Dark by S. Park

Part seventeen Resolutions

The Master Sword clattered to the ground, blood splattering around it where it hit. Link dropped to his knees in my shadow. I was in light, but he was in darkness. That wasn't right.

I couldn't think, my mind was numb, broken. All I could see was red, red everywhere, as though my own eyes were tinting my sight.

Link stayed on his knees, his hands braced on the flagstones, and he refused to fall. Blood soaked his back, and I could hear it, hear drops of it hitting the ground beneath him. I could hear his breathing too, and it sounded wrong, wheezing and bubbling strangely. He turned his head, looked up at me, and blood trickled from his mouth.

His eyes met mine. Blue, so brightly blue even in my shadow.

My paralysis broke. I dropped to my knees by his side, heedless of the blood that soaked the floor, and dug frantically in my pouch. When we had divided up the jars, had I taken the fairy, or had he? I couldn't remember. I pulled out a jar. Potion. Not good enough. I dropped it. The second, potion again. The third, potion. Curse it! Was he carrying the fairy? Would I have to waste precious seconds trying to get at his bag? Then I pulled out the fourth jar and it glowed pink.

I pulled the cork and released the fairy, my heart in my throat. He was still alive, still not fallen to the ground. How he stayed up I didn't know, but he did, somehow, and the fairy fluttered over to him, brushed against him with a sudden shower of gentle pink sparks, and in an instant the horrible sound of his breathing eased to normal.

Then he slumped to the ground, and for a moment I was terrified. Had the fairy failed? Had I been too late?

Gingerly, still half choked with fear, I rolled him over. He blinked up at me, his face drawn and pale, but those blue eyes were still clear and bright. He reached up to me and finally the knot of terror in my throat eased.

Link's hand cupped my cheek weakly. I put mine over his. "Damn you," I said softly, tears sliding down my cheeks. "Damn you, Link. You promised you wouldn't turn your back on me."

"I'm sorry," he said. His voice was too thin, too weak. It didn't sound like him.

"No, no, don't be sorry, this is all my fault. I shouldn't have come with you. I shouldn't have agreed to carry the sword."

"Shh, don't blame yourself Dark. If you hadn't fought with me the dragon might have got me. You're right, I broke my promise. I'm sorry. And I should have stopped, and played for you, when I felt how angry you were getting, I was too focused on just getting the book." He coughed suddenly, a wracking spasm that half choked him. I helped him roll over and held him while he coughed and coughed until the fear rose in me again and I wondered if the fairy hadn't been soon enough after all. He was coughing up blood, far too much of it. A fairy healed damage but it didn't replace blood lost, and it obviously hadn't been able to clear the blood from his lungs either, even though it had repaired the place where they'd been punctured.

Fairies could mend blunt trauma and broken bones as if they'd never existed, but a freely bleeding wound was much more dangerous.

When Link finally stopped coughing I picked up one of the discarded potion bottles and pulled the cork. I held it for him and he drank, the red of the potion no more vivid than the blood already on his lips. Then I laid him back on his back to rest and let the potion take full effect. He was smiling as he looked up at me. Something in me nearly broke to see that smile. How could he smile at me? I had done this to him. I was the reason he was lying there in his own blood.

Link looked deeper into the room and said, "Is the book there?"

I looked up. I hadn't examined the room we were in at all. It looked like a kind of shrine, the walls were covered in carvings that I think were meant to depict the Three, and there was an altar against the far wall. At first I didn't see anything that might be the book, but then I noticed a box sitting in one corner of the room.

I got up and went over to it. The box wasn't an ordinary chest, it seemed to be made of stone, and was flat on top. But the lid opened all the same, and inside there was a book. I picked it up. All this trouble over such a small thing. I felt a flicker of anger. Why hadn't Link listened to me? Bitter self-hatred immediately smothered anger. This wasn't Link's fault, it was mine, entirely mine.

Link had sat up when I returned. I handed him the book. "I wonder what this is?" he said. He opened it and flipped through a few pages, but the writing was in some language that neither of us knew. Link tucked it into his bag. "We should go."

I nodded and helped him to his feet. He swayed and had to lean on me for a moment. "Are you all right? We can rest longer?"

"Just a little light-headed. I'd rather not stay here."

"We'll go slowly then."

"You should get your sword," said Link, nodded towards where the Master Sword still lay, covered in blood.

I shuddered. "It's not my sword. I'm not touching it again."

"Dark..."

"No! You never should have given it to me! I won't take it!"

Link sighed. "We can't leave it here, Dark. It's the Master Sword and even if you don't want it, somebody has to carry it. Forgive me if I'd rather not right now."

"I... I'm sorry." I went over and picked up the blade. I felt as though it should have changed somehow, been tainted by how I'd misused it. Or perhaps that it should burn my hand, since I was no longer worthy to touch the sacred blade. But it felt the same as always. I wiped the blade clean and sheathed it. "All right. But I should just put it in your bag. I don't want to carry it, Link. I don't want to risk hurting you again. We don't have any more fairies."

"I'm in no condition to fight, Dark. What if we run into more monsters? We can't be sure we've completely cleared this cave of them. You need to carry it."

"Link, please... I can't! I'll kill you this time, if I attack you again. I can't do it."

"We might both die if you don't."

"I'd rather die. I should be dead. You should never have saved me, Link. I'm so sorry." There were tears in my eyes again, hurt and fear and self-hatred twisting inside me.

"Dark..." Link put his arms around me, and stroked my hair. "You don't have to be sorry. It's not your fault."

"It is. I'm the one who nearly killed you."

"Ganondorf is the one who put a spell on you, blame him if you're going to blame anyone."

"I still can't be trusted. Please Link, I can't."

"I'll play for you," said Link. "Your song, so that you don't need to worry. Please Dark, you need to carry the sword."

"I... all right."

Link ended up having to hum, for he was too weak to walk far without leaning on me, and with one arm over my shoulders he couldn't play, but it was enough. The soft notes in my ear calmed and stilled me, and I was able to support him without fear as we made our way out of the cave.

He turned out to be wiser than I, for we encountered several more of the keese-demons. Link merely stood aside while I fought them. I killed them with dark brutality, taking out the hatred that I felt for myself on the creatures. For I was away from Link's song while I fought, and while I smothered any hint of anger at him, I couldn't so easily stifle the anger I felt towards myself. He should have left me to die, back in the Water Temple. He should have left me to die and none of this would have happened.

Finally we emerged into the entrance cavern. The horses were still there. The snow was still gently sifting down outside. It had felt like an eternity, but in fact we'd only been gone a few hours.

I tended to Link. I built a small fire and melted snow to clean him. I took off his ruined clothing, and washed his bloodstained skin. The horrible wound I'd given him had closed, there wasn't even a scar, but he was still weak, and he let me tend him without protest. I tucked him into the bedroll when I was done, and he immediately fell asleep.

Then I took care of myself, stripping off my stained clothing. I removed the Master Sword from my back and set it on the far side of the cavern. I swore I would never touch it again. I tended to the horses, made sure they were comfortable and had enough food. With that done, and with nothing left to do, I climbed inside the tent and sat, watching Link sleep. His face was pale, and he looked horribly fragile. Guilt took hold of me as I looked down on him. Guilt and fear. What if the old man was wrong, and whoever he knew couldn't remove my curse, what then? I would certainly keep trying to kill Link and eventually I was going to succeed. This had been all too close, and now we were out of fairies. But even with a full supply I might still manage to kill him. If I'd been just a few seconds later reaching that jar...

I could try to leave him, but that was futile too. Once I fell back into hatred I would seek him out again, I knew I would. I could remember plotting to kill him only hours ago. I'd plot again, and try again, and keep trying until he was dead.

There was only one solution that would work. If my curse of hatred couldn't be lifted, I would have to kill myself.

That thought was, surprisingly, a relief. I felt a gentle peace sift down over me. There was a solution to this problem, even if the sage's solution failed us. I could end this, and leave Link alive, free to be the hero he needed to be, free to continue to fight and protect those who couldn't fight for themselves. That was who he was, what he needed to do. He didn't need to constantly guard his back against his shadow.