Important! While this is based on my life and the events that have taken place involving me, this is a Fanfiction and there will be fiction in the story.
Not many people reviewed the EPOV outtake, so I guess many people didn't read it. If you didn't, you didn't miss much. Enjoy!
Last time:
What the hell? She just comes in here and pushes me around? This is my home and she shouldn't be allowed to push me around like that.
Who am I kidding? I can't do anything about it. This is her world. This is the world of the skinny and the beautiful, and they get everything they want. The rich and the powerful get to rule over everything; people like me don't get to decide what happens to them.
Chapter nine.
Now:
I wonder what life would be like if I had friends, beauty, and the body of a supermodel. Would I be popular, or would I still be the same girl, lonely and afraid? No, I wouldn't be lonely. If I had looks, like Rosalie for example, people would follow me around. I know that. Popularity comes with beauty, and she has a lot of both.
I don't think I want to be popular; I just don't want to be me. I want to be somewhere in the middle. I want to be noticed for good reasons, not bad; and I want people to like me, not follow me around all the time.
If I was to leave, like leave the town and be gone forever, would anyone miss me, or know that I was even gone to begin with? What I want to hear is that, yes, they would miss me. People would ask each other where I went and people would cry because I was gone. But, in reality, I don't think anyone would miss me. I think they would even be grateful that I was gone. That way, I don't take up the whole hallway.
"Isabella. Why don't you join us?" I freeze as I hear my mother's voice call out to me. She wants me to go in there? With them? Right now? You have got to be kidding me! Why would I want to go and sit with Emmett and Rosalie? "Isabella?" I sigh and get up from the table.
I slowly walk to the living room and stand in the doorway. Rosalie and Emmett are cuddled up on the love seat and Renee is lying on the couch, leaving me with the recliner next to the happy couple. I sit hesitantly and Rosalie looks over to me, glaring slightly.
"So, baby. What are your plans for today?" Rosalie's acidic voice floats over to my ears, even though she whispers. I can feel her eyes on me even though she is talking to Emmett, and it sends a shiver down my spine.
"Edward said he would come over a bit later," Emmett grunts, his eyes still on the television.
"Yeah, what are we going to do?" she asks again, obviously getting bored of being so perfect.
"I dunno. What did you wanna do?" He sighs, finally looking away from the screen. I glance over to see Rosalie whispering in his ear and he smirks. "We can't. Edward will be here in a bit." I cringe at the thought of whatever she just said.
"But, baby. Please?" she whines and he finally nods. She smiles, showing off her brilliant, white teeth and stands. She takes his hand and they both practically run out the room and up the stairs. Renee doesn't even look in their direction. Although, I do think I hear her mutter 'teenagers' under her breath.
My eyes go to the screen and I watch some teenage girls shouting horrible things at another girl. The poor girl looks so scared and lonely, afraid of what is to come. My heart goes out to the poor girl. I know what it's like to be her, to be hated for no reason, to be afraid of everything when you should be enjoying life to the fullest.
The girls that were shouting chase after the poor, scared girl and they push her to the ground. She stays down covering her head and trying not to give up. She struggles to keep composed as the other girls kick and hit her. I can see that she wants to cry out, to beg them to stop but she doesn't. She takes it all.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see my mother look over at me. I just bite my lip and look down at my lap. Some people think that things like this just happens in films and books. Some people don't realize how real things like that are. They don't want to think it could ever happen to them.
"Isabella, are you okay?" I look up at my mother and put on a big smile, nodding.
"Sure. You okay?" She nods, but doesn't look convinced.
"Yeah. I'm going to start dinner." I smile at her as she leaves the room, her eyes still on me. As soon as she is gone, I let out a breath and look back to the television.
About ten minutes later, the doorbell rings. I listen to see if Renee is going to get it, but it doesn't sound that way. Her music is still playing loudly and her singing continues. I get up with a sigh and head to the door for the second time in the past hour. My back aches as I think about the contact it made with the door earlier.
I pull the door open and feel blood fill my face almost instantly. I stand as still as I can and wait for him to talk to me first.
"Is Emmett in?" His voice is scratchy and he has bags under his eyes. His copper hair is a mess, like always, and he just looks tired. I nod and stand back, letting him in. He looks at me and I step back a bit more. Wouldn't want to squish him now, would we?
He comes in and stands in the hall awkwardly. I shut the door and look down at my feet, waiting for him to move so I can get past him. When I realize he's waiting for me to say something, I blush.
"He's in his room with Rosalie," I stutter, silently cursing myself. He nods and cringes at the same time, making me want to laugh. I don't. "You could wait down here, if you like. I'll go upstairs so I don't bother you," I whisper.
My head goes back to last night and I wonder how much of it he can remember. Does he remember what I said to him? Does he remember the way I flinched back from him when he touched me? Do I want him to remember those things? If I'm being honest, I do want him to remember. I want him to know my hurt, even if it is just a little part of it. But, then again, I don't want him to know. He could use all of it against me and know where my weakness lies. He could tell everyone about my dark thoughts, and they would have yet more ammunition against me.
"You wouldn't bother me," he growls and I look up, flinching. His face is angry but when he sees my reaction, it softens slightly. "I mean, you don't have to go anywhere," he adds, shrugging. I nod. He goes into the living room and sits on the chair I was just in. I follow him silently and sit on the love seat, trying to put distance between us.
I sit with my back straight and I keep my eyes forward, not wanting to do anything to annoy him. My hands go into my lap and I wring them, trying to keep my mind straight. Why wouldn't he want me to go away? Anyone else would be happy if I left. If I disappeared, everyone would think all their Christmases had come at once.
"You suffering this morning?" I jump at his voice and keep looking forward, thinking Emmett or Rosalie must have come in and I didn't notice. He clears his throat and I still look forward, not wanting to be rude if he is talking to someone. "Isabella." I slowly look over to the floor at his feet, not wanting to look him the eye.
"No." I clear my throat, not liking how depressed I sound. "Are you?" I ask, knowing he could probably handle his alcohol better than I can.
"Yeah, I am. Your brother didn't help either." He chuckles and I stay silent, not knowing what to say to that. "You're really okay?" His voice sounds disbelieving and I nod. "Man. You can hold you liquor." He mutters the last part, but I still hear him.
I look forward again and bring my thumb to my mouth, chewing on the nail. I don't normally bite my nails, but I do in awkward or tense situations. It's something I picked up from Charlie, whereas the lip biting is from Renee. Everything else I do is purely me, I think. I don't know if any of my grandparents did weird little things and my parents don't have siblings, so it couldn't come from an aunt or uncle.
"Edward! Sorry, man. Rosie couldn't keep her hands off me," Emmett booms and I can faintly hear Renee tut. "How long you been here?"
"Not long," he replies.
"Okay, dude." He sits on a chair and pulls Rosalie onto his lap. "Isabella," he hisses and I look over. He makes a movement with his head meaning I should leave. Rosalie glares at me and I stand immediately, quickly walking out the room.
I shut the door behind me and head for the stairs, going to my room. On the way, I see Emmett's workout room again and I pause. He has friends over, would he know if I went in there? With an idea in mind, I go up to my room and get changed into a tracksuit, the only one I own that I could work out in. I grab my ipod and a bottle of water from my bedside table and I go down one floor, into Emmett's gym.
I look around at all of the equipment and my eyes land on the thing I came in here for, the treadmill. I put the buds into my ears, put my music on loud, and stand on the piece of equipment. Will it break under my weight? I know Emmett uses it, but he isn't as big as me and he is all muscle.
I put it on and start at a jog. After a while, I am running. The speed of the treadmill goes up and up, and my breath starts coming out in pants. My mind stops listening to the music and starts playing back everything everyone has ever said to me. Insult after insult surfaces and I push myself harder.
'Fat bitch'. 'Slag'. 'Whore'. 'No-one will ever love you'. 'Go die'.
Tears begin to stream down my cheeks, but I don't stop. I crank up the speed higher and smile at the sweat running all over my body. Sweat is good; if I sweat, I will lose weight. I could be pretty. I could be good enough for my brother to love me again. I could be good enough for Richard.
I need to be like everyone else. I need to be pretty and I need to be skinny. I need to be liked and I need to be normal. I need to be wanted and I need to keep running. I need to push myself or I won't get anywhere. I need to keep going, no matter how much I hurt. I need to be better. I need it.
I push and push until I can't breathe anymore. I pull the buds out of my ears and wipe the sweat from my forehead. Looking at the clock, I furrow my brows in confusion. I have been running for an hour and a half? It only felt like minutes. My body is alive with adrenaline and I guzzle the bottle of warm water, letting it slide down my throat.
I look towards the door, getting ready to leave when I see a flash of bronze. My whole body suddenly goes cold and a shiver runs down my spine. I quickly jog to the door and pull it open, looking out and down the stairs. I breathe a sigh of relief when I see no-one there.
Leaving the room, I shut the door behind me and go back to my bedroom. After grabbing a towel and some clean clothes, I go to the bathroom and start the hot water in the shower. I lock the door and peel off the sticky, sweaty clothes and take my hair out of the bun I put it in.
Under the water, I let my body relax and my tears come. My chest aches and my body aches. I want to sleep and I want to be better. I want to be enough for a guy and I want to feel pretty. I want the impossible.
The water soon turns cold and I get out and get dressed. My hair goes back into a bun and the loose bits go behind my ears. When I look somewhat okay, I go out the bathroom and downstairs. Emmett, Rosalie and Edward are still in the living room and Renee has now joined them.
"Isabella. You look flushed darling, come and sit down." I bite my lip and walking in, sitting on the floor by Renee's feet. She pats my head and I smile at her.
"This film is shit. Isn't there anything else on?" Emmett moans and Rosalie nods, agreeing with him. Renee tuts, but otherwise ignores him. "Mom, turn it over." he huffs and Renee glares at him.
"Emmett, shut up and stop showing off in front of your friends." She rolls her eyes and I hide a smile in my shoulder.
"Fuck off, Isabella. You don't even have friends!" His voice is raised and I flinch at the loud noise.
"Emmett, dude, don't be such a cock," Edward mutters. I just look down at the floor, trying not to take his words to heart.
"Who are you? You are not my son anymore. When you are yourself again, you can leave your room. For the time being, you're grounded!" Renee yells, standing up and towering over him.
"Don't be so dramatic, Mom," Emmett chuckles and Rosalie joins in.
"I am not, Emmett. Get to your room, you're grounded!" He huffs and stands up. Rosalie just sits there, not knowing what to do.
"Wait." Emmett stops and turns to glare at me. "It's okay, Mom. He's right. Please don't punish him. I'll go up to my room." I stand and leave the room before they can reply. I can hear Renee telling Emmett that he is still grounded.
I go up to my room and fall onto my bed. My ear buds go in and I close my eyes, listening to the music.
Thank you for reading. It's not a very good or long chapter, but my life has been mad and I have nearly finished school, so I am having exams every week.
I hope you have all enjoyed this chapter and please review.
Thank you to my amazing Beta, RuthPerk.
Thanks for reading.
Twi-girl09
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