The Heroes Parody Project
Season 5
Chapter 2
Disclaimer: Heroes is copyright its creator, Tim Kring, and NBC. I do not own anything, know or represent any of the cast or crew. This fan fiction is written purely for entertainment purposes only so please don't sue.
Peter: Previously on Buns Of Anarchy…
Peter Petrelli sits on the roof, overlooking The Petrelli Bakery. He reads some letters from his dead father…
Peter: These letters from my dead father will lead me on the correct path…
Arthur's Letter: Peter, you will surely pay for what you did! Just because I'm off the show doesn't mean you've seen the last of me!
Peter (crumpling the letters): I hate it when he does that! Doesn't he understand this isn't part of the show! Sheesh!
Peter walks into the hospital to visit his nurse girlfriend, Claire.
Claire: PETER! We've been over this!
Peter: Relax! I got this under control….you're not my girlfriend. You are however, a foreign exchange student named Manjula.
Claire: Nope! I'm out of here.
Peter: Can you at least read your line?!
Claire (leaving, deadpan): Peter, I don't trust your crazy mother.
Angela flings open the door to the bakery; she runs her fingers through her streaked hair. A man in a wheelchair comes up to her.
Professor X: Excuse me; you must be Rogue's mother. I need you to sign this permission slip to take the students on a class trip to Genosha to fight Magneto.
Angela: …..WHAT?!
Samson walks up to Peter.
Samson: Peter, I just wanted to remind you that I'm your step father.
Peter: That sounds like a conflict of interest!
They start slapping each other.
Peter bangs the gavel at the Buns Of Anarchy table.
Peter: I want to greet everyone at this wonderful meeting. Nathan…
Nathan (scratching his large beard): Here!
Peter: Hiro.
Hiro: Aye, laddie.
Peter: Terrible, keep working on that accent. Juicy!
Mohinder (in pain): Why!?...Why did I have to shave my head and get this silly tattoo?! Most shows use fake tattoos, you know!
Peter: I swear if one more person breaks the fourth wall….Matty Elvis!
Matt: Great Balls Of Fire!
Peter: Wow, that's just wrong. Tig?
Sandra (sporting some unconvincing facial hair): Present!
Peter: …..Um…
Sandra: And also present is Little Tig.
Muggles (also sporting some unconvincing facial hair): WOOF!
Sandra: That means he's also present.
Noah walks in somehow sporting less convincing facial hair than Sandra and Muggles.
Noah: Sorry I'm late.
He sees Sandra.
Noah: What are you doing here?! I said I was auditioning for the role of Tig.
Sandra: Your text said "Go audition for the role of Tig".
Noah: Damn auto correct!
Matt: Two Tigs?! Well a Wop Bop A Loo Bop A Lop Bam Boom!
Peter: Okay, meeting's adjourned. I need to get out of here before I throw up. (Reaches for the gavel)
BANG!
The gang walks outside of the club to their bicycles.
Peter: BICYCLES!?
That's right. Bicycles.
Peter: This is a show about motorcycles! We can't look bad and cool running around on these things! There's clickety clack thingies on the spokes for crying out loud!
Peter and the gang hop on top of their BICYCLES and ride off.
Peter: Could you at least take these stupid baskets off the handlebars!?
Hiro: There's a puppy in my basket!
Nathan: There are puppies in all of our baskets!
Peter: Of course there is.
Matt: Dalmatians! I love Dalmatians!
Sandra: I'm naming all mine Mr. Muggles Jr.!
Peter: Groan.
Peter and the gang arrive at The Patty Cake Place.
Peter: So, I heard some bozo is roughing up some of your girls. You must be the manager.
Niki: That's right. Oh, and thanks for typecasting me to look like a stripper. Real nice. (Eyeroll)
Peter: So, what kind of business do you run here?
Niki: Do you not know what Patty Cake is?
Peter: I…do not. Is it the clapping hand thing or is it some sort of cake?
Niki: We make cakes….we used to be called Fatty Cakes but it caused a stir in the overweight community. So now we call ourselves Patty Cakes and just do the clapping thing while we bake so people won't ask questions.
Peter: Why not just do the clapping thing instead of making cakes?
Niki: How the hell am I supposed to make money off of that!?
Peter: Make is sexy! Sing 'Miss Susie' and spice it up.
Niki: Miss Susie had a steamboat?! That's the unsexiest song in the world!
Peter: No it's not!
Niki: If you can make 'Miss Susie' sound sexy, I'll give you a million dollars!
Peter (sultry): Hey….Miss Susie….she had a steam boat…..and that steam boat….guess what?...it had a bell. Boop Boop Be Doop!
Niki: UGH! AWFUL!
Peter: If by awful you mean that I nailed it then yes, it was a giant awful mess!
Niki: And you didn't clap once.
Peter: …OH CRAP! I DIDN'T clap once!
Niki: Just find the jerk who trashed the place already! He's probably gotten married and had three kids by now.
Peter: Okay, what's your name so we can get back to you?
Niki: Here's my card.
Peter (looks at it): Your actual name is Patty Cake?!
Niki: So? You got a problem with that? You give me any crap and you'll have to deal with my brothers: Funnel, Pound, and Tasty!
Peter: They sound ferocious. Okay, we're on the case.
They walk out and see Sylar making off with one of their bikes.
Peter: There he is! Let's get him!
The rest of their gang hop on their bikes and chase after him.
Peter wheels up to him.
Peter: You're never going to get away with this!
Sylar: For the record, can you leave me an email or something whenever you idiots do these "skits"!? I thought we were filming the damn show!
Peter: I need something to take him down.
Hiro: I brought this from the shop!
Hiro hands Peter a French Baguette. He shoves it between the spokes of Sylar's bike, sending him flying.
Sylar: AHHHHHHHHH!
Peter: Okay, boys. Let's rough him up!
The rest of the gang grabs their baguettes and starts wailing on Sylar.
Sylar: ACK! OW!...Hey, those smell delicious! ACK!...
They finish with him and group up.
Peter: Looks like the day is saved. Nobody messes with these Buns!
Hiro: ….
Nathan: ….
Matt: ….
Mohinder: …
Peter: ….All in favor to change the name of the club when we get back?
Everyone: Aye!
Peter: All approved. Meeting adjourned.
Peter pulls out a miniature gavel.
BANG!
Claire wakes up in her bed.
Claire: Another weird dream?! Man, I have got to get my head checked. I think I have something loose.
Claire rips off the covers.
Claire: And where the hell did all this bread come from!?
Sandra: Claire, get up! The family is starting a bakery. Do you want to know what we named it?
Claire (deadpan): Let me guess…Buns of Anarchy?
Sandra: Hmm. We were going to go with The Walking Bread, but yours is much better.
She leans out the door.
Sandra: NOAH! We're changing the name of the bakery again!
Noah (downstairs): What happened to "Yeastbound and Down"?!
Sandra (turning back): You just saved the business, Claire!
Claire: Oh goody...…Previously on Heroes. (Goes back to bed)
Claire checks her text messages.
Peter: The Redux program has been shut down, and I have restored the world to a new state. I am now an ambulance driver.
Noah: Pack your bags! The Bennets are taking a Duck Dynasty Vacation.
Niki and D.L are lying in bed.
Niki: Tracy, you're back from your vacation?
Barbara: I'm not Tracy, I'm Barbara.
She summons a knife from the other room and plunges it down on the bed as Niki and D.L fall through the ground and into the basement.
Tracy: I don't know what's going on.
D.L: So Barbara is Tracy's…Jessica?
Niki: Ugh, I hope not.
At Matt and Mohinder's dinner table.
Barbara: My funeral will be soon, I hope you all will attend.
Barbara flies out of the house, sending everyone flinging out of their chairs. She crashes through the roof and heads off.
Elle (to Samuel Sullivan): I don't know what you're up to. But it's bad! I know it.
Elle (to Sylar and Ted): You two with me. We're going to do some good ol' fashioned torturing.
Samuel (via telepathy): I know we lost the girl after the change. Get her back! The plan is still going forward.
Claire arrives at her job interview.
Hiro: Claire! It's good to see you again. Have a seat, we have much to discuss.
Niki: Micah's Graduation?!
D.L: Uh, yeah, he's graduating from High School. Where have you been?
A mysterious woman stands beside a man sitting in a chair. They are looking at a picture of The Sanders family.
Angela Petrelli
Downtown, New York
Not too far away from Downtown, Julie Brown
A limousine pulls up to the entrance of a fancy café downtown. Angela Petrelli steps out, shortly before being swarmed by photographers.
Paparazzi: Mrs. Petrelli! Over here!
CLICK! CLICK! CLICK! CLICK!
Angela makes her way into the café, and takes a seat. Sitting across from her is Kaito Nakamura and Bob Bishop.
Bob: What on Earth was that?
Angela: What? Oh…that?...It's just the Paps. They are always following me.
Kaito: That felt extremely staged.
Bob: That did feel staged. Did you invite us to brunch just so we could see you get your picture taken?
Angela: Don't be ridiculous!
Kaito: The photographers were hired.
Angela: What did I just say about being ridiculous!?
Bob: I have a feeling this is going to be one of your front page articles on The Petrelli Tribune, which I still get delivered to my porch three times a week against my will.
He pulls out his latest article.
Bob (reading): Peter finally learns how to separate his whites from his colors.
Angela (snatching the paper): That took 36 years! How is that not front page material!? Anyway, I didn't call you here for that.
Bob: You called us for brunch.
Angela: This place doesn't serve food.
Bob and Kaito look at each other.
Later, at an actual restaurant.
Kaito (watching his assistant cut up his eggs): So, what is this about?
Angela: I had a dream last night….
Bob: We haven't talked to you in months and you brought us here to tell us that!? Ever heard of a phone?
Angela: Let me finish. We all know I'm an expert when it comes to dreaming of the future.
Kaito: ..ish.
Angela: I have a feeling something bad is going to happen. And only the three of us, the three surviving founders of The Company, can stop it.
Kaito: Too old.
Angela: You're not too old. With us joining forces…
Kaito: I was talking about you…..Ha!
Angela: You're 14 years older than me, Nakamura. And you better watch that tongue or you'll end up in the obituaries of The Petrelli Tribune!
Kaito: Oh my….
Kaito gets up.
Kaito: I don't have time for this foolishness. I have to surprise my son with a visit to remind him how disappointing he is. Goodbye.
Kaito leaves. The assistant sits down and eats his breakfast.
Bob: So, about this dream?
Angela: It was unlike a dream I've ever had before.
Waitress: Are you ready to order?
Angela: Actually, I had a question. What in the world is a Patty Cake?
Niki Sanders
The Sanders Residence
Where the kisses are hers, and hers are his…
Matt (singing): Three's Company too!
Niki: Oh, shut up!
Matt: What was that for?!
Niki: Wait. Didn't we just leave your house? Why are you two here!?
Mohinder: In the name of science! I have been looking into our problem and it is apparent that Tracy has embodied the well…body…of your dead sister, Barbara.
Niki: That doesn't make any sense. Assuming the identities of my sisters is my thing.
Mohinder: Not necessarily. You three are triplets and most likely possess the same ability to inhabit the embodiment of a close one as a form of a coping mechanism. Like with you and your adoptive sister, Jessica.
D.L: And now Tracy with Barbara.
Matt: And Niki with Gina, the runaway scamp with a heart of gold that she met one time at summer camp.
Niki: What?! Gina wasn't even real, she was a persona I just made up….and assumed the identity fully, which kind of debunks your theory, Doc.
Mohinder: No, not really. Moving on…
Niki: ….
Mohinder: I don't think she means any real harm.
Niki: She almost stabbed us!
Matt: And she stabbed our roof….with her face….when she flew through it!
Mohinder: She kept saying that she died and wants us to go to her funeral. I say we do it.
Niki: That's nuts! I never even met her!
Mohinder: Maybe that's why! You never had a chance to meet your other sister. Maybe this is somehow a way of getting us all together to wish her off. Off onto the unknown.
Niki: The only thing off onto the unknown is your head! If she wanted us to attend her funeral, she could have at asked nicely instead of almost killing us! Has she never heard of a phone!?
Mohinder: Well, that's all I have for you now until I do more research. Yes….mmm…research.
Niki: Get out.
Mohinder: What I meant is that it's the only way we are going to save Tracy….at least for now.
Niki: Ugh…..fine. Let's go to the funeral.
Matt and Mohinder: YAY!
Niki: Now get the hell out of my house!
The Company
In An Elevator Shaft
Love in an elevator, Livin' it up when I'm….Uh oh, The cable snapped! AHHHHHHH!
A mysterious masked man tethers his way down the empty elevator shaft, passing by:
Chapter Two "Inky And The Brain"
He stops off at Level 5, prying open the doors with his hands. He makes it through and heads down the hall, past the security cameras, and into the holding areas. In his cell, Samuel Sullivan gets up and looks out and notices the man approaching him.
Samuel: What's this?
The man pulls out a book and flips through pages. He rips out a page and hands it to Samuel:
Man: Destroy this page in exactly 13 minutes.
The man leaves.
Samuel: Not who I was expecting to pick me up, but this will do, I suppose.
Samuel reads the page.
Samuel: Interesting.
12 minutes later. Elle shows up and beats on the cell.
Elle: Okay, stinky, time to hit the showers!
Elle opens the cell and follows Samuel down the hall to the shower area. He watches the clock.
:57…:58….:59…..:00
Samuel holds his hand to his mouth and coughs out the paper the man gave to him. He rips it up. He turns around to find Elle has disappeared.
Samuel: …..
Samuel takes off running down the hall, he makes his was down the stairwell and out the side door of the building as a car pulls up.
Elle walks into the holding area and up to Samuel's cell.
Elle: Okay, stinky, time to hit the show…
Samuel's cell is empty.
Elle (confused): …
Samuel gets into the passenger seat. The man is writing down in his notebook, his eyes are white.
Samuel: Um…thanks for this lift.
The man finishes writing and takes a deep breath. He closes his book.
The car speeds away.
HEROES
Claire Bennet
Hiro's Office
Comics and Figures and Lord of The Rings. These are a few of my favorite things!
Claire is walking around, messing with some of the collectibles in Hiro's office.
Hiro (walking in): Sorry to keep you waiting, Claire.
Claire: No problem.
Claire picks up a Star Wars Lightsaber. She turns it on and notices one of her fingers fall to the floor.
Claire: These things are real!?
Hiro runs over and snatches it out of her hand.
Hiro: Of course they're real. Please, sit.
Claire: Oh, sure.
Claire sits down at the desk. Her finger grows back.
Hiro: I've returned with your paperwork. Everything came back great, so you can start on Monday. Congratulations!
Claire: Great!...You still haven't told me what the actual job is yet.
Hiro: After the fall of Genesis: Redux, I've come to realize that we're all starting to get along in our years.
Claire: Speak for yourself, Mac!
Hiro: And I've realized that as much as I've saved the world over the years….
Claire (using her fingers): I count four….five tops.
Hiro: I think it's time to use my wisdom and experience to open up a school for gifted youngsters, ala Professor Charles Xavier, and train a new Generation of Heroes. The Next Generation. You see what I did there? Because Xavier was played by…
Claire: Yeah, I get it...not really. So um, isn't that what Micah's for? Him, Molly and technically myself are considered The Third Generation.
Hiro: Well, they're both kind of busy with the Graduation so we'll be skipping a generation.
Claire: I'm still here! I'm not doing anything!
Hiro: But you will be….as the school nurse.
Claire: School Nurse? But I don't have any medical experience.
Hiro: Not from what I've seen. You show great potential in the medical profession.
Claire: What? From my 30 seconds in the Buns Of Anarchy skit?
Hiro: Good point. I guess you'll just have to go to medical school.
Claire: That'll take years!
Hiro: Not with me around!
Hiro walks over, grabs Claire's shoulder and they both teleport out of the office.
Many years later.
Hiro and Claire appear outside of the school.
Hiro: Here we are! Nurse Claire is ready to go!
Claire: Um…I traveled with you. I didn't get to experience any of the time I spent here because I wasn't here.
Hiro: Oh right, I should have known that. Hold on.
Many years ago.
Hiro: Okay, we're back in my office. You sign up for medical school and I'll teleport into the future so I won't have to wait on you.
Claire: No! That plan sucks!
Hiro: Okay….hmm.
Claire: I'm assuming that the only reason you want me as a nurse is for me to inject my blood into patients whose heads fall off or something. I'll just do the job anyway.
Hiro: Not unlicensed, you won't. Pack your bags; we're going super power shopping.
Meanwhile, in one car.
Samuel gets on the phone.
Samuel (on the phone): I'm out of prison, thanks to our friend here.
Man: …
Samuel (phone): Where are you at?
In another car, parked outside of Mohinder and Matt's house. Lydia is on the phone while Edgar is eavesdropping on the house with surveillance equipment.
Lydia (phone): We're outside the Doctor's house. What's our next move?
Edgar: Some kid's graduating High School, some woman named Barbara died, and a woman flew out of the house.
Samuel: Are they still there?
Edgar: They went to the neighbor's house.
Samuel: Get the doctor and meet me back at the carnival. We'll deal with the girl later.
Edgar: So that's that. What do we do?
Lydia: Well, we can't just walk right up there. We might get recognized….and one of them can read minds.
Edgar: So….smash and grab?
Lydia: You're too violent, Edgar. I have a much more brilliant idea.
Later.
Edgar: You sure this is going to work? It sounds really stupid.
Lydia: Trust me.
Edgar leaves the car. Back in Niki's house, the doorbell rings.
Mohinder: I'll get it for no apparent reason.
Mohinder opens the door and finds a trail of papers leading from it to the car.
Edgar (hiding in the car, to Lydia): Subtle.
Lydia: Yes, I know.
Mohinder: Whoever thought it was a good idea to litter like this in the street needs a good punch. Hey, what's this?
Mohinder grabs one of the papers.
Mohinder: This…looks like….
Lydia (in the car): Looks like….
Mohinder: …RESEARCH!
Lydia: We got him.
Mohinder starts picking up the papers one by one, following the trail to the car.
Edgar: Like a scientist moth…to….the….flame….of…science.
Lydia: What?
Edgar: Nevermind.
Mohinder finishes the trail outside of Edgar's car door.
Mohinder: Oh look, Villains.
Edgar flings the door open, bashing Mohinder's head in the process. He falls to the ground, unconscious.
Lydia: EDGAR!
Edgar: Sorry! I was just going to do a smash and grab.
Lydia: …
Edgar: But without the smash….so just a grab. But…since I…hit him….Smash and Grab!
Edgar hops out and throws Mohinder in the back seat. He hops back in and peels away. Niki runs to the front door.
Niki: Oh my god! Mohinder just left my front door wide open! HOW RUDE!
Matt (playing UNO): Yeah. He's terrible at that. I can't even begin to tell you how many birds we have crapping all over our stuff.
Back at the restaurant.
Bob: So tell me about this dream. I'm only pretending to be interested because I have an appointment at Supercuts in thirty minutes and its right next door.
Angela: Well, I….wait, what? You make appointments at Supercuts? I thought you can just walk right in and go.
Bob: I'm far too rich to do that.
Angela: What? From stealing things, turning them into gold and selling it on the Black Market?
Bob: No. And like you have any room to talk. You steal socks.
Angela: But they're just friggin socks from the Dollar Store! I don't turn them into gold!
Bob: I might know a person for that.
Bob swipes the silverware on the table, turns it to gold, and stuffs it in a bag.
Angela: Gold Silverware?
Bob: It's technically called Goldware now.
Angela: Well, that's stupid. Anyway, this dream I had….I was in a room….
-Dreamback…Flashdream…whatever sounds less ridiculous-
Angela walks into the room. There is a lone table in the middle, nothing else. She walks to the table to find an envelope. She pulls out a photo of the original founders of The Company. Behind the photo is a letter.
Alpha…Omega…Beginning…End…You…Me…
Angela: Hmm. Cryptic. Well, that can't be good.
Voice: Are you dreaming about me?
Angela: I guess?
Voice: Or…am I dreaming about you?
Angela: You speak in riddles, disembodied voice. And I don't like it! Good day.
Angela walks over and opens the door to be overcome by a giant wave of water.
FWOOOOSH!
-End-
Bob: You drank too much water the night before.
Angela: That's it?! The weird creepy cryptic message and the weird dream because I drank too much water?
Bob: Yup.
Later, at Supercuts.
Angela: I couldn't have drank too much water, I had bladder reduction surgery.
Bob: Bladder reduction surgery?
Angela: Yes, there's nothing worse than having to leave in the middle of a movie and go to the bathroom because I drank too much! Having a smaller bladder remedies that.
Bob: Wouldn't having a smaller bladder just make you go to the bathroom more?
Angela: No. Since my bladder is smaller, it can't hold as much liquid, so I can't drink as much.
Bob: Your bladder doesn't work like that.
Angela: Well, are you going to help me or not?
Bob: With what?! I still don't know what the problem is!
Angela: I don't know either….I just know something bad is coming. So…be prepared!
Angela storms out of Supercuts. Meanwhile, Mohinder wakes up in the back seat of Edgar's car.
Mohinder: AHHH! What happened to those research papers!?
Edgar: THAT'S the question he asks!?
Lydia: Mohinder, do you know who I am?
Mohinder: Yes, you two are the Carnival employees who tried to kill us last season.
Lydia: No we didn't!
Mohinder: He did! (Points to Edgar)
Edgar: Lydia!
Lydia: What?
Edgar: I don't know, I'd figured you were going to yell at me so I beat you to the punch.
Lydia: Edgar?! You…man, I just don't have it in me to get on to you. You did beat me to the punch.
Edgar: That's why I did it.
Lydia: Listen, we're not trying to hurt you.
Edgar: Just our boss.
Lydia: EDGAR!
Edgar: Dang, missed that one.
Mohinder: Where are you taking me?
Lydia: Back to the carnival.
Mohinder: Well, that's not good.
Meanwhile…..
Matt bursts into Niki and D.L's…
Matt: Mohinder's been kidnapped!
Niki: Did you leave my door open too!? No wonder you have birds crapping all over your house!
Matt: I left here, went home, and saw that he had an unfinished sciency paperwork on the table. He never leaves those unfinished. I know he got kidnapped!
Niki: We have bigger fish to fry. We have to go to my estranged sister's funeral so I can get the body of my other estranged sister back. One thing at a time!
Matt turns to see Hiro and Claire walk in.
Niki: What is this? A cast meeting? What are all of you doing in my house?!
Hiro: We need to talk to Mohinder.
Niki: You just missed him.
Matt: He just got kidnapped!
Claire: What?! Now how am I supposed to become a nurse?!...Wait….How was I supposed to become a nurse again?
Hiro: Mohinder may have the list. You know, THE list. Upon that list lies a man who can bestow knowledge upon anyone.
Niki: So he's a teacher?
Hiro: No….he can teach anyone the knowledge to do….anything.
D.L: So….he can enable people to cheat.
Hiro: It's not cheating if…they….are not cheating.
Niki: They accomplish reaching a certain goal without doing jack squat….that's cheating.
Hiro: No it's not. He will teach Claire how to be a nurse…opening up a school for gifted youngsters by the way…
Niki: Don't care. Wait!...Nope, don't care.
Hiro: And he will make a valuable asset to the team.
Claire: What good will he do there?
Hiro: Any student that passes through will immediately retain the knowledge to do whatever they want….just really quickly…without any effort really.
D.L: That's cheating.
Hiro: That's not cheating!
Niki: How are you going to get schmucks to sign up for this crap?
Hiro: We'll go out into the world….bring them to our compound, where they will be safe from the outside world. Their secrets will be safe. Their abilities will be safe.
Matt: So….it's like The Company?
Hiro: NO!
Claire: That REALLY sounds like The Company.
Hiro: IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE X-MEN, DAMMIT!
Meanwhile, at said Company. Elle was in the break room with Sylar and Ted.
Ted: Elle, you look nervous.
Elle: What? No! Don't be stupid! You're funny. Haaaaaaa.
Sylar: ….(raises an eyebrow).
Elle: Not buying it?
Sylar: No.
Ted: Almost.
Elle: Yeah…sooo….Samuel escaped and I have no idea where he went.
Sylar: You let the prisoner escape?! Ha! You're getting fired, and I'll be getting a sweet promotion….Wait, I don't even want to be here! Who cares about the promotion!?
Elle: This is serious! We have to go out there and find him before Mr. B shows….
Noah gets off the elevator and enters the room.
Elle: EEEK!
Elle grabs Sylar's plate and throws it in the trash.
Sylar: What was that for?!
Elle: Mr. B?! What are you doing here?! Shut up. You're so funny…Haaaaa….
Noah: …..(raises eyebrow).
In Noah's office.
Elle (crying): I'm really sorry, Mr. B…..(sob)
ZAP!
Elle: Ow…I just have no idea how he escaped (sob).
ZAP!
Elle: Ow….I can understand if you want to fire me. Just do it through a text message. I do it all the time with guys I date. It's really easy. He'll understand.
Noah: Elle, I've had a really long day. I just got through making over a thousand loaves of bread. I reek of …well, I smell like a bakery. I also didn't know that it was for a stupid pre-show skit and not the actual episode. I didn't get that memo from Peter.
Sylar (from the other room): Don't even get me started on that!
Noah: I'm going to lay down on my desk, take a nap, and not have nightmares about a family made of bread eating slices of me for dinner.
Elle: "A Slice Of Bennet"…..sounds like the perfect name for a biography. I know what I'm doing in the next Volume!
Noah: Just go capture Samuel; I'll catch up after I get my nap.
Elle: You got it.
Elle storms out.
Elle: Come, peons! We have work to do!
Outside!
Elle: Everyone! Prepare to use….The Rings!
They hold their rings up.
Elle: EARTH!
Sylar: Fire….(eyeroll)
Ted: WIND!
…
…
Man: With your powers combined…I am CAPTAIN PLANET!
Elle looks down to see a man who only has the top part of his torso, climbing on the ground.
Captain Planet: Kiilll…mee…..
Elle: AHHH! What the hell is that!?
Ted: So that's what happens when all 5 members aren't around to summon him. Pretty graphic for a kids show. That's why I stick to Nick At Night.
Elle: I'm so sorry, Mr. Planet! Here, take this Buffalo Wild Wings gift card. If you take it to them and give them money…they'll be happy to put it on the card for you. Then you can get whatever your little heart desires!
Captain Planet: URRK!
Ted: This probably wouldn't have happened if we had some more people.
Elle: You're right! A career fair so we can recruit more agents! I know what I'm doing in the next Volume!
Sylar: Ugh….
Meanwhile, while kidnapped…
Mohinder: Well, since I'm going to be kidnapped again, I suppose I could tell you two a little tidbit about myself.
3 hours later.
Mohinder (while reminiscing): And no matter how hard I tried to be brilliant…which I was….I always knew that I could never live up to father's expectations.
Edgar (to Lydia): Have I passed out and wrecked yet?
Lydia looks up from her magazine.
Lydia: No. (Goes back to reading).
Mohinder: And all the other kids were jealous. Jealous of my genius! On the Playground…well, it was actually called the Research Ground….it's where we had recess. We didn't have swing sets and hop scotch….mostly the kids would run around and solve scientific equations.
Edgar starts slowly banging his head on the wheel.
Mohinder: The kids always made fun of me. They used to call me Most-Hindered Suresh! I wrote the tales of my childhood in my diary, which I have completely memorized and will relay to you now. Prologue….
Edgar jerks the steering wheel. The car spins and Mohinder flies out of the passenger door, tumbling into the street. He speeds off.
Lydia: Edgar! What are you doing?!
Edgar: I can't take it anymore, Lydia. We can come back for him, and I'll take the heat for it….I just….we'll need to do him later.
Lydia: But I totally understand! I know what you were thinking! That's how you could possibly do this!
Edgar: What…what was that?
Lydia: I'm trying to scold you with compliments. I'm trying something new.
Edgar: ….I like it.
Lydia: Me too.
Edgar: Let's just get the girl for now.
Lydia: I have a better idea.
A car zooms by. Matt, Hiro and Claire are in the back seat while Niki and D.L are up front.
Claire: Where are we going?
D.L: To the school. Micah and Molly are rehearsing their graduation ceremony. We can use her to track Mohinder.
Niki: We seriously need to start putting tracking tags on everyone. (To D.L) I know you haven't been on these wacky adventures as long as we have. But the "Someone's missing, get Molly" card has been played far too much on this show.
Matt: Wait, Hiro, why don't you just teleport in the past and prevent Mohinder from getting kidnapped.
Hiro: Oh no, after my foray into reliving Season One, I don't ever want to time travel again for the rest of the season.
Claire: You just time travelled not too long ago to a future where I didn't go to medical school.
Hiro: That's different because it didn't work. Besides….isn't time travel cheating?
Niki: Now he has a morality complex about cheating.
Hiro: My school isn't cheating!
Claire: So if I become a nurse. This guy will give me the knowledge. But aren't I'm supposed to have a license or something? Legally speaking, of course.
Hiro: On the very same list there is a woman of legend. She can conjure up these licenses. You know…bypassing the whole "school" part.
Niki: HOW IS THAT NOT CHEATING!? That's worse than the first guy!
Hiro: NO IT'S NOT! X-MEN!
They pass by an ambulance. The ambulance passes by Mohinder, who is lying in the street.
Mohinder: Well, that's nice.
Lydia reaches her hand out and helps him up.
Mohinder: It's you. What are you doing here?
Lydia: I had Edgar drop me off so I came back. Listen, we really need your help. Sorry for the kidna…
Mohinder: Ahem…
Lydia: ….sorry….about the bogus research papers.
Mohinder: Thank you.
Lydia: But, you need to give the carnival a chance. Samuel, all of us, we have big plans in store for the future. Only someone as…extraordinary….
Mohinder: E….E….Extraordinary? I love that word!
Lydia: Yes! Extraordinary….as you. Only you can help us move forward onto the next stage. We have someone with us who can see the future. So I want to show you this…..
Lydia turns around and lifts up her shirt, exposing her back. Black ink stars moving through her skin, swirling around, starting to form a picture.
Mohinder: That's….me.
The picture shows Mohinder being applauded by an audience.
Lydia: That's you. Being adored….by your fans.
Mohinder: Fans?
Lydia: Of course. (She puts her shirt back down and turns back to Mohinder). You can show people the real meaning of science. People from all over the world will come to see you. They will want to hear what you have to say. What you have to show them. What you have….to teach them. You….can change the world.
Mohinder: I….can change the world.
Lydia: People will be inspired by you.
Mohinder: Inspired?...
Lydia: You….will be anything but….most hindered.
Mohinder: GASP! That's what the kids used to….
Lydia: Yeah, yeah. Don't tell the story again.
Mohinder: I….want to change the world.
Lydia: And you've already taken the first step.
Meanwhile, back at Hiro's office. Edgar is peeking in the window.
Edgar: Hmm….security seems pretty loose. Let's see.
He pulls out a large dagger.
Edgar: Let's cut ourselves a nice hole so I can spy-like my way through it.
Edgar slowly places the tip of the dagger against the glass window.
Tink!
The glass window shatters into a million pieces.
Edgar: Hmm. Must have grabbed the wrong knife. Well, THAT wasn't very spy-like.
His phone rings.
Edgar (answering): HMM!?
Lydia (on the phone): The Doctor…is in.
Edgar: What was that?
Lydia: A pun. I'm trying something new.
Edgar: I don't like it.
Lydia: Me neither. So, Suresh is on board. What did you find out?
Edgar: Well, after using expert stealth and cat like reflexes….
Lydia spots 10 cop cars whiz past her.
Lydia: Uh huh….
Edgar (hears the sirens): Uh oh.
Edgar runs in and quickly looks through files.
Edgar (on the phone): It looks like this Hiro Nakamura guy is recruiting the girl to be a part of his school for people with abilities. Good thing I'm not just a run of the mill guy, or else I'd be freaking out right about now.
Lydia: You ran inside!? Most people flee the scene of the crime.
Edgar: Which is what I'm doing right now! I'll see you back at the carnival.
Lydia: Like hell you will! Come pick us up!
Edgar: Oh yeah, forgot about that.
Edgar hops in his car and speeds off.
Meanwhile, Angela is asleep.
-Dreamtime-
Angela is in the room where she was before. There is no furniture. The walls are bare. The floor, no carpet. The windows, you cannot see out of.
Angela: Well, this dream is just as pointless as the last one.
Angela suddenly falls through the floor.
-End-
Angela wakes up in her bed.
Angela: I knew something is wrong. "You drank too much water" he says.
Angela grabs her schedule book.
Angela (writing): Tomorrow. 4 pm. Meet Bob Bishop for drinks. Give him a good swift kick to the neck.
She puts down the book and goes back to bed. Then gets back up and grabs the book.
Angela (writing): Tomorrow. 3 pm. Brush up on Pilates. Nothing is worse than a leg cramp.
She puts away the book and goes to sleep.
Meanwhile, an ambulance continues its way to the hospital. Peter is driving.
Peter: How are we doing back there?
West Rosen and Daphne Millbrook are in the back.
West: He's stable!
Daphne: You know, I don't think I bothered to stop and ask. How did you go from Nurse to Ambulance Driver, and how did we both become EMT's?
Peter: Through the power of reading!
Daphne: Oh, shut up! Seriously! I just rob people and this guy manages the Hot Dog On A Stick kiosk at the mall.
West: I wish! I hear their Dental Plan is top notch!
Peter: It's a long story. Just keep the patient alive. The beginning of the season isn't really a good time for him.
Nathan is on the gurney, he motions for Daphne.
Daphne: What is it?
He whispers something in her ear.
Daphne: He said something about suing the show.
Peter: Yeah, if I had a nickel. Just hang in there, bro! We're gonna get you fixed up, then we'll find your killer.
Nathan: I'm….not….dead….yet….
Peter: But we'll need to be Private Detectives for that…..Hmm…we have to go to school and everything….eh, I'll check with Suresh. Surely there's someone on the list who can bypass all of that for us.
Daphne: Isn't that cheating?
Peter: ….Yeah, pretty much.
Daphne: Oh good, I love cheating!
Meanwhile, in an unknown location.
The mysterious man runs into the room, avoiding gunfire. He runs over to the woman, standing in front of the corkboard with the picture of Micah's family on the front.
Man: It's time. We have to go now.
Woman: I….I'm not sure about this. Think of all the change….
Man: We don't have a choice. I know it's selfish. But we can't end it like this. Grab the band.
The woman takes out a key and unlocks a drawer; she pulls out an arm band with digits on it.
Woman: There's no going back from this.
Man: I know.
The woman places the band on the man's arm, she holds onto it.
Woman: I'm ready.
The man presses a few buttons as the doors to the room fly open. Some armed men fire shots, but the bullets stop right in front of them. They watch as the bullets slowly fly backwards into the gun. The men leave the room. Night and day cycles over and over. The building around them starts to crumble. On the road they watch night and day continue to cycle quickly as buildings rise and fall. A blur of millions of people and cars whizzing past them. The number of the current year on the arm band continues to count backward at blazing speed. It slowly makes its way to its destination….and stops at 2013.
Woman: …..
Man: …..
The band explodes off of his arm. It burns up in the middle of the street.
Man: That's it.
Woman: Yeah. Did we make it?
The man looks around and spots a newspaper.
Man: Yeah…this is 2013. We're right where we need to be.
The front page refers to The 2013-2014 Graduation of The High School Seniors.
Woman: The Petrelli Tribune must have gone out of business a long time ago. I've never even heard of it!
Man: Now….we just need to find Micah.
Woman: Do you think he'll help us?
Man: Of course.
He puts away the newspaper.
Man: He has to. We are family, after all.
The man and woman walk away.
To Be Continued.