Chapter Two - First Cut is the Deepest

The five members that currently made up SG-1 made their way down the ramp. Jonas was holding his arm limply, wounded by the staff blast. He smiled proudly, after all it was his first staff wound. He met Daniel's eye and the pair exchanged a look of mutual gratitude and respect.

As Jonas was steered towards the infirmary Daniel's gaze drifted back up to the Stargate. The light from the event horizon danced playfully, wondrously over his troubled face. Closing his eyes against the brightness he was reminded of the lingering flash he had experienced when Leesia had made herself visible to him. He threw a silent pray into it. 'Please, please let her be okay. Let me find her in my room tonight, as usual, safe and unpunished.' The light vanished as the Stargate disengaged, leaving the 'Gateroom duller. Empty of the magically entrancing beauty the wormhole created. He choked back a lump in his throat as he turned away and followed his friends.

The silence was deafening. It pressed into her, crushing.

"Do not ignore me!" Leesia screamed at them.

How long had she waited in the dark like this? With only her fear of what was to come for company. Waiting their judgement. Days? Weeks? Time, it seemed, lost all meaning in the bleakness of their limbo.

An eternity later she heard them.

"You had broken the most sacred of our laws," the voice echoed through the darkness, brighten the air around her. She recognized the voice instantly and her fear doubled. The highest regulator would not go easy on her. This wasn't good. More voices joined the first. As they did she could somewhat make out her surroundings. Dull and gray, as colourless as her heart now felt

.

"The restriction are placed upon us all for righteous reasons. We can not allow corruption to infiltrate our race."

"I know but-" Leesia began, but the other continued as if she hadn't spoken. She had worried that she wouldn't be allowed to defend her actions. It seemed that unfortunately she was right.

"More abominations can not be allowed."

"I agree."

"The circumstances need to be taken into consideration," a soft feminine voice pleaded and Leesia gasped at it's familiarity.

Oma was here.

She smiled, touched by gratitude.

But just as Leesia had been Oma's words were ignored. As far as the others could see neither existed because were true ancients. Not anymore.

"Had we not removed the criminal from the environment the rule would have been repeatedly broken."

"If you are inquiring as to whether I would have continued to help the man I love to save his life. Then the answer will always be yes," Leesia snapped. "As would each of you if you had found yourselves in my situation."

Her cries fell on deaf ears. The others had never agree with Daniel's interpretations of their duties to assist those lower beings. He was new. He didn't understand the way things had to be.

"The confirmation is lucid. The law was intentionally broken."

"She has been corrupted by the views of her mate."

"Do not blame Daniel for this!" Leesia screamed angrily. "He has already been punished for his actions. He has served his sentence."

"Action must be taken to prevent a repeat occurrence."

Their words piled on top of each other as they began speaking at once. "Banishment.", "Exile.", "Eradication."

"Please, think about this," Oma's voice screamed through the dim of the others musings. "Separating the pair now would be as good as murder!"

The others were stunned momentarily into silence by the force of her words.

"Allow this miracle to achieve its true potential. Allow them time, before passing your judgement," Oma begged.

"Please," Leesia joined in, "all we need is just some time."

The silence dragged.

Finally she heard their decision.

"You have one day," The highest regulator spoke with the authority that concluded the trial.

It wasn't enough time, but it was more than she had dared hope for. "Thank you." she sighed.

One by one the others disappeared. A couple of them even offered her sad smiles, their eyes shone with hope. She heard the silent wishes from them. They wanted her forgiveness and prayed for the best for her. Even though she didn't feel it, she returned their smiles. Bearing grudges would not return her to Daniel side now. Nothing would.

Finally only one light other than her own remained in the darkness.

"I am grateful for your assistance Oma," she said offering the largest smile she could muster under the circumstances.

"One tiny spark can set the whole forest ablaze," Oma's departing words echoed through the hopelessness, "you need but only to find that spark."

The other three members of SG-1 had had enough.

Enough of asking if he was alright and getting the standard 'I'm fine' response. Enough of seeing that pained look behind his eyes and not knowing the reason. Enough of the silence.

For a linguist Daniel was being surprisingly tight-lipped. They all knew he would suffer in silence, rather than put any worry on anyone else's shoulders, that was just who he was, but just because he didn't want anyone else easing his burden didn't mean that he didn't need to share it and it certainly didn't mean they were going to allow it. Whether he wanted it or not they were going to get the source of his trouble out of him.

The three stuck close as they strode together into his office, presenting a united front.

'Uh oh ambush!' he thought.

Sam was clearly the ringleader behind this. The look on her face told him that, concerned yet determined. Jack was looking almost as uncomfortable as Daniel felt, as he rocked back and forth on his heels, his lips pursed, eyeing around the cluttered office just to avoid eye contact. And Teal'c… well, Teal'c didn't really need to do or say anything but that was nothing unusual. His physical presence spoke volumes.

"Hi guys," Daniel greeted, attempting to sound cheery, "what's up?"

"That's what we want to know," Sam said, leaning forward to rest her elbows on his cluttered desk.

"I'm fine," Daniel answered, but the way his arms closed around himself and his brow furrowed told her otherwise. She looked at him skeptically.

"I'm fine," he repeated.

"Okay, that's a lie," Jack said dryly.

Daniel was instantly reminded of high school; The jocks intimidating the geek for the approval of the pretty girl. Except this wasn't his lunch money they were after, this was something far worse. They wanted him to open up and he didn't want that. He didn't want to admit that she was gone. It made it too real.

"Jack," his tone was pleading.

"Oh, for crying out loud, Daniel," Jack snapped. Daniel was too stubborn for the softly, softly approach. "You know Carter's like a dog with a bone with these sorts of things. So,… spill."

"Okay, fine," Daniel sighed admitting defeat and jamming his hands deep into his pockets. He dropped his chin to his chest while he thought. He didn't know where to start. It all seemed so, so mad. Insane even. He huffed out a deep breath, praying they weren't about to lock him in the nut house when he finished and started at the beginning. "Since I came back to the SGC, every night I've been visited by an Ancient." he peeked at his teammates, but couldn't decipher their blank expressions.

"Like haunting you?" Jack questioned.

"Well I wouldn't put it like that exactly," he said.

"Little creepy," Jack said.

"Actually I found it very…comforting." Daniel told him with a sad smile. "I believe that we knew each other when I was ascended, but that just a guess, because I still can't remember anything from then. I left it out of our mission report, but it was her that got me out of the cell on Anubis's ship."

"Her?" Jack questioned, raising one of his eyebrows. Teal'c copied O'Neill, but remained silent.

"Yeah," Daniel sighed awkwardly.

"Well, I know what that's like," Sam said almost too quiet for the others to hear.

"You do?" Daniel's eyes were wide. "Wait. You believe me?"

"Course," Jack grinned. "You've claimed wilder things than that before and you've always been sane…well, most of the time, anyway. Plus, same thing happened to Carter a while back."

"Really?" Daniel was truly shocked. He was expecting to be disbelieved, or accused of being crazy, or possibly even laughed at. So for them to not just believe it but for it to have actually happen before was quite a surprise.

Daniel listened intently while Sam explained what had happened with the Ancient: Orlin. How he had fallen in love with the Major and chosen to retake his human form to be with her. The tale sparked a hope within him. Ancients were able to chose to descend. 'If only Leesia did the same,' Daniel thought sadly. Not that he wanted her to have given up her ascension, especially for him, but at least she would be safe.

"So here's a question for ya," Jack piped up, snapping Daniel out of his musings and back to reality. "How come when you helped us out, you got your ass spanked back into human form and your brain sucked dry. Yet she can spring you from the joint and get away with it Scot-free."

That was the question he didn't want asked and he certainly didn't want to answer. He spoke quietly, his voice full of regret and guilt. If he had stopped her this wouldn't be happening. "I don't think she has Jack."

"Do you fear she has been punished Daniel Jackson?" Teal'c asked his words seemed to seal it in stone.

"It doesn't look good," Daniel admitted. He didn't want to tell them how truly scared for her he actually was. He clung to that one hope. She could be out there somewhere, in human form. Out there somewhere, waiting to be found.

As he slept that night he felt her presence. Waking, he sat up and put on his glasses before he recognized the formality of the situation.

"You're here?" he called uncertainly and very hopefully into the shadows.

After a long beat he heard her. 'I never really left you.'

He sighed a long pent up sigh of relief. "You've been quiet"

'I apologise if I caused you worry. It was necessary.'

He nodded. He knew about the rule that the other Ancients enforced. Just by talking to him she had been walking the line before, but by freeing him on Anubis's ship she had crossed that line. She must have found a loophole, as Oma had with him. At least that was what he had deduction.

"It's okay, I understand. The point is you're here now that's all that matters."

'I will not be able to come back'

All relief he felt vanished with her words. Shock hitting him and knocking the air from his lungs. "What?…No," he gasped out, his worry causing a deep frown.

'I just wished to say farewell to you,' she continued.

"No!" Daniel repeated stubbornly shaking his head, refusing to take in what she was saying.

'I broke the law.'

"By helping me! By saving me! You did nothing wrong. Surely there is something that can be done. Can you retake human form, like I did?"

"No. It is hard to explain but this is very different circumstances."

"There must be something that we can do," Daniel said, growing more desperate by the second.

'I yearn to be able to explain this to you., but it is necessary for you to stay ignorant.'

"Why?" he questioned.

She remained silent.

"Right," he sighed with frustration. She couldn't answer that. "I'm staying ignorant." Sadly he added, "you should have left me there."

'I do not regret my choice. Had I not taken action you would have come to harm and I could not bear that.' Her words meant little to him. He didn't care what harm would have come to him, he only wanted her to stay.

"I don't want this to be goodbye" He felt his throat tighten as he spoke and the sting of held back tears. What he was feeling was so strong, so deep that it shook him to the core of his being. He desperately turned his head, searching for her in his seemingly empty bedroom. "…I…I've fallen in love with you," he confessed.

She appeared to him then, how could she not after his sweet declaration. She stared at him with a look of deep sorrowfulness. "I wish you had not done that."

"I know that it sounds crazy, I hardly know you and I…" Daniel stammered. "I don't know. It's just when I'm with you I get this powerful feeling of…of devotion and desire. I felt it the first time I saw you… I know you don't feel the same, but I can't lose you, please!" He didn't know who his was begging, her or the others who would be responsible for taking her from him. He could hear the desperation in his voice, but he didn't care.

"I love you also," she said, stunning him momentarily into silence. He really hadn't expected her to feel the same way.

"Then stay!" he cried out, finding his voice.

"I am sorry, I sincerely wish I was able to," She placed her hand up to his cheek and he felt the warmth radiating from her. He closed his eyes enjoying the sensation.

'My heart is with you always'.

A solitary tear squeezed from the corner of his still closed eyes. His jaw locked in an attempt to hold back the emotion that was threatening to break through. He did not open his eyes. He knew she was no longer there, and he couldn't bear to see it for himself. He pulled his pillow tight to his chest as he faced the reality that once again he had a broken heart that he had to heal alone.

Fate, it seemed, would not allow him to love for long. He silently vowed that never again would he open himself up to love. Never again would he feel the hurt it caused.

The next morning he overslept, having tossed and turned most of the night. As soon as he woke he shower, dressed and headed up to level nineteen to speak to Sam. She was the only person he knew who had any kind of experience like his. He went to her lab but she wasn't there.

"You seen Major Carter?" he asked a passing SF.

"She's in the holding room dealing with a breach in security. Someone tried to get into the base using Colonel O'Neill's ID."

"How's they get it?" Daniel asked.

"Sorry, Dr. Jackson, that's all I know."

Turning on his heels and headed back the way he had come Daniel made his way up to the holding cell on level sixteen. The door was ajar and Sam was standing just beyond the threshold. Inside was a lad, in his early teens.

"-run some tests, find a cure and make me big again." Daniel caught the end of what the teenager was saying as he entered and stood next to Sam.

"This is the security breach?" He asked.

"Daniel!" The lad cried out, sounding relieved to see him. "Will you tell them who I am, please?"

"Okay. Love to. Who are you?" Although a lot of his memories had returned, he had no recollection of the boy in front of him at the moment, but clearly the boy knew him.

"This young man claims he's Colonel O'Neill," Hammond explained to him.

"It's a joke, right?" Daniel looked to Sam for an explanation, but she just shook her head with a pained smile. "What's going on?"

"Daniel!" The young Jack shouted in frustration.

"Sounds like him. At least the loud, grating parts."

Speaking to Sam had to wait for now. She had bigger (or rather, younger) things to worry about.

As problematical as the situation was, dealing with a 13 year old clone of Jack over the next week, had at least provided a much needed distraction for him. 'Every cloud has a silver lining', he thought, though he doubted either Jack would see things that way.

But even the most problematic times at the SGC wouldn't have been able to entirely occupy his active mind and over the course of the next few weeks he found his thoughts drifting to her more and more frequently. Her image seemed to be burned on the inside of her eyelids. The silk of her voice echoed in his head. He threw himself into his work as was his way. He had done the same with his school work after the death of his parents. And also the same as with his parent was his almost constant wonderings of could he have done anything different to save her.

Even sleep didn't give him any peace. Every night he was plagued by dreams of her. Each one pleasant. Some were absurd, others were just her included in his normal life and a few of them were both of them ascended together. But while he enjoyed them at the time, they left him with a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach when he awoke alone in the morning and remembered the reality of the situation.

Daniel was staring at his desktop, lost in another trance, when Sam tapped on his office door frame. When she got no response she called his name, which snapped him out of it.

"Oh, sorry I was miles away," Daniel apologised.

"You've been distracted a lot recently," Sam said, of course she would notice he was troubled.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and thought about it for a while before speaking again. Collecting together all of his courage he asked, "Did you ever hear anything more from Orlin?" He held his breath while he waited for her answer.

"I take it Leesia hasn't visited recently," Sam guessed correctly.

"Not since she came to say goodbye," Daniel answered. He locked his jaw trying not to show the emotion that threatened to overcome him.

"Daniel?" She was now worried.

"Please, Sam. I need to know." 'I'm just not sure I want to.'

"No. I haven't seen him since," Sam answered his original question sadly, dropping her head.

Daniel nodded solemnly, his arms wrapping around his waist automatically in a self hug. "You said that before he came to Earth he had been banished?"

"Yes. He helped the Velonian's build a weapon, but he was stopped by the others. They banished him to the planet," Sam explained.

"And he was trapped there?" Daniel asked, already knowing the answer.

"'Till we showed up," Sam continued. "You think the same things happened to Leesia?"

Daniel nodded, not trusting his voice at the moment. It was as he had feared. She may not be dead, but she may as well be to him. Banished to some unknown location, in an infinite universe. He could search for a thousand lifetimes and still not find her. Worse still if they had wiped her memory as they had done with his, she wouldn't even remember him to attempt to look for him if she was so inclined. It would all be down to him, if they were ever to see each other again.

"I have no idea, but she's never stayed away before," Daniel answered her honestly. Tugging at the short strands at the back of his head, Daniel's words rushed out before he even had a chance to think about them, "I can't stop thinking about her."

"You love her," Sam said, suddenly realising and almost angry with herself that she hadn't realised before. Daniel didn't respond, but Sam didn't need his words, the truth was written so obviously all over her friends face. All the signs were there; The way he spoke about her, the spring in his step (which had ended abruptly when he returned from Anubis's ship), the distraction, but more prominent was the intense anguish he was now stuck in. It had been the same when he had lost Sha're.

She stepped around the desk and wrapped her arms around her friend. Daniel gratefully tightened her hug, taking comfort from her silent support.

Two more weeks passed, slowly.

During that time Daniel found somewhere to live and moved out of the SGC into his own place. It was a modest little bungalow; One bedroom, set on a slight slope so the back was a couple of foot lower than the front. It had a old cottage warmth to it, which is what had drawn him to it in the first place. It was perfect for him, humble and quiet, and close to the Cheyenne Mountain Complex.

With the exception of while he was ascended, nearly all of his memories had slowly returned. Including every detail of the death of his parents, he wished he had had Leesia's comforting presence with him when he had remembered that. He still hadn't seen her since the evening that he had confessed his feelings for her and he feared that it had been the last. Still he clung to the hope that one day he would find her. On one of their travels through the gate there she would be. She was out there, somewhere, in the infinite of space. He knew the chances of finding her were one in a billion but there was still that chance, however small he would take it gladly. However small the hope he would hold onto it.

Night was the hardest. He longed for the pleasant dreams he had had before. Now they seemed to mock him, because when he did manage to sleep it was troubled and was plagued by nightmares. He woke often, bathed in a cold sweat. In his dreams Leesia was lost, helpless and crying out for him, her silken voice distorted in pain as she repeatedly called his name. But no matter how hard he tried he couldn't remember where she was. Her location always on the edge of his memory, just out of reach from his mind.

So he avoided sleep and became even more dependent on coffee than he was before.

It had been a good day for Daniel. For the first time, since he had returned, he had gone through the stargate on a mission feeling like he knew what he was doing, somewhat, with his memory restored, although there were still a few holes and nothing of his time as an Ancient. Not only that but he knew that had SG-1 not gone on that mission to P3X-289 many more would have died. They had done well and saved many lives.

He should be happy. No, he should be ecstatic.

Yet he was miserable.

It was another planet that Leesia hadn't been on. Another dent in the hope of finding her. Another cut to his broken heart.

But he wouldn't give up. He would search the cosmos till he was old and grey if he needed to. He managed a small smile as he imagined them having to install a stair-lift on the ramp for the Stargate for him.

"Whatever it takes," he vowed, as he unlocked his front door and stepped inside. He would find her. He had lost Sha're and history would not repeat itself. He would do everything he could and more.

Feeling emotionally exhausted he decided to take a quick shower to attempt to wash away the stress and ease the tenseness in his shoulders before going to bed.

He stood under the flow and enjoyed the hammering of the warm water. That is until the water rebounding off his shoulder, caused a light spray to tickle his cheek, instantly reminding him of how Leesia's touch felt against his skin. The warm tingle that was like a million tiny sparks of electricity. Even though he rarely cried it did not shock him that the wetness running down his cheeks was not just from the shower. He ached for her. A physical pain that made it hard for him to breath. His back and chest shook with his sobs and he pounded his fist against the tiled wall, in frustration. He blamed himself for her disappearance. This had happened because she had saved him. Whether he wanted her to help or not, it was because of him. Why had he let her? Even if he couldn't of physically stop her, he was a linguist for god sake, he should have been able to talk her out of it. He should have told her how he felt sooner, rather than waiting till it was too late. If she had known how much it would pain him to be parted from her, maybe she wouldn't of done it. Whatever Anubis had planned for him couldn't compare to this anguish. He would take that torture a thousand times over if it meant seeing her again.

Turning, he let himself slide down the wall, sitting under the hot drizzle. Wrapping his arms around his torso, he capturing himself in a self hug and wept as his broken heart poured out of him.

There he stayed until the water turned cold and his shakes turned to shivers.

Catching pneumonia would not help him find her, so he took several deep breaths, in attempt to get control of himself, before stepping out of the shower and wrapping a towel around his waist. Leaning over the sink he took in his reflection in the mirror. His eyes were a little bloodshot, but he didn't mind, letting go had felt good. He felt lighter somehow. Perhaps tonight he would get some sleep without being overwhelmed by the nightmares.

With the hope of that slight silver lining he headed for bed, but as he flicked on his bedroom light he got a shock that made his breath catch and his heart skip a beat.

Curled up in the foetal position, naked on his bed, was Leesia.

That part he remembered, oh so clearly.

AN: Sorry Cliff-hanger. I am very evil I know.

Next chapter is a bit on the lemon side, so I will be editing for the K+ rating and reposting whole story again with an M rating.

review if you want more :) You have been warned Mwahahahahahahaha