Chapter 6. Radio Radio...Elvis Costello.
Stephenie Meyer owns it all, I just own massive university debt.
~~OtA~~
BPOV
The 2am alarm did not hold as much dread as it normally did.
"It's Wednesday, its hump day..." she giggled to herself. Hump day.
No hump day, really. She would have two chaperones today, one chaperone on Thursday and the girls were all going to Vegas Thursday night to keep their eyes on her behavior.
She would try very hard to be a good girl.
She sang in the shower and didn't even curse the little four minute timer. She chose a very conservative outfit, her girls clearly hidden from view, and a pair of trousers that were a little Diane Keaton for her taste. Alice had chosen the outfit for her. Something along the lines of keeping her womanly bits covered and temptation at bay. No skirts, no dresses and no pretty underwear and pantyhose. Bella had tried to protest, but Rose had pulled one of her famous scowls and Bella had agreed to go along with Alice dressing her like a Grandma.
Even her clothes for Las Vegas had been picked and they were definitely low key. There would be no perv factor for four weeks. She was not allowed to invite temptation.
She drove to Rosalie's house and was met with an elegant but yawning blonde standing in her driveway.
"Fuck Bells, 2am wake-ups are not conducive to functioning correctly. I broke that bloody shower timer Alice gave us to remind us to be water conscious. Apparently, they don't like being thrown against bathroom tiles...go figure. Take me to your espresso machine, stat."
"Thanks Rose. I really appreciate you being here. We'll head through the Starbucks drive-through as soon as I pick up Alice."
A little groan emerged from Rose, who slowly turned to face Bella. She took a deep breath and said in the most even tone she could muster, "You do realize that Alice is a morning person. She's going to be way too chipper for me to tolerate. You know how much I love her but espresso first and then chipper little Alice. Please, I beg you."
"All right but you call her and tell her we'll be five minutes late. I don't want her standing outside her building and maybe getting smacked on the head by some psycho."
A quick detour to the drive-through and four minutes later they drove onto Alice's street. Pulling up at the front of her apartment, they saw Alice lying on the grass in the front garden.
"Oh shit, someone killed her!"
Bella opened the car door in a panic, and a serene Alice sat up.
"Aren't the stars just beautiful at this time of the morning? You so rarely get to see them; they must turn off enough lights in the city by now so that you can make out the Magellan clouds just beautifully," Alice said as she bounced into the car.
"One Chai Latte for the pixie stargazer," Bella handed Alice her coffee in the back seat.
"Morning Rosie!"
"Grrr."
"Hmmm, I keep forgetting that you aren't a morning person. Let's get this show on the road."
Bella and Rose preferred to drive in silence. Alice preferred to talk like a hyperactive chipmunk, pointing out things like a distracted little child in the back seat. Bella was blissfully aware of her musical-like little voice behind her, chattering away. Rose was barely containing herself, but as each minute passed caffeine was making its way into her bloodstream and she was starting to come to for the morning.
Bella buzzed the security button on the garage door and they made their way under the building.
"We go in for the pre-show meeting first, veto anything vulgar and then the show goes live."
As Bella introduced her friends to the room of the usual suspects, Jasper moved some extra seats in for the additional attendees.
The meeting went better than Bella expected, although it became obvious why she was the one chosen from their law firm to keep Edward in check.
Alice had an unconventional and slightly perverted sense of humor. Rosie was conservative...ultra conservative. Alice had once dropped the c-bomb and she almost needed to be resuscitated. Rose had not been able to look Alice in the eye for a week. Alice had to buy Rose a Burberry scarf and promise never to say the term ever again. Bella couldn't remember if there was a semi-legal document involved either, but the friendship had been repaired.
In reality, Alice would never have pushed the yellow button and Rose would have pushed it like she was typing out a telegraph message. Being even-tempered and mellow when it came to humor, Bella was the girl for the job. Bella spent much of the meeting restraining Rose's arm, kicking her and talking over her whenever she heard Rose release yet another exasperated or shocked sigh next to her.
She also spent the rest of the meeting stopping Alice from giggling and clapping (yes, clapping) as the writers went through various storyboards for the day.
She may have kicked Alice once or twice. She also had to put her hand on Alice's knee to stop her from bouncing around like a hyper puppy.
But all this distraction actually helped her in her target for the day. Do not perv, do not touch, and do not engage in conversation the with object of her desire.
EPOV
Thank the heavens that Bella had bought her wingmen in with her today.
Jasper and Emmett were keeping a more diligent eye on him, and in turn he was trying to keep a less diligent eye on Bella. She had these slightly baggy pants on that hid her curves and a jacket that stayed buttoned up even as she sat down… in the chair furthest from his, he noted. Her hair pulled up in a professional and slightly stand-offish way. Her whole outfit screamed "DO NOT PERV!" Yet he couldn't help but notice how he could see the line of her neck, her little diamond earrings sparkling in the lights, calling attention to earlobes just begging to be kissed... Oh shit, he had it bad.
So he focused on the show, trying to kick in his gross alter-ego. Tits, bums and boobs...tits, bums and boobs...he was getting in character...albeit slowly. The accent appeared only fifteen minutes before the show. This girl was making him loose his unprofessional and obnoxious touch. Or maybe it was the rather vicious looking blonde that sat beside her. This was one woman he didn't want to piss off. She looked like she knew how to kick a guy in the nuts. The little hyperactive ball of enthusiasm was Alice. He knew this because Jasper must have said her name ten times in the first thirty minutes of meeting her until Edward pointed it out.
"She's cute."
"Do you want me to pass her a note in hall room to ask if she thinks you're cute too?"
"Fuck you, Ed."
"Fuck you, my friend. You are in the same boat as me...pick a chick who will get this company in less shit can you?"
"Could you do the same, my friend?"
"No, I can't because I have it bad. I got you and Emmett to be my bouncers but so far you're sucking at it."
"Duly noted comrade. However, I'm letting you know that after walking in on you two yesterday I'm concerned I won't be able to get it up anymore, you freak."
"Shut up Whitlock."
"Yes sir..." Jasper saluted his friend, turning it into the bird as he lowered his hand.
"Did your mother teach you that one?"
"Ah…there's my antagonistic little Yankee. So glad your fucking accent turned up man...were you keeping it with your balls?" Emmett added to the conversation as he entered the room.
"Wow, if I didn't have you two assholes to keep me grounded what would I do?" Edward smacked the hulking beast that was Emmett in the back of the head.
"Let's get this show on the road. At least we have some great gossip to keep the show nasty and tasteless. Who would have thought we could come up with new ass jokes this early in the morning?"
The morning hands-in and cheer was conducted and then he was live...on the air, and in mighty fine form.
Something about having the additional heightened risk of being yellow-buttoned sent him into an obnoxious frenzy. He could see through the producers window that Rose was bouncing up and down and it wasn't out of excitement like little Alice. At one stage he actually saw that Bella was physically restraining Rose and pointing her finger at her. He thought he saw Bella slapping Rose's hand at one stage as well, like a mother does to a child who is about to go for another cookie...
"...and in Australia they look like they are going to have a hung parliament... Just like in Britain. Can Australia not set any trends themselves? Get this…they have a political party called the Sex party. I am very interested to see what their platform was...platform shoes and strippers poles in every home...and speaking of class, Lindsay Lohan - Day 12 Rehab watch..."
BPOV
Edward was back into his usual vulgar form. The general manager, Aro, walked in the booth towards the end of the show, clutching some papers that obviously were advertisements that they had booked and he was high fiving and patting on the back everyone in the room. He gave Rose, Bella and Alice a wide berth, probably realizing too late that he should have kept his enthusiasm for Edward's return to form down to a minimum. It was obvious that money and ratings were the only two things he cared about.
She had had to physically man handle Rose during the show as she was getting increasingly edgy that the FCC didn't allow her to "yellow button" some of the more common vulgarities in the English language. Alice seemed to enjoy watching Rose and Bella wrestle, and unfortunately she was giggling throughout the show. This seemed to aggravate Rose even more, who was muttering under her breath something about Burberry scarves and strangling.
And finally they were lead to the climax of the day - the team meeting with Bella and her associates and Edward with his.
The production room was cleared after the show wrap-up meeting and Alice, Bella and Rose respectively, sat on the opposite of the long side of the table from Jasper, Edward and Emmett.
Jasper spoke first.
"Ladies, it seems we have a problem with two of our key members who appear to be unable to keep their hands off each other. So we are all in agreement that some arrangement needs to be made to keep this, er…association on the up and up so that our company doesn't become involved in further legal proceedings and financial punishments, and your company doesn't lose its reputation."
Rose rapidly agreed. "Financially and legally I believe that both parties are in agreement that this situation needs to be vetoed immediately. Unfortunately, the court order directives indicate that Isabella is the representative from our firm and she has been given the role of supervising the court ordered sanctions. Alice or I could step in at this point, but there would be paperwork that would need to be filed, and in all likelihood, by the time this made it to a judge, the court supervision time would have been completed, and our filing would raise questions about the validity of the supervision that occurred. Obviously, this is not the resolution that your firm wants, nor ours."
Emmett pushed some papers towards Rosie. "Here is the schedule of shows for the next week and a half and the schedule that has been arranged with the shelter for Edward to work at. The biggest risk that I can identify is the Vegas show on Friday, given that we will all be booked into the same hotel for security purposes. The hours at the shelter have some additional security requirements, meaning that neither Jasper nor I will have clearance in time to supervise Edward in addition to Miss Swan's supervision, so this will be up to you to arrange this time period."
Alice interceded."Rosie, I mean Miss Hale, and I will be able to monitor Isabella and Mr. Cullen during the community service component. As for Vegas, well…we can keep them apart during the visit except for the show, obviously. Do we have to supervise the kids after hours here in Seattle or can you behave yourselves?"
The weird sensation occurring in the room had not gone unnoticed by all members of the group. Edward was intensely trying to avoid making eye contact with Bella.
Bella was trying equally hard not to make eye contact with Edward.
The pair of them were, in a word, pathetic. They kept catching each other's eyes; Bella was in full blush mode and Edward was developing a light nervous sheen on his forehead. Bella was fiddling with her hands under the table and Edward was banging out Morse-code with his bouncing knee. In addition, there was a strange vibe brewing within the room.
Alice unfortunately realized what it was first, and failed, as usual, to use her brain-to-mouth filter.
"It's like two animals in heat..." she said, her eyes wide as she looked between Bella and Edward.
Jasper laughed. "You should have seen what I walked in on the other day. I thought I was going to have to get a hose or something."
Even Rose managed to raise her eyebrow and put in her two cents worth. "We need to bottle the pheromones. For the love of Jebus Bella, stop twitching your hands around. We get it, you like him, you can't help it. Just don't jump over the table or anything because I can take you, woman."
Emmett didn't want to be left out. "Do we need to have buckets of cold water available at all times? Edward keep your bloody leg still man, you're like a rabid dog. Three weeks and you're all clear."
"Emmett," Rose interjected. "They can't hook up for months or better a year or so. If this gets out we are done, our credibility goes out the window. We don't condone your organization's behavior, and to put it simply, we are the antitheses of everything you are. We are altruistic, we defend the defenseless and we rely on our successful side-work to keep our charitable interests going. This (she waved about her hands between Edward and Bella) puts it all in jeopardy. Bella, you can't ever have a relationship with this man, not if you want to keep the shelter going."
Bella and Edward both came to life, bolting upright.
"Enough! It isn't even known out in the community what my real name is. I can walk out of here as Edward and hold my head up high." Edward was breathing rapidly. He didn't want to miss the opportunity to get to know Bella. That would be completely unacceptable.
"I would disagree, Edward. Did you not see the protestors outside the studio this morning? Aro said that they were outside any affiliate who was playing your radio show. It won't take too long for them to figure out that this station is the one transmitting the show, and that with all the cars coming in and out, someone will know someone in the DMV who is willing to leak an address or a license picture. The days of your anonymity are nearly over my friend."
Bella looked rather pale. She couldn't take him to a fundraising event. She couldn't be seen with him in public. She understood the gravity of the situation at last.
And so did Edward.
~~OtA~~
Thanks to FicObsessed and Elaine67. I wish I had Beta's and Prereaders for all of my life conversations, because then I wouldn't need to rely on my brain to mouth filter which is set on #fail most times...