed. I shrug and look back out my window, watching the rain as it hit's the floor and bounces off again because of the force.

"What ever you want to do Alice." I sigh. I know what will come next. Shopping. Sure enough, she squeals and jump off the bed, running over to me and taking my hand.

"Lets go shopping! I found this really cute dress that will look perfect on you." I shake my head no, and turn to face her.

"No dresses, Mary." I state and she glares at me, hating her first name. If I'm being hones, I really like it. You don't know what you will get with a Mary. With Isabella, you expect a tan, skinny, beautiful Italian girl with legs that go on for miles. With a Mary, you could have a beautiful, young girl like Mary Alice or an older lady with greying hair and laughter lines. I wish I was a Mary. Life would be simple.

"Don't call me that." She huffs and drops my hand, making me smile a little.

"Sorry, Alice. but I mean it, no dresses." She rolls her eyes and grabs her bag, going out my bedroom. I follow after her, picking up my purse and phone and stuffing them in my pant pockets. I get down stairs and find Alice talking to Renee in the living room.

"Isabella, I don't want you home to late tonight, okay? We have to get up early tomorrow to see Emmett's game." Renee looks at me with a look that tells me not to argue. There's no point anyway. I know I am going to that game whether I like it or not.

"Okay mom." She smiles and kisses my cheek before Alice drags me out to her car. The ride there is full of Alice singing to the radio and playful banter going back and forth between the two of us. Her driving is mad. She just speeds and moves from lane to lane, taking over every car in front of her.

"Slow down Alice!" I beg, gripping on to the chair and biting my bottom lip. She just laughs and speeds up, making me yelp. She laughs some more, but slows down, making her driving a little more normal.

"Is this okay?" She coo's, a bright smile on her face. I nod and loosen my grip on the chair, flexing my fingers out. She chuckles some more

We drive for a little longer, before we pull into Port Angeles. The town is still a few minutes away, but at lest we made it here, alive. I can see Alice wanting to put her foot down, but I look over to her, begging her not to do it. She just sighs and carries on looking out the window.

"So, is there any guys you like?" I look over to her in shock. I think my jaw is sitting on top of my chest its open that wide. I just blink repeatedly at her in amazement. Is she serious? Is this some kind of joke? "Don't look at me like that Isabella. You can like guys." She rolls her eyes, but I don't change my facial expression.

"You can't be serious." I finally manage to stutter out. "No. No, there's no-one I like." She just shrugs and carries on driving. How can I like anyone? Even if I did, its not like they would me back.

I felt love with Richard. I know that no-one will believe me because we were still young, but I did love him. I don't think I was in love, but I loved him. He made me feel special when no-one else did. I know I meant nothing to him, nothing just like dirt on his shoe. Why pretend that he felt for me? If I believe he felt for me too, everything would be so much harder to deal with.

The only love I have ever seen is Renee and Charlie. They're jobs keep them away from each other for long hours, yet they still come home to each other every night, kiss each other on the cheek. If you talk to one of them about the other, their whole face lights up and you can see the love they have for each other.

I know Renee was big in her teen years and seeing her now makes me hope. Maybe I will be loved, like Charlie loves her, one day. Maybe I will get married and have children. Maybe I won't die a lonely virgin that does nothing but sit and stroke cats. Oh, who am I kidding?

I guess it will always just be me and my cats.

"We're here." I jump when I feel Alice put her hand on my arm. She takes it back and smiles sheepishly at me, making me feel bad.

"Okay. I'm sorry, I just wasn't expecting you to touch me." She nods and climbs out the car. I follow her lead and get out the car, shutting my door behind me.

"Where shall we go first then?" She asks, skipping over to me and putting her arm through mine.

"I don't know Mary Alice. You lead the way." She scowls at her name but drags me along anyway, surprising me. Who knew she was strong enough to pull me, the small car?

She drags me into the first shop she see's, throwing different items into a small basket I'm carrying for her. I watch with amusement as she wrestles with an older lady over a pink t-shirt. Its amazing to see Alice feel so strongly about something other than what people say to me.

I do love her for everything she does for me, but I wish she wouldn't put herself in my business so much. I wish I could stand up for myself and not let any of these people say spiteful things to me. I just want Mary Alice to be happy and although it hurts, I don't think she can be happy if she is friends with me.

She will always be judged when people look back at our school days. She will be known as the girl who befriended the fat girl out of pity. She will be thought of as a kind soul, but a stupid girl. Mary Alice is a lot of things, but stupid is not one of them. If I'm honest, she is the smartest person I know.

If I was a strong person, I would push Alice away, tell her that I don't like her. Sure, she will be hurt for a few days, but she will get over it. I'm sure she will be so much happier if she didn't have a burden like me following after her. If I was strong enough, I would leave this stupid town and give my family the life they deserve.

The only thing is, I'm not a strong person. I am a weak, selfish person. I keep around the people who show me a small kindness and I make them solve my problems for me. I'm selfish and I don't deserve any of the few nice things I get. If I had my own way, I would live in a small flat in the middle of nowhere, letting my parents believe that I am happy and healthy. I guess I'm just to weak to even do that.

"What's your size?" I look over at Alice as she browses through a rack of jeans.

"Pardon?" I choke out. Why does she want to know my size? Is she going to tell everyone and they will have some more evidence to tease me about?

"What's your size?" She asks again, her voice light and cheery.

"Why do you want to know?" I bite my bottom lip and wring my hands together, kicking an invisible rock with my shoe. I must look like a stupid, lost little girl. A big, little girl.

"I want to get you some jeans." She admits, pink colouring her cheeks.

"Why would you do that?" I stutter out. I never wear jeans. Jeans bulge out and show everyone the fat, only maximised by one-hundred. I am quiet content with my too big track pants and hoodie-jackets.

"Isabella." She starts, sighing my name softly. "If you dress better, people would know how truly beautiful you are and stop saying all these horrible things." My heart clenches painfully and tears pickle in my eyes. Is that what she really thinks? Does she want me to dress better so that she looks better? 'Look everyone, Alice made the fat girl look a little better, lets throw Alice a party'.

"If that's how you feel." I drop her basket on the floor and walk out the shop, feeling the tears now building in my eyes. I thought Alice liked me for who I was. I guess I was wrong. I truly though Alice was my friend because she wanted to be friends with me, not for how I dress.

I speed my walking up and go out the shopping centre, letting the cool air blow around my flushed face. I never thought I could ever be hurt because of Alice. Everything everyone else has said to me pales in comparison to what Alice just said. Or what she meant when she said it.

To anyone else, it may not seem like much, but I'm comfortable in the way I dress. The way I dress is the only thing I have. That and my hair. I dress the way I want to dress because it makes me feel I have power over something. I have the choice over how I dress and the way I style my hair. Yeah, I don't look fashionable, ever, but I feel comfortable.

I round a corner and find a small park with a wooden bench just inside the gate. I breath deeply and go into the park. Looking around, I think of all the things I missed as a child.

I never had my independence. I followed my brother everywhere and he was my only friend. I didn't have people I could talk to, other than him. If he wanted to do something, I would do it without a moments hesitation. I thought I could always rely on him.

I bite my lower lip, tasting the salty tears on it. I don't bother to wipe away the tears, there's no point. Its not like anyone can see me. Why would someone in their right mind be in a small park on the twenty-first of December in Port Angeles? Everyone else would be at home with their families, or buying last minute gifts.

The rain is beginning and the wind is cold. I have never been more thankful for my extra weight than right now. I'm naturally hotter than anyone else and I think I need the heat in this stupid weather.

Drop after drop of cool liquid lands on my flushed face, mixing with the tears. I have never really liked rain much, but right now, I thinks it's my favourite thing. The rain is hiding my tears. God, everyone must think I'm such a whiney little girl. They all must think I'm pathetic. I am. I know I am.

Sitting on the bench, I pull my huge legs to my chest and wrap my arms around them, crying into my knees. Why do I have to hurt so much? Why can't people except me for the way I look? Am I really that terrible to look at? What am I asking, of course I am.

I am a ugly person, inside and out. I am selfish, disgusting, unlovable.

"Excuse me, Miss? Are you okay?" I freeze when I hear that voice. Sure it sounds bored and there is a slight edge to it, but I would know that voice anywhere. Why is he here? Is he going to laugh about how pathetic I am with all his friends tomorrow? I'm sure Mary Alice will enjoy the laugh. After all, she dotes on her brother like I did on mine.

"I'm fine, please leave me alone." I whisper out, but I know he can hear me. He sighs and then sits on the bench next to me. I stiffen even more, but he doesn't do anything. Maybe he doesn't know it's me. Of course he does, it's not hard to miss all the fat. Only I could be this big.

"It doesn't look like your okay." He mutters and cigarette smoke surrounds me. Maybe he doesn't know its me. I slowly lift my head, trying to peak up at him with out giving myself away. He's looking just in front of him, his eyes intense as he glares at the swing set this bench faces.

I swallow hard looking at his profile. I can see why he's worshiped at school. He is beautiful, just like his friends. I flinch when he lifts the cigarette up to his lips and takes a deep pull of it, running his free hand through this wild hair. Even in the rain, he looks like he has just walked out a fashion magazine. The corner of his mouth lifts up as he exhales the smoke.

"See something you like?" He smirks cockily and I look away, blushing deeply. Great, something else for him to tease me about. I can see it now. Everyone will think I'm crushing on him when I'm far from it. I wipe my nose on the back of my hand, resting my forehead on my knees again.

"My sister is really upset you know. She didn't mean to hurt you." I snap my head up, looking at the side of his face again.

"So you do know who I am." I stutter quietly, from shock and from the fact he is talking to me like I am a normal human being.

"Of course I do. You're Emmett's little sister." His spits and his eyes meet mine as I quickly look away, over my other shoulder so he can't see my blush. Why am I even blushing? I shouldn't be embarrassed. If anything, I should be thankful to God. If anyone should be embarrassed, it should be him. Anyone could come past and see him sitting next to me on a bench. What would his friends think?

"It sure is cold out here tonight." I can hear his shiver as he speaks. I must have been sat here for about an hour now and the cold is finally seeping through all the extra weight. I nod in agreement, not sure if he can even see it. "Don't you have a jacket?" He asks, his voice bored again. I shake my head, still not sure if he can see. I didn't think I would need a jacket when I left this morning and just settled on my green hoodie. I thought I would be shopping all day with Alice and didn't think that we would be going outside for long periods of time.

More tears fall at the thought of Alice. Why am I so stupid? Of course she didn't mean any of the things she said to be hurtful. She is the only person who tries to make me feel like an equal and I just left her like she meant nothing to me. I'm so horrible.

A sob escapes as I run my hands over the top of my head, gripping my ponytail and pulling on it hard. The pain from my hair is nothing in comparison to everything else.

"Don't pull your hair like that." He scolds angrily and pulls my hands away from my hair by gripping my wrists. A jolt of electric runs from where he touched all round my body, warming my insides. I pull away the same time he does and he looks down at his hands in shock.

"Baby, who are you talking to?" I cringe at the whiney voice and try and hide my face again. "Oh." No such luck.

"Tanya." He greets her.

"Why are you sat next to her? She might eat you, or worse, squish you." She laughs. I squeeze my eyes tightly shut, begging the tears to not fall. I can cry later. Come on, Isabella. You can hold on for a while longer. His smooth chuckle is enough to make the tears fall. Of course, why would he want to talk to me? I'm nothing but a joke to him.

"Don't worry, Tee. I'm coming." He stands and I can see his shoes as he turns, now facing me. "I'll see you around." He whispers, too low for Tanya to hear. I nod and secretly wipe my face with the back of my hand.

"Come on, Edward." She whines and he sighs. I hear their footsteps as they leave that park.

Well, that was confusing.

I am sorry for any mistakes or miss spelt words in this. I don't have a BETA and I don't always have the time to read over everything. As i reached the review goal I asked for, this chapter is early. There WILL be another update on Monday, so keep watch. I also have Twitter. will you follow me if you do, too? The link is on my profile :)

Bella may seem super 'emo' in this chapter, but she has been through a lot. Give her time, you never know.

Reviewers will get a preview of the next chapter.

Can we try and get to at least 35 reviews by Monday?

Thank you all for reading and please review.

Twi-girl09

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