The Heroes Parody Project
Season 5
Chapter 7
Disclaimer: Heroes is copyright its creator, Tim Kring, and NBC. I do not own anything, know or represent any of the cast or crew. This fan fiction is written purely for entertainment purposes only so please don't sue. Reader Discretion is advised.
Matt comes running down the stairs, holding papers and apparently in a panic. Niki and Mohinder are sitting at the kitchen table.
Mohinder (to Niki): I thought you didn't live here anymore.
Niki: I'm just here for the coffee. Don't flatter yourself.
Mohinder: I just...
Niki: Nope.
Mohinder: But I...
Niki: Shut it.
Mohinder: I was just going to say...
Niki: Don't want to hear it.
Mohinder: Fine...Our home is your home. I was just going to say that.
Niki: UGH! Now you made it gross. I should just throw this coffee in your face.
Mohinder: Uh...
Niki looks over at a panicked Matt.
Niki: What's wrong with you?
Matt: Guys! Why aren't you freaking out right now?! We're missing Comic-Con!
Niki: What-i-con?
Matt: COMIC...CON! The biggest comics, tv, movies, games, everything event of the century! And we're missing it!
Mohinder: Matt, The San Diego Comic-Con was months ago.
Matt: Not that one. Other cities have Comic-Cons, Mohinder.
Niki: Geez, Mohinder, even I knew that and I have no idea what he's talking about!
Mohinder: Hmph!
Matt: It's the Special Television Sci-Fi Convention that they're holding down the street across the Denny's that has the waitress with two hooks for hands!
Niki and Mohinder exchange looks.
Matt: We have to go this year. They only have it once a month, then we have to wait until January when it comes back.
Niki: Isn't that how "Once a month"-...don't do it Niki, he'll never learn if you enable him.
Matt: So let's mosey! Hiro is probably there already!
Matt's phone buzzes. He answers it with a text message from Hiro.
Matt: Hiro just texted me "DUH". We have to get moving!
Niki: Eh...I'll just catch it on Netflix.
Matt: IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT! We have to get to our panel!
Niki: Panel for what?
-Later, at Comic Con-
Niki (at the panel) looks over the table and reads the banner...which reads "HEROES".
Niki: Oh, right...
She looks around.
Niki: Where is everybody else? Oh well, at least we're a better turnout than the panel I went to for "Castle".
-Years Ago-
Niki is excitedly sitting in the audience at the Castle Cast and Crew Panel. Matt comes walking out dressed like an actual Castle.
Matt: With a drawbridge and everything! Gotta make sure it doesn't drop down...indecent exposure and whatnot. Not making THAT mistake again!
Niki: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!?
Matt: Hi...welcome to the "Castle" panel. I'll be taking questions from everyone except for the cranky blonde in the 3rd row.
Niki stands up from her chair.
Niki: Give us "Castle" or die!
A hand gets raised.
Matt: Yes, sir. What is your question?
Fan: Yeah, how will things turn out for you and Beckett this season?
Matt: Just peachy.
The crowd cheers.
Matt: And let's bring her out now.
The audience claps as Claire (sporting multi colored hair and a blue robe) makes her way next to Matt.
Niki: And who is THAT supposed to be?!
Claire: Sorceress In Training, Eureeka! This is the panel for "Eureeka's Castle", right?
Niki (rubbing her temples): My head is a blood volcano...Who's going to even get that reference?! That show hasn't been on in 20 years! I'm done. I'm getting the hell out of this flashback.
-Present-
Mohinder: Niki, you have a line of people wanting your autograph.
Matt: Yeah, just hurry through them. It's easy. Though I've been accidentally signing mine as "Castle" though. Whoops!
Peter runs up and grabs a chair.
Niki: Where have you been?
Peter: Filming my movies. Got a 7 picture deal.
Niki: For what?
Peter: Oh...only the biggest movie franchise ever!
-Filming-
A kid falls over on his bike. A speeding Ice Cream truck is heading for him.
Kid: Oh no! Who will save me?
Peter (as Superman) flies down to the kid.
Peter: Never fear...Radioactive Man is here!
Director: CUT! Dude! It's SUPERMAN! There's a giant "S" on your chest for cryin' out loud!
Peter: Oh...I thought that just meant it was a small size. Got excited about losing some pounds for nothing. Though I probably shouldn't have pigged out at Craft Services table right before shooting.
Peter's gut flops out of the uniform as a button shoots off and nails the kid in the eye.
Kid: OW! MY EYE! I THINK I JUST WENT BLIND!
Peter: And knowing is half the battle!...ooh...I gotta sit down. That brisket is putting up a fight...whew!...hoofa!
A giant Brisket is off in the corner punching its fists and making throat cutting gestures to Peter.
Peter: Oh my god! That actually happens!? I thought that was just in heartburn commercials!? Quick! I need some Zantac!...or Z-quil...whatever its called!
The brisket runs over and starts beating up Peter.
Peter: OOF! OW! Oh...I knew I shouldn't have opened that fortune cookie.
Further flashback to Peter at a Chinese Restaurant. Peter cracks open a fortune cookie. A giant fortune cookie runs up.
Fortune Cookie: BRIDGET?! NOOOOOOOOOO!
Peter: Uhhhh...
Fortune Cookie: OH MY GOD! YOU KILLED HER! I was going to propose tonight! You killed my one true love!
Peter: Uhhhhhhhhh...*CHOMP*
The Fortune Cookie points at Peter.
Fortune Cookie: You will die the slowest and painfullest of deaths! Misery will haunt you until the end of your days. Your lucky numbers are 43, 22, 56, and 9!
The Fortune Cookie storms off as Peter looks dumbfounded.
Peter: …...*CHOMP*
-Back at the panel-
Niki is glaring at Peter.
Peter: What?
Niki: You're officially banned from telling flashbacks. I'm adding you to the list!
Claire runs up and grabs a seat next to Peter.
Claire (to the fans): Save the Cheerleader, everyone! What season are we on? Ugh...this robe is so hot...
Niki: Why are you still dressed like that witch from the flashback?!
Claire: Hmm? Oh, you mean Eureeka? She's not a witch, she's a Sorceress In Training. I didn't feel like changing so we're just going to say we've been filming the show for 2 decades. I know, I still look amazing.
Niki looks over and sees Hiro standing in line.
Niki: HEY! YOU!
Hiro: EEK!
Niki: Get your butt up here! We shouldn't be the only ones who have to suffer!
Hiro makes his way to Claire and gets an autograph.
Hiro: Thanks, Eureeka. I love the show and have been watching it for the 20 years its been on the air.
Claire: Thanks, love. You fans are the real magic!
Hiro: YAY!
Hiro happily walks away.
Niki rolls her eyes and looks over at Matt, who is back in his "Castle" costume. She looks away and shakes her head.
Niki: Matt?
Matt: Yeah, Niki?
Niki: …..your...um...drawbridge is down.
Matt: AHHHHH! Oh my god! It's just like in my nightmare!
Niki: AND OURS! Would you do something about it already!?
Matt: I'm so embarrassed I could literally just die! This day couldn't get any worse.
A giant brisket runs up and drags Matt away from the panel.
Matt: AHHH! Where are you taking me?! PETER! HELP!
Peter: I...I don't want to get involved...(looks away)
Niki looks at Mohinder.
Niki: …...I hate this show.
Claire (waving her wand): Previously on Heroes...hey, this stupid wand doesn't work.
She bangs it against the table a few times...it suddenly explodes in a flash of light.
Claire: AHHHH!
Peter: Redux is over!
Claire wakes up in her room. The Bennet Family takes her on a Duck Dynasty Vacation.
Claire: This has been fun and all but I have a job interview to get to.
Claire shows up at a school, where Hiro awaits.
Hiro: I have a job for you, Claire Bennet. You are going to be the Nurse at my new school for gifted youngsters.
Claire: Well, I don't have a degree so...
Hiro: Not a problem! Let's go steal...err...umm...borrow some books!
Claire and Hiro get to the school and make off with books. The cops are on to them as Claire hops in a taxi driven by...
Claire: Zach Season-One!? What are you doing here?
Zach: Claire!?...I have a last name, you know.
Claire: Really? I would like to know what it is.
Zach: You've talked to Hiro!? I have to talk to him...we just got out of Genesis Redux and...
Claire: Yeah, yeah, yeah...let's get back to the school.
Hiro: Ando's been sent to prison. And I can't help feeling it was somehow my fault.
Claire: UH...Because it was!
Hiro, Zach, and Claire get to the prison. They try to sneak in but get imprisoned themselves.
Hiro: Spas. Fine dining. I can get used to this.
Later...
Hiro: Claire...I lost focus. Let's get out of here and get back to that school!
Zach, Claire and Ando: Hooray!
The four of them get back to the school and find Lydia and Edgar.
Elsewhere.
Samuel Sullivan of Sullivan's Carnival Fame is currently imprisoned at The Company. A mysterious man breaks him out by writing something in a book, tearing it out, and instructing Samuel to rip of the page at an exact time.
Elle: The prisoner escaped! Come on, Mr. B!
Elle breaks Noah's glasses.
Noah: Dammit, Elle!
Elle: Let's just go to whoever makes these and get another pair.
Noah: My grandmother. GMHRG.
Elle: I'm pretty sure I signed off on not using that abbreviation. Oh well.
GMHRG: I need the glasses kit from the top of the mountain. Then I will help you.
Noah and Elle make their way to the top of the mountain and befriend a secluded man named Soap.
Noah: I didn't befriend anybody. The guy is bonkers.
Soap: Elle. Will you marry me?
Elle: A million times yes!
Noah: WHAT!?
Elle: Now that we got the kit and went back to your grandmother's house just to find that it was all just a stupid ruse to waste our time because she's an miserable old windbag leading us to burn down her house and get you new glasses, I can focus on getting married! So...Sylar and Ted are running a secret marriage operation from one of the abandoned floors of The Company building. How about that?
Noah: WHAAAT!?
Elsewhere...Angela was...
Sylar: What? Our storyline doesn't get included in the previouslies?! What a ripoff! It's just as important.
He turns to Ted and quickly shakes his head.
Sylar: Yeah, I know.
Angela has a dream about being in the future. She sees a mysterious woman but wakes up. She has to know more.
Angela: So I'm recruiting the two people I consider friend types. Bob Bishop and Kaito Nakamura.
Kaito leaves and joins Hiro's plot and becomes Superintendent of his "new school".
Angela: Alright then. It's up to us.
Bob: Let's do it!...Whatever it is you want me to do.
Angela and Bob make a road trip up North. They stop at a gas station and attract the attention of a robber. The robber follows them to the lake house and attacks them both. Bob ends up knocking him unconscious.
Bob: Thanks, Lifetime "Home Invasion" movies!
Claire spins around dramatically.
Claire: The names Voyance...Claire Voyance!
And now...in a "Claire Voyance Original Movie".
Claire picks up the phone.
Claire: Hello, vulnerable sexy cheerleader speaking!
Killer: Prepare to die!
Claire: Okie Dokie! But first let me change into something a little less comfortable!
Claire runs down the hallway wearing a towel being chased by the killer.
Claire: AHHHHH! Oh, god, when did these hallways get so ugly...
Claire looks out a window.
Claire: Is that...is that a liver!? Where am I?!
Peter gets into bed as Elle is reading a book.
Elle: What's wrong, dear?
Peter: Got a bad case of the heartburn, dear! I guess that damn Brisket thinks he's a regular on the show or something!
Elle: That's too bad! Take some of this!
Elle grabs her glass of water and drops a tablet in it. The water starts to fizzle.
Peter: Wow! Look at it fizz! What a relief it is!
Elle: Hmm...it's not supposed to do that. How old are these?! (She looks on the back of the box).
Claire (still running): I'm going to get murdered in a HEARTBURN COMMERCIAL?! Someone kill my agent!
We'll return to tonight's special feature, "The Call Is Coming From Inside The Spouse"...right after these messages!
Angela and Bob get into a time machine and vanish.
Samuel Sullivan makes his way back to The Carnival.
Samuel (to Lydia and Edgar): Get me The Scientist and The Cheerleader.
Lydia convinces Mohinder to join them. They later make their way to Hiro's school.
Lydia: We should enroll in this school and kidnap the girl!
Later in the classroom. Edgar walks in as a teacher.
Lydia: How did you do that!?
Edgar: I asked the Superintendent. Pretty easy actually.
Claire, Hiro, Ando and Zach show up.
And finally.
Niki: It's so nice being home with my family and not living with Matt and Mohinder, looks like things are going to turn allright after all.
Tracy shows up turns out to be Barbara, their other sister, she attacks them.
Barbara: I want you all to attend my funeral. Don't be late.
Barbara crashes through the roof.
Matt: Mohinder's missing! Quick, to The Micah Store!
Niki, Matt and D.L make their way to Micah's school where he is Graduating. Claire and Hiro are there relieving the school of its supplies.
Claire: Oh, he's probably at the Carnival. That's where my kidnappers tried to take us last season.
Earlier, a man and woman from Angela's prophetic dream show up in the present.
Benjamin: We have to talk to Micah...he is my ancestor after all.
Benjamin greets himself to Micah as his Grandson from the future and his business partner, Chloe. He tells them that they are part of a group called "Generation 12welve" and that he is the 12th generation of his bloodline. He also tells him of the bleak future that is the year 2244 and how people with powers were being hunted and having their powers removed by the "Brigade of International Extermination of the Banned Evolution Resistance"or "BIEBER" for short.
Micah: I'm pretty sure I signed off on never using that name again. Oh well.
Benjamin: We have to go back. Micah, find a way to get to the future and save us.
Micah: Hmm...
D.L: Micah, your mom and Matt Parkman got thrown into a campy school production of Grease. It's up to us to save Mohinder!
Micah: I'm never going to get to Graduate...okay, let's go!
An ambulance speeds by.
Nathan: We're we ever going to get to the fact that I was poisoned by Tracy Strauss!?
Peter: And I drive an ambulance and lead a Detective group with West Rosen and Daphne Millbrook, trying to find Nathan's killer!
Niki: Are there ANY more plots we're going to cram into the season!? I can't keep up, dammit!
Matt: Good thing I have the DVD's.
Niki: Matt, those are for the show "Diff'rent Strokes".
Matt: No wonder I don't know who any of you people are.
Niki takes the DVD's.
Niki: I'm eating these...right in front of you.
Matt: No! Don't!
Barbara wrecks the Ambulance and kidnaps West, Daphne, Niki, Matt and Nathan and sends Peter flying. Peter enlists help from Sylar and Ted and they plan to crash the funeral. Barbara goes nuts as the fight ensues.
Matt: Niki, I just talked to Mohinder. He's at the Carnival! I know a way we can calm Barbara down.
Niki: Well hurry the hell up. "America's Got Talent" will be super pissed at us if we cut into their time slot! Those Juggling Poodles are VERY impatient!
Matt goes into Barbara/Tracy's mind. He discovers that Barbara is the manifestation to her maximum ability or a mental level as Jessica is to Niki on a physical level...
Matt: Still picking out shards of glass from that window.
Niki: Get over it!
And that they should unite and accept their inner selves...
Niki: Okay, we get it! Move on! I wasn't kidding about those Juggling Poodles.
Matt: Oh, and somehow I managed to give Tracy all the powers imaginable from unlocking her true self.
Niki: What?!
Matt: Now let's go through that portal she just created and save Mohinder...
Niki: No, seriously...what?!
Matt: I know, I talked to the writers. We managed to get her back down to just Ice Powers. She can block everything else.
Niki: Doesn't that go against your "accepting your true self" nonsense?
Matt: I don't know Niki, let's just...let's just go with it. I really just want to see those Juggling Poodles.
Niki: Uh huh...
Matt Parkman
Unknown
We brought back the character chyrons just to let you know we have no idea where they are...money well spent.
Matt opens his eyes...he is in a completely white room.
Matt: Uh...this doesn't look right...or its the most boring-est carnival ever.
Peter: Matt!
Matt looks over and sees Peter not too far away from him.
Matt: Hey! I know you! What's going on?! Did we bite it?
Peter: No...something is kinda off though.
Matt: Last I remember we went through the portal to the carnival with most of the principle cast. Now...we're dead-ish.
Peter: Hey, look.
Peter and Matt look to the left and see everyone else: Nathan, West, Sylar, Ted and Tracy. As if they were frozen in time, but unreachable. Their vision of them fades as letters start appearing in front of them.
Peter: Huh?
Matt: I'm confused! Are we trapped in something?
Peter: I don't know. Do bear in mind this portal was made by a woman who normally specializes in ice powers who was granted every power in the world for a matter of minutes. Who knows what happened to us.
Matt looks below him as letters start to form in front of him.
"?go yeht did dlrow eht ni erehW"
"?latrop eht otni og yeht diD"
".did yeht thguoht I"
Peter: This is definitely a mystery indeed...good thing I still have my deer cap.
Peter pulls it out of his pocket.
Peter: Aww...it's all wrinkled.
Matt: Do...do you have another one..?
Peter: Afraid not. But you can have this spiffy corn cob pipe. Together...we'll get to the bottom of this mystery.
Matt: Sweet!...Wait...why isn't Niki with them?
Peter looks over and notices she's not there. They both slowly turn to the right and see her at the carnival.
Matt: There she is!
Letters start scrolling across as their view of Niki disappears.
Peter: We're definitely stuck in the portal somehow. This whole place just looks like just one long hallway...let's see where it goes.
Peter and Matt take off. Meanwhile, on the other side.
Tracy: What happened? Did we not make it to the carnival?
Nathan: No, looks like the portal failed.
Tracy: Sorry, I'm not used to having every power in the world. The producers probably shouldn't have stripped them from me while we were making the jump though. Just a suggestion.
Nathan: Wait...where's Peter?
West: Matt seems to be missing too.
Tracy: Where in the world did they go?
Nathan: Did they go into the portal?
Tracy: I thought they did.
Nathan: Maybe they somehow made it to the carnival without us. Let's meet them there...we can discuss how you poisoned me along the way.
Tracy: For the last time, that wasn't me!
Nathan: Uh huh.
Niki is at the carnival. Behind her the following words appear:
Chapter 7 "Between The Lines"
She turns around as the words disappear.
Niki: Um...where did everyone go? Did they all fake out and make me go by myself?! How rude!
She turns back to the carnival.
Niki: I'm going to get to the bottom of...
A bag gets thrown over her head.
Niki: Oh, dammit...
5 minutes earlier...
Samuel Sullivan is watching over S.K's shoulder. He is watching words form on a book in front of him.
Samuel: Fascinating...are you writing this?
S.K: No...these words are formed...representing the world around us. I only have the ability to change them at will.
Samuel: Neat...hey...what's that say...They're going through a portal to here?! That's cheating!
S.K: I'm on it.
S.K takes out a pen and scratches out the word "Portal". Niki gets blown forward while everyone else gets knocked slightly back. Peter and Matt get stuck in the middle.
S.K: It's done.
Samuel: Did you buy that pen?
S.K: No, I stole it.
Samuel: Well, you can't do that! Stealing is wrong! You're going to have to pay for it.
S.K: But...I stole it. It kinda defeats the purpose of stealing it if I have to pay for it.
Samuel: That's because you're NOT allowed to steal it! Sheesh!...How did anybody not notice you stealing it from the Pens and Pencils kiosk we have?
S.K: I wrote it in the storybook for it to be lifted from the proprietor.
Samuel: How...how did you do that without a pen?
S.K: Oh, I have plenty of pens to write with.
Samuel: THEN WHY ARE YOU STEALING MINE!? You know what? Forget it. Just keep the damn pen. I have more important things to deal with.
Samuel walks away.
Samuel: I really should have went into the Zoo business.
= = =HEROES= = =
Noah Bennet
The Company
Somebody has a case of The Mondays!
Elle: Okay...open your eyes!
Noah: I can't! Your hands are over my face and your incredibly boney fingers are squashing my eyeballs!
Elle: And...surprise!
Elle takes her hands away.
Noah: We're...still in the office. I don't see anything. Why did you do that?
Elle: Because, I wanted you to meet my future husband, Mr. Soap!
Soap: Please, it's just Soap.
Noah: I already met this wackadoodle. On top of the...wait...how did he get here so fast?! He was living on a mountain!
Elle: It's a little thing called "Gravity", Mr. B. Somebody needs to read a little Ethan Allen Poe.
Noah: That's EDGAR Allen Poe...and that doesn't make a lick of sense. So what, he jumped off the mountain?
Elle: Dear, did you jump off or slide down? I can't remember. He's so much better at telling stories.
Soap: I slid.
Elle: Isn't he amazing!?
Noah: Sure, so...nice to meet you...again.
Soap: You as well, No-Uh.
Noah: …..I don't like that. I don't like how he says my name.
Elle: What's wrong with it? You're name is Noah...well, I call you "Mr. B"..."B" for short..."B!"..."B to the ennet"..."The Be-etles"..."Be-a Arthur"..."Be-yonce"...I forgot where I was going with this.
Noah: I'm going back to work to find the prisoner you lost.
Elle: "Be"...right there. Ha! Ha!...Oh man, I'm afraid I won't be able to stop this. I be-etter go to the hospital.
Noah: I'm leaving.
Elle slams open Noah's office door. He spits out his coffee.
Noah: AHH!
Elle: So let's talk business.
Noah: I thought they were cutting to a different plot?!
Elle: Nope, still us.
Noah: I hate it when they do that!
Elle: So...we need to talk business...like I said.
Noah: Good, getting back in the game.
Elle: We need to go dress shopping.
Noah: …...dress shopping? For what?
Elle: Uh...duh...my wedding!
Noah: Oh...that's still happening?
Elle: Of course it is! I just got off the phone with Sylar and Ted. Something about going through a portal to the carnival...
Noah: To capture Samuel Sullivan...which should be our priority.
Elle: Nah, this is more important. So yeah...the portal failed or something and they got bored and they're heading back. Which means all the planning will be going to them.
Noah: That's fine. Just don't ask me to pay for anything and don't have it here.
Elle: Well, I wanted to ask if you would mind walking me down the aisle?
Noah: Really? Wow Elle,...I would be honored. Though wouldn't you rather have your father do it? Though who knows where he is.
Elle: Nah, he already cut me off enough times already.
Noah looks up, confused.
Noah: …..wait...what are you talking about?
Elle: The Wedding Aisle at The Party Warehouse place that sells all the Halloween crap. I need you to take care of the expenses for all the decorations I'm going to liven up this place with.
Noah: Did you not hear a single word of the sentence I just said 20 seconds ago?
Elle: But...but...it's my wedding. A girl only gets one good wedding, Mr. B! She doesn't get another one unless the first one craps out and she has to do it again! Puuuh-leeease, Mr. B!
Noah: I'm well aware of your record. This will be your 8th marriage! I remember it it quite clearly years ago when you pulled some crap with the Screen Actors Guild to have everybody on the set refer to you as "Eleanor Bullwinkle Bishop-Robertson-Lee-Stevens-McDonald-Rodriquez-Griffith-Griffiths"! Why the hell would you marry two people in a row who have such similar names?!
Elle: I did it for the love, Mr. B! Never for the money...crap, maybe I should have done it for the money. That would have been smart.
Noah rolls his eyes.
Elle: So that was my 8th marriage, huh?...Wait...How would you know that?
Noah: Um...you're my employee. I kinda know a lot about you.
Elle: GASP! You take that back! We're partners! Someone give this man a slap!
Matt runs in and slaps Noah across the face. SMACK!
Noah: Uh...OW!...Did he just slap me?!
Matt: Hi Noah! Okay, I'm going back to my thing. Hi Elle!
Elle: Hey, Matty! We need to do something sometime!
Matt: We should solve a murder next season!
Elle: OOH! That sounds like fun! Are you coming to my wedding?
Matt: I'm kinda caught up in my own thing, but I'll be there in spirit...whatever that means. Expect a really awesome gift...then let me know what it is so I can take credit for it!
Elle: Sounds good. Laters!
Matt runs out of the room.
Noah: Did he seriously just slap me?!
Claire Bennet
Hiro's School Of Hero-Craft And Wizardry
Lemongrab: UNACCEPTABLE! 100 YEARS DETENTION!
Claire wakes up, startled. Her face is covered with post it notes.
Claire: Pe-tew! Bleh!
She rips them off.
Claire: What's going on here.
Zach: That. (Points)
She notices that Edgar and Lydia are teaching a class full of students.
Claire: Oh, the much less interesting plot. I forgot I'm always in these.
Hiro: What is going on here?! Where did you steal all these students?!
Claire (to Zach): At least he's finally owning up to the "S" word now.
Edgar: Lydia and myself have quit the Carny game to enrich the lives of these students.
Claire: Bull Hockey! They're just here to kidnap me and make me hand out funnel cakes while I get riddled to death with testing needles and whatnot.
Edgar: Goodness, no!...But I do love a good funnel cake.
Hiro: Do all these students have powers?!
Edgar: Hm? No...not to my knowledge.
Hiro: Great. Now we have to return all those books!
Claire: Hiro, those books were stolen, and they didn't even cover that kind of material, and we didn't even make it back with the books!
Hiro: I should write my own books!
Claire: Save it for next season, we have to deal with these bozos first. Oh, scene's over already? Okay, I'm going back to sleep.
Elsewhere, Noah was wedding gown shopping with Elle.
Noah: …...wait...WHAT?!
Elle: Okay, Mr. B. I want your honest opinion. Does this make my butt look big?
Noah: Yes!
Elle: Marvelous! I'll take it.
Noah: What am I doing here? Was I drugged or something?!
Elle: We have to get ready for my wedding.
Noah: How many weddings is this show going to have?! Good grief.
Elle: You're not going to ruin this for me, Mr. B! Soap and I are to be wed and be happily ever after! "Be"...happily ever after? We...we will BE...that does not sound right. We will be Happily Ever After. What is wrong with that sentence!? It should make sense. I've heard it a billion times before. Maybe it's "Live happily ever after"?...That's probably it. We will be living happily ever after...be living...be livingly happily ever af-. Oh my god, this is going to drive me crazy!
Noah: I need a window to jump out of. Excuse me, Miss. What floor are we on?
Clerk: 4th Floor Basement.
Noah: Ah, Crap!
Elle: I know I've heard that phrase said correctly before. Let's check out these Fairy Tale-ish books...in the Bridal Dress store. Strange combination. Okay! Let's see what we have here.
Elle picks up a book.
Elle (thumbing through a book): Once upon a time there was a beautiful woman named Snow White...who was EATEN BY DWARVES?! OH MY GOD!...Oh, I think I'm reading the Grimm's Fairy Tale version. Those always have downer endings. Let's see, Beauty And The Beast. "As Belle entered the mysterious castle...THE CANDLESTICK BEAT HER UP AND TOOK ALL HER MONEY!? Who would enjoy these?!
Noah: Uggggghhh...
Elle: At least "The Little Mermaid" turned out all...OH MY GOD! THERE'S A PICTURE OF A LONG JOHN SILVER'S RESTAURANT ON THE COVER! I CAN'T EVEN! I CAN'T EVEN!
Noah: ELLE! Can we please just get the hell out of here already?
Elle: Sure, let's go dad!...I told them you were my dad so you could get a discount!
Noah: Your what to get a what-count?!
Niki Sanders
The Carnival
Step right up! Come one, come all! See the mysteries behind "The Bearded Lady"!
Niki: It's a "Jaw-Cozy", you jerks!
Niki rips her beard off and throws it to the side...not terribly far since she's in a cage and whatnot.
Niki: Oh, well that's nice.
Micah: Mom!
Niki looks over to see Micah and D.L in a separate cage.
Niki: Micah!? What are you doing here?
Micah: Me and dad left to save Dr. Suresh while you and Matt were in that high school play.
Niki: Oh good, another thing I can blame on Matt. What happened to your father?
Micah: They knocked him unconscious.
Elsewhere, Samuel Sullivan looks up.
Samuel: Of course I did. I'm not an idiot!
Niki: Micah, I don't know what these weird carnival folk are planning but it HAS to be bad. We have to find a way out of here!
Micah: Don't you have super strength?
Niki: Well...Jessica did...does?...-ish...wait...I have accepted her into my soul or whatever. I can tap into her power and make it my own...without her taking over my body and killing everyone.
Micah: That would be the preferred method.
Niki closes her eyes and thinks for a moment. She reaches up and effortlessly pulls apart the cage.
Niki: Damn, I'm strong! Okay, lets get you and your father out of here! I might be able to wrap this puppy up before the first commercial break!
Elsewhere, Matt and Peter are walking down the white hallway. As endless words form around them.
Matt: There are a lot of words here...it's starting to make me dizzy.
Peter: I can't believe this is happening. This is too bizarre.
Matt: Weren't you just in a computer simulation of the first season of the show?
Peter: Good point.
Meanwhile, Noah is walking to the back of the dress shop.
Noah: ELLE! Where are you!? I'm bored out of my mind! Make yourself known or I will leave you here!
Noah see's a giant wedding cake in the middle of the room.
Noah: What the?...Hey...that's a nice looking cake. I highly doubt this place doubles as a bakery though. That would be an excellent business model though. I should get back with Sandra on that. It will be the next great family business. I'll call it...Bennet...Bride...Dress...Cakes...whatever. ELLE! I'M NOT JOKING! LET'S GO!
Elle's head and arms shoot out of the cake.
Noah: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Elle: Okay, Mr. B. Honest opinion. Does this make my butt look delicious?
Noah: What are you doing in that cake?! Have you lost your mind!?
Elle: It's a dress cake...duh!
Noah: A what?
Elle: It's a foreign custom. The bride walks down the aisle dressed like her cake...then all the guests eat her. Though I think that may have been a horror movie I saw last night.
Noah: You're not getting in my car with that. You're a walking ant-hill waiting to happen.
Elle: Always trying to spoil my fun. Fine, then help me pick something else.
Later, Elle walks out in a luxurious gown. She spins around.
Noah: Wow, Elle. You look really nice in that dress.
Elle: Thanks, Mr. B.
Elle takes a hand full of the dress and crams it in her mouth.
Elle: And its tasty too!
Noah: …...This place doesn't sell dresses, do they?
Elle: They do not.
Claire is spying on Edgar teaching his class.
Claire: I don't know what they're plotting. But I don't like it.
Zach: If they're here to kidnap you, why haven't they done it already?
Claire: That's why I'm so suspicious. I know I should have been kidnapped by now!
Hiro runs up.
Hiro: Good news! We're all enrolled in school.
Claire: WHAT!?
Ando: Hiro, I'm confused. I thought we were supposed to be teachers.
Hiro: That's what I thought too. But I realized...I have so much more to learn. I have not yet become the hero I need to be. School is the answer!
Claire: And you think you're going to learn what you need to at...whatever this place is?! Besides, I JUST got out of school like...2 weeks ago.
Hiro, Ando, and Zach pull up the calendars on their phones.
Claire: Stop that! Now that we're no longer teachers and this whole plot was pointless. Let's get back on the clone thing Zach experienced.
Hiro: But...we're enrolled. All our parents will be called down here if we don't make it to class.
Claire: Oh dear lord...
Claire is sitting in class, Sandra is teaching.
Sandra: Okay, class. Now that I'm your new teacher, we're going to present our class projects. Everyone grab your Muggles!
Everyone picks up their dog and places them on their desk. Claire is the only one without a dog.
Sandra: Claire? Where is your Muggles?
Claire: I...don't know what the assignment is.
Sandra: You're supposed to bring your own "Mr. Muggles" to class to learn proper ways to care for him. Where is he?!
Claire: Um...okay then.
Claire reaches down and grabs a Pom Pom and flings it on her desk.
Claire: It's a Pom-eranian. HA! Get it? (Makes drum motion) Dum-Dum-Tshhh!
Sandra glares at her.
Sandra: HISS!
She storms off.
Claire: Did she just HISS at me?!
Claire snaps out of it. Hiro, Ando and Zach are looking at her.
Claire: Okay, let's get to class.
Niki (holding D.L) and Micah are sneaking around the carnival. She bumps into Mohinder.
Niki: Mohinder!
Mohinder: It's...the entire Sanders Family. What are you all doing here?
Niki: We're saving you, you moron! Quick, we have to get out of here!
Mohinder: I don't know...I feel like...I belong here.
Niki: No you don't.
Mohinder: Okay, let me get my things.
Mohinder walks off. Niki, baffled, turns to Micah.
Niki: Well, that was easier then I thought it was going to be.
They turn around to see Samuel.
Samuel: And just where do you think YOU'RE going?
Niki: Home. Duh.
Samuel: Well, it was heavily implied that I didn't want you to go...being prisoners and whatnot.
Niki: We're getting back Mohinder and there's nothing you can do to stop us!
Samuel: The earth thinks otherwise...
The ground below them starts to shake and form upward toward them. Niki and D.L get separated from Micah.
Niki: ACK! What the hell, man?!
The ground begins to rise and form a trail, snake like. It chases after them.
Niki: Micah, I have D.L! Run for it!
Niki takes off running dragging D.L along with her. Micah takes off in the other direction.
Niki (limping): Charlie Horse! Charlie Horse! Charlie Horse! Charlie Horse!
Back at The Company. Nathan, Sylar, Ted, Tracy and West make their way to the top floor.
Nathan: Well, nobody's here. I can't get a hold of Peter or Matt. A lot of people seem to be missing.
Tracy: I guess we can just wait here until someone gets back.
Nathan: I could just "fly" to the carnival. But I would probably bust at least one of the 10,000 stitches I have.
West: I can fly there!
Tracy: We need to know where this place is first. It's a traveling carnival, so it could be anywhere.
Tracy picks up a newspaper.
Tracy: Oh, here it is. It's on the front of the newspaper as an advertisement. That wasn't smart.
Nathan: We'll let's get...
Nathan suddenly disappears.
Matt, inside the mysterious hallway, is holding the word "Nathan" in his hand.
Peter: Matt?! What did you do?
Matt: I wanted to see what happened if I plucked a name out of here.
Peter: You don't think that's going to cause a problem?
Matt: Nah!
They look around to see all instances of the word "Nathan" being removed from the story.
Matt: Uh oh.
Peter: Oh man, he is never going to forgive me for this one. Hurry up and put it back!
Matt places the word back out in the sentence. "Nathan" starts appearing back where they originally were. He appears back next to the group.
Peter: Whew! That was close.
Matt: I wonder what happens if I do this.
Matt swaps the words "Nathan" and "Tracy".
Back at The Company. Tracy, Sylar, Ted, Nathan and West make their way to the top floor.
Tracy: Well, nobody's here. I can't get a hold of Peter or Matt. A lot of people seem to be missing.
Nathan: I guess we can just wait here until someone gets back.
Tracy: I could just "fly" to the carnival. But I would probably bust the 10,000 stitches I have.
West: I can fly there!
Nathan: We need to know where this place is first. It's a traveling carnival, so it could be anywhere.
Nathan picks up a newspaper.
Nathan: Oh, here it is. It's on the front of the newspaper as an advertisement. That wasn't smart.
Matt: COOL!
Peter: I'm no Astro-Physicist. But I think this kind of swap is going to have some dangerous repercussions.
Matt: Aw man...I was hoping they'd swap heads or something like that.
Elsewhere, S.K looks up from his book.
S.K: There is a disturbance.
He gets up and walks off.
Peter: You're screwing with the entire timeline of the universe! Change it back!
Matt: Oh, allright.
Matt places the names back in order.
Peter: Now, let's find a way out of here.
Peter and Matt continue to walk along the hallway. Peter feels around the wall of words.
Peter: Hey...I...my arm can kinda fit through here. Maybe if I wave my hand around someone will noti...OOH! I hit something! HELP! SAVE US!...Hello!
Meanwhile, Claire, Ando, Hiro and Zach are in P.E.
Claire: I think someone just smacked me in the back of the head!
Hiro: Ah, look at us. In the prime of our lives at school.
Zach: I really don't want to consider school being at my "prime"...
Claire: Hiro, this is ridiculous! Why does this school even exist? I don't even see anybody using powers!
Hiro: I'm sure they just haven't realized it yet. They have yet to be...awakened!
Claire: And they came to the school to train in the art of using powers they don't know they have?
Hiro: Exactly.
Claire: I'm going back to the Prison.
Back at The Company...Elle bursts into the office. Noah spits out his coffee.
Noah: AHHH!
Elle: THE WEDDING IS OFF!
Nathan and Tracy exchange looks.
Noah: Wait...what?
Elle: Soap and I aren't getting married!
Noah: Wha...when did that happen?! I've been with you the entire time! Is he still here? He didn't go dress shopping with us.
Nathan: I can't help but to feel that I'm missing something here.
Ted walks up to Elle.
Ted: Sorry about your wedding, but since it's within the 10 year notice, I'm afraid you won't get your deposit back.
Elle: Apologize to him...it was his credit card.
Noah takes a deep breath.
Noah: Okay, I'm going back to the main case.
Elle: I can't believe him. I thought we were going to live happily ever after. But he's totally against the move!
Noah: I don't see why. He was living on a mountain, why would he be opposed to moving to your place?
Elle: No, you got it all wrong. I wanted to move in with him in the cave! It was supposed to be OUR cave. Ugh...men!
Noah: Okay...NOW I'm officially done with this storyline. What is everyone doing here?
Sylar: Well, our business went under...but you're not supposed to know about any of that.
Nathan: We had a bit of a run in with Barbara; Tracy and Niki's sister. Peter was taking me to the hospital after Tracy poisoned me and we ran into her, we all got kidnapped and was forced to go to her funeral then Matt convinced Niki and Tracy to accept their inner selves or some garbage and we were about to go through a portal to the carnival to save Mohinder and now Peter, Matt and Niki are missing.
Noah turns to Elle.
Noah: How is your story less confusing than theirs?
Elle: Because everything that happens to me is awesome. I'm sorry...I thought you knew.
Noah: Ugh, okay, let's make a plan.
Matt and Peter are taking a break. They took an "I" and some "O's" and started playing ring toss.
Matt: So is this going to end up like that time you and Sylar got lost in his head for 20 years but it was only like 6 minutes of real time?
Peter: Man I hope not.
Back at the Carnival, Niki is hiding behind a lemonade stand. She leans over to take a look as a pillar of dirt rises abruptly from the ground, she drops D.L as she gets knocked over to the side.
Niki: OOF!
The ground dives the two of them.
Niki: Crap...Micah!
Micah: Over here!
She runs over to him.
Micah: Where's dad?
Niki: I kinda dropped him. Let's see if we can sneak around and get back in.
Niki and Micah run toward an exit.
Micah: How are we going to get back in?!
They turn their attention to a taxi cab in front of them.
Niki: The hell?
They walk over to see an unconscious D.L and Mohinder in the backseat, while Daphne is in the front at the wheel.
Niki: Oh, so that's where you went after the funeral.
Daphne: I don't do portals...or drive for that matter...but I definitely don't do portals.
Niki: Well, it obviously didn't work so you made the right move.
Daphne: Are you gonna get in or would you rather get sucked up in the earthquake?
Niki: Yeah, let's get in.
Niki and Micah jump in the cab and it speeds off. Samuel walks outside of the carnival...watching them speed away.
Samuel: No matter...I got what I needed...The girl is all that remains.
Claire: And why is that?!
Edgar looks up from the test papers he's grading.
Edgar: Why is what?
Claire: Why are you two trying to take me off to that stupid carnival? What is the master plan your boss has in store for you?
Edgar looks over to the side and sighs.
Edgar: To be honest...I...kinda didn't want you to go back.
Claire: Say what now?
Edgar: I don't want you to go back to The Carnival.
Claire: Um...but...you're the bad guy. That's what you've been trying to do?
Edgar: I was, in compliance with the bosses orders. He...well...he...
Claire: He...what?
Edgar: He wants the story...to pick up where it left off.
Claire: Story? What are you talking about?
Edgar: It's something he's been trying to do for a while now. A long time ago...
Claire: Oh boy...a story. Let me grab a half desk.
Claire pulls up a desk to Edgar.
Edgar: A long time ago...not too long ago...but long enough. There was a universe parallel to ours. There are many out there including ours, but this one universe in particular is special.
Claire: You're starting to sound like Suresh. Better chug my Awake-Quil...oh crap, wrong one. You better speed it up.
Edgar: We're just one of many parallel universes...But this special one. It's called "The Canon Universe".
Claire: The Cannon Universe? What's that?
Edgar: The Cannon Universe contains a set of events...the telling of the trials and tribulations of ordinary people...with extraordinary abilities.
Claire: Are we...talking about the "earlier seasons"? I clearly remember those...what makes you think we're not the "Canon Universe"?
Edgar: Oh no, no, no...When the Canon Universe ended...the memories of the characters inside...were imprinted onto you. You think you lived those lives...you may even reference them. But those memories are not your own. Your true existence only goes back a few seasons at best.
Claire: That's crazy!
Edgar: Stop...think for a moment.
He gets up.
Edgar: What is your...first...memory?
Claire thinks about it.
Claire: Well...if it's not my childhood we're talking about...it's...um...uh...
Claire starts remembering being outside.
Claire Bennet
Age: Teenage-ish
New York City, New York
Current Favorite Band: The White Stripes
Claire is practically skipping home from school; everything is going pretty well for her. Right up to the point where she skips into oncoming traffic and comes head on with a bus. WHAP!
Bus Driver: Oh my god! I just killed that cheerleader! I'm always doing that!
The driver jumps out of the bus and runs to Claire's twisted, bloody body in the middle of the intersection.
Bus Driver: Girl! Are you okay!
Claire (getting up): Yeah….uuuugh…I'm fine, just a scratch!
She pops her arm into place; the bus driver looks as if he's going to lose his lunch.
Claire: No worries. Gotta run!
Claire continues to skip away.
Bus Driver: Man, I'm going to get it now….
The bus driver sadly walks on the bus and resets his 'Days gone without running over Cheerleaders' counter back to '0'. He drives off. Claire continues to skip home, stopping at the community bulletin board on her way.
Claire: Hmm….What's this I wonder…
She grabs a flyer which reads 'Young Superstar Contest! Exploit your young child for money and fame! First Prize: $20,000!...maybe…..
Claire: Wow! This sounds like fun. I'm sure my dad won't have a problem with it. He'll love the idea!
Back at the school.
Claire: And he DIDN'T!...wait...
Edgar: You remember now?
Claire: That...was the first thing I remember. That's impossible.
Edgar: It's true. We are just one of many parallel universes, basing our existence on the Canon one. Different stories, different events, different personalities...but with the imprinting of ourselves from that universe.
Claire: I...I don't know what to say. Wait! You said...when the "Canon Universe" ended?! What do you mean?
Edgar: There was an event that happened that changed the course of everyone's lives forever. You...were responsible for that event.
Claire: Of course I was...Wait...I remember. That's right...I...jumped off the ferris wheel at the carnival. I exposed our powers to the world.
Edgar: And the world changed that day. All those memories are inside of us...but we never lived them. And even major events that happened then weren't taken into affect here. Like anybody who perished is suddenly alive now.
Claire: I did find that odd...How do you know all this?
Edgar: The doctor's research. He had all the pieces but didn't put it together. A mind reader at the carnival made quick work with that.
Claire: That's why you wanted Mohinder...and me...?
Edgar: To reenact the event.
Claire: Samuel wants me to re-jump off the ferris wheel? Why?
Edgar: I don't know his reasons...I just have a bad feeling about it. There is a reason why you have to do it though.
Claire: Which is?
Edgar: There was some disturbance in space time, someone from this universe tried to visit the canon one...in the past no less. It caused a disruption that will backfire soon and tear this world apart.
Claire: Genesis Redux! I knew that was bad news from the start!
Claire thinks for a moment.
Claire: So what happens now?
Edgar: You go and perform the event, the world will reset and the space distortion will snap back...leaving the Canon Universe alone in its dormant state. I don't know what will happen after that...but you will save the world.
Claire: I...I guess I don't have a choice.
Edgar: No.
Claire: …...I'll go.
Matt and Peter are still walking between the page lines.
Matt: Ugh...all these hallways look the same! Puke!
Voice: HALT!
Matt and Peter spin around to see S.K behind them.
S.K: How did you two get between the pages?
Matt: An accident?
S.K: You two were trying to go through the portal...I thought I stopped you.
Peter: You're the reason why we're stuck here? What gives?
Matt: Holy crap, is this guy the author?
S.K: No, I am not. Don't be foolish.
Matt: But...that's kinda my thing...
S.K: I am able to see the words being written here...and change them at my will. I can change the words of any story for that matter.
Matt: GASP!
Matt whips out a Harry Potter book.
Matt: So YOU'RE the reason Harry Potter ended up with Hermione and Ron ended up with The Sorting Hat!
S.K: That is correct.
Matt: Evil!
Peter: So...you going to write us out?
S.K: That's...exactly what I plan to do.
He extends his arm and starts walking toward Matt and Peter as letters begin flying off the page, forming a sword in his hand.
Matt: EEK!
Peter: I got this.
Peter extends his arm and forms a sword as well.
S.K: You!...How?!
Peter: You didn't read the part where I copy people's powers?
S.K: Hmph!
S.K leaps forward and bashes his sword against Peter's. They engage in battle.
Matt: Good luck, Peter! I'll hide myself behind this paragraph that Claire is rambling on about.
Matt pulls out the words and builds himself a shield.
Back at the school.
Claire: …...
Zach, Hiro and Ando: …...
Claire: …...
Zach: …..
Hiro: ….
Ando: ….
Hiro and Ando exchange looks.
Claire: …...
Zach checks his watch.
Hiro: …..Yeeeeees?
Claire: Huh?...I...was I just saying something now?
Hiro: ….Noooooo.
Claire: I...thought I was speaking...whatever. Anyway so that's the plan.
Hiro: What is?...You just walked up and stared at us like a zombie.
Claire: Dammit! Okay, I'll catch you up.
Peter and S.K clang their swords. Matt is playing with some letters on the ground.
S.K jumps, spinning around. He lands a strike on Peter sword, the force knocking him down.
Peter: OOF! Ow...
S.K raises his sword. Peter scrambles over and pulls out some words, forming them into a gun. He points it at S.K.
S.K: Bringing a gun to a sword fight?...Smart.
S.K lifts his sword in the air, a chain of letters shoots out of the end grappling onto some letters way above them. He goes flying upward.
Peter: Well, that's just cheap.
Hiro: You're going to re-fall off the ferris wheel!? Don't you know what happened last time you did that?
Claire: No...what happened?
Hiro: Uh...hmm...Uh...
Claire: Exactly! Those people who did that wasn't us! But that universe is starting to collide with this one. That's why Zach saw his clone. They're starting to collide and the force is going to destroy all of us!
Edgar: She has to reenact the final scene, which will seal off the universe into its own separate space. We will be left alone...but I don't know how it will change us. We will be saved though.
Hiro: Then it must be done. I have saved the Cheerleader...now it's time to save the world.
Claire: When did you EVER save me?!
Hiro: Too many times to remember.
Claire: Uh huh.
The ground starts to shake below them.
Edgar: It's happening! You're running out of time!
Claire: Hiro, get me to the carnival!
Hiro: Okay...
Hiro grabs Claire and they vanish.
Edgar: He could have at least asked me where it was before he left.
Zach and Ando exchange looks.
Back in the pages, Matt continues to watch Peter and S.K go at it. Everything starts to shake.
Matt: What's going on?
Peter: What is that?
S.K: The end is near...
Peter: What!?
S.K: The end of the story...it is near.
The ground below him starts to give.
S.K: I have served my purpose.
Peter: What are you talking about?!
S.K: Enjoy your Brave New World.
Peter: What are you talking about? We're already in it! We stopped Genesis Redux and reset everything.
S.K: No...this is only the beginning.
Matt: You JUST said it was the end! I'm so confused!
The ground gives out and S.K falls into the abyss.
Peter: Uh...
Matt: What do we do now?
Peter: We get ourselves out of here.
Peter and Matt look over the edge, they see nothing but white.
Matt takes a step back and hits his head on:
To Be Continued
Matt: Uh...ow...