The Heroes Parody Project
Season 5
Chapter 9
Disclaimer: Heroes is copyright its creator, Tim Kring, and NBC. I do not own anything, know or represent any of the cast or crew. This fan fiction is written purely for entertainment purposes only so please don't sue. Reader Discretion is advised.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
In a mysterious office, Claire is sitting patiently in a chair. She looks around.
Claire: That's a loud clock. It's nice though.
Claire taps her fingers on her lap. She looks around a bit more before turning her attention toward the important looking men in front of her.
Important Man: Okay, Claire Bennet. We made a decision.
Claire: Oh….okay. Great!
Important Man: We decided to go ahead and make your film: Claire Voyance: The Movie!
Claire: SQUEEE!
Back at the Bennet Table.
Claire: So they're making my movie! I'm so excited to finally get money and get away from you people!
Noah: So….is dinner still a thing, here? I don't remember the last time I had a meal in this house.
Sandra: Oh, I forgot to go to the grocery store. I'll be right back!
Sandra and Muggles make their way out. She grabs a shopping cart and walks into the neighbor's house, opening up cabinets.
Sandra: Oooh! Green Beans! That sounds fun.
Kid on the couch: MOOOM! That weird lady and her dog is stealing our crap again!
Noah (back to Claire): So, let me guess. You want me to fund this silly charade.
Claire: Shows what YOU know! I actually already got the funding.
Flashback to the Bennet's neighbor at the bank. He finishes his business with the Teller. Claire walks up.
Claire: HI! I need to withdraw ALL the money from my account.
Teller: Sure, can I have your name?
Claire (points): I'm THAT guy over there.
Teller: ….No….you're not.
Claire thinks for a moment….then sticks her finger up to her nose to form a "mustache".
Claire: ….How about now?
Teller: …Get out.
Claire: That sure was a crazy day!
Noah: That doesn't explain how you got the money!
Claire: OOH! A letter from the film studio….YAY! They found a director! Who is going to direct this cinematic masterpiece?….This….film of films…..This revolutionary moment in modern theater….This OH GOD, IT'S MATT PARKMAN! WHY, LIFE?! WHY!?
There's a knock at the door, Noah answers it.
Police: Noah Bennet, we just arrested your wife, Sandra, for breaking and entering. We're going to have to take you in for questioning.
Noah thinks for a second…..then sticks his finger up to his nose to form a "mustache".
Noah: I'm sorry….my dad isn't here. I'm Lyle, his son. Man, going through puberty sure is a drag. (Points to his mustache)
Lyle (from the living room): In my twenties, dad!
Police: Get in the car.
Noah: Oh, rats!
Claire slams the script down in front of Matt.
Matt: EEEK!
Claire: Listen, you! I don't know how you weaseled your way into directing my movie. But if you screw this up….
Niki (off to the side, eating breakfast): He will.
Claire: There will be HELL to pay! Oh, so much Hell. All the Hells in fact!
Niki: He's still going to do it.
Matt: Relax, Claire! I have a ton of directorial credits in my repertoire. If there's one man for the job, I'm that man.
Niki: He's lying.
Matt: You won't regret this.
Niki: You will.
Matt: She doesn't know what she's talking about.
Niki: I do.
Claire: You better hope this goes well….if not…
Matt: Yeah, yeah, all the Hells. Trust me….I got this.
16 months later. At the movie theater.
And now….Coming Attractions!
Matt: You know, Claire. I've been thinking that maybe I don't got this.
Claire: The movie took 16 months to make and we're about to see the trailer and you're bringing this up NOW!?
Matt: I have confidence issues. Besides, this isn't the trailer….I snuck the full movie in before the real movie. We're in for a treat!
Hiro: WHAT!? We came here to see Star Wars! The line JUST died down.
Matt: Oh it'll still play….in 4 ½ hours…..
Hiro: UGGH!
-Movie Trailer/Actual Movie-
In Space, a Galactic Battleship flies by.
Matt's Voice: Space….In a World…filled with endless space. In Space….no one can hear your space. Only Space things happen in Space. A Space Ship….flown by Kevin Spacey.
Claire: You seriously got Kevin Spacey for this film?! How did you pull that off?!
The film cuts to a random scene of Kevin Spacey in 'House Of Cards'.
Claire: Oh, I should have known that was too good to be…wait…YOU CAN'T DO THAT!
Matt's Voice: Meanwhile….on the Pregnancy Deck….a woman….is about to give birth….to Space's last hope!
Niki: The "Pregnancy Deck'? Wow, you've really outdone yourself, Matt.
Matt: I know! I'm giddy!
Claire (to Niki): If you knew it was going to suck, then why did you come along?
Niki: I don't know….bored?
Back in the movie, Matt (in a blonde wig and SUPER pregnant): AHHH! MY WATER JUST BROKE! IN THIS SPACE ELEVATOR OF ALL PLACES!
Nathan looks up from his newspaper and looks over.
Nathan: Parkman, what are you doing?
Matt: You're in Claire's movie, I'm playing her mom and giving birth in space….you have to deliver this baby right now!
Nathan: I have to do WHAT!?
Later.
Nathan: Why am I doing this?
Matt: PUSH! PUUUUUSH!
Nathan: I'm supposed to tell you that!
Matt: Oh man, the baby's coming all right! Hoo boy! It feels like a litter!
Claire: This is starting to get gross.
Matt gives birth….Nathan (underneath the sheet that came from nowhere) pulls out….
Nathan: A basketball!?...With a note on it that says ' I. O. U. One Baby'. What the hell is this!?
Matt: Stupid Props Department!
The film immediately cuts to Matt holding a baby.
Matt: She's beautiful!...Oh by the way, since you delivered it that TECHNICALLY makes you the father. Baby rules.
Nathan: Can I get off this elevator now?
Matt: I think I'll name her…..Amelia Bedelia!
Claire: WHAT!? THAT'S NOT MY NAME!
Matt: Huh? Then what is it?
Claire: CLAIRE VOYANCE! It's the name of the movie, stupid!
Matt: Oh, THAT's what that was? Oh right, I ditched it, I thought it was silly.
Claire: Silly?! You just made my biological dad help you give birth to a basketball in an elevator on a Galactic Battleship's "Pregnancy Deck"…..I can't even….
2 Hours Later.
Hiro: Oh, when will it end?! I want to see Star Wars!
The movie cuts back to Matt, attending a memorial service.
Matt: My daughter….Amelia Bedelia…she was a hero….
Claire: And now I'm dead….real nice….…..wait….was I even IN this movie? Did you cut my scenes out?!
Matt: They weren't working for the film.
Claire: UH….uh…
Matt: Her death will be avenged…and you are the best man for the job…..Kevin Spacey.
The movie cuts to an actual episode of 'House Of Cards'.
Claire: Are you TRYING to get sued!?
Matt: What?...The only way he can avenge your death is by going into politics. Geez, Claire, read the graphic novel.
Claire: I'm leaving!
SHHH!
Claire: WHO JUST SHUSHED ME!?
Niki: I'm….actually going to stay. This is where I left off on the show…..wow, Matt, you actually did something useful for me for once. Thanks!
Matt: What can I say? I'm a people pleaser!
Claire: I'm going to throw up everything!
Claire leaves.
And now….Star Wars! The movie trailer!
Hiro: We're not seeing the actual movie!? Ando…I'm going to drown myself in my popcorn. Avenge my death by going into politics.
Ando: ….What?!
Claire storms in and slams the door. She storms past Mohinder, who is at the table doing a crossword puzzle.
Mohinder: I forgot how much I hate doing these. Oh, Claire! How was….oh, what did Niki call it?...That's right….'Disaster-piece Theater'?
Claire: That stupid-stupid head changed the name of the movie, killed me off, and just strung together episodes of 'House Of Cards'! I should have known better than to let that buffoon direct my crowning moment in cinematic history. I'm going to bed!
Claire storms off to the bedroom and slams the door.
Mohinder: You know you don't live here, right?...Claire?…..Claire!...Hmm, oh well. OOH! I got an answer!
Mohinder fills out his crossword puzzle:
P
R
E
V
I
O
U
S
L
Y
O
N
H
Mohinder: Hmm….ran out of room…..
He looks around…then draws 5 extra boxes.
E
R
O
E
S
Mohinder: Perfect!
Genesis Redux Down!
Peter (text to Claire): Claire, welcome to your brave new world. A new reality, created by yours truly.
Noah bursts in.
Noah: Family Vacation!
Claire gets kidnapped.
Noah (to the kidnapper): You like Duck Dynasty? So do we! We should be friends!
Claire: I have a job interview to get to, thanks for "saving me".
Claire gets to the high school where Hiro is waiting for her.
Hiro: I have great things in store for you.
Claire (hoarding school books under her shirt) gets into a cab driven by…
Claire: Zach from Season 1!?
Zach: Claire! I have to talk to Hiro!
Hiro: Ando's been imprisoned!
Hiro (with cucumbers over his eyes at the prison spa): Claire…I lost my way! Let's go back to the school!
MEANWHILE
Elle has Carnival Folk Leader Samuel Sullivan in The Company Prison. A mysterious man helps him escape.
Elle: Let's go find him, Mr. B! But first, I'm going to break your glasses!
Noah: Dammit, Elle!
Noah and Elle go to his grandmother's house….
Noah: G.M.H.R.G.
Elle: God, I hate that name.
G.M.H.R.G: Go to the top of the mountain and get me the kit. Then I will make you the horn rimmed glasses of yore.
Noah and Elle get to the top of the mountain.
Elle: Noah! Me and the Mountain Dweller, Soap, are getting married!
Noah: Whatever. Let's just get back down.
G.M.H.R.G: It was all a ruse. I fooled you!
G.M.H.R.G. House Down!
Elle: That was fun, well, the wedding is off. Did you know Sylar and Ted are running a business from one of the abandoned floors at The Company?
Noah: WHAT?!
Sylar: So, what can we do for you?
Barbara: I need you to host a funeral….
-Rewind-
Niki: Tracy, you're back from vacation.
Barbara: I'm not Tracy….I'm Barbara, prepare to die!
Niki: EEK!
Samuel makes it back to the carnival. He dispatches Edgar and Lydia to return Mohinder and Claire to the carnival.
Lydia (to Mohinder): Come with us.
Mohinder: Okay.
Matt: Quick! To The Micah Store!
At Micah's Graduation Rehearsal. Micah gets approached by a mysterious couple.
Ben: I'm Benjamin and this is Chloe, my business partner. You're one of my great ancestors. I'm from a future in peril. Find the time traveler and save us.
Matt: Quick! To The Carnival Store!
Barbara stops the gang in their tracks, sends Peter flying and kidnaps the rest, taking them to the funeral.
At the funeral, Barbara catches on to them and goes nuts, Matt and Niki go inside her mind.
Matt: Barbara is to Tracy as Jessica is to you….or something. You both need to accept your true selves and…yada, yada….
Niki: Fine.
Tracy: Me too….and I have all the powers imaginable.
Matt: I'll have the writers get on that.
Niki: Please do.
Matt: Now Quick, To The Carnival Store!
Tracy conjures a portal, only Niki makes it through before the mysterious writer, S.K, cuts them off. Everyone else is left at the funeral with the exception of Peter and Matt, who are caught between the pages of the story timeline.
Matt: Trippy!
Claire, Hiro, Zach and Ando make it back to the school to find Edgar and Lydia there.
Edgar: Samuel wants us to take you back…..to perform the act that changed the world.
Claire: What's that?
Edgar: According to the research by Dr. Suresh….there are many universes…universi…whatever….out there. We're just one of them. The official universe, The Canon, you exposed your powers to the world and changed everything. This world has dabbled in too much time travel and is tearing it apart. Only performing the final act of the canon universe can snap it back into place. It will technically save the world….but his intentions are for revenge….as it will likely change your world forever.
Claire: I have no choice.
Claire gets to the carnival. She climbs to the top of the ferris wheel.
Earlier.
Angela: I had a vision of the future. One of you are going with me. Bob, that's you.
Angela and Bob Bishop make the road trip to a lake house holding a time machine. They both time travel to the future.
In between the pages…
S.K: It looks like this is the end.
S.K jumps to his death.
Daphne drives D.L, Niki and Micah to the high school. Matt reaches out and manages to pull in Niki, Micah and Hiro inside the pages.
Noah, Sylar and Elle make their way by van to the carnival as Nathan and West fly above.
Claire jumps off the ferris wheel and stop right before hitting the ground.
D.L and Daphne disappear from the taxi.
Elle disappears from the van, which crashes.
Nathan disappears from the sky.
Edgar looks over to see Lydia disappear.
Elle also wakes up in an unknown place. A desolate area. Before them is a giant black vortex. Nathan is next to her.
Elle: Well, I guess I'm dead.
She feels the top of her head.
Elle: At least my scalp is still intact. Whew!
Peter wakes up….he finds himself and the others in the future. Two guards come up, the unmask themselves as Angela and Bob.
-End Previouslies-
In a desolate future. An armored car whizzes by:
Volume Ten 'Futures'
Inside the car, Bob Bishop is driving while Angela is in the back with Peter, Niki, Matt, Hiro and Micah in police custody. On the extremely dirty windshield:
Chapter Nine '229 Years Later'
Peter, who was previously unconscious, comes to.
Peter: Ugh….what happened? Ma, did you knock me out or something?
Angela: No, Peter. You were making your way into the van and smashed your head on the door.
Peter: It sure was a crazy dream. And you where there (to Niki) and you where there (to Hiro) and you were there….
Niki: Peter, it's not a dream! You and Matt sucked us into a freaky portal and now we're hundreds of years into the future.
Angela: 229 to be exact.
Micah: In the year 2244?! I need to find some people here!
Angela: Benjamin and Chloe? I am already aware of them.
Micah: Wait. You met them?
Angela: I have dreamt about them. So I had to come here to the future to meet them. I have yet to do so as they have been imprisoned by Linderman's Group.
Niki: Linderman!? Oh dear lord, he's still alive?! I thought we stopped that 'He's dead but not really' nonsense!
Micah: I figured maybe it was his grandson. Or he reversed his aging and is still alive somehow.
Angela: I'm not sure, but he imprisoned the two of them at his compound.
Micah: So, we can save them and help them save everyone with abilities. Then we can go back.
Niki: I'm confused. If this future sucks so much, why not just change something in the present that prevents that crappy future?
Hiro: Because of the Butterfly Effect! That's why! It is much better that we tackle the issue right at the source.
Niki: But won't that screw up the butterflies of the further future….or whatever?
Hiro: Of course not! Why would it?
Niki: I don't know!….Whatever, I don't care.
Angela: Not only that….there is no "past" to go back to.
Chaos breaks out as yelling and arguments are heard. Niki looks over to see Matt watching Netflix.
Niki: Matt! Headphones!
Matt: Oh! Oops!
Matt puts his headphones in.
Peter: There's….no "past"?
Angela: No….An anomaly has occurred. An alternate universe has collided into ours…erasing it from existence.
Hiro scrunches his face…but to no avail.
Hiro: I'm trying to teleport….but I can't sense a time prior to now to go to.
Niki: E..erased?! What does that mean? We no longer exist?
Angela: Yes and no. The timeline has been erased, but unfortunately it is stuck in stasis. It has to be reborn….and those two are the key.
Micah: So….we are here in the future.
Angela: ..to save the past. Our present.
Micah looks at Peter, who looks at Hiro, who looks at Niki, who looks at Matt (in mid-binge watch).
Niki: How are you still getting service?!
Elsewhere…
Nathan and Elle
Unknown
Nathan is walking across a desert. Sand starts to get picked up by the wind, blowing into his face.
Nathan: BLEH!
He makes his way over to Elle.
Elle: OOH! What did you get?
Nathan: Not much….not sure how there is food here, but I'll take what we can get.
Elle: MMM….canned…."Foods"…..that's vague. Did you scavenge a can opener while you were out?
Nathan: No.
Elle: No worries. I'll use my powers to open the can.
Elle clasps the can tightly. Electricity courses through her veins.
ZZAAAAAAP!
The can explodes, slathering Nathan and Elle in baked beans.
Nathan: …..
Elle: …..I don't care for beans. Let's try to find something else.
Nathan and Elle make their way off, away from an ominous black vortex.
===HEROES===
Peter Petrelli
A Mysterious Van
Niki: Um…Peter isn't the only one here. We should be on there too!
Peter, Angela, Bob, Matt, Hiro, Micah…and the rest!
A Mysterious Van
Niki: JERKS!
Peter: So, ma, what is this? Are you working for Linderman?
Angela: Yes, Bob and I got jobs as hunters. We're using it as a way to find Benjamin and Chloe.
Niki: If this is "Linderman" Linderman, wouldn't he know BOTH of you.
Angela: Fortunately, he doesn't do the hiring. So he doesn't know yet. I'm not sure if this Linderman is the one we all know.
Peter: But…you were hired to hunt down people with abilities. You BOTH….have abilities.
Angela: As luck would have it, they don't perform background checks.
Niki: That's just sloppy!
Bob (driving): So, are we heading back?
Angela: Yes….but without "these" prisoners.
Bob: What?
Angela: I'm going to let you all go. Bob and I need more intel before we can exact a plan to save Ben and Chloe. Lay low for a while and when we're ready….we'll come back for you.
Niki: Won't your bosses be upset that you lost us?
Angela: Fortunately, we're just on patrol. Nobody knows who you are yet. But just to be on the safe side, we can't just 'let' you out and risk someone seeing us. The mysterious explosion will aid your escape.
Peter: What mysterious explo-
KA-BOOM!
An explosion sends the van over on its side.
Niki: ACKK!
Matt (on his phone): Good grief! This show cut to black to go to commercials but they haven't started yet! Stop making me wait!
Niki looks over.
Niki: Matt…your phone isn't on.
Matt: Oh….battery must be dead. Oh well….so…what's up? We're in the future, or something?
Niki: Groan.
Angela: Now go! Hide!...We'll come back for you. Don't wander too far off.
Peter kicks open the van doors. Him, Hiro, Niki, Matt and Micah get out.
Bob: Would it have killed you to warn me of that explosion first?!
Peter: Allright. Let's go.
The five of them walk away from the crash.
Meanwhile, in the afterlife.
Elle: Subtle.
Elle and Nathan are walking along the streets of an abandoned city.
Elle: It's a good thing this city was right next to the desolate desert!
Nathan: Uh huh.
Elle: OOH! LOOK! An old timey saloon! Let's get a drink.
Nathan: Elle, I highly doubt they have drinks….or if someone works there.
Elle: Oh like we're the only ones who have bit it during the show's original run and haven't gone on to greener….desert-ier…pastures.
Nathan: That's the thing. That huge ominous looking black hole….I think that's our intended…final destination.
Elle: Nah! Sounds boring. I'd rather stay and have a drink. Let's hit the saloon!
Elle and Nathan enter the bar.
Nathan: Nobody here.
Elle: That's what we in the business like to call "Free Drinks"! Let's roll.
Elle goes behind the bar and looks around. She grabs a bottle and two glasses and starts pouring.
Nathan: Well…since it's here.
Elle: That's the spirit! So, Nathan….I've been thinking.
Nathan: And suddenly I'm in a horror film.
Elle: With you and me being the only ones here….I've been thinking that we need to have a serious discussion about repopulating the Earth.
Nathan: Re-WHAT-ulating the WHAT now?!
Elle: We're going to be here for a while….we need people to carry on our legacy after we die.
Nathan: How strong are these drinks?! Did you forget that not ONLY are we not on Earth, we're already dead!
Elle: That's an interesting take on the situation.
Nathan: And I doubt there are any good schools. It doesn't seem like a good environment to raise children and…AHHH! Why am I having this conversation with you!? I'm not doing it!
Elle: The fate of the afterlife is in our hands. Just think about it.
Nathan: If it ends this conversation right now then yes, I'll think about it.
Elle: Great, I was also thinking how I'm WAAAY to bubbly and super cute to destroy my body with repopulating the human race. So you'll have to be in charge of delivering the children.
Nathan: I think I'm ready to go leap into the ominous black hole now.
Elle: UGH! MEN!
Elle turns to the side.
Elle: Am I right, ladies?
Nathan: Elle, you're talking to some coat racks.
Elle (crying): You never did like my friends! WAAAAAAAAH!
Nathan: Can I have the rest of the liquor in the bar?
Elle: Sure thing, sailor!
Nathan rolls his eyes.
Angela and Bob
B.I.E.B.E.R
Bob: Bieber?
Angela: It stands for the 'Brigade of International Extermination of the Banned Evolution Resistance'. Did you even READ the handbook we got at orientation?
Bob: No.
Angela: Ugh, this place is huge! Where is the Conference Room!? Excuse me, sir?
People walk past Angela.
Angela: Excuse me! HEY! Why are people so rude!? You know, this is why businesses fail. No camaraderie, whatsoever!
Bob: I'm sure there's a map or something somewhere.
Angela: There's no time for that if we're going to make it to the meeting on time. What we need to do is pass ourselves off as friends…
Bob: Kind of a stretch but I've accomplished worse.
Angela: THEN….when people see how much fun we're having…they'll have to come over and be friends with us.
Bob: Or fire us for slacking on the job.
Angela: Then we can find out where the Conference Room is. Let's begin….HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Bob: Uh…what are you doing?
Angela: I'm laughing at a joke you just told. OH BOB, YOU'RE SO FUNNY! HAHAHAHAHA! OW!
Bob: What is it?
Angela: I think I fake laughed so hard I ruptured something. Let's find the Clinic.
Bob: Where's the Clinic?
Angela looks around.
Angela: I hate this place already.
Meanwhile, in the middle of nowhere. Peter, Hiro, Matt, Niki and Micah are walking down a road.
Peter: Man…there is no civilization in sight. Not ONE Pizza Hut!
Matt: Whew!...Ugh….Oh man….all this walking is killing me. Niki, put me down for a second.
Niki: What?...HOW AND WHY ARE YOU ON MY SHOULDERS!?
Matt: You're super strong…that's pretty much it. She-Hulk…AWAY!
Niki: Get off me this instant before I turn you into Matt Paste!
She shakes him off.
Hiro: We need to find someplace to hide until they come back for us.
Micah: Hey look! There's a tent over there.
The group makes the way through a field….they find an abandoned tent.
Niki: Someone was….camping out here?
Matt: I'm sure they won't mind that five weird strangers from the past are just chilling in their tent.
Niki: There's not enough room for five of us….three people can sleep in here while the other two can be on the lookout for Angela and Bob….or whoever the bad guys are here.
Micah: Bieber.
Niki: Excuse me?
Matt: EXCITED GASP!
Micah: Linderman…whoever he is….he is in charge of the 'Brigade of International Extermination of the Banned Evolution Resistance'….'Bieber' for short. Don't get me started on the name, the writers wouldn't budge on it.
Matt: Seriously Niki, did you even READ the handbook they got at orientation?
Niki: Wha…huh?...ugh…whatever. What is the Evolution Resistance?
Micah: I suppose people like us. Ben and Chloe were a part of the group to stop Linderman, his corporation is the reason people's powers are being taken away.
Niki: Well, we better be careful then if we want any hope of getting back to…wherever our past ended up.
Peter: Then we'll lay low here for a while. I can stand on guard…
Matt: I'll join you!
Micah: Actually, I'm not very tired. I can stay on guard if one of you want to….
Peter: ZZZZZZZZZZ.
Micah: Well, that was fast.
Matt: To guard duty!
Back in the afterlife. Elle and Nathan pull up to a stoplight in a Corvette.
Nathan (checking out his new sunglasses in the rear view mirror): You know, Elle. I'm not gonna lie….I'm kinda digging this.
Elle: I knew you would. And I just LOOOVE my new furs.
Elle strokes the fur of her coat.
Nathan: You DO realize those are just wadded up beach towels draping around your neck that you jacked from the YMCA we looted earlier. Are those even clean?
Elle: Shut up! Don't ruin this for me.
Nathan: So, this all is fun and whatnot but what are we going to do to actually get out of here?
Elle: What do you mean, dahling? I'm calling you that now since we're the last two people in the afterlife, I declared us officially married.
Nathan: Whatever.
Elle: Here, I had our 'Couples Cards' made. It's to let people know we're officially a young, hot, rich, married couple.
She hands one to Nathan.
Nathan: Who in the hell are 'Archibald and Zsa Zsa De Monies?!'
Elle: Ever since I was a child, I always wanted to marry for money…then I met you….and you had money.
Nathan: Aw, how sweet. (rolls eyes)
Elle: You…being recently widowed after your wife tragically died in an explosion at the factory where they make those wall scrolls with Anime Characters on them.
Nathan: That's…really specific.
Elle: You needed someone in your life to share…your money with. And then you met me….the hottest girl in all the afterlife. And we've been married ever since! And that kids, is how he met your mother. That is how you end a show!
Nathan: Get over it, Elle. That show ended forever ago.
Elle: NEVER!
Nathan: Anyway, what happened to your plan for us to "Come back from the dead"?
Elle: Eh….that's too hard. I'd rather just live out the rest of our afterlives in a stupid, wealthy splendor…..and are you EVER going to go? You've missed the light like, 10 times now?
Nathan: There's no one behind me! We're the only ones here!
Elle: Oh, honey. You must be stressed. Here, you may stroke my furs!
Nathan: Ew! I'm not touching your gross beach towels! Get away from me!
Elle: Stroke the damn furs, Archibald!
Nathan: NO!
Way up above them, at the top of a nearby building. A mysterious figure wearing iron armor watches over them.
Meanwhile, back at BIEBER. Angela is propped up in a hospital bed at the Clinic.
Angela: It's a good thing we weren't too far away from the Clinic. No thanks to our rude co-workers.
Bob: It's funny. I kept asking the orderly who put you in the bed directions to the Conference Room and didn't get a response.
Angela: SEE!? That's what I'm talking about. We need to get people talking, Bob! We need to get people to be friendly in the workplace again and then they can help the helpless….like us.
Bob: I'm sure the Doctor will be in shortly to treat your (he grabs a clipboard)….'Popped Liver'!? Good Holy Crap, Angela! Why did you fake laugh so hard?!
Angela: I know, I'm really dedicated….I should have been the world's greatest actress. But that's a story for another season.
Bob: I'd say.
Angela: You're right. The doctor will be in shortly and will have no choice but to direct us to the Conference Room. We'll make a little light hearted conversation….get a small friendship brewing. We'll be at that meeting in no time!
The door to the room opens as Angela and Bob watch a large robot wheel into the room.
Robot: BEEP! BOOP! I AM NURSEBOT-5000. I AM HERE TO TREAT YOU, ANGELO PETROL-E. I AM NOT CAPABLE OF FRIENDSHIPS IN THE WORKPLACE. BEEP! BOOP!
Angela: DAMMIT!
Bob: Excuse me, Nursebot. Do you know the way to The Conference Room?
Nursebot: DOES NOT COMPUTE.
Bob: Well, I give up.
Angela: Forget it, Bob. Once I get out of here, we'll have to go back to the drawing board.
Nursebot sticks Angela with a needle.
Angela: OW!
Nursebot: OPERATION COMPLETE. HAVE A GOOD DAY. BEEP! BOOP!
Angela: That's…it? Well, I guess the future isn't so bad.
A female employee walks into the room.
Employee: Oh, hey….are you two new? The meeting at the Conference Room is going to start soon!
Angela: YES! We are new, and we have absolutely no idea how to get there. We've been searching forever!
Employee: Wow. Well, sucks to be you. BYE!
The Employee leaves. Angela loses it.
Angela: LET ME OUT OF THIS BED!
Bob (holding her down): Angela! Calm down!
Angela: I'M GONNA KILL HER! I'M GONNA KILL HER! I WILL NOT REST UNTIL I TASTE BLOOD! AHHHHH!
Later.
Angela: Well, I feel better now that I'm out of that awful Clinic.
Bob: Uh huh.
Angela: Okay….the whole "friendship" thing isn't working. We just need to think of a….what are you doing?
Bob: There's this weird thing on my cufflink. It looks like a button.
Bob presses the button and a taxi shows up.
Angela: We get a personalized taxi service?! BOB! This is wonderful! We can finally make that meeting!
Bob: Let's go!
Bob and Angela get inside the car. The robot driver turns around.
Robot: BEEP! BOOP! I AM TAXI BOT-5000.
Angela: Oh, Hell's Bells!
Bob: Take us to The Conference Room, please!
Taxi Bot: DOES NOT COMPUTE.
Angela: I don't have time for this. Kick him out. We'll steal the taxi and find the damn place ourselves.
Bob: Angela…that's a robot. Those things weight a ton.
Angela: Nonsense…ugh…Why do I have to do all the work?
Angela gets out of the taxi. She opens the driver's side door, grabs the robot with both hands….and give one giant tug.
POP!
Angela: ….uh oh.
Bob is by Angela's side at the Clinic Bed. The door opens.
Nursebot: BEEP! BOOP! I AM NURSEBOT-5000.
Bob (looking at the clipboard): Wow….popped liver again. You really should learn to lift with your knees, Angela.
Angela: I hate the future….
Back in the afterlife, Nathan and Elle are continuing down the road. He slams on his brakes. Elle flies forward, hitting her face.
Elle: OW! My face! I think I broke my…OOH! This glove compartment is huge! I can fit a whole ham in here! FANCY!
She looks up at Nathan, who is looking forward.
Elle: So…what's up with the sudden braking? Braking Bad? Brake Gyllenhall? Braking 2: Electric Boogaloo?...I'm out of Brake puns.
Nathan nods his head forward. Elle looks ahead to see the armored figure standing in the street before them.
Elle: HEY! Get out of the road, stupid! We don't want to damage our stolen car!
The armored figure starts slowly walking toward them.
Armored Figure: Two Lost Souls….
Elle: Heeh?
Armored Figure: Tell me. Why have you not gone on?...You do not belong here.
Elle: That may be….but we like it. So suck eggs, metal mouth! And get out of the road.
Armored Figure: I am to protect this land. The line between life and eternal rest. It was built by creation ….and holds the two together.
Elle: I'm confused. Just give him some money so he'll go away.
Nathan: I don't have any money.
Elle: But that's what I married you for!
Nathan: Ugh.
Nathan gets out of the car.
Elle: Nathan! What are you doing! At least leave me the keys!
Nathan: Who are you?
Armored Figure: The black vortex you see over there….it consumes the souls of the dead. They go there….through that Gate….to their eternal rest. I am here to make sure they do not get lost in this land. I am the Gatekeeper. It is my duty.
Elle: Question!
Nathan: We're dead.
Elle gets out of the car.
Elle: Here's the thing…we…weren't really supposed to die.
Gatekeeper: Death makes no mistakes. Nothing can change when your time is marked.
Elle: But…I wasn't supposed to get killed. See….I had a really stupid death. I was in…a bit of a relationship with this jerk named Sylar….we were walking along the beach. Everything was going grand. Then SWIPE! He lobs off my scalp. I was meant for greater things.
The Gatekeeper turns to Nathan.
Gatekeeper: And you?
Nathan: Same as her….Sylar got to me too.
Elle: I can see that. He was quite the stud. GASP! Did he leave me for YOU?! OH, YOU DID NOT JUST STEAL MY MAN! That's it! You're going down! Somebody hold my used beach towels!
Nathan: THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT, YOU FOOL! I meant…Sylar killed me as well.
Elle: So you see….we both have unfinished business on Earth….so…can we….go back?
Gatekeeper: Nobody can go back! Your final resting place awaits.
The Gatekeeper pulls out a giant Trident.
Gatekeeper: You will go….or I will send you there myself!
Nathan: I'm sure we can work something out if we talk it out like civilized….OOF!
Nathan suddenly gets struck with the Corvette. He flops on the hood. He flips over to see Elle driving.
Elle: I got the keys!
Nathan: What the hell are you doing!?
Elle: Trying to ditch this weirdo. Get in!
Nathan scrambles over the windshield and plops in the passenger seat. Elle kicks the Corvette in reverse, spins it around, and pulls away from the Gatekeeper. The Gatekeeper looks from afar.
Gatekeeper: The hunt begins.
The Gatekeeper starts making its way into the city.
Back at Bieber.
Bob: I can't believe you stole someone's car…..actually I can't believe this place is so huge you NEED a car to get around. It's like a city!
Angela: GASP! I FOUND IT!
Angela slams on the brakes. Bob's flies forward, bashing his head.
Bob: Ow!...Angela, what gives?! I almost…wow…this glove compartment is huge!
Angela: I found the conference room! Yipee! Let's get inside.
Angela and Bob make their way into the conference room as the meeting is about to start.
Angela: Just in time too!...Hey, there's that woman who ditched us at the clinic. I'm going to run over real quick and punch her in the back of the head, I'll be right back.
Bob: I think it's starting.
A man walks out on stage.
Man: Welcome, Hunters!
Everyone applauds.
Man: I just wanted to say 'Congratulations'. Hunt numbers have been excellent this season. The leader is very pleased.
Angela: I think Linderman is the leader.
Bob: I would think so.
Man: But now….since you are doing such a great job, we figured the time has come to introduce you to the next evolution of Bieber Technology. You know, just to make your jobs a little easier. Who doesn't like that? Am I right?
Everyone laughs. Bob and Angela look around.
Angela: …HAHAHAHA…
Bob: Angela.
Angela: Oh, right. I've got to stop doing that.
Man: I introduce to you….the "Abilitracker". These are special satellites that will patrol the sky. They're very tiny…so they cannot be destroyed easily. The trackers detect when someone even attempts to use an ability. This will send the exact location of the user directly to your Comm Device. And it's pretty much first come first serve!
Hunter: When will this go into effect?
Man: Well…we had a pretty successful test launch last week and everything appears to be working. So as of right now you can use them. Who knows, you may have a hunt available already….just as long as someone was stupid enough to use their ability in the past week! HAHA!
Angela thinks for a minute.
-Flashback-
Peter: There's….no "past"?
Angela: No….An anomaly has occurred. An alternate universe has collided into ours…erasing it from existence.
Hiro scrunches his face…but to no avail.
Hiro: I'm trying to teleport….but I can't sense a time prior to now to go to.
-End Flashback-
Angela: …uh oh.
Bob: Did your liver pop again?
Angela: No! Peter and the others…they're in trouble.
Hunter: I got a live one! It was a while ago but they might still be in the area.
Man: Happy Hunting everyone!
Angela: Oh no….this is bad. We were supposed to go back out on patrol and find them once we had more information….now that all the hunters know their location….
Bob: Do you think Nursebot actually has a license to practice medicine?
Angela: ….
Bob: Nah, I didn't think so either.
Angela: We need to go!
Bob and Angela make their way out of the conference room as a multitude of hunters make their way to their vehicles.
Back in the middle of nowhere, Micah and Matt are standing outside the tent. Matt starts dozing off.
Micah: Matt, if you want, I think there is room for a fourth person in the tent. You can go back and sleep for a while if you want. I'll be okay.
Matt: Really?
Micah: Really.
Matt: Really Really?
Micah: Yes, Matt. Really Really.
Matt: ZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
Micah: Geez, how do you people fall asleep so fast?
Micah grabs Matt by the legs and pulls him into the tent. He comes back out as he spots headlights from a Hunter Van coming down the road.
Micah: ….uh oh.
Niki comes out of the tent.
Niki: Micah, are you okay? Did your liver just pop?
Micah: …..WHAT?!
Niki: I guess not. Sorry, motherly instincts.
Micah: Um…no. But….we might be in trouble tough.
The van pulls off the road and makes it way toward the tent.
To Be Continued.