Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Star Trek or Harry Potter. They belong to J.J Abrams, Gene Roddenberry and J.K Rowling.

Warnings: Slash (male/male pairings), threesome, AU, violence, language, angst, character deaths, psychological/anxiety disorders, sexual situations, etc.

Pairings: Spock/Harry/Kirk, hints of Sulu/Chekov and Scotty/Uhura

61. Progress

Bottle green eyes watched the screen in anticipation and perhaps nervousness, hoping against hope that Julia received his message. After what happened planet side, Spock being hurt and his mental break down in front of Jim, the wizard needed someone who wasn't emotionally involved with the situation to talk to. Dr. Julia Richards was the perfect person as she had been his therapist while he was still in school and helped him out a great deal emotionally. She was a good person who honestly wanted to help people and was earnest in her listening. In a lot of ways Harry imagined the comfort of a mother when he thought of his former therapist.

The screen flickered on and he sighed in relief when he saw her. Julia was an older woman on the brink of her fifties with some wrinkles setting in around her eyes and mouth. Laugh lines she said because she always was laughing and smiling. Her hair was a mixture of golden blond and silvery gray while her eyes were a warm, honey golden brown that just drew you in and seemed to know your soul. She appeared tired, but awake and alert especially when she took in his haggard appearance.

"Oh Harry… are you doing alright dear?" she questioned softly obvious concern in her eyes. He offered her a frail smile trying not to break down again. She always made him feel that way; like a child who wanted nothing more than to cry and be held, protected from reality and its ugliness. But she wasn't there to hug him so he had to make due with just speaking with her.

"I'm… alive. I don't know if I'm really alright or if I've finally just lost it. It was horrible… that place was horrible and I felt so much. I felt fear, anger, rage, hopelessness… And then they hurt Spock and I… I just snapped and everything was a haze. All I knew was that I wanted to kill them, to make them pay for hurting my friends, to make them regret ever touching Jim and Spock," he whispered hands clenched in his lap.

Julia was quiet for a moment letting him gather himself before she asked, "What happened Harry?"

It was a nudge, just a slight push but the tone was warm and welcoming. Harry couldn't resist the lull of her voice that broke down his walls and soothed his battered soul. Gripping the fabric of his pants, Harry's eyes clenched shut against the onslaught of tears and with a tight throat, he choked out his story.

He told her what happened during the mission, everything he thought of and everything he felt as he was held captive watching his friends being tortured. The rage and violation he felt when they tried to touch him and Jim, of Spock trying to free himself driven by protective instinct. He spoke of the dark emotions that filled his mind, like slick oil that consumed every little crevice and how with his own hands he had slaughtered their captives although he lied about how he killed them since she didn't know about his magic.

He spoke of trying to heal Spock, trying to stop his bleeding while praying they would get home quickly. There was fear and sorrow and hopelessness and he thought back to his friends who had died, who had suffered as their life trickled away. He felt her watch and listen as he explained how the past and the present become one for several hours, how he saw those he couldn't save in Spock as they worked on him.

He told her about his break down in front of Jim, how his captain, his companion had held him tightly and spoke softly trying to sooth the pain. How for the first time since they had gotten together months ago, he said that he loved Harry and that he would love him no matter how hurt and broken he was. That Spock loved him too, that they wanted to protect him and help him heal.

"It's been so long… since I've felt such warmth, such unconditional love and acceptance like that," Harry whimpered his eyes red and puffy, "I felt like I was drowning, yet I was safe and the fear I felt began to leave me. And I clung to him, I clung because he was there and he accepted me. He understood why I am the way I am and he said he loved me; loved this brittle shell of a man."

Wiping her own tears away, Julia smiled sadly, "Oh Harry… I'm so proud of you."

"Proud?" he echoed in confusion looking up at her, "Why would you be proud of me? I feel like I've gone back to square one. I mean I know Spock's going to live, he's recovering as we speak but I just… I lost it. Everything I've been working hard at, just feels like it was smashed to pieces."

"That's not true," she reassured, "It's not broken Harry. You being here, speaking with me proves that. You say that you are brittle and while this is true, that does not mean you're broken and beyond repair. You were put in a tough situation that closely related to your past and while you lost control, you still came out of it alive and sane. Your shell has been cracked, but not broken which is a testament to the progress you've made."

Harry felt confused, "Progress?"

"Yes, progress. Remember when you were still in medical school and you had been out shopping one evening when you came across a woman that had been mugged?" Harry paled a little in remembrance but nodded in confirmation allowing Julia to continue, "You were a first year student barely learning the basics, but you tried to save her. You called the police and then tried to stop her bleeding, keeping her awake and talking to her, but for all your efforts she still died."

The young doctor swallowed heavily, "Yeah… her name was Alice Smith. Married to Alfred Smith, with two children both girls; one was Rachel and the other was Susan. I remember her, even went to the funeral."

Julia nodded, "And remember how for a month afterward you refused to speak unless spoken to, how you began to eat and sleep less? The constant nightmares you had?"

"What's your point Julia?" Harry questioned. Of course he remembered, he had lived it after all. The pain of the young family as they grieved for their lost mother, the guilt he felt that he couldn't save her despite that Mr. Smith had not blamed him. If anything he thanked him for trying to save his wife, for being there in her last moments happy that she didn't die alone and scared. He had cried and screamed and tore his apartment up uncaring if he was scaring Teddy who had taken refuge in his room. All he could think about was her pale face, her dark brown curls soaked in grime from the ground as brown eyes pleaded with him to save her.

"My point is, is that you were devastated and broken. This woman whom you couldn't save, who you barely knew crushed you and nearly destroyed you. Now, years later, someone you deeply care for was hurt and despite how you cracked, despite the strain to your mind and pain it brought forth you're still standing. You were much more frail back then than you are now. That's why I say you've progressed."

Harry stared at her for a moment inquiring, "Does that mean… that I don't care enough for Spock?"

Fondly exasperated Julia shook her head, "No, if anything it's obvious how much you love and care for him as well as your captain. Harry… you killed for them and considering how much you detest taking human life that's a pretty big deal. Just because you didn't break and grieve as deeply for Mr. Spock as you did for Mrs. Smith doesn't mean you love him any less. If you think about it, when was the last time you dated anyone or let another person get close to you?"

"…It's been a long time," Harry replied.

"Yes, you have a few acquaintances but not any real friends or love interests, at least not until now. I believe transferring onto the Enterprise was good for you because you may not see it sometimes, but it's given you back your hope and your strength. It's obvious you've made friends, come to care for people and even found some sort of love. Captain Kirk, Mr. Spock and the crew of your ship, they're all helping you to heal," Julia explained.

Harry said nothing, merely sat and mulled over her words. He supposed in a lot of ways she was right. Before he had come to the Enterprise, he had never socialized much always too busy with his studies and taking care of Teddy. He had a few friends that he would sometimes visit or talk with, but they were never close to him. And now suddenly he was surrounded by friends, people he was close to and learned to lean on.

"Am I… really that much stronger?" he whispered.

"I know you are. Just the fact that you're talking to me right now when years before you would have kept it bottled inside is proof. You've been through a lot Harry; having your parents and godfather murdered, losing your friends during a school bombing, it's a lot for someone as young as you to burden. Yet despite it all you keep fighting and continue to push forward no matter how fragile you feel; you still seek love and friendship when most would have gone numb. That is truth strength," Julia said.

Offering a timid smile Harry murmured, "Thanks Julia… I really needed this."

"You're welcome Harry. I'm always here when you need me" she replied her gaze soft and motherly. She really was proud of this child who had an inner strength none could comprehend. And she was grateful to the Enterprise. Slowly but surely, Harry was getting better and that's all she could ever ask for.

Okay that's the last bit of angst for a while. Promise! Just thought this would be a good chapter to include in order to point out character development and what better way to do that then to have Harry talk to his old therapist? And I'm definitely going to be updating Tuesday because it'll be my birthday and I'll want to share the love! But until then please review and tell me what you think of this chapter!

~Seth