Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the plot.

Not A Fairy Tale

On some level maybe Albus knew that he should probably take offense to the suggestion that Snow was better company than he was, but on every other level he was bloody well amused, especially since he knew how much Scorpius hadn't wanted to accept that he was not only stuck with Snow, but was actually rather fond of the fluffy white furball. Despite all his protests to the contrary. And since Snow had indeed won over Scorpius in the end, well Albus decided to take that as a good sign that perhaps he could follow in the kneazle's footsteps and win Scorpius over eventually, too.

So instead of getting upset Albus laughed instead, before pointing out that if Scorpius had managed to find a place for one cat in his life, surely there was room for another. He was a Gryffindor after all.

"You're a bit bigger, not to mention a hell of a lot more annoying than he is."

"All the better to keep you warm and entertained, My Dear."

Seeing Scorpius's blank look, Albus realized quickly why. "Oh, right, Pureblood. That line's from a Muggle children's story called 'Little Red Riding Hood'. It's about this little girl who encounters a wolf pretending to be her grandmother. Every time the girl comments on something, like what big ears or eyes the wolf has, he replies that it's all the better to hear or see her with. Then it's about his teeth and he's all like 'All the better to eat you with, My Dear."

Scorpius stared at him in confusion. "Are you telling me Muggles are that stupid? That they wouldn't take one look at a wolf and know what it was?"

"And I thought animals didn't talk in the Muggle World. Or was it just that they don't know werewolves are real, and they just thought the werewolf was a wolf?" Draco wanted to know, just as confused as his son, apparently. "Because even then…"

"No, no, it's a fairy tale. Like the Muggle equivalent of 'Babbity Rabbity and the Cackling Stump'. It's not a real story. And Muggles are very into werewolves apparently, so they'd know one if they saw it." Or at least Uncle Dudley's daughter Brittany had seemed very into the idea that there were werewolves right up until he'd explained that they would probably kill her on sight, if she ever met one transformed.

Which they would even if they had their senses, Albus thought, since Brittany was as much a pill as her grandfather could be. Nasty girl.

"What lesson is the story supposed to teach children then? To not trust talking animals dressed as grandmothers?"

Albus just grinned at Scorpius's dry tone. "Actually, I think it was more aimed at the 'don't talk to strangers' lesson."

Scorpius rolled his eyes. "Right, that makes total sense. For a Muggle."

For a moment Albus considered explaining the whole story to both Malfoys, but it would probably only reinforce certain negative Muggle stereotypes, since even as children he and his cousins and siblings had all been confused by how Red Riding Hood hadn't taken one look at the wolf and started running for her life. So yeah, probably better to leave that alone and concentrate on his goals where Scorpius was concerned.

So he poked Scorpius with his good hand, and asked if he'd liked the presents he'd had delivered to him.

"Do you have a death wish, Potter?" Scorpius's tone was congenial enough, though his eyes narrowed threateningly.

"If I did I certainly wouldn't ask you to deliver the fatal blow. Merlin only knows what method you'd choose." A mischievous Gryffindor grin. "Why, do you fancy the idea of me haunting you for the rest of your life?"

Scorpius paled as much as someone of his complexion could at the idea. "Hell no."

"See? You want me to stick around, alive and well. You'd miss me if I was dead."

"No I wouldn't. I'd throw a party."

"You would so miss me. And how could you throw a party when you don't have any friends to celebrate with? It's not like Snow would be happy if I was dead."

"Oh I'm pretty sure I could find enough people in the Wizarding World who would want to celebrate your untimely demise, Potter to throw a party. Hell, I might even be rewarded for offing you for the sake of humanity."

Not backing down in the slightest, Albus kept the banter up about how much Scorpius would miss him, the Slytherin firing back shots and comments about how much happier he'd be without Albus in the world, though the words lacked heat or conviction, so that was okay.

"Has anyone ever told the two of you that you fight like an old and married Gryffindor couple?"

Now Scorpius was looking at his father in horror, while Albus wanted to know why the older Malfoy had specified that they fought like a Gryffindor couple. All couples fought one way or another after all. And if they didn't, well that was just wrong on a number of levels.

"Given that that kind of fighting is all you know, it's no surprise you don't see the difference."

"We do not fight like a married couple!" Scorpius blurted out then, having apparently gotten somewhat over the shock of his father's words.

"We sorta do. You can't say I don't get under your skin, Malfoy."

"That's not a good thing!"

"Actually, it is. It means I matter."

"No. What it means is you're like a bloody porcupine quill. A constant source of pain and irritation. And as soon as I figure out how to rip you out without taking a chunk of my flesh out with it, I will!"

Stomach rolling a little at the visual, the man did know how to paint a vivid image in his mind, Albus fell silent as he thought it over, which Scorpius apparently took to mean he'd won the argument given the smug, very Malfoy grin he was sporting. Which annoyed Albus, of course, but the whole nausea over the idea of quills being ripped out of flesh had his attention for the moment.

Thankfully it was only a few minute later when Mr. Malfoy announced that the stuff he'd been making to treat Albus's burned hand was ready, and did Scorpius want to do the honors.

Looking at the offered pot like it contained leeches, Scorpius's 'No' was as loud and childish sounding as a boy refusing to go to bed early.

It was the adorableness of that that had Albus's inner imp raring back into annoying Scorpius mode, especially since he was far from ready to admit defeat now that he knew he had Scorpius's father's approval. And speaking of the man….

"Well I guess that means you'll have to do it as my future father in law then, Mr. Malfoy."

Now that had both Slytherins going slack jawed, Albus was pleased to note.

"Your future what?" Scorpius demanded to know, his tone making it clear that he was going to jinx Albus into the next century if he didn't like the next words to come out of Albus's mouth.

"Father in law." Albus made his eyes go all big and innocent, which wasn't easy when he wanted to grin evilly. "I mean I was all set to just convince you to go out with me, but since you're making me work this hard to catch you, well obviously I have to win and marry you now. It will be a lifetime undertaking, I know, but I'm afraid I'm just too Gryffindor and Weasley to back out just because you don't deserve me. I'm going to have to keep you. Thems the Gryffindor rules, you see."

"Have you gone completely mad?"

"No."

"He's gone completely mad." Scorpius informed his father, seeking his agreement, no doubt.

"He's a Potter."

A look of horror crossed Scorpius face at the reminder of just how tenacious and troublesome Potters could be. And that they did have an annoying habit of doing things no rational person would do just to prove a point or get their own way.

Giving his son's shoulder a pat of sympathy with one hand, Draco Malfoy neatly shouldered his son away from Albus so that he could reach Albus hand, ordering him to hold out the bad one. And Albus did as ordered automatically, quite sure now that Scorpius's father was on his side, and wanting the burn taken care of post haste.

Once that was taken care of he could go back to his 'Get Scorpius' plotting after all. Especially since now he was obligated to put a ring on it.

Gryffindor pride was like that.

Or at least he was content letting Scorpius think that until he decided just what he wanted to do with his stubborn little Slytherin.

Hell, it had apparently only taken Hugo five orgasms to convince Alexei Dolohov to start dating him according to his cousin. And if said cousin could manage that, than surely he could manage to manipulate Scorpius into an ingenious trap of his own. Hopefully.

)

Unable to stand being around them one minute more, it was brutally obvious to Scorpius that his father had somehow been affected by Potter's madness and was beyond help at this point, Scorpius left his father to play healer and marched out of the room, deliberately slamming the door behind him to make his feelings clear to the both of them. Though of course he felt like a childish idiot as soon as he'd done it, which just made him furious that much more, and led to him calling Albus every filthy, nasty name he could think of all the way back to his rooms, which he locked and bespelled against the blasted Gryffindor. Just in case.

And of course Snow just had to come bouncing into the front hallway like the insane little fluff ball he was, purring all happily as he rubbed up against Scorpius's legs affectionately, obviously thrilled to see him because yes, the cat was just that idiotic.

Merlin save him.

Still, it was nice to have someone on his side at the moment, and so Scorpius bent down to scoop the hyper menace into his hands before cradling Snow against his chest as he headed for the bedroom, bad temperedly explaining, as he had done every night this week, just what Albus had done to irk him now.

Snow was a very good listener, if nothing else.

"And he's turned my own father on me, Snow. My own bloody father, for Merlin's sake!"

Purring, Snow slithered under Scorpius's chin to rub his fur against the sensitive skin there to comfort.

"And if you can't trust your own father, who can you trust? Well other than your mother, of course. Mothers are general more emotionally reliable and on our side than fathers. Not that you would know that, since I wouldn't imagine you spent much time with your mother. Probably none with your father. And alright, parents don't always do what's best for you, I mean my paternal grandfather actually pushed for my father to marry Pansy Parkinson, of all people, and I've met that woman, Snow. No father should ever wish that woman on someone he claims to love."

Scorpius appreciated Snow's sound of agreement.

Happy to have such a willing audience, Scorpius passed the next few minutes telling his pet all about how glad he was that his father had had the good sense to stand firm for once and marry his mother instead of the other girls his grandparents had attempted to foist on his father. Which led Scorpius to reminiscing about the women his grandparents had tried to pawn off on him in his teens, both of them refusing to accept the fact that he had absolutely zero interest in women.

"Not to mention I'm pretty sure my grandfather thought that homosexual or not, I should marry a woman anyway since I'm the last Malfoy, and it's my 'duty' to provide a heir to carry on the family name. Bugger that, I say. It's his own bloody fault he didn't have more children. If he had, he'd have had more grandchildren to mold, and odds are at least one of them would have fallen in line with his demands. Not me though, of course. I set him straight just like I set Albus straight. Thinks he can just pressure me into going out with him, much less marrying him. Madness, that's what that is. He's completely barmy if he actually believes that."

Stewing over that for several minutes, and stroking Snow's fur to try and calm himself down a little, Scorpius became aware of another huge annoyance that he'd been unaware of until now thanks to his thoughts being focused on Potter's stupidity.

"I am so fucking hungry. Damn, Potter, making me leave the Great Hall before I'd had the chance to eat hardly anything. And you can just bet if I went to the house elves and asked them to throw together a plate they'd give me food I don't like. They love Potters, you know. Always giving them and their friends food at all hours of the day and night. And sure they've cleaned my room like they were supposed to this week, but they're smart enough to know better than to mess with me. But don't think they wouldn't jump at the chance to give me lukewarm leftovers."

But he was hungry enough for lukewarm leftovers, and so Scorpius set Snow down on the bed and then pushed himself up to a sitting position, sliding over the covers and onto his feet. Then strolling across the room Scorpius was just passing through the doorway when the sound of someone knocking on his front door reached his ears.

His father or Albus?

Scowl in place, he wasn't feeling very fond of his father at the moment either, Scorpius picked up his pace to find out just who he would be verbally lashing out at, while not being really sure who he wanted to chew out more.

Opening the door to find Potter standing in his doorway, a large tray in hand, Scorpius's plans to let the git have it were sidetracked thanks to the smells wafting up from the two covered dishes currently resting on said tray.

Plus Yue was standing beside Albus, the kneazle watching him with a look of warning in his eyes.

"Both those dishes better be mine."

"Actually, I was hoping that you'd agree to eat with me on the condition that I don't speak a single word to you. If I do you can kick me out and feed whatever's left on my plate to Snow, since you're probably too prissy to share food with someone."

"Do you want me to kill you?"

Another big, innocent smile. "Nope. So do we have a deal or not? I can eat all this food by myself, you know. I am half Weasley. And there's the roasted chicken you really like on here. Possibly all that's left of it, actually, given how popular it is. This is food the set aside for me ahead of time, you see. You'd probably be out of luck if you went to the elves and asked them for some now."

The way Potter was grinning at him had Scorpius seriously considering slamming the door in the bastard's face. The satisfaction would be worth the empty stomach. Probably. But there was also that little voice inside his head that was reminding him that this was Albus he was dealing with. There was no way on earth the Gryffindor would be able to just sit across from him and eat, especially given all the snarky remarks Potter had no doubt been saving up this past week. And there was nothing that said he couldn't goad Albus into talking either, which would mean more food for him since he was not above eating the idiot's food too at this point.

Either way he did not think well on an empty stomach.

"One word from you and you leave, correct?"

"You have my word."

Briefly Scorpius considered making a comment about the worth of Albus's word, but he was too hungry to bother at the moment. So instead he moved to the side and motioned for them to walk past him, stating that the rule of Albus being quiet was now in effect.

No argument came, naturally, and following Albus into his parlor Scorpius took a seat and enjoyed being waited on as Albus set his plate in front of him, handing him the silverware he'd brought before conjuring them up some glasses of water to go with the meal.

Good manners and breeding had Scorpius tipping his head in a small acknowledgement of thanks, and then he turned his attention to eating as quickly as manners would allow, figuring that once he had enough to take the edge off he could turn his attention to hurling insults and slights in the Gryffindor's direction.

)

"So are they back to being friends now, Yue?" Snow wanted to know as he stared up at the two humans in question. They sure were hungry, he noted, though he'd known that already since his person had told him all about how hungry he was before Yue's person had come and brought him food so that he wouldn't have to be hungry anymore. Which was really nice of Albus to do in Snow's opinion, especially given all the rather mean things Snow's person had been saying recently about him.

"Humans do say that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach."

"What's that mean?"

"It means that your person isn't nearly as smart as he thinks he is."

Snow frowned. "My person is too smart. He's a professor!"

Not that Snow was a hundred percent sure what a professor was, but apparently that was a very important position to have in this place. The professors got to sit at a special table all the time and told the other, littler people what to do. Snow had seen them.

"I'm not saying he's stupid, Snow. I'm just saying that he's underestimating how stubborn Albus can be when he really wants something. And that's going to come back and bite him in the arse very soon. Hard."