Dark by S. Park

Part thirteen Cold Road

We had a few fine, clear days near the beginning of our journey to Questra. The trip became fairly pleasant during those times, especially as Link frequently got out his ocarina and played as we rode along at an easy pace. I was able, during those peaceful hours, to begin to picture what life might be like if our quest succeeded. But those days didn't last, autumn was closing in, and the road we traveled climbed steadily towards a distant mountain range, so the temperature fell as we continued our journey. Rain often drenched us, and we had been unable to afford a tent, so we had to find what shelter we could along the way. Most nights we found something, but there were a few where we simply plodded miserably along all night, for there was no shelter to be had, and trying to camp in the open during a storm was pointless.

Our course led us mostly among thick forest, so such nights were the exception rather than the rule, though I often wished for better shelter than an overhanging pine tree. But one afternoon as we followed the road along a high, rocky ridge with no sign of trees for miles, damp white flakes began sifting down on us.

I threw back my head and started shouting curses at the sky. But that only let the flakes land on my face, and I quickly lowered it and put up the hood of my coat. I still muttered imprecations against the snow as I huddled on Dust's back. This was not fair at all! It wasn't winter yet! It was still early autumn! Snow shouldn't be falling yet!

"We need to find a better camp site tonight," said Link, sounding worried.

"We need to do more than that. Link... even without the snow falling on us directly, if it stays below freezing all night we may freeze ourselves. Our blankets aren't enough. We need actual shelter, at least a tent of some kind, something that can keep the heat in."

"You may be right." Link's brow furrowed. "But there's nowhere to buy such a thing, and I have no money left in any case."

"There has to be something we can do. I mean, we can put our bedding together again tonight, that will probably be enough. But with this cold coming on so fast, I'm not sure that will suffice for the rest of the journey. We're barely more than half way there."

Link nodded. His brow was furrowed in thought, and I remained quiet, letting him think. I was worried enough that biting back my by now habitual irritated cursing was easier than usual.

"Of course!" he suddenly said. "I can get everything I need back at Hyrule castle, I won't even need to pay, I don't think. They owe me a few."

"But how will..." I stopped, the answer to the question coming to me before I finished asking. "The Ocarina there, and Faore's Wind back?"

"Yes. Though I've never used it over such a distance. But it should work. Although if it doesn't..." He pondered that. "I'll be leaving you alone in the cold, and I'll be on foot again in Hyrule. I'll be weeks and weeks catching up with you again."

"And meanwhile I'll have frozen solid. This is another reason why I hate magic, you can't trust it."

"But if it's too far for Faore's Wind to carry me back, it will probably be too far for the ocarina to carry me out in the first place," said Link. "And as you said, tonight will probably not be all that bad, it's the nights to come we really need to worry about. You'll have two horses, you can ride pretty fast if you push them. If I don't turn up in a couple of hours, turn around, ride as hard as you can back to that last village we passed a couple of days ago. They should be able to shelter you there."

I muttered another curse under my breath, but nodded. It was as good a plan as any.

"All right. Here goes then." Link dismounted. I swung down as well and took Epona's reins. He stepped a few paces away and, with a few brisk gestures, performed the spell. I watched with interest as a green whirlwind formed around him, then dissipated. He nodded in approval, apparently it had worked. He pulled out his ocarina and lifted it to his lips. I heard the familiar tune of the Prelude of Light, and then with a swirl of golden sparks he was gone.

I waited, leaning against my horse. The snow continued to sift down. The flakes were small and damp, it was barely below freezing, but their wetness almost made it wore, for they melted and soaked in immediately, rather than staying on my clothing to be brushed off. Soon I was shivering and stamping my feet. I led the horses around in circles just to keep us all warm.

Inside me a slow panic was beginning. What if he had left me on purpose? What if he had decided to give up the quest and just go back to Hyrule? I'd never learned Faore's Wind myself, only Din's Fire. I had nothing but his word about how it worked. And my ocarina was the fairy ocarina, not the ocarina of time. It was a little magical, but I actually didn't know if I could use it to warp at all. I had no memories of Link doing so.

Hatred flared brightly, thinking that he might have betrayed me, might be trying to escape me rather than aid me. And twisted with it was fear. Link was my friend. If he had left me, that meant he didn't want my friendship. The darkness within me raged against him, the light trembled in terror. What would I do if he didn't come back? I tried to reach for that sense of him, the bond I had followed when I first chased him across Hyrule Field, but I couldn't sense anything. He must be too far away. Or he had gone somewhere I couldn't reach, like he had when Zelda first tried to send him home. What if he were going back to tell Zelda about me and have her find a way to send him back in time after all, where I could never follow?

It had been at least an hour. He had said to wait for two. But what if it took longer than that and I left? If he came back and found me gone, wouldn't he assume that it was I who'd abandoned him? But no, surely he had abandoned me. Back in Hyrule, safe and warm, why would he want to come back to this cold hell just for me?

I jogged a little faster, the horses trotting after me. The snow was starting to stick on the ground, and we left a circular track in it, going around and around the place where Link had stood before he vanished.

Suddenly a flare of green light interrupted my panic. In an instant Link stood there again, a bulky bundle clutched in his arms.

"Link! You came back!" Every inch of me was relieved, even the part that hated him, for his return meant he hadn't escaped my vengeance after all.

"Of course I did," he said, looking faintly puzzled. I immediately regretted my outburst, my worries had obviously been foolish. "Come on, let's get off the road and at least find some kind of nook to pitch the tent in." I nodded and followed him silently. My emotions were confused and chaotic. I was irritated at myself for getting all worked up over nothing, and paradoxically I was irritated at Link for causing it, even though it was hardly his fault. At the same time I was incredibly relieved that he had returned. I wanted to never let him out of my sight again.

There were no convenient caves or handy temple entrances to be found, so we made do with a natural alcove where three enormous boulders provided shelter from the wind. We had to clear a few inches of snow before beginning, but the tent itself was thick-walled and small enough that our bodies began to heat it almost as soon as we crawled inside. I was still chilled to the bone though, and I wrapped myself up in my bedroll as well and huddled in a ball, with the blankets pulled over my face to keep every bit of warmth inside.

I let out a squawk of alarm when I felt the edge of the blankets pulled up. Cold air came in, but then a warm presence pressed against me. "Let me help you get warm," Link said. "You must be near frozen after having waited for me." I turned to him and wrapped my arms around him, pressing close. I still felt the aftermath of my earlier panic, and I clung to him as if I could keep him there with me forever. He put his arms around me as well, and held me. I felt suddenly as if I might cry. I tried to fight it. Why was I such an emotional wreck? Surely a simple spell to make me hate couldn't explain the mess I was in? Something must be wrong with me, even without the spell. "It's all right," said Link softly. I hated and resented his useless words and at the same time I was comforted by them, by his care and closeness. I trembled, feeling like I might go to pieces entirely, just fly apart in a dozen different directions.

"Dark? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Everything. Just me, that's all. I'm coming to pieces. I'm a failure at everything." I knew he could hear the tears in my voice, and hated myself for it.

"Oh Dark. It's all right. You're not a failure. You just have a terrible burden to bear."

I couldn't come up with any answer to that, I just started crying in earnest, tears running down my cheeks. Link held me tighter, and started to stroke my hair. "You're not a failure," he repeated softly.

I wanted to cry against his shoulder. I wanted to lash out, to hit him and hurt him. I wanted to scream at him. I shuddered again, fighting against what seemed to be a hundred different impulses.

Then Link ran his fingers through my hair, pulled me close, and kissed me.

Everything froze for an instant. All the other urges I felt were transformed by this one act, and while turmoil still churned in me I couldn't do anything but kiss him back with everything that was in me. He had kissed me gently, but I couldn't find any gentleness to return to him, I kissed back with a furious passion, hot and intense. It was an outlet for all I felt, and he returned it with matching passion, if not matching fury. We pressed together for a small eternity, our lips locked, our tongues twisting together, our arms around each other, bodies pressed close.

Link was the one who pulled back first. He was panting hard, practically gasping for breath. My own breath was coming fast and my heart was racing. Link was trembling now too, some strong emotion working on him. I still felt as though I were in the midst of a whirlwind, wanting I don't even know what. How could I know? I had no experience at this, no more than he did. But something in me wanted to love him and hurt him all at once, and when he continued to hold me close I pressed my face against his shoulder and kissed him, at the spot where neck and shoulder joined. Then I bit him there, an atavistic shudder going through me as my teeth touched his flesh. I didn't know, even as I did it, whether I was truly trying to harm him or whether this was just another expression of the passion that gripped me. He let out a soft, shocked cry. But the sound was not entirely a sound of pain, and as I bit again he moaned and held me closer. I was startled to realize I was growling, a low sound deep in my throat, as I bit in.

"Ah, Dark!" Link let out another cry, this one more pained, and I tasted blood. It sent an incredible thrill through me. Link's blood in my mouth seemed like the most wonderful thing I had ever tasted. I bit in harder, wanting more.

He shuddered, and though there was still passion in it, mostly I heard pain from him now. "Dark... goddesses... please stop! Ahh!" I wanted to bite harder still, I wanted to just hurt him, take out rage and passion together on his flesh, but somehow, somehow, his words reached the part of me that didn't hate him. It rose up and fought against the part that did, and after a long, terrible moment when he cried out in pain again, I let go and pulled back.

He was panting, taking deep, shuddering breaths. I'd hurt him, really hurt him. I tried to push away from him, to climb out from the blankets and flee, but he held me tightly and wouldn't let me go.

"I'm so sorry!" I started to cry again, feeling even worse than I had before.

Link took a deep breath and let it out in a long sigh. His arms were still tight around me and his voice was amazingly calm as he said, "It's all right Dark. Shh. Be still. It's all right."

"It's not all right, I hurt you."

"I'm fine. I've been hurt much worse than this before, you know that. It's all right." I stopped fighting to escape, and he once more began to stroke my hair. "There, it's fine, you'll be fine. And I'm not hurt. I'm the one who started it anyhow, so if anyone should be sorry it's me. You didn't do anything wrong."

"I..."

"No, don't argue with me. It's all right. I was enjoying myself, mostly. I just forgot that you have fangs." His voice was still calm, amused even. It calmed some of my frantic, almost panicked fear at having harmed him. Though it also, at the same time, sparked another flash of anger. He was laughing at me!

Link started humming, repeating a soft, familiar, melodic phrase over and over. It was one I'd heard him weave into his playing many times, especially recently. I started to relax a little. Somehow, even without the ocarina, it was soothing. Not quite as soothing as the magical instrument, perhaps, but enough to calm me, to let me release some of the anger and confusion that had trapped me. "There, that's better."

I sighed. I didn't feel entirely calm, but I was at least a little bit more rational than I had been a moment ago. Though tears still trickled from my eyes. "I'm sorry," I said again.

"Don't be sorry."

"Why shouldn't I be? I hurt you!"

"Barely." Link lifted his hand and fingered the spot where I'd bitten him. "I could take the tiniest possible sip of healing potion and it would be gone. And this was my fault. I'm the one that kissed you."

"Yes, but a normal person would have just kissed you back, not assaulted you."

Link chuckled again. "How do we know what normal people do? Neither of us has the least clue what constitutes normal when it comes to kissing. Unless you're hiding some secret store of kissing lore?" He raised his eyebrows inquisitively at me, and I couldn't help but smile.

"You know I'm not. If anything I know less than you."

"That would hardly be possible," said Link wryly. "But what I'm getting at here is there's no need to upset yourself. I liked it, actually. Just maybe not quite that, uh, violent next time."

I blinked at him. "N-next time?"

"Yes, next time. This makes four times we've kissed, if I'm counting correctly, and I think that establishes a bit of a pattern."

I scowled. "I only kissed you because I knew it would put you off balance."

"And is that why you kissed me back like that just now?"

"I... no." I looked away from him, feeling embarrassed and uncertain. "I don't really know why... I don't know what I feel. Too many different things. Too much confusion."

Link sighed softly. "I'm not entirely sure of what I feel myself, to tell you the truth."

"But if there's going to be a next time, I'm going to end up hurting you again," I said, feeling my irritation grow as I argued with him. It twisted with fear, that I might somehow do him serious damage, and that he would give me the chance to do so because of how he felt. And that in turn twisted with eagerness. I could take advantage of this...

"Calm yourself, Dark. Should I go get the ocarina?"

With an effort I wrenched myself away from that train of thought. "Maybe, I don't know. Even when you play it I'm still such a confused mess."

"It doesn't require dark magic to make someone confused about his feelings, believe me."