I have not written anything angsty in a while, so here is this little one shot. The fluff should resume after this.
For more fluff (and angst) check out my story "In the Midst". Chapter 24 was just uploaded yesterday.
Enjoy!
The Five Times Emma Swan Lost Killian Jones
The first time Emma Swan lost Killian Jones it was fake. Her father, or a cruel portrait of him, ran him through with his sword, vengeance in his eyes. Emma tried to remember it was not real, just an alternate universe.
It did not work though. She kept seeing him die, his last moments playing over and over in her mind. The pain killed her, knowing that she had never once told him how she truly felt, how much he meant to her. Even in a timeline where he did not remember her he was still willing to sacrifice everything for her and she could not even tell him how much she cared for him.
The second time Emma Swan lost Killian Jones she was in denial. They were supposed to have a future, but that dream was cut by Excalibur. The wound on his neck was deep and incurable. With Killian's loss of blood, Emma lost all sense of reason. She would do whatever it took to keep him with her. They would have their future no matter what it took.
Even if whatever it took was darkness. Emma did not care what happened to her, as long as he got a chance to live. But the darkness changed him and transformed him into someone she did not even know. He was not the man she had lost.
The third time Emma Swan lost Killian Jones it was her fault. This time, it was her that ran him through with a sword, tears in her eyes. He whispered "It's Okay" and "I love you" as she ended his life, letting him die a hero.
This time he died the man she loved, which made it hurt all the more. Their future was gone.
The fourth time Emma Swan lost Killian Jones was the first time she lost him knowing they were true love. They were in the pits of the Underworld, trying desperately to save him. The fact that they were in fact true love warmed Emma's heart, but the idea of having to lose him just moments after that revelation killed her.
The guilt ate her up inside, but she did not show it. She had to be strong-for Henry, for her family, for herself. Killian wanted her to get home safe and not put that armor back on and for him she would try.
The fifth time Emma Swan lost Killian Jones was in his sleep. He passed quietly, laying in a hospital bed after seeing his loved ones. He had joked with her earlier in the day that he might have to break his promise and leave her, just this once, but Emma told him that even death could not separate them.
It was different this time, knowing how much time they had been able to have. She could not look at his limp body without thinking of their life together. Their children mourned his death and the rest of the heroes that were living, along with new ones who had come up along the way, honored the death of a brave fighter. Killian Jones was a name that would always be remembered in Storybrooke.
Though it pained her to see him go, she knew it would be the last time she would have to lose him. She passed a few months later and they were reunited, able to move on together. In the light, their youthful bodies were returned to them, giving them a chance to relive their story.
Only this time, she would not have to lose him. Ever.