New chapter, quite long, hope you'll enjoy it!

Cuddy wakes up suddenly. Her cell phone rings. She looks at the alarm clock, it's 1.00am. She looks at her phone, it's displaying Wilson. Without talking to him, she knows that something serious happened. And it has to do with House. And it's with a voice filled with fear that she picks up.

-What happened?

-Cuddy, it's… it's House.

-What happened, Wilson? Tell me, she shouts and feels her eyes filling with tears, her heart skipping a beat.

-He had an accident, a truck hurt him

-Is he still alive? She barely dares to ask.

-Yes, but he's in a critical state. He's in a coma, he has a subdural hematoma. And his right side was badly affected too. He's still in the operating room, they try to save his leg and his arm

-Oh my God… Lots of horrible thoughts and images come to her mind. And some regrets too. She feels dizzy, has difficulty to breathe. What if he dies and she can't talk to him? What if he doesn't know she forgave him?

-Cuddy?

-Where is he?

-At Princeton Plainsboro

-Ok, I'm coming.

-But … Wilson can't end his sentence, Cuddy has already hanged up.

Without thinking, without being aware of what she is doing, she calls her sister, tells her she brings her Rachel. She gets dressed, wakes Rachel, puts her in the car and drives as fast as she can to Julia.

-Cuddy! What happened?

-Julia, I can't explain you right now, just take care of Rachel

-Hey Cuddy! Tell me, why are you so shattered?

-I … I have to go, Julia

-Cuddy! Look at you! You're shaking, you can't drive in such a state! It's crazy! Come in a few minutes and calm down

-No, I can't I have to go!

-But why? Why are you so in a hurry? Is someone dying?

-Yes, I hope I won't be too late. Bye

-Who is it? She hears Julia shouting in her back.

-It's House, she replies, gets in her car and drives like a bat out of hell to the hospital. Julia isn't sure to have understood what her sister said, but she has a bad feeling about all this. She thought Cuddy had broken up with House because she had understood she could never fully rely on him. And now, she tears along in the middle of the night to be at his side. It's obvious, she'll never understand her sister about her choice of man.

Cuddy finally arrives at the hospital and runs to the OR. A few nurses look at her surprised, they wonder why Dr Cuddy is so in a hurry at 1.30am. Wilson is here. He turns to Cuddy as she nears him. He looks worried. Cuddy wants to get into the room but Wilson hold her back.

-No, Lisa, let them do their job. It's difficult enough, they don't need some more pressure.

-But I want to see him, Wilson! I need to see him, to talk to him! She replies crying. I want to be by his side…

-Lisa, I can assure you, you'd better stay out of the operation room.

-No, Wilson! Let me in!

Wilson tries to keep her out, when they suddenly hear a terrifying sound, a long beeeeeeeeeeeeeep. They exchange a glance and Wilson can't keep Cuddy any longer, she runs into the room, shouting.

-Com'on House! You can do it! Don't let me alone, com'on! And she hits his chest violently with her fist and keeps shouting at him. Tears roll on her cheeks. After a few minutes, she feels someone trying to move her back and a soft voice says:

-Doctor Cuddy, I think it's over, his state was too bad, we did what we could but…

-No! It's not over, he can't die! Not now! And she hits House's chest one more time before two nurses take her away. Tears stream down her cheeks, her eyesight is blurred by grief. And she keeps whispering "House, you can't die, you can't die. There's so much things we need to talk about…"

-Doctor Cuddy, please, calm down.

Suddenly a beep sounds, then another one, and another one.

-House! Cuddy rushes to him, caresses his face, saying "I'm there, House, don't let it go" and then she makes way for the surgeons.

The surgery lasted 5 more hours. Cuddy remained silent and still. She kept her eyes locked on House's face. He looks so calm… When they take him to intensive care, she goes with him and sits down in a chair next to his bed, watching him, like a few years ago. The prognosis isn't encouraging: Dr Campbell said the surgical decompression went well, his arm should be ok, but his leg… And they have to wait for him to go out of the coma – if he goes out of it, which wasn't sure at all - to estimate the effects of the hematoma.

She sits there for one hour when her pager beeps. After a last look at House, she goes to her office. She's got the strange feeling that she's in a cloud: the sounds are muffled, her vision is blurred, people around her seem to move in slow motion. She finally reached her office after it had seemed like an eternity. Her assistant is waiting for her, he reminds her that she has a meeting in half an hour with the board of the hospital. Her face is pale and ravaged by tears and a sleepless night. She goes to her lavatory, changes her clothes and freshens up. Outwardly, she's ready to work. But inside of her, everything is ruined and dark.

-Dr Cuddy, they're waiting for you, says her assistant.

-I'm coming.

She thought this meeting would never end, but finally after 2 hours, they agreed about the main points and she went back to her office.

She sits there, at her desk, but is unable to work. The only thing she can think about at this time is House. And sweet memories come to her mind: the way he used to tease her about her boobs, her butt or her low cut top, the way they used to flirt together, their banter… and then this night where she went to him because she couldn't help it. She let Lucas down because after what House did this night, after the tension and the pain they shared on the scene of the accident, she knew he was the one. She finally admitted her love for him and wanted, more exactly needed to know if he and she could work, if he felt the same for her as she did, if they had, at least, a chance. And he gave her all she ever wanted, more than she ever dreamed of. She'll never forget this night. All the tenderness, all the love he gave her after all these years of repressed desire, of dancing around each other, of one step forward, two steps back. She's never been happier than with him, but then … their complicated mind, her "impossible standards" as her mother said, his fear of happiness, their doubts about a common future… all this began to nag at them. And finally she fell ill and he couldn't help but took vicodin to avoid pain, to hide behind walls of numbness to protect himself because that's just the way he is. But she didn't want to accept that he couldn't do otherwise. And she broke up. And the descent into hell began. He behaved self destructive, she tried to hide behind unconcern and indifference, he married Domenica to provoke her reaction but she did nothing, she was too proud… And now… now House is in a coma. And he may never go out of it.

-Hem, Cuddy, may I come in? Wilson says, looking at her, trying to estimate in which state of mind she is.

-Yes, of course. Any news?

-No. He's still in a coma but his state seems stable.

She nods, gets up, goes to the window and looks through it, she can't stand Wilson's look. After a few minutes of silence, she hears him coming next to her. She doesn't move. Wilson is close to her now, she can feel his breathing.

-Cuddy…

And suddenly she breaks down. Wilson takes her in his arms and lets her crying over his shoulder. He tightens her just like she did when he lost Amber. After a while, Cuddy calms down and looks at him.

-I'm so sorry, Wilson

-I know

-I'm so sorry for House, Wilson. If I had the courage to talk to him after I broke up, nothing would have ever happened. I knew – well I thought I knew him… I never could have imagined he would go so far, I never have thought he was caring so much about me, I…

-Hey Cuddy! You made mistakes, ok, but House has always been self destructive. In some way, he's a romantic, even a kind of Byronic hero… He always thought he didn't deserve to be happy, I never really found out why he felt this way, but the fact is that's who he is and no one will ever change that except himself.

-I know, Wilson, she replies whispering. But I thought I could do that, I thought I would be able to handle him and his pain, and… I was probably too self confident, too vain but I really thought that I could give him happiness and new perspectives in his life…. But I was wrong… and he was right… as usual

-No, Cuddy. You can't say that. I've never seen him happy except when you were dating him. He was happy with you…

-Do you think he'll survive?

-I … I don't know, his state is serious, the prognosis isn't good but… I hope he will

-Yeah, you're right, we can only hope

-If you need someone to talk to, you know where to find me, Wilson adds before leaving.

Cuddy waits a few minutes and takes her phone. She doesn't want to do it, but she has to. She doesn't want to see her, but she's his wife, she must be informed of his accident.

-Domenica? It's Doctor Cuddy. I call you because House had an accident, he's in a coma and he may die.

And she hangs up. These pills are really effective, she feels as nothing can reach her, she's numbed, she feels no emotion, no sadness, no bitterness, no anger or jealousy, just a floating sensation. But she also knows it won't last unless she swallows some more pills… Why did you come to me last night instead of going home? Why did you leave so quickly? Why didn't you take time to talk to me? Maybe if we had…

Someone knocks on the door that rouses her from her thoughts.

-Dr Cuddy, I'm sorry to disturb you, but there's a problem with a patient's family. I think you have to come.

Reluctantly, Cuddy gets up and follows Dr Hourani. After a few minutes of explanation with the family, they give their consent for the treatment and Cuddy goes to the intensive care to see House. A few meters before his room, she suddenly stops. Domenica is here with a young man. That's too much for Cuddy, she prefers to return to her office. Of course, she knew that House married her so she can obtain a green card, but she thought that Domenica liked House, she had never imagined she could have a boyfriend. On the other hand, it can be a good thing for House: he may request annulment of the marriage without problem… Well, if he ever goes out of his coma.

Finally, after a tedious administrative work, this long day ends. Cuddy goes home just to take a shower and change her clothes. Then, she takes some clothes for Rachel and drives to her sister.

-Lisa! Here you are! I was so worried after you left last night.

-How is Rachel doing?

-Fine, come and see

-Hey sweetie! How are you doing?

-Well mama, we played well with aunt Julia. And granny came too. Cuddy looks surprised at her sister.

-Why? Did you tell Arlene?

-Lisa, you should have seen you! You scared me, I thought our mother had to know.

-Why? She never showed any interest for me

-Lisa! You know that's not true, she cares about you… in her own way

-Julia, I can't stay, I need to go back to the hospital, can you take care of Rach for a few days?

-Lisa, I'm not sure that's the right thing to do. Where was he when you were ill? Where was he when you needed him? Tell me!

-Julia, not now

-I simply don't understand you, Lisa.

-I don't ask you to. Just take care of Rachel.

After a hug to her daughter, Cuddy leaves. She doesn't really know why she does it, she just can't help it. No matter what happened between them, no matter what will yet happen, House needs her and she needs to be by his side. Once near him, she takes his hand in hers and begins to caress it softly, whispering "House, don't let go, please, don't let go. I need you". No reaction. He just lays on the bed, his head bandaged, his right arm and leg in a cast. And the regular beep indicating that his heart beats, that there's still a hint of life in this inert body. She sits down, folds her legs under her, and without letting go of his hand, she closes her eyes. Wilson watches her from the doorway of the room. He doesn't want to disturb them and leave. "House, you 've made a big mistake this time, this woman loves you, why did you hurt her so bad?"

A week went thus: Cuddy, who was only the ghost of herself, tried to run the hospital the day and spent her nights with House. Wilson tried to make her take some rest at home, but without success. He was worried about her, she lost weight and was so pale, he didn't know how she held out. But the fact was, she couldn't hold out much longer at that rate.

And after 8 days Cuddy's pager beeped: Dr House woke up! A few minutes later she was with him.

-House! Everything's gonna be ok, I'm here.

House stares at her a few seconds and says in a hoarse whisper: "Who are you?"