The Heroes Parody Project
Season 5
Chapter 4
Disclaimer: Heroes is copyright its creator, Tim Kring, and NBC. I do not own anything, know or represent any of the cast or crew. This fan fiction is written purely for entertainment purposes only so please don't sue.
Peter: Previously on NBC's BELIEVE…
We begin our story where hardened criminal Nate…
Nathan: This long hair is glorious. I may have to grow mine out.
…he is thrown in prison for a crime he didn't commit.
Nathan: That's my story and I'm sticking to it. And who are you?
He points his attention to The Haitian, sitting across from him in Prison.
The Haitian: I'm here to bust you out….but on one condition.
Nathan: Just as long as I don't have to lose my hair we're cool.
The Haitian: You must get this girl. She is very special, and very bad people are out to get her.
Nathan: What about my hair?
Haitian: Could you please stop talking about your hair?
Nathan walks into a hospital room where he meets…
Nathan: "Clo?"
Claire: Yup, that's my name.
She's licking an oversized lollipop.
Claire: Yuck! This thing tastes like cardboard.
The snaps off a piece.
Claire: It IS cardboard! Okay, someone from props is getting fired.
Nathan: Clo, we have to go. Where? Nobody can know….ugh…rhymes…
Claire: I'm not going anywhere until I get my lolli, gosh darn tootin!
Nathan: Where am I supposed to get one of those?
Claire: Candy shop. 5th floor.
Nathan: The hospital has a candy shop? That's unsettling.
Claire: Still not going anywhere.
Nathan: Groan.
15 minutes later.
Nathan: I got your stupid lollipop! Now we need to get moving.
Claire: Nah! I'm over candy….I want a pony!
Nathan: Don't tell me the hospital has a horse stable.
Elle walks in.
Elle: Hold your applause, I know I'm magnificent.
Nathan: Who are you?
Elle: Assassin. Sort of. I'm here to kidnap the girl and make you go away.
Claire: I'm not going with you.
Elle: But I have everything you want. Look, it's a lollipop…
Claire: Yay!
Elle: But made entirely out of Ponies! The best of both worlds!
Claire: GROSS!
Elle takes a lick.
Elle: Mmmm…absolutely disgusting! Why the hell did I do that?! (SPIT!)
Nathan: So, are you supposed to be special or something?
Claire: I can heal myself….
Nathan: ….that's it?
Claire: That's it.
Peter: CUT!
Peter (the director) walks on set.
Peter: Sorry, I didn't think this girl would be so boring. My bad!
Claire: HEY! In listening distance, jerk face!
Peter: We'll get a replacement girl for you right away.
Nathan walks into the hospital room.
Nathan: Are you "Clo"?
Niki (made up as a little girl): No!...It's just "No."
Nathan: No?! How did the names change?!
He looks at Peter who makes a "keep rolling" gesture.
Nathan: Listen, brat. You're coming with me and I'm not getting you any lollipops: sugar, horse, or otherwise!
Niki: I only have one request. I want a new stuffed toy. I broke my last one because I get angry and things.
Niki pulls out a "Matt Parkman Toy Plush Doll" and rips its head off.
Nathan: Uh…..
Niki: That's my power by the way. I get angry.
Nathan: Do you…outlet that anger in any way?
Niki: Nah, I just yell at people whenever they do something stupid and belittle them for such. Now make with the toy. Toy Store is on the 7th floor.
Nathan: Is this Hospital "part mall"!? Who designed this joint?
Niki: Grab me an Orange Julius on your way back.
Nathan: NEXT!
Nathan walks into the hospital room.
Elle: Ello!
Nathan: What the?!
Elle is on the bed dressed up as a little girl.
Elle: That's my name…."Ello!"…..As in "Ello, Govna!"….or "J-ello is evil because it's made out of horse parts!" Though these horse popsicles are just divine!
Elle chomps down on the popsicle.
Elle: OW! I just broke all my teeth!
Nathan: I don't even want to know what your power is…wait….I thought you were the assassin!?
Elle: …..Oh yeah. I'm also the assassin. I applied for both parts in case if one fell through.
Nathan: Get out of here! PETE!
Molly (watching this on TV): Why do they keep airing all these reshoots?….And why haven't I been called?! I am the youngest girl in the cast!
Nathan saunters into the hospital room.
Hiro (with pigtails): FLYING MAN!
Nathan: Oh no…
Hiro: My name is "Hiro"!...Pretty easy to remember! Anyway, bad people are after me and we need to go now!
Nathan: Finally! Let's get out of here before that….
Nathan gets a call on his cell phone.
Nathan: Yeah?
Elle: Hi Nathan, it's the Assassin! I'm at the Dentist getting some new chompers so I'm going to be running late. If you could just do me a solid and kick your own butt for a few minutes I would greatly appreciate it. Toodles!
Nathan: Get real, I'm outta here.
Nathan throws his phone away. He grabs Hiro and runs down the Hospital corridor.
Elle: Well, that was uncalled for.
Dentist: Miss Bishop, your teeth have finished installing. How do you like them?
Elle: They're wonderful! (She looks into a mirror) And…bright!...sheesh!
Dentist: Now to discuss your payment. It turns out that you don't have Progressive Insurance….I don't even think they do Dental.
Elle: Of course they do. "Flo" is my cousin. I'll just give her a call.
Elle dials her up.
Elle (on the phone): Flo!...Hey cuz….it's Elle….your super cute cousin who is awesome at everything she does. Yeah….Dental Insurance. I totally got that, right?
Elle holds the phone down.
Elle: She loves to go on and on about the time and temperature. She is so outrageous!
Dentist: Not buying it.
Elle: Did I mention my Ex is the Geico Gecko?
Dentist: ...
Elle: Okay…..let me just open my wallet and…..DISTRACTION!
Elle shoots water in the Dentist's face and leaps out of the chair. Running out of the office. The receptionist bolts after her.
Receptionist (running, yelling): WAIT! YOU FORGOT TO GIVE ME YOUR ADDRESS SO WE CAN REMIND YOU IN 6 MONTHS TO COME BACK!
Elle (running, yelling): I WON'T BE BACK! THE SERVICE STINKS!
Receptionist: PLEASE! MY QUARTERLY EVALUATION IS COMING UP!
Elle: YOU SHOULD FIND A DIFFERENT JOB!
Receptionist: I CAN'T! THE JOB MARKET IS TERRIBLE!
Elle: YOU SHOULD GO TO PRIMATECH PAPER! NOT TO GET A JOB BUT TO PICK UP A BLANK RESUME TEMPLATE AND APPLY SOMEWHERE ELSE! OH MY GOD! STOP CHASING ME! I'M GETTING A LEG CRAMP!
Nathan: Hm? Oh, we're back. I forgot we were doing a show here.
Hiro: And here we are at our rundown warehouse base….with not a lick of furniture. Hmm.
Elle: Assassin in the building! Whew!...If a Psycho Dental Receptionist asks where I'm at, tell her I'm dead! Now, where were we…?
Nathan: AHH! Hiro! What can you do?!
Hiro: I like jump roping, pillow fights, writing in my diary, being mad that Mrs. Finkle gave us homework over Summer Break, and eating delicious Horse Taffy!
Nathan: What is with you people and the horse candy?! Seriously?!...No, I meant….special abilities.
Hiro: I can bend time and space.
Nathan: Perfect!
Elle tackles Nathan and starts wailing on him.
Elle: Woman empowerment, HO!
KAPOW!
Nathan: Ow! Stop that!
Hiro: Flying man! I'll save you! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
The force of his scream sends in an endless flock of birds into the warehouse.
Elle: AHH! Shoo, Birds! Shoo! They're going after my car, and I just had it detailed!
Elle's car is crashed through the wall of the warehouse.
Nathan: How in the world did you do that!? We're on the sixth floor!
Hiro: Quick, Nathan! Run! I'll use my powers of bending time and space to rewind time long enough for us to get out of here.
Nathan: If you're just going to do that anyway, why do I have to run?
Hiro clenches his face very tight. Time starts to rewind….for the birds. The birds start to get younger and younger. Suddenly, a large group of eggs fall to the ground. One slowly rolls past Elle and Nathan, as they stare in bewilderment.
Elle and Nathan: Uhhhh….
Hiro: Hmm….forgot I have the power to do that.
Nathan: Probably because you can't do that! Where did that even come from?!
Peter: CUT! That's a wrap! We got ourselves a show people!
Hiro: But we only filmed one episode!
Peter: We'll stretch it out and put in enough cuts to last for the rest of the season.
Hiro: Yay?
Elle: Well, I'm beat. Time to go back to my trailer.
Niki walks in.
Niki: And breakfast is served! Who wants eggs?
Hiro: AHHH! You killed them!
Niki: Killed what?! I found some eggs on the ground and I cooked em'….duh.
Hiro: You killed the birds, you…..Bird-urer!
Niki: I'm a what now?
Hiro: I'll make you pay for their deaths! TIME POWER!
Hiro scrunches his face as Niki starts to get younger and younger. Elle and Nathan watch in bewilderment as a giant egg rolls across the ground.
Elle: UHHH…..
Nathan: That's it! I'm going home! (He gets up and walks out) I have GOT to finish my resume.
Peter: Just got off the phone with the execs…and we've been cancelled!
Elle: WHAT!?
Peter takes out the roll of 'Believe' film and tosses it to the side. He puts in the 'Heroes' film.
Peter: And we're back! And rolling! ACTION!
Elle: Sigh…..Previously On Heroes….Ooh! Horse Taffy…BLEEHH!
Genesis Redux goes Kaput!
Angela: I had the most disturbing dream last night.
Angela in a room in the desolate future. The mysterious couple, Benjamin and Chloe make their way out of the room. Chloe returns a look to Angela.
Angela calls Bob Bishop.
Angela: Pack your bags.
Bob: Why?
Angela: We're going on a little trip.
Claire checks her text messages.
Peter: I'm driving an ambulance!
Tracy (but actually now her estranged dead sister, Barbara) poisons Nathan with Caramel Coffee.
Nathan: YUCK!
Peter: Don't worry, bro! We'll get you the help you need and avenge your death.
Nathan: Not dead.
Samuel Sullivan escapes from The Company Custody.
Elle: I will find him. I will have faith. I never give up. Or else my name isn't Eleanor Bullwinkle Bishop!
CSI Computer "No Results Found"
Elle: Well, I give up. I knew it wouldn't work.
Peter: My turn. GASP! The killer was Tracy Strauss.
Nathan: I know that!
Niki: Looks like we're going to Barbara's funeral.
Everyone: YAY!
Mohinder gets distracted by Edgar and Lydia of the Carnival Folk.
Lydia: Come with us. Be one of us. It is your destiny.
Mohinder: Works for me!
Niki: Crap! Now we have to find Mohinder. But first we have to find Molly….again!
Matt: Which means I won the bet! Our group had to seek her help first! Pay up, suckers!
Everyone gets their wallets out.
School Play Director: Help! I need a bumbling oaf and a cranky blonde to take the lead roles of my play!
Matt: Oh, we got this, Niki.
Niki: EXCUSE ME?!
Benjamin and Chloe travel from the future and arrive in front of Micah's school, present day.
Chloe: Will he help us?
Benjamin: He has to.
Chloe pulls Micah away. She and Benjamin corner him in a side room.
Benjamin: The future is on the brink of destruction. Powers are being taken away from our group. You, Micah, must find a way to rebuild Genesis Redux and fix the past….or come with us in the future and overthrow the evil Resistance. Do you know anybody with time travelling powers?
Micah: Well…..
Hiro: Knowledge is power!
Hiro has Claire stowaway some books in her shirt. They take off running. Hiro accidentally teleports leaving Claire to hail a cab, driven by Zach. Hiro makes it back to the school.
Kaito Nakamura: Hello, Hiro. We have business to discuss.
Claire and Zach make it to the school. At this point Hiro gets a text message from Ando saying he was imprisoned for stealing supplies.
Hiro: Uh oh.
And now, Heroes Continues.
Heroes is filmed LIVE in front of a pre-recorded studio audience.
Matt: How does THAT work?
Niki and Matt storm out of the auditorium and into the hall. Completely covered with tomatoes.
Niki: Ugh…ick. What in the world happened out there? I thought we were doing okay!
Matt: It turns out they thought we were doing a parody of 'Grease', but when they figured out we were actually trying to do the real thing…they weren't pleased.
Niki: Ugh….I am covered in Tomato sludge. This dress I was going to steal is ruined!
Matt: Oh, it's not THAT bad. See I can make art with mine.
Matt rubs some tomato paste on his hands and writes out:
Chapter Four "The People's Escort"
Matt: Magnificent!
Niki rolls her eyes.
Hiro Nakamura
The Nakamura University School Of Mutated Gifted Youngsters Of Witchcraft and Wizardry
Totally original since 2014
Hiro: Father! What are you doing here?!
Kaito: Hiro, I've come to bring you back to Japan because you disappoint me.
Hiro: I'm sorry, father. But I cannot return to Japan with you. I have my own destiny to pursue.
Claire: It's a pretty lousy destiny.
Kaito: And what exactly is that destiny?
Hiro: As you can see, father, I run my own successful University for gifted youngsters such as myself.
Claire: A successful University...with no students...and stolen books and supplies.
Kaito: Very well.
Kaito gets on the phone. He talks to someone in Japanese for a few minutes. He hangs up.
Kaito: I have decided I am going to be Superintendent of your "School".
Hiro: WHAT?!
Claire: Did...did he just promote himself? Can he do that?
Kaito: Classes start on Monday. I want students and faculty here by then. DON'T disappoint me.
Kaito makes his exit. Claire and Zach turn back to Hiro.
Hiro: I think I liked it better when we were just stealing everything.
Claire: Well, at least he finally admitted it. Sheesh!
Meanwhile, Angela makes her way outside to Bob Bishop's Gold Car.
Angela: Oh for the love of…..It's like you're begging to be mugged!
Bob: What?
Angela: I'm ready to go!
Angela reaches for the door handle, she climbs inside the car.
Bob: Where to?
Angela: ….The year 2244.
She looks at her hand, it has turned green. She shoots a look at Bob.
Bob: What?
Angela: Just drive.
===HEROES===
Elle Bishop
The Company Break Room
Practicing for a second job of being….a hammer?
WHAM!
WHAM!
WHAM!
Noah walks into the break room, completely refreshed. Elle is banging her head on the table.
Noah: Ahh. Today is a good day, our family business went OUT of business, we got the bread smell out of the house, and I get the warm fuzzy feeling of beating the snot out of the punk who stuck me in plot limbo in an off screen side story based on a non related pre show skit about a freaking bread business! But I'm totally over it.
Elle: So much woe…..woe it is…..knock knock! Who's there? It's WOE!
Noah: Uh….Elle?
Elle: Why must there be so much woe in the world?!
Noah: Elle.
Elle: Oh, is New Girl on? I just love Woe-y Deschanel.
Noah: ELLE!
Elle: Oh, Mr. B. I didn't see you standing there. What brings you here?
Noah: I'm back to work.
Elle: I thought you came back already. Or did I just imagine that in my twilight state of having corrective vision and dental surgery in the course of one week?
Noah: Yeah, but I wasn't "here" here. I'm ready to start fresh! Bring me up to speed.
Elle: I lost Samuel Sullivan and bankrupted The Company on CSI equipment that gives vague hints to questions we already know the answers to.
Noah: So, typical day at the office.
Elle: Pretty much.
Noah: Come with me.
She gets up and leaves. Ted and Sylar were sitting behind them.
Ted: I don't think either of them knew we were here the entire time.
Sylar: Who cares? It's not like we're getting paid for this garbage.
Ted: I might know of a way for us to make some funds.
Sylar: Funds, huh? Okay, shoot.
Ted: We rent out the building!
Sylar: What?
Ted: We rent the building out! Think about it. The Company has seven floors. We only use one of them for some reason. We can rent out the other six for parties, birthdays, weddings, you name it. Nobody will ever know, we'll split the profits and Boom! Easy street!
Sylar: I like the sound of that "Boom". Ok, I'm in.
Ted: I can picture it now. We'll make a fortune on it! We'd be rich. Oh, what a luxurious lifestyle I would lead.
Ted fantasizes about the easy life. He walks into his kitchen and opens the pantry door. He takes out the bag of Marshmallow Matey's off brand cereal. He reaches over and picks up a much larger bag of Marshmallow Matey's off brand cereal and puts it in the pantry.
Ted: Fancy!
Back at the school, Zach catches up with Hiro in the hall.
Hiro: Hey!
Zach: Hey...so, Claire kinda filled me in on what happened.
Hiro: Yes, Genesis Redux has been destroyed. The evil Arthur Petrelli has been vanquished. Good triumphs once again!
Zach: Well, I wanted to talk to you about that. I think we may have a problem.
Hiro: Yes we do, Ando is in prison! We must break him out! Here are the schematics of the prison complex.
He rolls them out on a table.
Hiro: Don't ask me where I got these.
Zach: I was going to ask why even bother breaking in when you could just teleport and get him but whatever. No, I have another problem.
Hiro: Which is?
Zach: When Redux was destroyed. I woke up in the middle of nowhere. It took me a few hours, but I was able to make it home.
Hiro: Yay!
Zach: Well, no, not really. I got home...
Flashback to Zach reaching his house. He is about to open the door when it opens for him. He is shocked to see himself on the other side.
Zach (inside): Hey, I'm heading out for a bit!
His head being turned, he didn't see Zach outside (he immediately jumps into the bushes. Zach (inside) walks out and grabs his bike. Zach (outside) pokes his head out of the bushes, baffled.
Hiro: Clones?!
Zach: Well, I didn't say that.
Hiro: Sure sounds like Clones. I'll have to deal with this first thing when I get Ando out.
Claire: You're stealing people from prisons, now?!
Hiro: How long have you been standing there?
Claire: Long enough. Listen, I'm wondering...about Zach's problem...not yours.
Hiro: Aww.
Claire: Zach, you told me that Hiro actually pulled you aside while IN Redux to help him to The Season Finale, right?
Zach: Yeah.
Claire: Well, maybe because you had knowledge of what was going on, you somehow came back. But in the real world, the real Zach just kinda faded off after Season 1. So maybe that's why both of you are here.
Zach: Hmm...makes sense I guess.
Claire: Hiro, was there anybody else that had knowledge of Redux that may have come over into the real world?
Hiro: Hmm...Hmmmm...Hm...HMMMM...
Claire: YES!?
Hiro: The artist! Mister Isaac!
Claire: Isaac Mendez?
Hiro: Yes. He was with Micah when they were entering lines of computer code to...
Claire: Okay, you lost me. We need to find Isaac Mendez before he runs into himself.
Hiro: Uh...about that.
A scalp goes flying across the room, it lands on the table in front of Claire.
Claire: AAAAAAHHHHH!
Hiro: This building is falling apart.
Zach: The real Isaac Mendez died at the hands of Sylar.
Claire: Oh right, back when Sylar actually did something on the show.
Sylar: I heard that!
Ted looks up, the two of them are measuring the rooms of The Company' s other floors.
Ted: Heard what?
Sylar: I don't know...hmm.
Claire: Let's bust Ando out of Prison, then hunt down Isaac Mendez.
Hiro: Right!
Claire: And let me guess...you're too nervous to use your powers?
Hiro: Yup! Being on the lam and all.
Claire: Groan...okay, let's book it.
Meanwhile, Bob and Angela are driving down the road. Angela, just waking up from a nap.
Angela (hair frizzled): Where are we?
Bob: On a road. Speaking of which, where are we going?
Angela: Seattle.
Bob: What?! Why?
Angela: It's a secret.
Bob: Care to let me in on just a teensy little bit of that secret?
Angela: I suppose. I have a Summer House that belonged to both Arthur and I. Inside the basement of that house, is a time machine!
Bob: Uh...
Angela: I promised to only use it in dire circumstances. And this circumstance, if you were not able to tell, is very dire!
Bob: And all of this is based on a dream you had.
Angela: Not just a dream, it was...very real.
Bob: Uh huh. So, it's not like I haven't done my homework. Isn't Hiro Nakamura a time traveler?
Angela: We can't use anybody else! It just has to be the two of us!
Bob: And why me? You couldn't have asked anybody else.
Angela: Well, there wasn't before, but now that you're here I will definitely need you when the time comes.
Bob: That's not unsettling in the slightest. Ok, changing gears, why can't we just fly to Seattle?!
Angela: And wait in line at the airport? Hardly! This is much quicker.
Bob: It's probably going to take us like…3, maybe 4 days to drive across the country, and that's not counting eating, sleeping, and pee breaks.
Angela: And how long would it take to fly there?
Bob: Like 6 hours...7 tops.
Angela: I see...
She makes a phone call.
Angela: Hi, yes, I would like to order your number 4 special. Okay...thanks!
She hangs up.
Bob: What was that?
Angela: Rat fumigator! He's going to fume the lake house while we're traveling. It'll take exactly 3, maybe 4 days! Depending on the size of the rats!
Bob: Sigh...
Angela: Besides, I came prepared!
She holds up a giant cup.
Bob: You're going to pee in that thing?
Angela: WHAT?! NO! This is my protein shake!...That's disgusting!
Bob: Ah, that makes more sense.
Noah and Elle are outside the building where Samuel got away.
Elle: Ah yes! The scene of the crime. (Rubbing her hands together) He'll have nowhere to hide now! Let's search for clues!
She reaches into Noah's jacket pocket and pulls out a magnifying glass. She breathes on it as the lens falls out and shatters into a million pieces.
Noah: Dammit, Elle! That was my grandmother's.
Elle: We'll get her a new one.
Noah: We….can't really do that.
Elle: Oh!..I'm sorry!...Did she...(leans in)..."bite the big one"?
Noah: No, she didn't "bite the big one"!
Elle: OH MY GOD! SHE'S STILL ALIVE?! She has to be 200 years old by now!
Noah: I'm saying that it's one of a kind, you can't just...wait, how old do you think I am?
Elle: A lot-ty seven.
Noah: ...
Elle: ...Old-y five? Fogey Four? Walking Corpsey Nine?
Noah: ANYWAY! This magnifying glass was made by my grandmother, only one was made. Notice it's a "horn rimmed magnifying glass"! A staple in the Bennet family.
Elle: Is that right?
Elle quickly removes Noah's glasses off his head.
Elle: Yoink!
She breathes on them...as both lenses suddenly fall out and shatter into a million pieces.
Elle: WHOOPS!
Noah: Oh, for crying out loud! Now I can barely see anything!
Elle: You wouldn't happen to have any "horn rimmed contacts" on you by any chance?
Noah: No! How would that even work?
Elle: We have to go get you new glasses now, huh?
Noah: You would be correct.
Elle: I'm never going to solve this case.
Meanwhile, Claire was...what? We're not ready for that scene yet? Okay, we'll stick with these two for now. Meanwhile, the same exact characters were...
Elle: Breaking into Lens Crafters!
Noah: Elle, the place is open. We don't have to break in.
Elle: Of course we do!
Elle puts a stocking over her face. And runs up to the counter.
Elle (pulling out a bag): THIS IS A STICKUP! PUT EVERYTHING IN THE BAG!
Clerk: AAHHHH!
Elle notices the bag has a dollar sign on it.
Elle: Oh, oops! Wrong bag. This is the one I use to rob banks.
She pulls out a bag with a giant eyeball on it.
Elle: There we go...PUT ALL THE GLASSES IN THE BAG! I don't want to "see" you do anything else.
She turns to Noah.
Elle: How did you like my pun, Noah Bennet? That was an Elle Bishop original!
Noah slaps his forehead.
Elle (turning back): If anybody tries to prosecute me, I'll tell them I was "framed". Ha...hmm, I probably should have just went with that one.
Noah: Yeah, you should've.
Elle: Make with the glasses, jerk! Or else I'll riddle you with…
She draws her weapon.
Elle: ….Pez.
Noah: PEZ!?
Elle: It's all I had in my pockets. I had to sell all the guns in the armory to fund the CSI Machine.
Noah: Oh, good grief.
Elle: Don't worry. It's still dangerous. I had it specially equipped with hydraulics for extra speedy candy!
She tilts back Mrs. Piggy's Pez Head.
BANG!
Noah: OH MY GOD! I think you just shot someone!
Elle: Good thing I didn't have this near my mouth. I've never actually used it before. THAT would have put me in a pickle!
Man: Tell my wife….I love her…
Elle: No way, man! I don't even know your wife!
Noah: ELLE!
Elle: Oh, all right. Let's go find her.
10 Minutes Later.
Peter: You called me at JUST the right time, Noah. I was just about to continue solving my brother's murder.
Noah: Yeah, thanks Peter for helping us out. Wait…Nathan's dead?
Nathan (out in the car): NO!
Peter: Don't mention it, buddy!
Elle: Pez?
Peter: I'd love one!
Noah: NO!
BANG!
Woman: AHH! I've been shot!
Peter: An EMT's work is never done. NATE! Scoot over! We got two more coming in!
Nathan: Oh, come on!
Peter: What happened to my candy?
Elle: My bad! Here you go!
BANG!
Noah: GOD! This is turning into a blood bath! I'm getting the hell out of here!
Meanwhile, outside of The Prison. Claire, Zach and Hiro are….outside of the prison. Stellar job as always, writers.
Claire (looking over a bush): How are we going to get in there?! The place is guarded like mad!
Hiro: Claire, if Zombies can break into the prison on The Walking Dead, then we should have no trouble getting in there.
Claire: I don't know if I should be offended by that or not.
Zach: We could all get jobs at the prison?
Claire: Or get Guard costumes and pretend we already work there.
Zach: How can that possibly work? We'd need access and everything.
Claire: Hiro? What do you think? You know, since the obvious option of teleportation and shaving off 40 minutes of screen time is out of the question.
Hiro: I wasn't paying attention. What's this about getting jobs at the costume shop?
Claire: We're doing mine first.
At the gate.
Claire: We're here for duty! Let us in!
Guard: I don't see your badges.
Claire: ….CRAP!
10 minutes later.
Claire (walking back up with Zach and Hiro): HI! We're here for jobs.
Guard: …..You're already dressed as guards?
Claire: We REALLY want this job.
Guard: Hmm…..(shrugs)…..OPEN UP!
Claire: We did it!
Hiro: I've always wanted to work at the costume shop!
Claire: I…ugh….nevermind.
Meanwhile, at The Carnival.
Samuel stops by Mohinder's booth.
Samuel: Mohinder, I've decided to get you that bigger kiosk.
Mohinder: Most good! Where is it?
Samuel raises his arms.
Samuel: All around you.
Mohinder: You're giving me the Carnival?!
Samuel: What? No! I'm saying that you need to broaden your horizons. Get out there and bring people to our family!
Mohinder: Go out and bring people in? How am I supposed to do that?
Samuel: Use that brain of yours. You and your partner will bring our family to new heights.
Mohinder: Who is my partner?
Samuel: I'm still working on that. Or someone should be. Hold that thought.
Samuel gets on the phone.
Samuel (phone): Edgar!
Edgar (to Lydia): Crap….it's Samuel.
Lydia: Tell him we haven't found the girl yet. Be honest. That usually works.
Edgar: Right, right….(back on the phone)…We got the girl, boss.
Lydia looks at Edgar.
Samuel: Excellent! Bring her back at once.
Edgar: Right!
He hangs up.
Lydia: What did you do that for?! We don't have her yet!
Edgar: Just to buy some time….but don't worry….I have a feeling we'll be running into her again very shortly.
Lydia notices that Edgar shows up back at Hiro's school.
Lydia: What are we doing back here?
Edgar: Remember? The records in there say that Hiro hired The Cheerleader to be a nurse. They're not there now but they'll have to come back eventually, right?
Lydia: We pose as students and kidnap the girl!
Edgar: Uh….close…I wasn't….
Lydia: It's brilliant! Let's go in and enroll.
Edgar: I was just going to do a Smash and Grab! I hate school!
Meanwhile, back in the ambulance.
Nathan (in the front seat): Okay, now that I'm feeling a little better. Let's bring us all up to speed. Daphne…thanks for stomach pumping the poison out of me with the stomach pump machine you stole from a real ambulance.
Daphne: No sweat!
Nathan: Peter?
Peter: Yes, brother?
Nathan: What happened to the two Lens Crafters victims?
Peter: Just dropped them off at the hospital. You are coming with us so we can track down Tracy and bring her to justice.
Niki (the back seat): It's actually Barbara. Tracy has been possessed like I was with Jessica way back when.
Matt: That's right! So….what's this I keep hearing about Pez? Does anybody have one or what?
Nathan: And why is Niki and Matt with us?
Niki: Peter swung by and picked us up. Apparently everyone in the audience at the school play called 911 and said that "theater was murdered" today. You'd think that would be against the law or something.
Nathan: And Matt's in handcuffs because…
Matt: Charges were pressed against me for murdering theater today. Eh….If you can't pay the time…
Nathan: And Elle and Noah are one their way to get new glasses at someplace other than Lens Crafters because they've been banned for life then they'll be off to The Carnival where D.L and Micah are on their way to now to save Mohinder and recapture Samuel? Does that pretty much cover it?
Peter: Yup.
Niki: Sounds good to me.
Daphne and West nod.
Matt: Seriously…what's going on with the Pez?
Nathan: Great.
Nathan marks the last item on his list.
Nathan: That ends all the exposition. Ok…let's do this.
Matt: Found the Pez!
BANG!
Blood starts seeping through Nathan's shirt.
Nathan: ….I should really consider trying out for Game Of Thrones next season…
Meanwhile, in Prison!
Claire, Hiro and Zach sneak into the control room and look up the prisoner database.
Claire: Let's see….Ando…Ando…Ugh! I'm never going to find him! There's so many people here!
Zach: Isn't there a 'search' function?
Claire: Oh yeah….that might work…Got it! He's on Level 12, Section 4-B, Cell 22. Let's go!
They turn around and see a guard standing behind them.
Claire: Oh…hello!
Guard: What do you think you're doing?
Claire: Um….Orientation?
Guard: I don't believe you. You haven't even had your interviews yet. I thought you were here for jobs.
Claire: We are…we're….lost….?
-Flashback-
Claire: We did it!
The gates open and the three of them walk in.
Claire (pointing, screaming): THERE'S THE CONTROL ROOM!
They scurry to the room and slam the door behind them.
-End-
Claire: So….did we get the job?
Guard: You're getting something…
Claire: A promotion?! Oh wait…that wouldn't make any sense.
Claire, Zach and Hiro get thrown into a cell.
Claire: Not imprisonment! I hate that!
Guard: If you can't pay the time, don't impersonate prison officials.
Claire: That didn't even rhyme! I hope you don't write children's books!
Guard: I do write children's books actually….this one is called "Frankie The Felonious Ferret".
Claire grabs the book and reads it.
Claire: This…is actually really well written. You should probably quit your day job…..DAMMIT!
Guard: I might just do that. Hey, I'll put in a good word for you guys.
The guard leaves.
Claire: And we're in!...Yes!...-sigh-….yeah, we're screwed.
Hiro: Don't worry…I might be able to get us out of here…
Claire: Oh, you can teleport now? You're technically not on the lam anymore since we're technically in prison.
Voice: Hiro? Is that you?
Hiro: Ando?
Hiro looks out of his cell to see Ando in the next cell over.
Hiro: Ando! It is you! My plan worked!
Zach: Plan?
Claire: What are you talking about?
Hiro: I knew it was only going to be a matter of time before we would have gotten caught.
Claire: Thanks for the vote of confidence…
Hiro: So I registered "our" cell to be right next to Ando's….
Claire: What?! You booked our cell?...Like it's a Hotel room? Can you even do that!?
Ando: Hiro! What's going on with the school?!
Hiro: I got it taken care of, Ando my friend. My father has taken over the role of Superintendent. His financial backing will get our school up and running. He also plays an important role in getting us out.
Claire: How so?
Hiro: My father will invest a lot of time and money into the school. Without the faculty (points to Claire, Zach and over to Ando)…there's no school.
Zach: I guess I'm a teacher now. The Cab Company won't be pleased.
Hiro: He won't risk letting us rot in jail….so he'll bail us out. It's the perfect plan.
The Guard walks up.
Guard: Hiro Nakamura?
Hiro: That's me!
Guard: I just got off the phone with your dad. He is fine with you staying in prison for the rest of the week since you crave structure.
Hiro: GUH!
Guard: Well, I just turned in my notice. I'm off to write more children's books. Here, you can have this one I've been working on.
He hands the book to Claire.
Claire: Thanks!
Hiro and Zach look at her.
Claire: I'm totally not going to read it.
Claire realizes her finger was left on the words: THE END
Claire: Rats…
Zach: I guess we're here for the rest of the week.
Hiro: Did I mention I'm going to try to get a job at Game Of Thrones next season?
To Be Continued.