Dark by S. Park

Part eight Song of Sorrow

Some time later I lay on the grass a little ways inland and stared up at the sunlight. It was a fine summer day, just such a day as I had yearned after in Ganondorf's dungeon. I sighed. Why did I hate Link? Something in me was afraid to even think about it. And that was another puzzle. Why should I fear knowing my own mind? It seemed as though nothing at all made any sense any more. Hate and anger, fear and frustration, bitter failure, they crowded around me, dragging me down. The sun was still warm, but inside me there was a coldness it couldn't touch.

I got out my ocarina and played, a soft, mellow sort of tune, letting the music wander, seeking the peace it brought. The song was calming, but it lacked the power that I had felt on previous occasions. I stopped playing, tears gathering in my eyes again as sound gave way to empty silence. What was wrong with me?

A low, soft tone filled the silence I had left. Link was playing. He spun a melody that said all that I felt. It spoke of sorrow, and of failure, of the cold within and the anger that burned at its core. It said all these things, and in saying them soothed them away. Tears still stood in my eyes but they were no longer so bitter. When the song ended Link came over and sat beside me. He rested one hand over mine. "Dark... I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for," I said.

"I can feel how much you hurt," he said softly.

"But your song heals it."

"No. The song only eases the pain for a time, the wounds are still there."

I said nothing. I knew he was right.

"Is that why you hate me, because I gave you life with such pain?"

"I..." I hesitated. I could recall thinking something like that, but it didn't feel like the truth. If I wanted freedom from pain more than I wanted life, there was an easy answer to that. Killing myself would be far simpler than killing him. Yet it was his death I had sought. Why?

"I thought I could find a way to help you," he said. "When I realized you were going to follow me, I thought if you traveled by my side I could somehow save you from your darkness."

"That's why you bought me a horse."

"Yes. But the closer we are the more I can sense what you feel. I knew you were afraid, and I admired your courage. I knew you hated me, and I wanted to change that. I didn't know how much you hurt though." I looked over into those eyes, the brilliant blue eyes that had been the first color I ever saw. There were tears gathered in them.

"Link... it's not your fault. You're not the one who made me hate you." Fear shuddered through me. I was approaching the edges of something I dared not think about. Link wasn't the one who had done this to me. No. Someone else had done this. I closed my eyes, trying to think. Link... a spark of anger kindled. Link was making me think, and that was making me afraid, hurting me. I should hurt him. I gritted my teeth, trying to fight down the flare of rage.

Link's hand lifted from mine, and then the music began again. He was playing once more. It cleared my mind, freed me from the clutching rage. I tried to focus, to think. Why did I hate my other half? He was me, I was him. Why should I hate the one who was so like me? I shuddered, feeling fear try and reach me, even through Link's song. He was like me... like me except... like me except for the darkness, because I was his shadow. But I remembered our conversation. I was left-handed too. I wasn't his opposite, I was him, just darker. And the darkness had come... from... from before I had awakened. I remembered it suddenly, the way I had seen all his memories twisted, all that he had been put into a new, dark frame. Darkness was stronger than light. The spell that created me had contained that knowledge. And it had also contained... a purpose!

And then I knew. I didn't hate Link because of what he had done. Any reason I might have come up with was only an excuse. I hated Link because I had been created to hate him. My purpose, the purpose that had been the whole of my being before he set foot in the Water Temple, was to kill him. That was the only reason I existed. Ganondorf had made me, and put hatred and darkness into me, and now he was dead. I was nothing but a construct, a clockwork toy made of magic, set to kill his enemy, discarded because I had failed.

I wasn't even Link's shadow, I was nothing at all.

Tears streamed down my cheeks. Link should have left me to die in the Water Temple. He should have left me behind on Hyrule Field. He should have let me drown when I attacked him.

The song stopped again, and Link's arms were around me, holding me as I sobbed. "It's all right," he murmured. "It's all right Dark."

"I'm not Dark," I said through my tears. "I'm nothing. I shouldn't exist. You should have let me die!"

"Don't say that. You're not nothing, you're Dark, you're my shadow. You're my friend."

"No. I'm not. I can't be. I was made to kill you, that's all I am. A... a... a weapon, a toy with a sword, that's all. I can't be your friend. I have to hate you."

"That's why you hate me? Just because you were made to?"

"Yes." Tears were still streaming down my cheeks. I wanted to curl up and cease existing, just let myself fade away.

"Then it's Ganondorf's magic that makes you hate. But any spell can be broken..."

"The spell that makes me hate is the spell that made me. If you break it I'll cease to exist. But maybe you should. Why did you save me, Link? Why didn't you just go on with your quest and leave me to die like you should have?"

"Because you were so like me. You were no mindless monster, you were my match, a warrior like myself, even if you were also just my shadow. And I could imagine what it would be like to die alone, in pain. I couldn't do that to you."

"You should have."

"No." Link's voice was firm. "No. There has to be something, some way to free you."

"There's nothing. You should just leave me. I can never be your friend."

Link's face hardened, and there was a light of determination in his eyes. "You can be. You've sparred with me for months. You've followed me all this way. You've played music with me, and talked with me, you even kissed me, for the Three's sake! So you've hated me, so what? That's not you, that's Ganondorf's magic. I refuse to accept that there's nothing to be done."

"I am Ganondorf's magic, that's all I am!" Frustration rose in me, and sparked hatred to life again. "And if you try to be my friend, you'll have to guard your back every second, because I will try to kill you any chance that I get!"

"Well so be it then! I'm a hero, I'm supposed to always be on my guard anyway. You'll just keep me extra alert!"

"That's madness."

"Then I'll be mad. But I believe there must be a way to counter the spell that makes you hate me without killing you."

"The spell and me and one and the same."

Link paused and his brow furrowed. "No. They can't be. Else you'd die when I play the song that makes you lose your hatred, Dark."

My breath caught. He was right. His music freed me from hate, and yet left me alive. "But you can't play constantly, and it wears off after you stop. It's wearing off now, I can feel it."

"So can I," said Link with a sigh. "So it won't be that easy. But it's possible. It has to be."

"Then... then what do we do?"

"We continue. I was leaving Hyrule in search of someone who needed the Hero of Time. I wanted to find a new quest, and I think I've found one. So we'll journey on, and seek, and explore the wide world out there, and somewhere we'll find a wizard, or an artifact, or a sage, something or someone who can free you."

"But... why? Why quest just to save me? I'm just one person. I'm not even a person, I'm a shadow, and less than a shadow. Surely you'll find others who need you more."

"You're my friend, Dark. That's all the reason I need."

"I am still going to try to kill you. I won't be able to help myself."

"You've been trying to kill me all this time and I'm still here. I'll manage. Trust me."

I looked up at him, looked into those deep blue eyes, and something rose up in me. Hatred flicked there, somewhere at the center of my being, but something else rose above it, overpowered it, and filled me to the brim. Tears gathered in my eyes again, but they were sweet tears, and I found I was smiling as I looked up at him. "I trust you," I said, and although I was sure it was madness to do so, I knew that it was true.