Gokudera pauses in the doorway to the bedroom.
"No, it's fine. You don't have to tell me. I'll wait."
"No…I want to tell you. I should tell you…you're my boyfriend right? You deserve to know."
"Only if you really want to." Gokudera looks away. "You don't have to force yourself."
"Hayato, when have I ever done anything I didn't want to do with you?" She pats the bed next to her. "Come on…I might need you after this." Gokudera starts to feel guilty but excited at the same time and walks over to sit next to her. Phoenix takes a deep breath. "What did Blue tell you about my arm? I only caught the last bit…and he doesn't know the whole story."
"He just…he said you shot up the wrong arm." He avoids her eyes unconsciously. "While you were getting high…"
"And I hit a nerve but kept going because I was too high to realize what happened…" She looks down. "What Blue doesn't know it that I did know." He jaw clenches. "And I kept going anyway."
Gokudera looks confused.
"What…What do you mean."
"I knew something was wrong, I knew I missed the vein, but I didn't care." Phoenix chuckles humorlessly. "I just wanted to feel something." Phoenix looks up at him "You know?"
Gokudera fights the urge to shake his head 'no' and instead just stares at with a blank expression.
"Why?"
"Because I felt nothing...people aren't meant to feel nothing. And pain is a good alternative to emotions...or I thought it was."
Gokudera frowns and covers her hand with his, squeezing it.
"I won't let you feel empty anymore. I'll try my best to make you feel…something."
"I know you will. This is why I didn't want to tell you…you're gonna feel bad about it now." Phoenix leans on her boyfriend and he holds her close. "I'm sorry I was so weak…"
"You weren't weak. You just…didn't know how to cope with it. It's not your fault."
"I was weak and I know it. The only reason I'm strong now is 'cause of you." The Irish teen grabs Gokudera's hand and squeezes it. "Are you sure you want to know the other one?"
Gokudera nods.
"Yeah…"
Phoenix places her free hand on a spot just about her right knee.
"When I was eight I-I…I walked out on to a highway. It was a stupid stunt and…I wasn't even trying to die…I just…I wanted someone to see me as something other than a punching bag. I got clipped by a pickup, broke both my legs and fractured my spine…the right leg and my spine healed up fine but…I can't completely feel my left leg anymore. I just…can't feel it."
Gokudera looks down at her leg and squeezes her thigh.
"Can you feel that?"
"I can feel the pressure but…I can't feel your hand." Phoenix places her hand over his. "Half the injuries I got, I got 'cause I couldn't feel this thing."
Hayato feels his eyes begin to tear up but he doesn't allow the tears to fall as he wraps Phoenix in his arms and pulls her close.
"I'm sorry…I'm sorry you had to go through all that.
"It was my fault.
My stupid idiotic self doing stupid idiotic things. I...I just…I was stupid."
"But still. No one should have to go through stuff like that."
"I just wish that…I don't…I…Hayato I can't…" Phoenix takes a deep breath. "I don't deserve you Hayato."
Gokudera gives his girlfriend and serious look.
"Don't say that. Don't ever say that. You deserve me as much as I do you. We need each other.
"I need you more. Trust me, I really do." Phoenix wraps her arms around his torso. "Just…you are the best thing to ever happen to me."
Gokudera smiles softly to himself.
"It's been a long time since I've ever felt so…wanted." He kisses the top of Phoenix's head. "I'm glad it could be you to help me feel that again."
"That's what I'm here for." Phoenix chuckles and buries her face in Gokudera's chest. "If that's what I do for you can you even imagine what you do for me?"
"I can't even imagine…" The silver haired teen looks at the clock on the wall and sighs before pulling back. "It's getting late. I should really go make that herbal soup you taught me to make."
Phoenix smirks.
"I'm stull scared you're gonna burn down the kitchen.
"Oh shush. I can cook! It's just an acquired tastes."
Gokudera pecks his red-haired lover's lips before getting up.
"…No. Fear's overriding hunger." She pulls him back down on the bed. "No cooking for you."
Phoenix kisses Gokudera, who kisses her back but quickly slips out of her grasp.
"Nope. Not now. Or for the next few day for that matter."
"So you're going to deny yourself pleasure because I won't let you cook?"
Gokudera rolls his eyes.
"Not because of that. You're in pretty bad shape. So I'm cutting off sex until you heal up."
"Well you suck." Phoenix holds onto Gokudera's hand. "I don't want to be away from you Hayato. The boss might come back."
"If he does, I'll kick his ass."
"No! He'll kill you. Please, just stay with me Hayato."
"But I have to make you something to eat. If you don't eat, there's no way you can recover quickly."
"But if you leave, the sleeping stuff Blue gave me are gonna kick in and I'll be stuck in my nightmares."
"Aydan, I won't be gone that long. I'll come back to check on you in a few minutes if you want."
"Hayato, the drugs are already kicking in…just…stay. Please."
Gokudera sighs and bends down, offering his back to her.
"Do you want to come?"
"You sure know how to compromise don't you."
Phoenix wraps her arms around his neck and pulls herself onto his back."