Important! While this is based on my life and the events that have taken place involving me, this is a Fanfiction and there will be fiction in the story. Enjoy!

Last time:

"No, thank you," he replies kindly. Why is he being so nice to her? What good thing has she done for him that I haven't? Has she won over his kindness in a way I never could? I want to ask her what makes him like her. I want him to talk to me like that, I want him to smile his amazing crooked smile at me, and I want to feel the fluttering sensation in my stomach that I used to get around Richard. I want my heart to beat fast when he walks into the room. I know that Edward can give me that and I want it, I want it now.

My eyes widen and I bolt up from the chair, making everyone look at me. I mutter something under my breath and run up the stairs, heading for my bedroom. Slamming the door behind me, I sink to the floor and pull my knees up to my chest, my heart beating erratically against my ribs. What the hell?

Where did those thoughts come from? Was I just jealous of my own mother because Edward was being nice to her? Thinking back over the past few weeks, every time a girl would talk to him or touch him, I would feel anger flare inside me, I just wouldn't admit it. I feel tears fill my eyes as I hug my knees.

What is going on with me?

Chapter twenty.

Now:

What the hell is happening to me? I'm not normally a jealous person; well, I didn't think I was. Why am I jealous over Edward? He's just being nice to me; there isn't anything going on between the two of us. There never could be. He is perfect, and I am anything but.

He's seeing Tanya, anyway. I know he says he isn't, but whenever he is around her, he seems happier. I don't know if they are serious, but I shouldn't be feeling these feelings for him, even if it is just a fling between the two of them. Guilt fills me and even more tears spring to my eyes, spilling softly down my cheeks.

I am really confused andI hate it. I hate not knowing what to do or what is going to happen to me. I like to be in control of the things I can be, and I thought my feelings were something I could control. I guess I was wrong about that.

Sighing in frustration, I run my hands through my hair and pull out the tie, letting it hang loosely around my shoulders. Why am I feeling these things? Why does he even want to be my friend? I'm not a person someone like Edward wants as a friend. He wants to be associated with models and football players, beauty queens and mysterious hunks. He doesn't want to be around the fat girl in any way. He certainly doesn't want to be anything more than one of my friends, so why am I feeling this jealous?

Over the years, everything he and his friends have ever said has built and built until I finally cracked. I couldn't sit there and listen to everything they said, and I flipped. Sure, I didn't say anything, but I finally stood up for myself and left. I chose not to listen and I left the hurt and pain there.

I didn't expect him to follow me, not at all,. But I can't help but be happy he did. He came to me and asked for forgiveness. That's something my own twin brother didn't do. I was apprehensive about forgiving him, and I haven't completely yet, but I'm glad that he finally apologized.

A knock on my door makes me jump and I get off the floor quickly, staring at the door with wide eyes. I think I know who is on the other side of that door. The question is, do I want to answer it? He hasn't actually done anything to me, but I can't help but feel like this, especially after what I have just realized.

I slowly make my way to the door. Do I let him in? I know that if I don't, he could just keep knocking. As if to prove my point, he knocks again - harder this time. I grab the handle and turn it, opening the door slowly. I glare at him. I hate that I don't know what to feel and this is all his fault.

He stands there with a hurt and confused look on his face, making me feel so bad. I stop glaring at him and soften my expression. His hurt expression leaves and he walks into the room after I open the door more for him.

"What happened? Are you okay?" he asks.

"I'm fine," I reply, turning my back to him and wiping under my eyes.

"Then why did you leave so suddenly?" This time, I shrug and sit on my bed, looking into the mirror on the other side of the room. I take the hair-tie off my wrist and put my hair back up in a messy bun. Edward watches and laughs lightly when a few of the shorter pieces fall out in the front.

Before I can do anything about it, he comes forwards and tucks the loose bits behind my ears, smiling down at me. I blush and look back into the mirror in front of me. Why is Edward here? He said that he would go to bed. Why didn't he tell Esme he didn't want to come over with her? Why does he want to be friends with someone like me? He has friends like Rosalie and Tanya. Beautiful girls and he chooses to befriend the fat girl. Maybe he just feels sorry for me. I would too if I was him.

"Fucking stop it." He sighs and lifts my chin up, removing my bottom lip from between my teeth. I blush again and try to avoid eyes contact with him.

"Stop what?" I ask stupidly.

"Thinking shit that isn't true about yourself." I roll my eyes. Trust him to know what I was thinking.

"It is true, though," I whisper, finally looking up at him, in the eyes. "Everyone knows it. I know it, you know it. Why are you even here, Edward?" He groans and sits next to me, taking my hands in his and angling my body towards his. I blush and look down at our joined hands, trying to avoid his eyes. My heart beats fast in my chest and everything I have been trying to put in the back of my mind springs forward.

Edward is nice to me, so why shouldn't I want to spend time with him? Maybe I'm jealous because I want his time and I don't want anyone else to have it. God, I sound so selfish. I can't have all of his time; he has other friends and family to see. Just because I have three friends, and I want to spend time with them, doesn't mean they want to spend their time with me.

"I'm here because I fucking want to be. You need a friend." I go to cut him off but he stops me. "I phrased that wrong. Shit!" He lets go of one of my hands and runs his free hand through his hair. I watch his hand intently, wishing I could be that hand. I bite my bottom lip again. Why am I jealous of his hand, for goodness sake? Great, now I'm jealous of something else. "You need a friend other than Alice. That fucking pixie is enough to drive anyone mad, even if they don't want to fucking admit it." I smile. He's right; although I love her dearly, she does drive me mad sometimes.

"That's your sister you're talking about." He snorts and shakes his head, making me laugh.

"You have a beautiful laugh." I quickly sober up and look at him in shock, my face practically glowing from my blush. Where is all of this coming from? I take my hand from his and fiddlee with my hands in my lap, not looking up to his face. He sighs and I look up to see his brows furrowed.

"Why do you always do that?" He groans.

"Do what?" I silently curse myself for my voice sounding so quiet and scared.

"Act like you have never been given a compliment before." I shrug and blush harder. "You have been given compliments before, haven't you?" I look at the floor again and shake my head slowly, shrugging slightly.

It's true. I can't honestly remember the last time someone said anything nice to me. Well, before Edward started talking to me anyway. I don't know how to deal with nice words and actions. I'm so used to being put down that when people say nice things, I want to run away and ignore it all.

"What the fuck?" I jump at his loud words then immediately tell him to be quiet. I'm not sure if our mothers know he's with me or if they think he is in the toilet. "You seriously haven't ever been complimented before? That's fucked up." I roll my eyes at him.

"It's not that important to be complimented, Edward. I've gotten used to it." I smile when he takes my hands back into his and I look up at him, a small smile on my lips. "Besides, not everyone can be perfect like you," I tease and he laughs, making the atmosphere around us less awkward again.

We sit on my bed for another hour, talking and laughing about things that sometimes make no sense. Every time his hand goes through his hair, or he scratches the stubble on his jaw, any little thing that makes him, him, I can't help but watch. Everything about him is mesmerizing. When he throws his head back to laugh, his Adam's apple moves in his throat and I just want to lick it.

As soon as the thought enters my mind, I blush and my eyes widen. Where did that come from? The room suddenly feels very hot and I swallow uncomfortably. What is wrong with me recently?

"What's the matter?" His eyes fall on me and his voice is curious as I shift on the bed, trying to get further away from him.

"Nothing." My voice shakes and I get up from the bed, dropping his hands. What's going on with me? A guy says something nice to me and my body starts acting all weird. I am so pathetic. My hands go to my hair and I pull at the loose bits, tugging hard and pacing the length of the room.

"Isabella, stop that." Before I can stop, he's in front of me, his hand taking mine away from my hair.

"I'm sorry." My voice is a whisper as I stare into his amazing green eyes. They bore into mine and a shiver runs down my spine. He is so beautiful; I wish I could be as beautiful as he is.

"There's nothing to be sorry for." His whisper is the same tone as mine. We stand like that for a few minutes, staring into each other's eyes, letting them do the talking. His sweet breath fans across my face as I breathe in.

I freeze, however, when his face starts to get closer to mine. My eyes widen and our noses touch. It all happens so quickly after that.

His lips touch mine and I gasp. My mouth closes quickly and he pulls away as a shocked noise comes out of him. His hand goes to his bottom lip and when he pulls it away, guilt consumes me.

"You bit me." My eyes widen when he confirms it.

"I'm so sorry." A small amount of crimson trickles down his chin from his bottom lip. "I just wasn't expecting someone like you to try and kiss me and I was shocked. I am really sorry. If you want to hit me, go for it. I won't stop you." Tears well up in my eyes.

How could I have been so stupid? I was just so shocked. Why would Edward Cullen want to kiss the fat girl? He's stoned, for goodness sake; he's not right at the moment. He's not in his right mind and now I've hurt him, physically. I'm such a stupid fat cow.

"What?" It sounds like he is choking on his own words. He grabs a tissue from the packet on my bedside table and dabs at the wound, wiping away the blood.

"Please forgive me, I didn't mean it. I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing. I shouldn't have tried to kiss you." He sighs and sits on the bed, still dabbing the wound. "And no, I won't hit you. God damn it, why do you have to be so fucking damaged? Every time I try and do something nice for you, you immediately think it's some fucking game. Don't bother trying to deny it; I can see it in your eyes." The tears fall and I wipe them away quickly.

What the hell have I done? I never thought I could hurt another person the way I just have. This just makes me as bad as all the people in my school. I have hurt another person physically. I'm a monster. A fat, stupid monster.

"Isabella, please calm down." I look up into his emerald eyes as he stands and he guides me to sit down on the bed by holding my shoulders. I drop onto the bed and he sits back down next to me, still dabbing at his wound.

"I am really sorry," I whisper, begging him with his eyes to forgive me.

"There is nothing to be sorry for. Please stop crying," he begs and I take in a deep breath, trying to compose myself. What if he's like Richard? What if he hurts me now because I didn't kiss him back? I whimper silently at the thought. I don't think I could handle being hurt by a guy again.

I can still feel the hurt from everything that happened with Richard. I think that I always will. I thought he was my first love, and you don't get over that. I now know that he wasn't, but back then, I convinced myself to feel something for him. I was attracted to him the first time I saw him, but I made myself believe he liked me back. I made everything up in my head like the pathetic, fat girl I am.

"I should go back downstairs. I just said I was using the toilet," he admits, slowly standing up from the bed. I nod and stand up also, following him to the door. He opens it and goes out with me following. We're both silent as we walk down the stairs and into the living room.

"Edward, what took you so long?" Esme scolds. Her words stop when she sees Edward's new wound. She's on her feet and in front of her son before I can even blink. "What happened?" she asks, inspecting the cut.

"I walked into the bathroom door and Isabella helped me out." He shrugs, looking at me briefly out the corner of his eye. I blush and look to the floor, feeling three pairs of eyes on me.

"Oh, well, thank you dear." Esme smiles at me and I smile back before padding into the kitchen, looking for something to wet my suddenly dry throat. I grab a glass of water and sip it slowly. How could I have bit him? If that scars, I would have damaged his perfect face. If he was dreaming of becoming a model, that's just gone out the window.

I drain the cup and set it a side, making a mental note to wash it when Esme and Edward leave. When I go back into the living room, Edward is sitting back on the chair and I go back to the recliner, settling in like that past half an hour didn't happen. It appears that Edward's lip isn't bleeding anymore as he is no longer holding the tissue to his lip. Instead, he's picking at the edges of the now bloodied tissue, glancing at me every few seconds.

"So, how are things going with Charlie?" Esme asks my mother hesitantly. Renee shrugs and looks at me for a second before turning back to her friend.

"He told me that our daughter had something to say about it all." My face flushes yet again and Edward smirks. I told Alice about what I said to Charlie when Edward was with us and he found it highly amusing. Jasper did too, but Alice agreed with me, saying she would have said the same thing to Carlisle.

"Oh, yeah?" Esme sounds shocked and I want to hit myself. What I did was completely out of character for me and I shouldn't have done it. Charlie hasn't said a word to me since and just thinking about it makes my heart hurt. Why do I have to turn everyone against me?

"Yeah, but let's not get into that now." Renee smiles slightly when my eyes meet hers, telling me that she knows what I said and that I won't be punished for being rude to my father. I smile back.

"How is everything going anyway? You said that you and Charlie talked last night," Esme prompts. I like Esme; she isn't one for gossip, but she is willing to help her friends if they need it. She knows exactly what to say and when to say it.

"He said that he needs space. He's going to spend this weekend with Billy and he will be back Monday,." Renee tells her loudly so that I can hear clearly. She's saying it like this so she doesn't have to tell me later. Esme and I both nod and Renee goes on about how it looks like the divorce is, in fact, going ahead. We both cry a little when she admits this and I see Edward looking at me. I don't look back.

My life is a mess; he doesn't need me making his a mess too. By him being there for me now, when the next bad thing happens and he isn't there, I don't know how I will cope. I'll always have Alice. She told me that there isn't a chance in hell she is going to be leaving me any time soon. I laughed at that, thinking about how soon she will want to leave when she realizes how much of a drag I will be on her.

Esme and Renee both go into the kitchen, to get fresh drinks and cakes. I know that they are going to be talking about something Renee doesn't want me to hear. Edward shifts and stands up, stretching his back, and slowly walks over to me. He kneels in front of me and takes my hands. I meet his eyes and he smiles softly at me.

"Everything will be alright," he whispers and for some reason, I want to believe him.

They kissed! Well, he kissed her and she bit him. This doesn't mean they are together, it just means that Edward kissed her. Don't jump to conclusions and/or hate me (:

I'm going to Ireland on Wednesday (Two days time) and I will be gone for nearly 5 weeks. I will be staying with my grandparents and they both have laptops so I should be able to update, but I doubt it will be once a week, like it is now, sort of. Sorry guys, but I promise to write when I can.

Thank you all for reading.

I have been nominated for 'The Sunflower Awards'! If like this story, maybe vote for it on there? The categories I have been nominated in are on my profile as well as the link to vote. Even if you don't want to vote for this story, check it out anyway and vote for someone else!

I want to thank my BETA, Ruth Perk. Great woman!

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Thanks for reading.

Twi-girl09

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