Chapter 4

Well as always thanks for the reviews. This chapter will be explaining the past, we find out why Rick is angry and feels betrayal, Lori's deceit and why she needed to seek comfort somewhere else, Shane's involvement and where his disappeared to. After this bloody chapter I'm having some Carl, Andre and Michonne cuteness moments cause this is making me depress fast. I just realized something important just now, Judith is about 5 months old sorry for the mistake.

Oh just for a side note my friend who used to be a racist, lets just say our first meeting wasn't a good one. The first day we met we got into a big old fist fight, his a guy by the way.

Also side note the year is 2009 but in my mind its early 2000's cause of my memories, I know that doesn't make sense...anyway let's continue.

February 2009

Walking out of the clinic I feel nothing, its been a week since I made that appointment and now I feel nothing my mind is empty. I know what I did was wrong but the way things are now... it will be better in the long run. Getting into my car I sit for just a moment gathering my thoughts and still nothing comes to mind, I take a few deep breaths to settle me. I check my watch and see it is time to pick up Carl from school, I start the car up and pull out of the clinic's parking lot and out onto the road towards the school.

I wait downstairs for him to come home its already nine o'clock, I see headlights pull into our yard finally and I make my way back into the kitchen getting his dinner ready. I hear the door open and shut quietly then footsteps slowly walking towards the kitchen, I turn around with my back towards the door keeping myself busy with getting the food on the plate. I feel those arms wrap around me, they once used to make me feel safe and loved and I yearned for them always but now I feel nothing.

I move his arm to the side releasing me from his arms, I put his food on the table and leave him without a word back upstairs. I get ready for bed and lay myself on my side of the bed, my mind is blank as I stare out the window watching the stars in the night. I can hear him come in, getting ready for bed like every evening I wait for a few minutes then feel the dip in the mattress as he lay's down on his side of his bed and just like that another day has come and gone and I still feel nothing.

March

Another 2 weeks has passed and we hardly speak its march now, the only time we speak is in the company of other people or in front of Carl. I am going mad at the motions of everyday being the same day in and day out. So to change things up for once we are having a barbecue inviting his friends and ours just to escape the silence of the day. It's a good day everyone is enjoying themselves, but I still feel nothing. Carl is happy for once again his friend Enid and him are in the tree house playing, laughing and chatting. I smile for just a moment then it fades, I look towards Rick who's on the grill talking to his co-worker's from the sheriffs department. That's when I notice Shane looking at me, I feel something from his gaze and I feel ashamed as he keeps staring.

I shake my head and walk over to the table of drinks and notice that the cups are all gone, I make my way back into the house towards the kitchen where the extra cups are. That's when I feel different arms wrap around me and I feel excitement again but shriek at the stranger, I turn and see dark eyes and jet black hair that are not my husband's. His arms are still around me pinning me to the counter, his eyes say it all and I feel guilt but it washes away the minute he slams his lips against mine. Ecstasy floods through my body as our kisses are rushed, fevered and hot, I feel him move us towards the downstairs bathroom our lips still lock together tight. It hits me when he locks the door, the reality that I'm kissing his best friend, childhood friend, Carl's god parent and a dear friend to me and Rick but I forget about all of that when he starts kissing me down my neck making me moan in pleasure. He slide my panties down my legs lifting my dress around my waist spreading my legs open and slips in with ease just like our kisses hot and fevered so is our fucking.

That's all it is unadulterated fucking as I say in our mind over and over again as he thrusts harder making me stifle my moan biting into his shoulder making him moan in pleasured pain, and just like that its over we take a moment to let the reality sink in. I'm a cheater and I feel more alive than ever, Shane looks at me and we know what we did is wrong but we accept without words and move on. We right ourselves and I slip out first back into the kitchen and grab the cups, walk back out into the backyard like nothing has ever happened. Rick is still at the barbecue chatting having a good time and I feel the guilt come back up but I dismiss it but I know that it will come back and eat at me slowly like a sickness.

It was only supposed to happen once, but I want more so I contact him to meet up, I make an excuse to Rick who accepts it and plans his afternoon with Carl. I am giddy with excitement as we meet up in the next town over in some shabby hotel, the room number 314 he says to meet at and I knock on the door. I wait a few seconds he opens it and I walk in. I leave feeling alive and happy for the first time in years, the guilt is eating me up inside but I want to enjoy this for a moment, but with every wrong doing there are consequences.

April

A month of secrecy and the guilt is eating me alive, Rick and I are happy for once we talk and laugh like we used to. Its because I've been happy with someone else and Rick thinks we are getting better, Shane has made me promise to never tell Rick, but I know that my conscious will win out in the end. I've been vomiting lately and I'm sure I know why, I look at the five pregnancy tests and my suspicions have been confirmed. I'm pregnant again and its not Rick's, tonight is the night I'm gonna tell him once he gets back from work I'll tell him. I've sent Carl to my mothers so that he doesn't have to hear us.

Rick has come home I can hear the car pull up into our yard. I take a deep breath readying myself to confront him but all that comes in vain as I feel tears slide down my cheeks, I stand up in the living room as he walks in the hallway shutting and locking the door like always.

"Rick, can we talk?" I ask him and that's when I notice his stance, its stiff as he turns his head and stares at me.

"Yeah we're gonna talk alright." His voice is deep his southern accent coming out strong whenever his mad.

"You wanna tell me what you were doing at the clinic in February?" He tilts his head as he asks me. "I was getting a check up." I reply quickly and I'm stupid enough to think that his gonna believe that.

"Let me ask again. What were you doing at the clinic in February?" I shiver inward at his tone. "I was thinking that the way we've been at that time was no way to have a baby Rick." I respond quietly.

"So...so your solution is to get rid of our baby like sweeping it under the rug without discussing it with me? What made you think that it was your decision to make huh, last time I checked he or she had a right to have a chance!" He roared, his chest puffing up and down.

"You wanna bring a baby into this life! Where their parents barely speak Rick, barely look at one another huh?" I snipped back trying to remain calm.

"How can you think like that? It's not only that Lori, its that you kept it a secret from me! I had a right to know didn't I? Instead I find out through someone else!" We were both screaming now at each other.

He moves and starts pacing trying to calm down, I am doing the same taking deep breaths steadying my racing heart.

"I thought we were getting better Lori? We were... we were a family again, we were happy weren't we or was that my imagination?" He finally spoke, his voice sounded so defeated like he wanted to give up.

"There is something else... I'm pregnant." I whispered in the tense air, he looked at me before walking to the couch and just dropping into it defeated.

"Of course you are, I've known for awhile I recognize the symptoms. I'm... I'm not the father, am I." Rick stated looking at me for confirmation. I nodded and his head dropped into his hands while taking deep breaths.

"Who?" He questioned, his voice sounded so broken. "Shane." That one word broke him, his shoulders started to shake and I felt like the worse person in the world. He wiped his face and started to laugh. "So on top of everything else you cheated with my best friend." He said.

"Alright then." He stood up and stalked out of the room and walked out of the house shutting the door quietly, I heard his car start up and pull away from our house. That's when I finally noticed that tears were running down my face.

One week since I have seen Rick, I call his cell and get no answer. Carl asks where his dad is and lie and tell him his visiting family. He finally comes home after a week of being away, he looks fine just tired. He ignores me as he walks in the door, I try not to be hurt from this action knowing that I am at fault. He walks upstairs to see Carl and I hear how happy he is to see his dad. They are up there for a half an hour before he comes downstairs again.

"We need to talk about the baby." Rick says to me finally, I nod at him happy that he spoke at all. Rick motions us to the backyard. "I was worried about you, I tried to call but I couldn't reach you." I say as we take a seat out in the backyard porch.

"Yeah, I was at Daryl's he let me sleep in his spare bedroom." He replies. "I just needed time to think Lori... Shane's left town, I went to visit him to talk about it and his just gone. What do you wanna do about the baby Lori." He says and stares at me.

"I don't know Rick, I really don't." I reply honestly. "This baby deserves a chance, he or she deserves it." He speaks and that's the last thing I would expect from him. "Why?" I ask curiously.

"I... I don't know myself. Not yet anyway." He says honestly. We stare at each other. The afternoon is calm, a cool breeze blows between us.

"I can't stay in the same room with you Lori, I'm gonna move to the downstairs bedroom." He says looking me in the eyes. I nod. "I'll stay and help you with the baby Lori, I just need time I don't know how long I just need... time." He says softly.

January 2010

I gave birth to a healthy little girl named Judith, she's beautiful. Rick is holding her looking at her with a big smile.

"Hi sweetheart, welcome to the world." He says softly to her, in response she coos quietly. Carl is watching his dad holding his little sister. "She's so tiny mom." Carl says, Rick asks Carl if he'd like to hold her.

"Really don't you think I should wait till she older." Carl asks nervously, Rick smiles and makes him sit on the chair next to my bed and lays her in his arm making sure her head is properly supported. He looks at me and smiles as his holding Judith. I see Rick's smile slowly fade as he watches Carl talk to Judith.

"When you are older I'm gonna teach you everything Judith." Carl whispers to Judith. Just for a moment all of our troubles are forgotten.

Thanks for reading please leave me a review as always. I love the actor who played Shane in the TV series, but I hate the character. You know his a good character if you hate them so much.