Phoenix wakes up screaming, her usual nightmares keeping her from sleeping more than five hours.
"Fuck..." The girl falls back on her bed, earning an annoyed meow from the small cat sleeping on her pillow.
Benny pads over and places his muzzle on the edge of her bed. "It's okay Benny, just a nightmare. Go back to sleep."
The Siberian Husky looks at Phoenix for a second before walking over to the door and laying in front of it, protecting her from anyone who would try to get in. Phoenix smiles, her pets were some of the closest things she had to family. She was close to her team but outside of Raven, Hawk, and Blue Bird, none were like family to her. The red-haired teen looks at the clock and sighs, it was too late to make it to the gym but too early to call Gokudera.
"I hate time zones."
Phoenix mutters as she swings her legs off the bed.
It was two hours later that Gokudera's phone rings. He lets it ring for a second before picking up.
"Well the sun's up and I'm still alive, has Hibari come for you yet?" Phoenix speaks before Gokudera can say anything.
"Nope, he hasn't come for me yet. Which is actually surprising. And hello to you too." Gokudera laughs.
"Fine, hello. You happy now?" Phoenix laughs. "And to continue our conversation from yesterday, apparently I understand your sense of humor...or at least you make me laugh, which is something that was deemed impossible by ten shrinks."
"Oh, uh...thanks. I didn't think I was that funny. Wow"
"It's not that you're funny so much, not an insult, it's just that...you understand what it's like to have a hard life...I guess. I don't know."
"No offense taken. But...yeah, I get that feeling with you too. I-I mean, you've gone through a lot and I just can't help but relate, ya know?"
Gokudera hears a laugh that fades out.
"Hayato I uh...I need to talk to you about something. Something kinda important..."
"Uh...o-okay..." Gokudera's heartbeat speeds up. 'What the hell? Why am I reacting like this?' he thinks.
Phoenix takes a deep breath.
"Uh...I don't know if I can..." She sighs. "Why is this so hard?" A second deep breath. "I don't know if I can trust the Vongola anymore. I mean, I trust you, but your family...They took a man away from his wife and two kids. I don't care about the reasons. I don't care if my dad was mafia; the Vongola took him away from us. My mom didn't have a job; we got by on my dad's salary. By killing him...by killing him the Vongola would have changed everything about our family."
"Phoenix...I don't wanna be a douche when I say this but...you've probably done the same to some families. You've killed men without a second thought without knowing or caring if they had family out there. You've probably caused a hundred little girls to suffer what you've gone through. I don't think it's fair for you to put someone down for what they've done, when you've obviously done the same. And right now, we're trying to help you."
"I KNOW WHAT I'VE DONE!" Phoenix sighs. "I know just what I put those people through. I can feel it eating away at my sanity every second of every day since I allowed myself to feel anything. And I don't expect to be forgiven for that, nor do I want to be. I don't deserve it! But I can't seem to put my trust in the people who killed my dad. You say they had a good reason, but who decided that the only solution was to kill him? Who could make that decision...and how could I trust them?"
"Look...I'm sorry. I know it's hard, I didn't mean to remind you of that in such a harsh way...But it's not trusting them, it's trusting me. I trust Juudaime and he's the Vongola Decimo. He's in charge now, or he officially will be soon, so you have to trust us. We don't want to hurt you."
"You don't understand. It's not that I don't want to put my trust in them; I can't put my trust in them! I do trust you, and I trust that Tsuna is different than any other mafia boss but like you said, he will be the boss soon. Meaning he will be the boss of the person who killed my dad. Now you will probably deny this but Tsuna is too soft. He will never let me kill the man who killed my father. And that's all I have left. Killing the people who killed my family."
"I would kill him without Juudaime's knowledge but...You know the Mafia code. You can't kill a member of your own Famiglia."
"No, you are not allowed to fight my battles. I am a big girl and I can take care of myself. And I am not letting you break the trust that Tsuna has in you over me, not now not ever. I am not a part of the Vongola so the "Code" is just a bunch of pointless words to me. And why should I care about the Code? All I have left is revenge, after I kill the three people responsible for my family's death...and Reaper for lying to me for years. I will find a cliff and "fall" off it."
"If you kill someone from our Famiglia...Juudaime will have no choice but to go after you. I doubt he'll kill you but...we could be forced to see you as an enemy instead of an ally."
Gokudera can hear the pain in his own words.
"Okay so I'll save that bastard for last, that way I don't have to kill myself I'll...provoke the Varia or something. I'm sure they would be more than happy to kill me." Phoenix sighs. "Tsuna is to kind if he wouldn't kill me after I kill someone from the family."
"Don't do that, Aydan. We...care" Gokudera pauses as he considers the statement. "about you too much. I mean, no matter what you're planning you're still an ally, a friend. Just...let it go. You don't want to die. And...Juudaime and I don't want you to either."
Gokudera blushes and looks down, forgetting that Phoenix can't see him.
"Think about my position for a second Hayato. My family is dead and the Family I was a part of just sent my best friend to kill me! Which he will gladly do! I have nothing left. The only think that I can do now is to kill the men who killed my family and then die myself. That's it. Because what else do I have left?"
"Don't...don't make me say it, Aydan. You..." Gokudera sighs. "You have...us. Our friendship I mean. Whoa, whoa, wait. Reaper was your best friend! Geez, some friend he must have been."
"I try to kill your boss, and then try to help you, and then say I don't trust your family and you still want to be my friend? Yeah, okay, you're nuts. And he wasn't that bad a friend really. I met him when we shared a home eleven years ago and he kept me safe from the parents there. After we got pulled he made sure that he stayed close to the home I was in. He...you are going to kill me for the I know it, he was like you."
"I find that hard to believe. I'm nothing like that asshole!"
"Well not now! Now he's a psychopath. But compared to the person I knew nine years ago...you really are. He was kind and ever so slightly funny and loyal as all hell to anyone he called friend...Great, now I have the image of the Reaper I used to know stuck in my head. How am I supposed to kill him if I keep think about the person he used to be!...I blame you for this."
"Are you sure you two didn't...have a thing?"
"What the hell! No! He was like an older brother to me! That's just...NO! And why do you care if we had a thing?"
"I-I DON'T!" Gokudera blushes, his heart beating a mile a minute. "I'm just saying that the way you talk him is kinda...Forget it. What-the fuck-ever."
"Okay...I had a crush on him when I first met him but it never came to anything."
"I don't know whether I should just slap you from disappointment or...actually, I just might. How can you like a guy like him! Even I wouldn't go for something like him?"
"Because he wasn't always like this! I don't know when it happened but one day the Cesar, the guy I knew, was gone and Reaper had taken his place. I have never had a crush on Reaper, only ever on Cesar. And yes they are different."
"He probably sold his soul to the devil. That was partially a joke. I could be right for all I know."
"Don't. The idea that my best friend sold his soul...I don't like it." Phoenix sighs. "But it would explain a few things."
"S-Sorry...it was just a joke."
"Wait...we were talking about me not trusting the Vongola...and we got to my past. How did that happen?"
"I'm just that good at switching topics."
"I hate you right now. There I was wallowing in self-pity and you just had to lift my mood. Now I am in a good mood...Thanks a lot Hayato."
Gokudera laughs.
"You're welcome, Aydan."
"I hate you so much right now Hayato! I'm considering hanging up."
Gokudera feels a sudden rush of anxiety.
"No! I-I mean...uh...I don't want you to."
"Really?"
"Well...I like talking to you." Gokudera blushes.
"You do?"
Gokudera can hear the laughter in Phoenix's voice.
"Oh shut up."
Phoenix laughs loudly.