Toothless and I stayed out of sight for the rest of the day. I could hardly believe it. Snotlout had always disdained me. He only paid me any mind after I had appeared to be successful in the ring. And now, he had every right to hate me.
But he didn't. Because he was family.
I slammed my fist against the rock floor of the cave, angry with myself. Outside, a severe storm was raging. I could hear the hail beating against the ground as lightning lit up the surroundings. The storm was almost as wild as my emotions.
The storm subsided by that night, turning into a gentle rain. The sound lulled me to sleep.
The next morning came. The sky was bright and clear once again, but my mood hadn't changed much. I wanted only to go back to sleep to block it all out. But, the dragons had to eat, and I was worried about them if they fished for themselves. A dragon is vulnerable when it is focused on fishing, and I didn't want anyone killing one of them.
I had Toothless hold the other dragons behind a ways as I strolled across the island to a good fishing spot. As we passed through a misty glade, I heard Stormfly squawk happily, breaking from the brush behind me. She ran past me and stopped just short of a group of trees.
"Stormfly," Astrid cried happily, stepping out from behind a tree. "I missed you, girl." She patted Stormfly's head, moving her hand carefully around the Nadder's many spines.
After a minute, she looked at me. "Oh, Hiccup, you're here too," she said brightly.
"Yep. I'm here. Whatever I am now," I said.
Her expression sobered. "What do you mean?" she asked.
"I don't know. I'm just… not who I was. I don't know what I'm doing now. I can't turn back, but I also can't go forward. I'm just… I'm just stuck. I want to get out of this, this mess."
"Why don't you?" she asked.
"I can't. I can't turn my back on this now. I can't get away. I can't let them find the dragons' nest. They'd kill the dragons, and- and- and..." I slammed my fist against my arm. "And I can't." I groaned. "Snotlout was going to slit my throat," I said.
Astrid gasped, her eyes wide. "How'd you get away?" she asked. "When did you see Snotlout?"
"I came across him yesterday," I said. "He was going to kill me… I guess you know why." Astrid nodded somberly. "But he- he didn't. He said he couldn't kill his own family. And he said that family is family, no matter what."
"He's right, you know."
"Maybe. But look at them." I gestured toward the dragons from the arena. Barf and Belch playfully chased the Gronkle. The Monstrous Nightmare watched in amusement as Toothless and Stormfly play wrestled with each other. "These dragons are my family, too."
Astrid looked straight into my eyes. I stared back into hers. Suddenly, she brightened up. "Hiccup, I've got an idea. Are you willing to try it?"
"I'll try anything," I told her. "Anything you say."
"Be at our camp tomorrow afternoon," she said. "Bring the dragons." With that, she ran off, a hopeful tint coloring her cheeks.