Important! While this is based on my life and the events that have taken place involving me, this is a Fanfiction and there will be fiction in the story. Enjoy!

Last time:

I frown, but I don't pull away for Edward's hug. I know he isn't like Richard. Richard was something else completely. He was cruel and harsh and downright nasty. He was nasty because he pretended to like me then turned it all around, he took it all away again. Edward has never showed any kindness in anyway, so I don't have anything to lose when he goes back to being his normal self.

I sit and let Edward hold me for a long while because I don't know when I will next be comforted like this again. I let him hold me because, for some sick reason, I want him to pull away and hurt me. I want him to hurt me because right now, the hurt is everything I know.

Chapter eleven.

Now:

When I finally move out of Edward's arms, he doesn't try to talk to me. I want to thank him for the hug, but I know that it will just make things worse. I don't want to be this weak all the time; I want to be stronger and I want to stand up for myself.

I wish I wasn't so shy. Maybe if I grew a back bone, I could go out and make friends. If I had confidence, I could go out and prove to everyone that I'm not the horrible person they believe me to be. If I could go out there and show everyone the real me, the Isabella no-body knows. Hell, I may even surprise myself! I could show my brother and all of his friends that I am worthy of respect. I could show them that I am a real person, even if I have enough body fat for three.

Why must Emmett always hurt me? What have I actually done wrong to anyone? NOTHING! I hate him; I really do, I hate him so much. If the roles were reversed and he was the fat one, I would never, ever, turn my back on him like he has me. He's my brother and I love him, but I hate him. God, why is everything so confusing?

My heart hurts at the thought, but I do. I hate my own brother. I wish I didn't, believe me, I wish for nothing more but to love him, but I don't think I can anymore. Emmett is worshiped at school. All he has to do is tell everyone to leave me alone and they would. All he would have to say is to just ignore me and pretend I don't exist, and I could go back to having a quiet life. I could have an easy life again.

"You should get changed." I jump as I am pulled out of my thoughts and stare at the floor, my mind still racing.

"What?" I mumble, trying to stop my brain from racing.

"You're soaked. You should get changed before you catch a cold." I nod and stand up, going up the stairs and into my bedroom. I change, not bothering to shower or re-do my hair or anything else I know I should probably do. When I finish, I sit on my bed and stare at my reflection in the mirror.

Life would be so much easier if I was different. Even the simplest of changes would make people like me. If I was, maybe two sizes smaller, people would want to talk to me. I know that I'm not that big. A size fourteen is not all that big. Sure, if I was a size six, like everyone else at my school, everyone would like me, but I would be too small. I am not built to be tiny. I wish I was, but I'm not.

If I had blonde hair and bigger boobs, I could maybe get a few more friends. Sure, I would still be the same person, but I would look different. Looks are all that matters with everyone around me. People like Rosalie because she looks like a Goddess. People like Edward because he is unbelievably beautiful, even for a guy. People like Emmett because he is built like a house and could probably pick one up with his little finger.

People don't like me because I don't want to sleep with the male population at school. People don't like me because I don't stand up for myself. People don't like me because I look different and they don't like that. People don't like me because they are told not to.

A knock sounds on my door and I call out that he can come in, still not looking away from the mirror. Who else would it be in the house? He enters the room meekly and stands awkwardly in the doorway. It's almost funny to see Edward so unsure of himself. At school, he is as cool as a cucumber. But now? He looks like a puppy about to be scolded.

He watches me from the door as I look into the mirror. I can see him out of the corner of my eye, looking intently at my reflection.

"It's horrible, isn't it?" He frowns in confusion. "My reflection," I explain, laughing humorlessly. He shakes his head and comes closer to me, walking slowly as if approaching a dangerous animal.

"Why do you always think so fucking little of yourself?" Now, he's standing behind me, still looking at my reflection and I look down at my lap.

"I haven't been told anything different." I shrug, still looking down at my lap. My heart clenches as memory after memory assaults me. Different times and places all come back to haunt me. Words of hate and disgust mix together and take over my mind.

"Isabella, you shouldn't listen to other people. The majority of the time, they are all fucking lying," he huffs and folds his arms across his chest.

"They're not lying though, are they, Edward? You think the same as they do. Everyone thinks the same thing." I look up and meet his eyes in the mirror. I'm not crying, and I don't want to. I refuse to cry anymore. Crying means you are weak, and I don't want to be weak anymore.

"What do I fucking think then, Isabella? Hmm? What exactly am I thinking, if you know so much?" His voice is hard and I can tell I have annoyed him. I shrug, still looking at my lap. He thinks that I'm fat. He thinks that I will never be good enough for anyone. He thinks I should just curl up in a ball and die, because then everyone else will be happy. He hates me, just like my brother does. If I told him what I think he is really thinking, I don't think it would go down well.

"What do you really think then, Edward?" I ask, my voice quiet.

"I think you are far too shy and you don't know fuck about anything that isn't school work. I think you know to grow a pair of fucking balls and tell everyone where to shove it. I think that you need more friends, because Alice is a fucking nut case. I think you need to trust people more and take everything people say to you with a grain of salt. I think you should let other people in when they try, and I think you shouldn't change who you are because of what other people say."

What? What does he mean I shouldn't change myself? How could he possibly know that I am trying to change myself? He doesn't know how hard it is to change yourself, so how could he possibly say anything about it to me? He doesn't know anything. Suddenly, last week comes back to me and along with it - the flash of bronze.

"Did you see me?" I ask, my voice shaking. No. This is so bad. He can't have seen me. What if he tells Emmett and Emmett yells at me for using his stuff?

"I was going into the bathroom and I walked past. Don't worry so fucking much." I just shrug, knowing I am always going to worry about something.

"I'm sorry." I look up from under my eye lashes and look at him in the mirror.

"Stop saying you are fucking sorry." He throws his hands up in the air and I look back down at my lap. "Isabella, I'm sorry. It's just you are a nice person and you shouldn't have to feel this fucking bad about yourself.

I freeze. Did he just say I'm nice? Of course he didn't, stupid. You're fat and ugly and pathetic, you are not nice. He is right about something though. I am shy and I don't know anything other than school, that's all he did get right, though. Alice is not a nut case and I don't need any more friends. Friends only end up hurting you in the end. I don't need to trust people, because trust gets thrown back into your face; it gets broken.

"Alice isn't a nut job," I whisper, making him laugh. He full out laughs and I'm shocked. Why is he laughing? "How is that funny?" I growl, annoyed. He stops laughing, but starts again after a moment. Hearing him laugh is actually quite nice. His laugh isn't too manly or boisterous, it's just right. It fits him perfectly.

"I thought Alice was your friend. How do you not know she's mental? All she does is fucking shop and bounce around, and if she isn't shopping or bouncing, she's talking about it. God, I want to kill myself whenever she's in the same room as me. The chick is nuts!" A small smile graces my face at his explanation; she is kind of nuts when you think about it like that.

"I'm not nice." I look back up to the mirror and look him in the eyes as I say this, and I can see him sigh. "I'm not anything close to it actually. Nice is having more than one friend. Nice isn't fat and lonely and a horrible person. I'm an ugly person," I state, my voice not even sounding weak like it should. Maybe I am getting so of that confidence that I wanted.

"Whatever you say, Isabella." He comes around and sits on my bed, just next to me. I scoot away so that he isn't so close to me and I see his shoulders slump a little.

"Why are you still here, Edward? Isn't Tanya or someone waiting for you?" I ask. He shakes his head, a small smile playing on his lips.

"Tanya and I aren't dating. She isn't waiting anywhere for me, and I'm here because I want to be." I frown. Why would he want to be here and not with the supermodels he calls friends?

"Why do you want to be here Edward? Why do you want to be anywhere near me?"

"I want to be your friend. I want to protect you from the cocks at school. I want to be here, Isabella." I look at him in shock.

"You, Edward Cullen, want to be my friend?" I ask to clarify. He nods with a smile on his perfect face. "Why?" He rolls his eyes.

"You seem like a nice girl. Why wouldn't I want to be your friend?" I shake my head.

"I can't trust you, Edward. I don't trust anyone," I whisper. I can feel my hands shaking and my breathing is becoming shaky. He sighs and I look over at him, trying to see his face that he is hiding in his hands.

"I want you to trust me, and I will try to earn that trust. Just let me try. Please?" I shake my head, trying to clear it.

Why would I let him be my friend? Looking back at everything, he hasn't done anything to me. Sure, he used to stand there and laugh along, but I can't remember him ever calling me a name or hitting me in anyway. Why am I thinking of reasons to like him? He isn't the type of friend that I want. I don't want beautiful friends; I want boring, average friends because then I know they will never stab me in the back or hurt me in anyway. Richard was a good looking, well liked guy, and look what he did to me. He broke my heart.

"Can you leave please?" I whisper, my mind still racing.

"I will, but promise me you will think about it." I nod and hear him leave the room, then eventually the house. His car pulls out the drive with a honk of his horn, and I let out a deep breath, falling back onto the bed.

"Please, please, please, please! Edward has been really quiet since he came home last night. And, I know he was with you, so don't deny it," she whispers and I sigh, continuing to copy the notes off of the board. Alice has been hounding me for information all day and to be honest, I really don't want to talk about what happened last night.

"Nothing happened. He dropped me off home and he left. End of story." I shrug, leaving out the part she wants to know about.

"No, it isn't. Isabella!" she whines and I look over at her. Her bottom lip is pouted out and her eyes are glassy. Damn puppy dog face.

"I'll tell you, okay." I finally relent. "Just not here." She squeals and claps her hands before continuing with the work. I follow her lead and get on with the work on the board, trying my hardest not to think about last night. What right does he have to come into my house and stir me up like this? He should have just left when he had the chance to. He doesn't want to be my friend. This is all just some kind of sick joke to him. He saw me vulnerable and he took the opportunity to play with the fat girl's head. Well, well done Edward; you did it. I am officially going insane.

Lunch time comes all too quickly and before I can stop it, Alice is dragging me into the lunch room and over to an empty table.

"Spill!" is all she says and I slowly tell her about what happened; all of it. I tell her how Edward drove me home and comforted me when I needed it. I tell her about how he came into my bedroom. I tell her about what he said about me being nice and her being a nut-job. Surprisingly, she agrees with him and shrugs it off with a smile. Lastly, I tell her about him wanting to be my friends and me telling him to leave.

She sits there, staring at me with her mouth partly opened and her eyes wide. Waving a hand in front of her face, she seems to snap out of it and she glares over my shoulder. I don't need to turn around to know that Edward is across the room and she is glaring at him right now.

"So..." I prompt, wanting her views on the whole situation. Her eyes race back and forth, like she is trying to process everything I have just told her, again.

"I think my brother is a dick, and you need to stay away from him!" she just about yells and the whole room goes quiet, listening to our conversation. She looks around the room and her eyes again land on what I assume is her brother. I'm too afraid to turn around, so I look at Alice instead. She seems to be having some sort of silent conversation and I don't want to invade. I feel fear creeping up my spine and I know that the whole room must be looking at me.

It isn't until I hear footsteps behind me that I really begin to panic. It has to be Edward. He is going to be so angry at me for telling Alice about what happened. I bet he's going to come over and kick me or something. It's okay, I can handle it. The pain of a physical blow will be less than if I did allow him to be my friend and it was a joke. I don't think I could take the emotional pain of him doing that to me, not after Richard.

The footsteps behind me stop and I turn slightly. I breathe out in relief when I see it's Jasper. He sits down next to Alice with two trays and puts one in front of her. Her silent conversation must have ended because she smiles at Jasper and kisses him lightly before turning back to me.

"Sorry about that." She grins and opens a chocolate bar on her tray. I shrug and pull out my own lunch – an apple and a bottle of water. I didn't have time this morning to make anything and I don't really feel hungry anyway. Alice's face falls when she see's my lunch, but chooses not to say anything about it. I silently thank her and as if she can hear me, she smiles widely at me.

"Okay, so, we need to do something this weekend. I'll ask Angela to see if she's free and she can bring Ben. Maybe we could go into Port Angeles, or I'll get the house free and we could watch movies and eat popcorn, well not Ben because he is allergic, but we can get him something else. What do you guys think?" Alice finally takes a breath and I smile at her, telling her that anything would be good fun.

"As long as I'm with my two girls, I'm cool," Jasper drawls, kissing Alice's cheek then winking at me. I feel my face flush, making both of them laugh.

"Jasper, don't make the girl's face explode. Look how red she's gone." Alice giggles and I blush harder. Damn it! Why do I always have to blush at everything?

"Okay, let's change the subject," I mutter, biting into my apple and trying to hide behind it. I know I failed because, well, I'm probably bigger than the tree it was grown on.

"Isabella, are you not hungry?" Jasper suddenly asks, as if just seeing my lunch. I shake my head no and continue to eat my apple, ignoring the look they both share. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, this is fine." I try to end the discussion. They don't push it and conversation starts up about this weekend. I listen, but don't comment. Watching the couple together is both amazing and heart breaking. They are made for each other; anyone could see that. It's heartbreaking because I know I will never have that. No-one will ever look at me the way he looks at Alice. The love and warmth he has for her makes me want to smile and cry. I'm so happy for them both, I really am.

Eventually, the bell rings and we leave the lunch room, splitting off towards our lessons. They head to English and I go to Gym. Great. Kill me now?

I just want to say a big thank you to everyone who has reviewed! I never thought this story would be popular, or liked in anyway, but it has already got 100 reviews! So thanks to everyone who has read/favourite/alerted this story and has reviewed it. It does mean so much to me that people like my stories and they want to read them :'D.

A big thanks to my BETA, RuthPerk.

Thank you all for reading and please review.

Twi-girl09

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