I revert my eyes to the approaching train, refusing to share a single glance with the armed men beside us. They smack and beat us with the blunts of their guns, herding us like cattle while shouting in impatience and anger. Move along, they demand in German tongue. Pushing people forward, they cause some to stumble and fall into the accumulating mud from the heavy rainfall pouring down on us. Most of us -being in our pyjamas or other lightweight clothing- shiver and huddle close together to keep warm. I attempt to maintain a deadpan expression as I keep a tight grip on my sister's hand, which is cold and trembling within mine. One of the soldiers notices me quickly, seeing as I was on the outside end of the group in plain sight. He sneers and points the barrel of the gun at my head, jabbing it repeatedly as if trying to prove a point. We both stop and allow the others to pass us. My sister looks worried, but I just keep my focus on the train, now screeching to a loud, piercing halt. He isn't going to shoot. He wouldn't waste the bullet. As predicted, he doesn't, and only glares daggers at me before whacking me over the head with the rifle. I briefly shut my eyes tight and hiss in pain, afterwards holding Laura closer as to avoid becoming separated while people in the front are unceremoniously loaded onto the rusty death trap of a train. We get to the front of the line. Laura frantically looks around for our parents one last time. I decide to subtly snap her out of her fearful stupor, shirking any last hope she had at freedom. I always have been the realist, I suppose. I shake my head at her and lift her small frame up onto the train. She looks down at me, tears pricking the corners of her eyes. Her golden locks now messy and sopping, pieces and strands slicked onto her face from the rain, her baby blue nightgown soaked and tattered. Never in my life had I thought that one day, I'd be sending us both off to our death. My face soon bears sadness in place of indifference. I feel my weight suddenly become heavier for a moment but enter the train anyways, as a reminder of harsh reality is painfully brought to my lower back.
My eyes open up to a dark and cramped space. My skin is cold against the chilled clothing of others and my own. We were like a can of sardines. I find myself holding Laura close, her sleeping form resting against my chest. I let out a soft sigh; we're safe, for the time being. I watch the slow rise and fall of Laura's breath, her stomach tediously expanding at inhalation. It relaxes me, albeit for a short period of time. I can't tell how long I've stayed like this, since the train has no windows or unlocked openings. Laura soon shifts in position, causing me to jolt to attention. She rubs her eyes and looks up at me, still disheveled. Some of the people around us grumble and groan as they feel our movements. I mumble a quiet apology to the passengers and receive no response.
"What time is it?" Laura whispers to me before letting out a drawn out yawn. I gently pat her head.
"Go back to sleep. It's probably still too early." I say as quiet as I can, still mindful of the others around us. I honestly have no idea what time it is. But assuming what we've gotten ourselves into, I knew she would need as much sleep as she could get.
"I'm not tired, honest." She whines, absent-mindedly increasing in volume. I quietly shush her.
"Others need their sleep, and so do you." She apologizes and we stand in silence. I feel her boredly fiddle with my hair before even that ceases to entertain her. Another prolonged silence. I decide to continue sleeping as well, now unable to ignore the looming fatigue. I close my eyes and begin to drift off.
... "Jan."
Or not.
I crack open one eye and let out a soft grunt.
"It's nighttime."
I open both eyes and look over at her. She points to a thin crack inbetween the wooden plank wall beside us. It's too low for me to look through standing straight, and there's no room for me to move to any other significant position. However, Laura's short stature allows her to see the outside world.
"The stars are so bright, I wish you could see them. There's not a cloud out there, I can see Orion!" She whispers, a smile making it's way across her face. I let out a soft chuckle.
"Sounds beautiful." I ruffle her hair gently. "But I'm afraid somebody has to get her rest." Laura frowns before nodding. She rests her head back down on my chest and sighs.
"I wish I could be with the stars. It'd be so much fun. Don't you think?" I lay my head back against the plank wall behind me and look up at the roof of the train, noticing that the train has become brighter, if only slightly.
"... I guess. I hadn't thought about that before."
I hear muffled voices slowly fill my mind as I reach the end of my dream. I debate on whether or not to wake up, but my body decides for me as I do so anyways. Most of the others on the train are now awake, worriedly whispering to each other and some crying. I wonder if something had happened or if they're simply realizing they might not make it out alive from this endeavour. I feel Laura gripping my shirt and crying quietly into my chest. I frown and wrap my arms around her. She tightens her grip and lifts her head up towards me.
"Jan, she died last night."
I raise an eyebrow.
"Who did? What happened?"
She lets out a shaky breath and I wipe away the tears slowly rolling down her face.
"Van Dijk, the cold got to her. We tried to find a way to help, but she refused."
My eyes widen a bit, but I nod slowly. Mrs. Van Dijk was an elderly woman who's husband died a few years back. She had his small farm all to herself, and would often provide us with eggs and fruits. She was very kind, but reserved. Our parents would offer her recompense for the food she provided, and she would always gratefully decline. "At this age, I have no need for materialism. I just want to go with satisfaction, that I've brought something positive to this world.", she would always say. I suppose in that respect she achieved what she had wanted, which is mostly likely why she let herself go without a fight. I return my focus to Laura and rest my chin on her head, hugging her tightly.
"It's what she wanted."
Laura frowns.
"Do you think we're going to die here?"
I close my eyes and let out a long sigh. Even though I've had plenty of sleep, I feel exhausted.
"I don't know."
Suddenly, the train slows to a stop. Everyone begins to panic and cry, a couple banging against the locked door. I tense up; the way the train calmly slows down sends shivers down my spine. It scares me more than it would have with a sudden halt, the uneasy contrast in hospitality from our captors.
"Laura, get behind me."
She looks up at me and quickly adheres to my demand, making her way (although proving to be rather difficult) through the corner of the packed crowd to switch positions with me. She wraps her arms around my waist, beginning to tremble once more.
... Silence. No one moves, no one dares to even take a breath. There's shouting outside, but in our panic, it soon becomes white noise. Minutes pass, but they feel like hours.
The door makes a loud "snap" as it unlocks.
Even the people previously banging on the door remain planted in their place, now terrified of what could be on the other side.
Another minute passes, before the door quickly slides open (as if rehearsed) and we're met with a bloody storm of bullets. Before we know it, the crowd seems to have gotten a lot smaller.